Hello gang, I’m back from… well, nothing, I was just too lazy to do the iMPACT Zone last week, due to it being my birthday and all. I did inform all of you of this ahead of time, but not one happy birthday e-mail… not one.
– From Tampa, Florida
– Hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West
America’s Most Worthless v. AJ n’ Chris – Tag Team Championship
AMW jump ’em to start, but Daniels gets a double clothesline from the top. Styles dropkicks the INJURED RIBS of Storm, then tags in Daniels who gets a gutbuster for two. Harris comes in and gets a delayed suplex, then they do a double team back jump on Daniels. Harris gets a Russian leg sweep for two, then Storm comes in with the dreaded opening contest rear chinlock. Daniels tries to rally a comeback but, like most victims of Hunter, falls victim to a high knee for two. A slap by Daniels gets him the hot tag to Styles. After all that, an almighty SLAP does the trick? Styles gets a torture rack bomb, but AMW pull out the ref so Kim can try her usual top rope rana and get caught like always, allowing them to nail Styles for the win and retain. You know, if they were to ever actually go anywhere with the Styles-Daniels team this would seem all the more plausible. Good chemistry between these two teams as usual, but nothing too noteworthy. **1/2
Winners: America’s Most Worthless
Team Canada v. Team Mexico
Representing the Mexicans are Puma and Magno. Hotshot Johnny Devine is back for Canada! Boy, did we miss him in all those A1/Roode matches. Magna takes Devine down to start with some hiptosses then gets a twisted armdrag from the top. Take note the next time you do the Old School, Mr. Calloway. Canada uses some heel tactics to get in control, but Magno comes back and gets the tag to Shocker, who you might remember from TNA from yesteryear, like the Lockdown X match last year. Double dropkicks send Canada to the floor, where they get dueling splashes. Shocker does not appreciate Alex Shelley’s filming, as they exchange some words. Shelley provides some distraction then letting Shocker cradle Young for the win. For a short spotty way for Team Mexico to get a win, I guess it served its purpose. *1/2
Winners: Team Mexico
– Raven, who is looking just AWFUL these days, with the blue hair in a ponytail and gothic pants, scares off Larry Z again. Man, this sucks just as bad as it did BEFORE Raven was fired.
– Jeff Jarrett and Big Poppa head out, as does Sting, to announce Sting’s Sacrifice partner. We get superstar #3, and now, to add onto the young studs in Buff and company, we have Ric Steiner. You know what, guys? WCW failed the first time around.
– And to add onto that a bit, we get video footage of Kevin Nash talking about how much money he made in WWF as Diesel, beating out the likes of Hogan, Rock, Austin and Rock. He then says that the “X division is filler.” Good Lord, I could REALLY do without this.
Christian Cage v. Alex Shelley
The champion actually lowering himself to wrestle a television match? Such a rare sight in TNA. Christian pounds way in the corner to start Shelley slips out of a back suplex but gets clotheslined down. Christian gives him a backdrop to the floor then goes over and gets a chair from the announce team, then sits Shelley in it and grabs a headset and says he is filming “boot to the skull” and then boots Shelley in the skull. Creative? No, but whatever. After commercials Christian is still in control but gets slammed down face-first for two. Shelley pokes the eye and sends him into the turnbuckle, then gives him a dropkick into it, sending him outside, where he follows with a suicide dive. Shelley tries some sort of rear choke, then gets a spin kick for two. Christian skins the cat then gets a crossbody for two. Shelley comes back with an enzigiri and basement dropkick, but Christian gets a reverse elbow for two. Christian then sends him to the corner and gets the Unprettier for the win. Seemed slow, maybe they just shouldn’t be pairing Christian up with guys on the caliber of Shelley. Oh well. **1/4
Winner: Christian Cage
The NeelDown: A couple of decent matches this week, nothing more to speak of. Adios.
