– The Cyclones are back, which is significant enought to get the pre-rant opening plug. Support them.
The NeelDown: WWF Backlash 2002
– From Kansas City
– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
Billy Kidman v. Tajiri – Cruiserweight Championship
Tajiri takes him down with an armdrag to start and dropkicks him into the corner for chops. Tajiri tries to catapults him, but Kidman lands in the turnbuckle and jumps off with a missile dropkick. Headscissors sends Tajiri to the floor where he pulls Kidman out. Torrie is doing the whole geisha getup for Tajiri here. Tajiri gets the SCREAMING knee drop and results to the illegal rope choke. Tajiri goes to a rear choke but Kidman fights out and gets a rana. Tajiri however comes back with a backbreaker, then hangs him in the tree of woe for a sliding dropkick. Tajiri drops him over the knee turning it into a submission, but Kidman fights out, then gets elbowed down. JR notes AGAIN that Tajiri has a degree in economics. Tajiri tries the Buzzsaw Kick, but Kidman ducks it and pounds away, thencounters the handspring elbow with a dropkick for two. German bridge combo by Tajiri gets two. Kidman misses the Shooting Star Press and the Buzzsaw Kick only gets two. BK Bomb only gets two. Of course, he hadn’t named it that then, but whatever. Kidman tries a powerbomb, but Tajiri sprays red mist into his face and falls on top for the pin and the title. Hey, they gave these guys almost a ten minute opener, so I have no complaints. ***1/4
Winner: Tajiri
Bradshaw v. Scott Hall
X-Kane tries to get involved early, so Farooq comes out for the triumphant APA reunite. Bradshaw dumps him to start giving Farooq some cheap shots. Back inside Bradshaw shoulderblocks him down for two. Then Bradshaw slugs him down for two. Hall slugs his way back into it and stomps him for five minutes. JR notes that you won’t see Hall making any mistakes. Then JR notes that this match is as “ugly as a bowling shoe.” Hall misses a charge and falls victim to the Clothesline From Hell, but X-Pac puts his leg on the rope. Farooq takes care of him, but that gives Hall time to sneak in a low blow and roll him up for the win. Piece of shit brawl, where maybe two actual wrestling moves were executed, of course. -*
Winner: Scott Hall
– Owners Vince and Flair meet up in the back for Vince to give him a lesson on corporate ownership.
Trish Stratus v. Jazz – Unimportant Championship
Molly comes out and provides a pre-match brawl to start, allowing Jazz to come out and jump Trish. Jazz gets a rolling Samoan Drop and throws some haymakers as King notes that she IS the women Mike Tyson. Trish ends up getting the Stratusfaction and a neckbreaker for two. Jazz gets a powerbomb for two, then does some illegal choking. Jazz misses a sloppy corner splash and Trish rolls her up for two. Trish tries the bulldog off the ropes but Jazz counters to a back suplex for two. Jazz locks in a Boston Crab then switches to the STF, which Trish is quick to tap to. Trish does a clean job, and there was wrestling involved. Could have been a heck of a lot worse. *1/2
Winner: Jazz
Jeff Hardy v. Brock Lesnar
This match is as a result of Brock killing Matt, and this is Brock’s first televeised match. Jeff gets a quick crossbody but Brock kicks out at one, because Brock is out to HURT them. Then he takes him into the corner for the SHOULDER CLUBS OF DEATH. Brock gives him a triple backbreaker, so Jeff tries slugging his way back into it. Of course that gets nowhere, as Brock kills him with an Irish whip. Jeff hits the Poetry in Motion, a jawbreaker, the low blow leg drop, and Swanton Bomb, but only for barely two. Jeff tries using a chair, but Brock F5’s him instead, boy, I bet that HURT. Heyman persuades Brock not to pin Jeff, but to HURT him. So Brock kills him until the bell rings, and calls the winner Brock. Okay. 1/2* for not being a complete squash, but close enough.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
Kurt Angle v. Edge
Angle takes him down to start but Edge gets clothesline and pounds away in the corner. His charge meets an elbow, but Angle walks into a dropkick. Edge gets a flapjack and clotheslines him to the floor. King starts insulting Edge’s natural hair. That has to be a sign that you are losing it. Back in, Edge gets a spinkick but Angle snaps off a quick German. They reverse hammering off in the corner where Edge snaps off some chops, but Angle gets a belly to belly for two. Angle kicks away and gets a snap suplex for two. Angle grabs a grounded headlock but the third arm DOES NOT drop! Edge gets out but falls victim to a German. A mule kick blocks a second rolling German, and Edge pulls a page out of Angle’s playbook with a belly to belly for a Double-KO, which is rather odd placing since the only thing Angle had done that could have drawed him to be down that long was that suplex. Edge gets a leg lariat and back drop for two. Edge slips out of a backdrop suplex and Edge nails the Edge-O-Matic, which of course never gets anything, but Angle’s close count-out always makes things look good. You would have thought he would have learned from now not to do that. Edge perches up for the Missile, but Angle runs up and gives him a superplex for two. Edge kicks out of an Ankle Lock attempt but falls victim of the rolling Germans, the third one being a bridge, for two. Edge slips out of the Olympic Slam and Edge gets a German where Angle lands on his head. Edge gets a crossbody sending them both outside, and inside gets the Missile Dropkick for two. Olympic Slam gets two. Angle locks in the Ankle Lock, but Edge reverses into a bridge schoolboy for two. Angle goes out and grabs a chair, but misses and wacks the rope, sending it back into his face, then into the Edge-O-Cution for two. Angle BLOCKS the Spear with a knee to the face and gets the Olympic Slam for the win. Well, the nonstop action in that one certainly made it great, and easily Edge’s career match right there. ****
Winner: Kurt Angle
– Chris Jericho, in the red star jacket, comes down to the ring wondering why he doesn’t have a match. He wonders why Kidman, Trish, and Maven have matches though. You can’t argue his point there. He think he deserves the Undisputed spot more than Hogan does, and mocks all the KC Hulkamaniacs. Usual great early-WWF career heel Jericho stuff here. He decides that since he isn’t welcome, he is just going to leave.
Rob Van Dam v. Eddie Guerrero – Intercontinental Championship
For the sake of disappointment, let’s hope this match tops their *1/2 snoozefest from InsurreXtion of this same year. A non-DQ ending would already make an improvement. They slug it out to start but RVD gets a spin kick and monkey flip out of the corner. Heel kick gets two. Eddie dragon screws the knee and works on it a bit, but RVD works him over int he corner. He tries a German, but gets forced back into the corner and slugged down. Another spinkick and standing moonsault get two. A nice floatover suplex by RVD gets two. Eddie crotches him on the top and tries a superplex but gets shoved off and onto the top rope, and RVD follows with a springboard mule kick and Rolling Thunder for two. It was kind of like a back handspring version of the Thunder, but oh well. They exchange cradles, and Eddie takes a breather, so RVD gets a moonsault from the apron. Crowd doesn’t really seem to be into this one, but were into Hall-Bradshaw, for some reason. RVD gets the leg drop to the laid gut-first on barricade Guerrero, which gets two. Rob misses a second Rolling Thunder and get dropped over the knee. Eddie follows with a back suplex for two. He works on the back then and locks in a surfboard facelock combination, which is cool. It must just be because Eddie is ROCKING THE MULLET. That gets nowhere, so Eddie turns it into a Gory torture rack type submission, which Rob gets out of but gets dropped. Eddie gets a dropkick and the slingshot senton for two. Eddie gets the tightrope headscissors and a suplex, then a uses a Fisherman’s suplex. Man, Eddie is bringing the awesome. Eddie tries climbing, but gets kicked in the head. Eddie powerbombs him out of the corner for two. RVD takes him down, so Eddie goes up and gets the belt. RVD grabs it out of his hands but bumps the ref in the process. Eddie gets a neckbreaker onto the belt then, then gets the Frog Splash for the win and the title. Good stuff from both guys in this one, screwy finish aside, since that’s Eddie. ***1/2
Winner: Eddie Guerrero
Undertaker v. Steve Austin – Number one contendership for Undisputed Title
As if the BIG NAMES couldn’t keep on common’, Raw owner Ric Flair is YOUR special guest referee. And for the record, Flair is also sporting the extra special red elf shoes! They do the token staredown, fake out lockups to start, until UT grabs a headlock. That’s enough to force Austin to bail. Now Austin takes over with the headlock. Taker escapes though and throws some boxing jobs into the air. That causes Austin to do some psyche out pushups. “Notorious Texas mind games by Dr. Austin,” as it is called by JR, who knows the name for all of Austin’s bag of tricks. Austin takes him down and stops to flip the bird to the patriotic biker. UT tries the headlock … again, but Austin breaks it and slaps on an armbar. Holy crap, Austin just did an armbar and drop toe hold to set up the armbar. You can even see the floored expression on the face of Ric. Austin tries some chops, which is a bad turn in a match against UT, as Taker then just clotheslines him and grabs an armbar of his own. So, are we just going to exchange headlocks and armbars the whole match? In a rare sight, the ropewalk draws some boos. Austin comes back with the Lou Thesz for two, where Austin deliberately broke the pin himself at two. Maybe the trust just isn’t flowing. They brawl on the outside, where a “Hogan fears Mr. Tan” sign sneaks into camera distance. Austin tries taking the protective layer off the announce table, but anticlimactically has to stop and adjust his knee braces. Taker big boots him off the apron and we have a slugfest on the outside, which spills into a crowd brawl of course, as if that was the only thing we needed to see in this match. Austin sends him into the post and tries a piledriver, but UT back drops out of it, then uses the HARLEY DAVIDSON OF DOOM parked at ringside as a weapon. Scott Hall and Kane-Pac try to provide some distraction. Meanwhile Taker sends him into the steps and takes him down with those vicious and wild haymakers. UT gets the apron legdrop, and at this point nWo are not to be seen again. Okay. Taker works on the knees now, and tries a Figure Four but Austin gets the ropes. Of course, Flair probably wouldn’t allow a match to finish on HIS own terms anyway. Oh hey, there’s the rear chinlock applied by UT! That turns into a cover for two, despite Taker no-selling an eye poke. Austin tries a sleeper but Taker quickly counters to a backdrop suplex for two. Austin tries the Stunner, but Taker shoves him off and gets a lariat for two. Austin tries to slug his way back in it, but Taker gets the flying forearm of DEATH to stop the momentum. JR reminds us of that great acrobatal move by saying Taker went AIRBORNE. Taker eats exposed turnbuckle and they collide with clotheslines for a Double-KO spot. UT rolls the snake eyes and tries the Tombstone, but Austin gets out and shoves Taker into zebra striped Flair, who gets KO’ed further revealing those fashionable red boots of his. Austin of course gets a Stunner out of the bumped ref spot, but no pin, which allows Taker to get a low blow and Chokseslam that gets just over two. You know, if you’re trying to make a last-second kickout off of a finisher look good, you might want to not do it as soon as the two is counted. Taker has to result to the chair, which Flair apparently has no problem with. Austin blocks the chair but runs into a big boot for two. Austin gets a spinebuster for two. UT grabs the chair and wacks him with it, weak Flair counts the two, which also doesn’t look very pretty. These two could definitely take some advice from Angle. Taker tries a full nelson … yeah, but gets clotheslined. So when all else fails, Chokeslams, chair shots and all, Taker must attempt the FULL NELSON?! Taker tries another chair shot but misses and get a mudhole stomped into his trademarked Deadman Inc. shirt. Taker wacks him with the chair again and Flair counts the three, despite Austin’s foot being on the bottom rope before the count even started. Well, that match had absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING going for it, with all the boring spots with the restholds and mindless brawling then the outstretched ending sequences with the Flair bumps, topped off with that incredibly shitty ending. A near thirty minute boring snoozefest, with no spots at all to save it from anything but a bad rating. *1/4
Winner: Undertaker
Billy & Chuck v. Al Snow & Maven – Tag Team Championship
Snow and Maven gain control to start, but when things get in tag format B&C isolate Maven. Maven gets a DDT on Billy, but continues to get isolated. He manages an enzigiri on Chuck, a “good looking athlete” commented by Mr. Ross. Snow gets the tag but gets clotheslined from the apron, giving Billy a swinging neckbreaker for two. Chuck gets a belly to belly on Snow for two. Maven gets the cooled off hot tag, but ends up getting dumped. Rico comes in and tries a superkick but accidentally takes out Chuck. That leaves Maven to get Billy with a crossbody for two. Billy catches him with the superkick soon after though, which gets the retain, so whatever. This match was just there. Bleh. *1/2
Winners: Billy & Chuck
Triple H v. Hulk Hogan – Undisputed Championship
They do the token “whose going to lay down” staredown to start. JR notes that the Cerebral Assassin is one of the greatest mat wrestlers of this generation. They trade shoves and the Hulkamaniacs motivate Hogan to shove him all the way across the ring. A little early, ‘Maniacs. We go to the test of strength, which is a stalemate until HHH turns it into a wristlock. Hogan grabs a headlock then, and then goes with the intimidating shoulderblock. A true chess match indeed, King. HHH goes all punchy kicky to take over, as Terry loses the bandana. But the immortal gets a backdrop out of the corner and pounds away. Hogan mounts the Assassin with ten punches then tosses him. HHH rakes the eyes outside and tries a suplex, but Hulkamania allows Hulk to reverse it into one of his own. Hogan rakes the eyes then, which makes whatever sense, but HHH can even no sell IMMORTALS, as he then slaps Hogan and sends him to the corner setting up a Pedigree, but Hogan counters out and catapults him into the corner, then rolls him up for two. JR notes that Hogan retaliates with one of his greatest offensive maneuvers, “The right hand.” No comment to add. Hogan then uses a Diamond Cutter for two. Whoa, talk about defying the moveset. HHH goes to working the leg, which you knew would have to happen sooner or later. He jams it into the post a few times then uses the ropes to continue the pain and agony. HHH continues on the knee with a leglock, but Hogan gets regenerated by the Hulkamaniacs and kicks out of a Figure Four attempt. However, HHH chopblocks the knee, whiche hopes no opponent ever does to him, then goes back to working the leg. Meanwhile JR and King try to puzzle out just why this crowd is all pro-Hogan. Is that even plausibly, guys? Hogan is finally able to kick HHH off to the corner, but HHH goes back on the rampage by choking Hogan. This is not exactly Ultimate Warrior bearhug boring, but getting dangerously close. Now HHH successfully locks in the Figure Four, which Hulk should be accustomed to, and he does, as he counters it, but Hunter makes the ropes. Evil Hogan however refuses to break it. Now HHH goes with the sleeper, which is anything but what we needed here. Hogan WILL NOT SUBMIT though, and gets a sloppy back suplex out of it. Hogan oppurtunizes his adrenaline rush and gets the big boot and Lethal Leg Drop, but Jericho runs out and takes out the ref, then clocks Hogan with a chair. Jericho tries waking up the ref, after all he was the one who just took him out. HHH turns on the man who just tried to get him the win, because he would never take a dirty win like that, and gives him a quick kick and facebuster, then tosses him. HHH tries some punches but it is HULK UP OF THE IMMORTALS time, and he gets a second big boot, but a second Lethal Leg Drop misses, allowing HHH to get the Pedigree, but Undertaker spoils the fun and takes out the ref, then grabs a chair and wacks HHH with it. Taker puts Hogan on top, but Hogan NEEDS NO HELP BUT THAT OF THE HULKAMANIACS, and UT is NOT a Hulkamaniac. So Hogan punches Taker off, and gets another Lethal Legdrop for the win. The bloodied and battered HHH offers the handshake of respect afterwards, and Hulk accepts. That all kind of seems jaded though since it was two run ins that ended the match. This was much like your normal middle-aged Hogan match, and HHH working the leg so damn long did nothing but dull it and bore the crowd. And you know, all of the beginning did nothing since it ended in a couple of ref bumps and run-ins with chairs. **
Winner: Hulk Hogan
