Evening all, I’m Tom Pandich here for the Live Raw coverage. You’re probably thinking, “I wonder what type of poor excuse for humor is this asshole going to bring up for his intro tonight.” Well… none. It’s a bit late and Raw is on in a few so I’ll let you make your own Edge/Foley joke. Hopefully they’ll give us something worth watching tonight as I’m pretty stoked for this night’s Raw.
We start out with a nice little recap of last week’s events between Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Cena, the Spirit Squad, and Vinnie Mac. We’re down to just Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross in the announcer’s booth with a welcome back but no mention of Joey Styles.
Here’s Triple H and he comes out with old music thus killing my theory of having promo music and match music. Triple H refuses to address any of the issues going on with him. He calls out John Cena right now. Cena comes out to a relatively strong reaction before getting the obligatory boos after the music gets cut off.
Cena comes out and says that Hunter is a lot like the New York Yankees right now. They’ve both done a lot but the WWE Title is about what you’ve done lately. Cena says that Triple H has been pinned and tapped out recently. Cena has no reason to give Triple H a title shot, but he will anyways because that Cena for you. Triple H tosses his shirt and starts calling for a ref to come down. Vince’s music plays and Triple H looks none to happy.
Vince is pissed and wonders what Triple H has been thinking as of late. Triple H says that he thinks giving Kenny a title shot is a lateral move from a poser to a cheerleader. Triple H and Cena banter back and forth before Triple H says what he does is win championships. Vince cuts him off, yelling shut up to Hunter. Vince wants people to start calling him Mr. McMahon rather then “Vince”. Regardless, Hunter has a title shot, not tonight though. Vince gives Triple H the night off and gives Cena and Shawn Michaels a 5 on 2 match against the Spirit Squad. Cena goes to tell Vince to kiss his ass, but Vince cuts his microphone.
Cena leaves and Vince announces there’ll be a fatal four way for the Intercontinental title next. RVD comes down and shares a moment with Cena before heading into the ring. RVD comes out and says he supports Joey Styles and thinks it was crap the way things played out. That takes us to commercial.
Fatal Four Way: Rob Van Dam vs Charlie Haas vs Shelton Benjamin vs Chris Masters: Please don’t let Masters win this”¦
Heels get the jump to start out and RVD gets dumped. Shelton and Masters work over Haas until Shelton goes for a pinfall which causes him to get dumped. Masters goes for a pinfall which is broken up by RVD. Rob heads up top and nails his side kick on Masters sending him outside. RVD hits the catch spin kick thing he does on Haas and nails Shelton with his own leaving us with RVD alone in the ring… and another commercial?
We’re back with the crowd solidly behind Rob Van Dam and all sorts of action. RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Masters while Shelton dumps Haas with a side suplex. Shelton hits a side suplex on RVD before Haas comes in dumping Shelton and then unloading on RVD with some stiff sounding kicks. Masters comes in only to be dumped by Haas who then eats a huge roundhouse on the head by Shelton. He tries for the pin which is broken up by RVD.
Shelton gets ahead of RVD and tries for a powerbomb that RVD rolls through for a sunset flip for two. RVD gets a small package for two. Shelton hits an inverted backbreaker on RVD for two. Haas comes over and tosses Shelton into the corner spearing him. Haas tries for the big boot but Shelton dodges and hits a Samoan drop. Shelton heads to the apron and Masters pulls Shelton down and crushes him with a clothesline. Shelton is out. Masters rolls in and tries for the Masterlock on Haas. He locks it in but RVD comes off the top and flips Masters through for the pin and the win!
Winner and still champ: RVD
We’re back and Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top is in the audience. It’s time for the See No Evil promotion. It’s done in kayfabe as Kane is an evil, mean, angry guy. Right”¦ Kane didn’t make any friends while making this film sadly. :-(
Josh Matthews is with the cast of See No Evil. Kane starts to choke out the black guy when he says May 19th a few times. We’ve got another week or two of this stupidity thankfully.
Carlito spitting in Matt Striker’s face a month ago is the slam of the week.
Calito vs Matt Striker: Education in WWE? Nah”¦
Carlito beats Matt Striker down but this devolves into a slugfest until Eugene runs in and attacks Matt Striker causing a DQ. That’s disappointing.
Winner by DQ: Matt Striker
Carlito is upset and Striker works over Eugene. Carlito beats down both men leaving in disgust. Me too Carly, me too.
We’re back and here comes Edge!
Edge vs Cactus Jack: Hardcore Hell (Hopefully)
I really hope they give this some time. Edge cuts a little pre-match promo saying he’s going to destroy Foley. Foley comes down with Barbie. Foley stops and talks about who wins this will rightly be called the king of hardcore. Foley says that you can’t spell hardcore without ECW so he calls out Tommy Dreamer. It’ll be a triple threat match.
Edge vs Foley vs Tommy Dreamer: ECW Triple Threat
As like every ECW match in history, Tommy Dreamer has the shit beaten out of him. Foley and Edge beat down someone who hasn’t been active in a ring for about five years now. This sets up Foley/Dreamer nicely at One Night Stand. I still feel like we’re getting screwed though.
Mickie James vs Maria is next.
We’re back and goddamn Mickie James is hot tonight. So is Maria though. Trish is not that hot as her arm is dislocated.
Mickie James vs Maria: One handed typing
Sprained thumb from softball yesterday, honestly. Maria tries for a roll up as Trish distracts Mickie but only gets one. Mickie beats down Maria and does that face slam. Mickie ends it with her plant DDT drilling Maria.
Winner: Mickie James
Mickie gets the jump on Trish and Mickie gets attacked by a new face. They scream back and forth at each other. Anywho, Big Show vs Kane and the 5 on 2 match still to come.
We’re back and Armilijo Estraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadah is here to give us our weekly squash against two jobbers. “Como se dice Health insurance program”.
Umaga vs jobber a and b
Ugh, no recap needed. Thumb of doom finishes it with no offense by the jobbers.
Winner: Umaga
Kane/Big Show next.
Big Show vs Kane: Meh
Big Show and Kane give each other a little power slam. They start actually wrestling. Move of the night is when Big Show rolls out of arm bar and sweeps out Kane’s leg. Kane then tosses Big Show into a hammer lock which Big Show counters. Drop toe hold from the Big Show. Hah this is quite different as the crowd starts a small boring chant. Anywho, Kane uses a drop toe hold on Big Show into the corner and heads up top. A May 19th promo starts and Kane grabs a chair and unloads on Big Show. Double meh.
This week in wrestling history was Saturday Night’s Main Event and Hulk Hogan vs Bob Orton for the “WWE” title. Lemmy’s in the house tonight!
Spirit Squad vs John Cena and Shawn Michaels: Out of everything tonight, they’re giving this 15 plus minutes?
Spirit Squad does another horrible cheer. Michaels and Cena clear the ring. Things start out between Michaels and Kenny. Kenny moves Michaels into the corner before shouting him and shoving him. Michaels responds by slapping him in the face and a quick tag to Cena. A chorus of boos is overwhelmed by a massive Cena chant. Cena takes out the entire Spirit Squad sans Kenny. Kenny gets tossed in by Cena who is taken and dumped into the rest of Squad regrouping on the outside. Final commercial of the night.
We’re back and Cena is destroying the Spirit Squad. He’s got a lot of energy tonight as the crowd is really pro Cena. You can’t see me! fist drop turns into a near FU but the Spirit Squad beats Cena down and he is your face in peril. Cena gets mugged in the corner. Cena continues to take a beating. I’m sorry, I’m completely out of it. The PS3 price was announced for $499 with a 20 GB hard drive and for $599 for a 60 GB hard drive. Anywho, Cena makes the tag but Michaels gets gang raped and eats a belt shot.
Winners: The Spirit Squad
Triple H heads down causing the Spirit Squad to bail. The Hs pedigrees Cena and does some crotch chops to finish the evening.
Argh, what a disappointing show. This had a shot to be the show of the year so far but we get a lame hardcore match, a mediocre intercontinental title match, and a bunch of other weak matches. Hopefully next week will be better. I’m out.
