The RAW Events
— Well its finals week for me, so just first off wanted to say, sorry for the lack of description this one will carry, but you’ll still get the same tasty treat from me. Other than that, we’re live from dreaded Anaheim who’s beating my Avalanche 2-0 in the conference semi-finals. And what the hell happened to the Lakers this past week. Sigh. Not a very good week in terms of my teams.
Anaheim, CA.
Hosts: JR & The King (LAME!)
The MAIN Events
– Intercontinental Title Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Masters vs. Charlie Hass vs. Shelton Benjamin
RVD talks how what happen to Joey Styles was a bunch of crap and agrees with everything he had to say. And wants the crowd to chant “ECW” tonight. RVD gets thrown out of the ring to start things off and Masters and Benjamin double team Hass. Hass dumps out Masters and Shelton gets in a sick kick to the head getting a two count before RVD breaks the pin. Sunset pin for RVD only gets two. Hass back in. And why Masters is in this match, I’ll never know. Masterlock is set up on Hass but RVD goes up top and rolls up Masters for the win. This match could have been wwaaaaayyy better. Hmm, guess who’s fault I’m blaming on this one!?
Winner: RVD (1)
– Carlito vs. Matt Striker
Okay, I know Masters was just fodder for RVD in the last match, but Carlito gets excluded from the IC title match for this!? Against Matt “Resident HEAT” Striker? Oh and gets this, two matches in the first hour alone! Amazing! Carlito takes over this match like he should, getting a spring board reverse elbow as Eugene does the run in to give the DQ to Carlito. This is just getting sad now. Maybe they should have let Masters win the last feud if it would have led him into this program. Carlito stands up for Eugene, but gets the knee back breaker for costing him the match! HAHA!
Winner: Matt Striker (6)
– Edge vs. Mick Foley
According to Mick Foley, whoever wins this match has the claim to say he is the best hardcore wrestler in history. But cannot say that without saying ECW. So Foley is making this a triple threat match with Edge- Foley- and Tommy Dreamer. Foley smacks Dreamer in the back with the bared wire bat. And then hands it over to Edge himself as he takes a shot at Dreamer too! Foley goes back with the bat down onto the now opened Dreamer. More bat shots as Edge slams the bat into Dreamer’s crotch. Lita and Edge hold up Dreamer as Foley pulls out Socko and shoves it down Dreamer’s throat. Edge ends the match with the spear. Interesting turn.
Winner: Edge (4)
– Maria vs. Mickey James
The lovely Trish Stratus accompanies the even more lovelier Maria to the ring. And I must say, Maria has the best Diva ring attire in the whole company. Quick roll up only gets 1! Chick fight ensues. Mickey dominates the entire match as she finishes it off with the power DDT. After the match, Trish tries to fight, but Mickey gets the upper hand and starts to go after the arm until a random blonde comes in and attacks Mickey. Security comes in and holds the “fan” down as Mickey starts screaming “No one invited you!” Um, ok. I’m sure that was an angle considering all the camera time they gave the “fan”.
Winner: Mickey James (7)
– Umaga vs. Jobbers #1 & 2
AAE introduces his Samoan bulldozer…. UMAGA! (haha!) Well total squash here as the no entrance theory once again stands tall. One guy gets rammed with Umaga’s behind in the barriers head first, as the other one gets it in the corner. Victory cigar gives the cue for the Samoan spike. 1-2-3.
Winner: Umaga (5)
– Kane vs. Big Show
For some reason we get “technical” during this match as these two giants pull toe holds, headlocks and all sorts of other things that gives an odd feeling to this match other than the “power” flow it should have between these two. Boring chants start up only cementing my reasoning and also cues up the May 19th titantron video. May 19th, May 19th, etc. with Kane’s old mask floating on the back screen. Kane goes ballistic and drills the Show with the ssstteeeeeeeeelll chair over and over again calling for the bell. DQ.
Winner: Big Show (3)
– The Spirit Squad vs. HBK & John Cena
HBK starts the match and gets into a little tussle, so tag goes over to Cena and we reset. More “technical” moves making Cena look very uncomfortable in the ring. Finally we get the one-hit-clear-ring move and HBK and Cena double team Kenny, sending him flying out of the ring into the rest of the SS as we go to break. Back in, Cena is now taking the beating, taking some “high risk” moves from the SS and the trampoline! 5 on 1 pretty much takes out Cena as we get a two count cover. Mikey misses the moonsault off the top rope and Cena gets the hot tag into HBK to clear out the ring. Meanwhile, Cena still is getting whipped on the outside as he’s tossed into the ssteeeeeeeeel steps. Suddenly Kenny gets the tag belt and rams it across HBK’s head to get the win. Kenny also takes out the ref to grab the belt and as JR says “whip him like a government mule”. Ugh. HHH makes his way down to the ring and pedigrees Cena just as he started to get up on the SS. As HHH walks off, he puts the DX chop as the exclamation point to end the show. Hmmm.
Winner: (2)
Quick HEAT
— Triple H starts the show saying he doesn’t want to be the “special ref” or to fight Vince. But he came out here for the WWE title and calls out Cena (a mix of boos and cheers). Cena holds things up though. After some talk, he finally agrees to the match. Trips calls for the ref BUT… Vince walks out. Vince doesn’t want a ref, because there will be no WWE title match. HHH takes a shot at Kenny and the spirit squad, saying they probably get together and pump each other full of spirit every night. Cena and HHH take shots at each other. Vince finally shuts things up, saying HHH has his title match… but not tonight. It’ll be in the future as HHH has the night off. But Cena doesn’t as he will team up with HBK against the Spirit Squad. Vince does give us a title match for the IC strap right off the bat (yeah, 18 min later)
— Todd Grisham interviews the cast of “See No Evil”. Why??
RAW Analysis
— Well, week after week of teasing… is DX really coming back!? With the DX chop HHH gave at the end without attacking HBK makes you wonder. Other than that, what about Raw tonight!? First it looked like we would get a “Sports Entertainment” show within the first hour with a long segment and only two matches. Then the second hour only gives us matches with 5 in total. I’m not going to say it was good, but I’m not going to say its bad either. The matches, were… enjoyable. And while I like the less talk, more action part of this show, they could have mentioned more over the whole Joey Styles thing instead of just the RVD shout out. ECW is moving and it showed with the Edge/Foley bit. Plus the whole JR/King announcing team, well, it was as stale as it was the last time these two were together on Raw. Sorry, I’m just not that excited over the announcing team right now. I’m actually prefering Grisham right now for this gig. So I don’t know, I’m tied on this one. Better than previous Raw’s at least. Till the next EVENT, I’m out. Peace.
