TNA: In The Zone for 5/11/06
Ladies and gentleman, girlz and boyz, children of all ages, I’m Dougie, and I’m proud to present to you…
Another edition of TNA: In The Zone. This week starts out with Team 3D coming out (sans Runt) to bitch and moan at TNA Management about the lack of title shots falling in their laps. Of course this draws out the James Gang, claiming that it is they, not 3D that is the greatest tag team in history. Hyperbole aside, there is a great back and forth dynamic between these four guys. They have styles that are similar enough, yet not identical. Both teams have a comedy guy and a muscle guy, and both can slip from comedy to serious at the drop of a bomb. The greatest thing here, though, is the fact that all four of these guys seem to be having the time of their lives. (BG actually kissed Brother Devon. No homophobes, it wasn’t a gay kiss, it was more like Bugs Bunny kissing Elmer Fudd.)
Which brings me to the focus of this week’s column. I watch as much wrestling as I can, even if it means suffering through the pre-packaged crap that WWE hands me every week. (although the Foley heel turn on Monday was MF’n refreshing). While watching this week’s iMPACT I had a bit of an epiphany. I realized why the product coming out of Orlando was so much better that the other stuff out there. It’s not that the workers are THAT much better. On the whole, there are great wrestlers (not SUPERSTARS, thank you Joey) in both places. The writing is above average in TNA, but they have their failures, too. It’s sure as hell not the funding. If throwing money around made for good wrestling, WWE wouldn’t have a thing to worry about.
The truth is simply this. The guys (and gals) that work for TNA are having fun. They do their jobs with a smile (except when in character). I have always been told that people can hear it in your voice when you are smiling while you speak. I posit, then, that I can feel the TNA workers smiling while they work. Who gives a shit if the production values aren’t as good. So what if TNA can’t afford to get Motorhead to do the theme songs? These guys are living the dream. They aren’t bogged down by the corporation (real life, not the wrestling stable). Even Jeff Jarrett is having fun. Scott Steiner, whose body has been so abused, has been given an outlet to be the big scary enforcer again. A little guy like Alex Shelley would be lost in the Cruiserweight shuffle in the WWE (see: Kid Kash), but in TNA, give him a camera, some hair dye, and some mike time, and you have my pick for the wrestler with the greatest potential since Chris Jericho.
So keep having fun guys, and I’ll keep singing your praises.
Next up is the first match of the second round of the World X Cup. Puma (Team Mexico) versus Chris HAIL Sabin (Team USA captain) This match should have been against Shocker (just for the history.)
The match itself was decent, and fun. I just wish that they’d put up the tournament brackets before starting the damn thing. It seems like they are making this contest up as they go along.
Sabin and Puma put out some great chain wrestling. Puma shows a more submission based style than I’ve seen from a luchadore in quite a while. Sadly, it’s pretty evident that these two haven’t worked together much. This had all the earmarks of a great match, but the execution fell a bit short.
Of course Sabin wins the match for Team USA, bringing their total points to 3.
After the match, we are magically transported to Borashland, where Team Canada and America’s Most Wanted frolic and play. Sadly, this makes Jackie cry. Poor Jackie. I think she may be upset that Charlie didn’t win the Intercontinental belt on Monday. Of course Chris Harris and Gail chastise her, and send her for coffee. Yeah, being their gopher is going to cheer her up. I guess Chris and Gail didn’t learn the motto of the movie Waiting. You don’t F*** with the people who handle your food.
Do the ****s bother anyone? A buddy of mine was reading the column and said I curse too much, so I thought that I’d go for a little self-censorship. If this bothers anyone, F*** off.
After they chase off Jackie (proving that they are heels… Please come back, Jackie.) Larry Z comes in to ask D’Amore for help with Raven. D’Amore insists on and A1 push in return. See, A1 is a mercenary! Of course Larry agrees.
On a side note, Who dressed AMW for this segment? Did they not realize that the white trunks and wife-beaters made them look like they were n their underwear?
Next, we STAY in the back, as we teleport over to Alex Shelley trying to be buddies with his Team USA partners. They don’t want any part of it, which I don’t understand. Shelley has been a key member of this team. Anyway, he wants to show them part two of his Nash Files (cue creepy music, I want to believe).
Nash bashes TNA in general, and the X-Division specifically. It looks like we are going to get a program of Big Sexy versus the whole X-Div. Well, at least Shelley got more TV time.
Abyss comes out next, to just CRUSH Chase Stevens. Stevens is given no offense here at all. They have been talking him up lately, but they aren’t following up on it. This guy has a lot of potential, but he’s not being allowed to meet it. Total squash here.
Post match. Christian Cage comes out and shows Abyss how ladders are meant to be used. (All this time I thought that they were for changing light bulbs and painting high places). This goes on for a bit till security pulls them apart.
Next, the time has finally come to find out who Stings partner to face Jarrett and Steiner is going to be. If you hadn’t read the spoilers, this was a great TNA moment. Jarrett tries to tell us that Sting is out of options as a DDP chant starts up. (THAT would blow the roof off. If I had heard the words “Self High Five, I would have marked out like a school girl) Great acting from Sting, as he (and his failed partner choices) introduce us to SAMOA by God JOE! This was a great choice, and brilliantly choreographed. Way back at the beginning of this, JJ and Steiner kinda shooed Joe out of the ring. I can’t wait to see this play out.
Next up we have another match, AMW and Bobby Roode versus AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, and Rhino. Daniels and AJ are looking more and more cohesive as a team. They go through a pretty decent match, till Jackie shows up, and its hot coffee in the eyes of Storm. A gore from Rhino seals the deal. Wow, I wonder who besides me would like to see Jackie in a “Hot Coffee Mod” version of this show?
All in all, this was a pretty good week, building toward the PPV. I have to say, for the slow burn, for the great character work, and for making people fear us fat guys, Samoa Joe is In The Zone.
Don’t disagree, there are fat guys all over, and we have a role model now.
Later,
Dougie
icarusfallz@yahoo.com
