The (Early) SmackDown Report

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Before I start I screwed up last week’s Velocity markings. It should have been 24/30, not 21/30 .. S’pose I’m not used to marking so highly.

Open up with our usual video, before we get a great recap of the past few weeks worth between JBL and Rey Mysterio. This takes us into the SmackDown video and, no pyros or anything this week, simply a JBL entrance.

JBL talks about the pins and needles that the fans must be going through in anticipation for whoever faces Rey Mysterio tonight, before acknowledging the heart of Mysterio. This leads into the “You and Your People” stuff and obviously includes the obligatory Eddie reference which leads into the “Eddie” chant. JBL says that unless Mysterio is a chicken, then he will play with fire and get burnt .. Subtle. Nice little four minute promo, and a touch above last week’s.

Opening Contest: Six Person Mixed Tag Match: MNM verses HooliganZ and Jillian Hall
Finkel introduces MNM as a threesome, and the weird thing about that is that it’s Finkel on the mic tonight. Hall gets a fairly good response from the crowd, and seems to be even more on her road to being the next Trish Stratus. Melina and Hall needs to be pulled apart by their partners, as we head to a commercial.

Commercials.

We’re back with Kendrick and Nitro in the ring, Kendrick has Nitro in a headlock. Nitro tries to escape a few times, trying disorientate Kendrick off of him at the corner, but Kendrick takes him back down with the headlock still on. Nitro pushes him off into the ropes and comes back with a hiptoss by Kendrick, followed by another by Kendrick, before Kendrick applies an armbar before Kendrick tags out to London. Double team hiptoss leads us into stereo chest/back kicks for a two count for London. Tag out to Mercury, who punches away at London. Mercury takes London into the corner for an elbow to the forehead, and London begins to punch him off and into the ropes, Mercury sends London into the ropes and London comes back with a crossbody for a two count. London with a hiptoss followed by an armbar, Mercury takes it up and takes London the corner for a knee to the gut. London jumps behind a scoop slam and gets a lock of Mercury from behind, Mercury runs into the ropes and London rolls off, London avoids a clothesline, slides under Mercury’s legs, and nails some forearms and tags out to Kendrick, Mercury off the ropes with forearms by both London and Kendrick, Kendrick knocking Nitro off the corner apron, and Melina begins to pull at Kendrick’s hair. Mercury slams Kendrick’s knee against the ring apron – Banshee Scream #1. Nitro and Melina choke Kendrick in the corner, with the referee distracted by Mercury, before Nitro gets tagged in and Nitro gets an elbow to the knee of Kendrick. Nitro gets half a figure four on Kendrick, who kicks him off with his spare leg, before Nitro tags out to Mercury. Mercury with an elbow to the ribs of Kendrick – Banshee No. 2. Butt drop to the knee of Kendrick and Mercury tags back out, and Nitro comes in with kicks to the knee. Nitro continues to gets some nice kicks to the leg of Kendrick before he locks on a anklelock, getting some pinfall counts in between, before Nitro drags Kendrick’s leg to the bottom rope and goes to land on it, but Kendrick moves his leg just in time! Tag out to Mercury, and Mercury drags Kendrick back in with an elbow drop to the inner thigh and a figure four as a “You Suck” chant starts up. Kendrick gets some punches to Mercury, and reverses a Mercury suplex with a small package for two.

Nitro tagged in and nails his dancing leg drop, poses – Banshee Numero 3 – and Nitro gets a two count. Nitro with an uppercut before he chokes Kendrick at the ropes, before distracting the referee therefore allowing Melina to get her headscissors to Kendrick. Tag out to Mercury, and MNM nail a double leg drop to Kendrick before posing. Mercury gets a two count, broken by London. Kendrick gets some elbows to Mercury, but Mercury ducks the enziguri and then drops an elbow to the knee of Kendrick. Mercury moves Kendrick into his corner and goes for another figure four, but Kendrick kicks him off into Nitro, Kendrick begins to crawl towards his corner but Nitro in – the referee decides that Mercury knocking into him counted as a tag – and goes to drag Kendrick back in but Kendrick kicks him off and tags in London! London in with elbows to Nitro and Mercury, London sends Nitro into the corner and nails an elbow, London goes to attack Mercury in the opposing corner but Mercury gets a foot into the face of London. MNM whip London into the ropes and go for a double clothesline, but London ducks and MNM turn around into a DeuxKick. Two count on Nitro for London! London and Nitro exchange punches, London goes for a headlock but Nitro whips him into the ropes and London comes back and the two exchange elbows! Nitro falls over in his corner and Melina tags herself in, Hall in and we have a hair pulling contest! Hall with some elbows, Melina kicks the knee and gets a right in herself and sends Hall off the ropes and Hall comes back with a Lou Thesz! Mercury throws Hall off, and Kendrick slides in. Kendrick punches away at Mercury and clotheslines him out of the ring, Nitro in from behind and goes for a clothesline on Kendrick but Kendrick ducks, Nitro comes off the ropes into a double team dropkick from London and Kendrick! Hall has set herself up in the corner and begun to climb the turnbuckle. Melina gets to her feet and slaps Kendrick, and turns into a Crossbody by Hall for the three count!
Winners: Brian Kendrick, Paul London, and Jillian Hall

These three make one hell of a team, and the fans are really getting behind them. Well, as you’d expect, pretty much straight formula – one partner gets isolated and then team mate, or in this situation team mates, come in and fight off their opponents. I’d love to rate this highly, but at best this is really nothing beyond a Five out of Ten. Obviously.

Judgment Day Press Conference: Henry promises to destroy Angle, Booker will legally become a King, JBL will be the first person to hold both the US and World Championship, and Mysterio promises to retain the Championship.

Still to come: Rey Mysterio verses a Mystery Opponent

Commercial

See No Evil Premiere footage, the same video that’s been running over the last few weeks.

Recap of Henry taking out Angle.

Kurt Angle promo, saying that they’ve known each other for ten years since the Atlanta Olympic Games. Where Angle won a medal and Henry won nothing. Angle reminds Henry of all the times he’s beaten him this year, and how Henry tried to end his career. Angle says he loves Judgment Day because he gets to be judged by everyone and, even though Henry’s the world strongest man, he’s still the world’s greatest wrestler.

Commercials.

Second Contest: Bobby Lashley verses Jared Steele
You know what this means. Squash match time! Lashley takes Steele down to start before being forced off by the referee. Lock up and Lashley nails a hell of a hiptoss before nailing a belly to belly. Steele gets a knee in before nailing some punches, and fails at a scoop slam before being clotheslined down twice. Military press by Lashley is followed up by the delayed vertical suplex. Spear for the victory.
Winner: Bobby Lashley

Obviously -Five out of Ten. Post match Lashley celebrates around the King Of The Ring schtick and is about to sit down before Booker T and Sharmell make their way out, Sharmell having to hold back Booker T from starting a fight. Up next it’s a Tag Team Match; Booker T and Finlay verses Chris Benoit and Gunner Scott!

Commercials.

RAW Recap: Double Title Handicap Texas Tornado Match and HHH nailing Shane O’Mac with the Sledgehammer.

During the week, it was announced that Chris Benoit would take on Finlay at Judgment Day. Still no William Regal in there though. Bastards.

Third Contest: Booker T and Finlay with Sharmell verses Gunner Scott and Chris Benoit
Oh this should be good. Both partners argue with their opponent counterparts to start, as Finlay and Benoit get to their corners Booker slaps Scott. Circling to start takes us into a lock up, with Scott taking Booker into the corner before being forced off by the referee. Another lock up and Scott gets a headlock which Booker forces into the corner, and nails some shoulders to the gut followed by the two exchanging chest chops, which Scott gets the better half of before sending Booker into the ropes for an elbow, getting Scott a two count. Thumb to the eye and Booker tags out to Finlay. Finlay gets a headlock takedown and Scott gets to his feet, before Finlay nails a short arm clothesline. Finlay gets a shoulder claw on Scott before getting Scott to his feet, and the two exchange working the arm before Finlay gets to the rope and Scott is forced to release the hold, but while the referee is turned away Scott kicks the middle rope into the groin of Finlay. Scott sends Finlay into the ropes and into a reverse atomic drop. Finlay with a knee to the gut, followed by a snapmare and rear naked choke and Scott is now bleeding from the nose or mouth (Cole says Mouth at least), before Scott gets to his feet and tackles Finlay into the corner, but Finlay clotheslines Scott back for and tags out to Booker. Booker with a chop to the chest before taking Scott into the corner for chops and punches as a “Benoit” chant starts up, Booker whips Scott into the opposite corner but Scott jumps over Booker and nails a suplex for a two count. Tazz and Cole call it “shades of Chris Benoit”, as though he’s the ONLY wrestler who performs a suplex. Booker kicks up Scott and nails a superkick for a two count, and locks in a rear choke hold; Scott gets to his feet and fights out of the hold and off the ropes into an elbow by Booker, who tags out to Finlay. Finlay nails the elbow drops and picks up Scott, slamming him down with a scoop slam and goes off the turnbuckle with a splash but Scott gets the knees up! Tag out to Benoit! Benoit with chops on Finlay in the corner, knees, Finlay off the ropes and axe handle to the face of Finlay! Benoit locks in the Sharpshooter, but Booker breaks it up! Scott attacks Booker, sending him back to his corner. Benoit with a snap suplex, Benoit picks Finlay up but Finlay gets an eye poke and clotheslines Benoit down, before tagging out to Booker.

Booker picks Benoit up and whips him into the ropes, Benoit ducks the crescent kick and begins nailing Booker with chops, before Benoit nails a german for a two count. Tag out to Scott, who nails Booker with some kicks before some chops and a snap suplex for a two count. Booker tags out to Finlay, who irish whips Scott into the corner only to get nailed by a big boot, Scott sets himself up on the top turnbuckle but Booker knocks him off onto the mats below, Benoit steps in front of Scott before Booker or Finlay can capitalize.

Commercials

We’re back with Finlay nailing Scott with a few knee drops before tagging out to Booker. Booker taunts Scott to get to his feet before punching him back down. Booker punches away at Scott’s gut at the ropes, sending him off the ropes into a sidekick for a two count. Scott slips behind a suplex attempt and nails a russian leg sweep, and tags out to Benoit! Benoit in with chops, a forearm, scoop slam and elbow drop to Booker for a two count. Snap suplex to Booker gets Benoit another two count. Booker gets a thumb to the eye and whips Benoit into Finlay at the ropes, Finlay attacks Benoit and Benoit knocks him off the apron. Benoit trips Booker and nails some punches, Finlay drags out Benoit and spears him into the steel steps and nails Benoit with the Shaleleigh! Finlay slides Benoit into the ring where Booker T nails a sideslam for a two count. Booker locks on an abdominal stretch, before he lets it go and sends Benoit into the ropes – Benoit ducks a clothesline and nails a german! Scott in, off the ropes with forearms to Booker! Dropkick to Booker for a two count. Booker gets another thumb to the eye before he sends Scott into the corner, Scott knocks Booker off of him and climbs the turnbuckles and nails a dropkick to Booker T. One .. Two .. Pinfall broken by Finlay! Benoit in and he begins to fight with Finlay, eventually nailing a suplex which sends both of them over the top rope. Booker nails a short arm sidekick, but Lashley comes out and sits in the King Of The Ring’s Thorne – and Sharmell’s face is priceless – and Scott gets the Crucifix Pinfall for the victory!
Winners: Gunner Scott and Chris Benoit

A long match can sometimes be a good thing. But not when it takes me an entire hour to actually watch it. Repetitive and sometimes just plainly boring .. Too much Scott, too much “just like Chris Benoit”, for such a long match. The workrate was there, as was the ingredients for a rather good match. Zero out of Ten. Scott needs to be more intense if they want to make Benoit his mentor, because no way in hell is he going to be any sort of relevant to Benoit if he was as weak and soft.

Commercials.

Tatanka video .. I care so little, I’d much rather watch him wrestle .. And next week he will. Ah damn.

Daivari’s got a microphone in the ring, which means it’s not going to be a match! Daivari credits Taker as an unstoppable force in the WWE until now; before a video plays showing a recap of Taker’s career. I like this video a lot more than some of the others out there. The video then turns to a clip for The Great Khali and some indian music, vocals provided by Tazz and Michael Cole saying “Who the hell is this monster?” “Oh my god!” .. Pales in comparison to “We love you Biride, oh yes we do”. Video then goes on to show Khali destroy the cruiser weights and his height comparison to Kristal and Mysterio. Thanks to good editing, I’m kind of buying Daivari as a good manager now. Daivari brings out The Great Khali .. Man, those are some CHEAP effects they’ve got in his video. Great Khali says some stuff on the microphone which, for all we know, might translate into “blah blah blah, caramel tart”, though he apparently said “Rest In Peace”. Uh huh.

Up next: Mark Henry verses Matt Hardy, in our “Remembering Heat Curtain Jerkers From 1999” themed match.

VELOCITY ADVERTISEMENT! … Gasp! Shock! Horror! Gregory Helms takes on Psichosis this week on Velocity. Wow, they promoted Velocity, and it’s getting the can soon. How WWE.

Fourth Contest: Mark Henry verses Matt Hardy
Henry looks a tiny bit thinner tonight, actually. Only just. For those keeping score at home, Hardy has a new video. Hardy gets some offence in to start and goes for the Side Effect but Henry knocks him off. Irish whip by Henry and Hardy slides out of the ring, Henry slowly chases Hardy around the ring before Hardy nails a baseball slide. On the outside Henry gets some offence in but misses a charge at Hardy and slams into the steel stairs and ring post. Yodel Legdrop gets Hardy a two count, as Henry simply throws Hardy off. Hardy nails a clothesline which fails to knock Henry down, Hardy tries for another but gets knocked down yet again this time. Bearhug applied by Henry, before Hardy looks like he may escape it Henry slams him into the corner. Hardy gets a drop toe hold in the corner, sending Henry face first into the turnbuckle pad. Hardy goes for the Twist Of Fate, but Henry throws him into the ropes and Hardy comes back into the World’s Strongest Slam for the three count.
Winner: Mark Henry

Post match, Henry squashes Hardy and then gets back on the microphone and hypes up his match against Kurt Angle at Judgment Day, promising to finish what he started. For what this could have been, this was ten times better, despite it’s level of suck. -Three out of Ten

See No Evil stuff. Gee, wonder what this is leading us into.

Up next: Rey Mysterio verses a Mystery Opponent.

Commercials.

Another “Vito’s A Tranny” storyline, this time with Paul Burchill telling Nunzio instead of Orlando Jordan. So what if Vito’s a tranny .. Worked out for Steven Richards, and those Lumberjacks.

Judgment Day card run down.

Rey Mysterio makes his way on out which, of course, takes us to ..

Commercials.

JBL makes his way out and stands on the Announcer’s Table and gets a microphone. He demands that Finkel give Mysterio the microphone. JBL asks Mysterio if he even knows which way is up, where they are, what year it is, and what day it is. Mysterio replies with “May 19th” .. Duh. JBL, in true fashion, says “You said it. I didn’t.” as the stage explodes and the arena goes red.

Main Event: Rey Mysterio verses Kane
Cole and Tazz sell it like they’re seeing the Red Sea part. Kane takes it to Mysterio with boots, Mysterio crawls out of the way but Kane throws him back in the corner. Mytserio gets a baseball slide dropkick to Kane, and goes for a top rope double axe handle and gets nailed by a Big Boot from Kane. Kane takes it to Mysterio in the corner, whipping Mysterio into the opposite corner. JBL Memorable Moment; “Holy cow that man is on .. fire.”. Kane picks Mysterio up in a double handed chokehold before he throws Mysterio outside, and Mysterio is now bloodied. Kane picks up Mysterio and drops him face first on the steel steps before sliding him back into the ring. “Eddie” chant, of all things, as Kane punches away on Mysterio in the corner before he gets a running clothesline. Mysterio tries to fight back with kicks to the knee and gets a boot to the face, elevating himself using the top rope, Mysterio goes for the seated senton but Kane gets a throat thrust – and the arena blacks out and the “May 19th” promo stuff begins! JBL gets on the microphone and Mysterio nails Kane with the 619! Mysterio goes for the seated senton but Kane catches him and nails him with the chokeslam! JBL tells Kane to finish off Mysterio, before telling him not to freak out on him, “I don’t speak monster Kane!”, before JBL reminds Kane that Rey is the one that said .. May 19th. Kane chokeslams JBL! Kane pyros finish us off as SmackDown fades out.
Winner: No Contest

Well it was another squash, which gives us; -Five out of Ten. Though, hey, let’s hope Kane’s on SmackDown now, even if it does mean more Kane / Undertaker shenanigans to come in the future.

Another forgettable week, with there being no stand out match this week sadly either. It’s too bad the SmackDown team isn’t doing anything campy or stupid (see: Undertaker verses Yokozuna) that’s so bad that it’s good. I expect Judgment Day to be a solid card thanks to a healthy undercard, and outside of Undertaker and Great Khali everything has the chance to be watchable at least. This week’s SmackDown racked up like this though;

MNM verses HooliganZ and Hall: 5/10
Bobby Lashley verses Jared Steele: -5/10
Booker T and Finlay verses Gunner Scott and Chris Benoit: 0/10
Mark Henry verses Matt Hardy: -3/10
Rey Mysterio verses Kane: -5 / 10
SmackDown 19/05/06: -8/40

You wouldn’t expect a show that has two of those first three matches to be such a horrid affair, would you now? Until Velocity, watch something else.