Okay, things are getting very clusterf*ckish in my life. Since everything’s not settled yet, I’ll give you guys an update on Tuesday. I can tell you right now that after Tuesday, I’ll probably be on hiatus for a while. How long depends on a number of factors. As I said, I’ll update you as soon as things are certain.
Very sad news about Steve Doll; once your kidneys shut down, there’s not much anyone can do. I will mention this: Well Dunn can definitely be classified under “guilty pleasure”. Yeah, they caught a lot of heat back in the day, but they were better wrestlers and slightly better sports entertainers than the groups that came after them using essentially the same gimmick, including Too Much, The Dicks, and the Heart Throbs. So even though the odds aren’t good, I can say that we’re all hoping for recovery.
Bob Holly, though, might be in better shape. Merck’s announced that they may have a solution to the vexing problem of MRSA, the staph variant that’s stricken Holly. It’s a new type of antibiotic called platensimycin that works in a different way to standard antibiotics. Unfortunately, it still has to undergo human testing, so it probably can’t help Bob right now. But at least there’s hope out there.
Memo to Botter: I don’t even have a copy of that photo anymore. Lost it during a hard drive crash a number of years ago. Too bad, really. I happen to have liked that photo.
As for ECW on Sci-Lie…I’ll download, period. I refuse to watch that network for various and sundry reasons.
Yeah, I’m tired from my trip, so let’s just hope I make it through this without needing to sleep…
THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Jillian Hall over Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, and Melina Perez (Pinfall, Hall pins Perez, flying cross-body): And you thought that six-woman tag matches were restricted to Raw. Look, I can’t say anything more about these combinations that’s already been said. It’s a Double PPV Pimp Match in advance of this weekend’s festivities, it was meant to be nothing more, it was bleh by their standards. So, why bother, really?
Nitro’s getting a real kick out of this program
Please, transfer them over to ECW so they can have an infinite number of catfights
Bobby Lashley over Jared Steele (Pinfall, spear): I think I would have preferred seeing an animated Booker and Lashley spliced into the “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” number from The Lion King than this. It would definitely have been a more effective pimp for the KOTR finals. Not to mention the fact that the music’s by Sir Elton.
“I’m not your bitch! I’m not, I’m not, I’m not!!”
Our Lord and Savior and A Gunner That Actually Won This Week (Goddamnit) over Booker T and Fit Finlay (Pinfall, Albright pins Booker, crucifix rollup): Wait a minute…Finlay’s now being billed as being from Dublin? When did this happen? Isn’t Belfast Irish enough…oh, wait, that’s a bit of a sore point, isn’t it? Otherwise, hell, it’s three guys I love, and I’m getting good feelings about Albright, so, yeah, I enjoyed this. It was given a lot of time to develop, told a story well, and really established Albright. It could have easily descended into PPV Pimp territory, but didn’t until the ending. Unfortunately, that ending ruined the match. Dammit, I hate that kind of shit.
It’s better than what High-Quality Speaker Boy does to the new guys
Mark Henry over Matt Hardy (Pinfall, Twist Of Fat): Do you really expect me to care about this one? Took screen cap, FFed, moved on.
That’ll shut up the fangirls
Rey-Rey versus Kane (ND, no explanation for May 19th): See No Evil, at the time of writing, hasn’t had enough reviews compiled to get a rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but here’s a great quote from Brian Orndorf (oh, if only that second “f” hadn’t been missing…) about the film: Sadly, Kane has all the cinematic presence of a shaved ape, and possesses acting skills that make Vin Diesel look like vintage 1974 Pacino. Well, hell, Brian, we wrestling fans could have told you that a long time ago.
Different week, same result
Angle Developments:
None, essentially. All PPV Pimps or Movie Pimps. Everything seems to be on hold for One-Night Stand, and that’s not going to be as pushed on Smackdown as it will be on Raw.
THE IMPACT SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Chris Sabin over Petey Williams, World X Cup Tiebreaker Final (Pinfall, Cradle Shock): Okay, the match was technically sound, but, like Neeley, I call bullshit with everything surrounding it. I said on Tuesday that it should have been done at Sacrifice, and nothing since has had me change my mind (this match would have had to have been MOTY to justify this crap). And, hey, Kevin Nash agreed with me and destroyed the trophy (as well as Sabin). You gonna argue with Nash?
The only form of birth control that can get federal funding by the Junta
Samoa Joe over Chase Stevens, Non-Title Match (Submission, Kokina Clutch): What exactly was the purpose of this match? Give Joe camera time? Create a logical way to get Andy Douglas back on screen? Make sure that we get a cameo of Shane Douglas? Anyone? Yeah, I had a suspicion that you didn’t know either.
Kill you, yes. Give you a quick hummer, no.
Abyss over Rhiyno, King of the Mountain Qualifying Match (Pinfall, Black Hole Slam): Thud, thud, slug, slug, beat, beat, run-in…yeah, they’re good at it, but if I wanted a main event like this, I’d watch Raw…wait, I already do, so why do I need this?
Oh, yeah, like that’s gonna work
Angle Developments:
Resurrection Man: Buh Buh Ray had a point. The Dudleys, more than anyone, epitomize ECW. Without them, it’s a little bit hollow. But let’s also be honest. Considering the way they’ve been jerked around in TNA, if they had a way to get out of their contract, they’d go back. Vince knows how much the Dudleys mean to ECW, and he’d forgive them for their statements (Vince also knows that an easy way to get over is to bash WWE, and he never criticizes anyone for trying to get over). Hell, he’d probably credit Buh Buh Ray for saying that ECW should remain dead. Unfortunately, he’ll debit him for blowing the “big secret” (remember, the marks don’t know yet). So getting back those trademarks…sorry, boys.
Way to suck up to the proles, Christian
Seen it
This is triggering my existential conflict shutdown routine
If this is what rehab does to you, I’d prefer to stay addicted…no, that’s not fair. I like Shane.
I’ll close this off. As I said, I do have a personal announcement on Tuesday. Until then, attempt to enjoy Judgment Day, read the Round Table for it, and stay tuned here.
