So yeah. Raw. There was a Smackdown PPV too where Rey Rey retained despite jobbing to both Mark Henry and some other giant pile of bricks in the previous weeks. Keep it here all night for live Raw coverage.
Last week Shane O Mac ate a sledgehammer shot “meant” for Shawn Michaels. Was it intentional? Well, duh. DX is getting back together. Vince cried too. It was funny.
We start out the evening with Vince pissed, but he says that it was accidental. Vince wants a meaningful apology and will retailiate swiftly if he does not get it.
We are live from Vegas! UNLV babycakes! Tonight it’s Shawn Michaels in a 5 on 1 with… well… the Spirit Squad. Plus Masters/Cena tonight. The ring is covered in red and here comes Mick Foley in a suit!
Foley gets a decent reaction. Foley tells the parents to say its ok not to have the kids boo for him. Foley says he’s got a lovable gap tooth smile. He’s a human muppet. He puts his thumb in the air and says its great to be right here in Las Vegas… only it’s not that great to be in Vegas. Foley doesn’t like the idea of getting something through luck. He didn’t become a two time New York Times best seller by putting a quarter in a Slingo machine. Hah, fantastic.
Anywho, Foley calls out Edge and compliments Lita on her sluttiness. If I was into running trails though, we’d talk. Anyway, Edge is given a gift. He gives Edge the HARDCORE TITLE. JR says that this is as moving as “Bobby Bonds” getting home run #714. Foley gives Edge the title and a major you suck chant breaks out.
Edge is emotionally moved. He puts himself over as beating Foley but Edge wants to give Foley the title. They consider having a hardcore match to decide who gets the title. Instead, they decide to be co-hardcore champions to some massive heat. ECW music hits and its PAUL HEYMAN! Heyman says Foley is a prostitute who is giving away the legacy of being hardcore. Heyman says what do you see when you look in the mirror.
Foley responds saying he sees a hardcore legend. He sees a WWE Superstar. He sees a success. He sees a co-holder of the hardcore title. Foley then goes on to say that he has a job while Heyman has no power at all. He’s not GM of Smackdown or anything. Heyman says he has a job though. He’s putting together a little event called One Night Stand in June. He challenges Foley and Edge to a match for the hardcore title with two ECW wrestlers. Foley is hesitant to accept but Edge jumps in. They go after Heyman who brings out Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk both of whom lay a beating down on the Sock and Cock Connection. That takes us to commercial.
Diva search is coming back. Wonderful. JR screws up the “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” catchphrase. It’s good to have him back.
RVD vs Shelton Benjamin: IC Title match
Action starts fast. Shelton tries to leap frog RVD but he stops short. RVD unleashes a few kicks and floats over a suplex for two. Shelton tries to get in some offense but he gets taken out rather quickly. RVD tries for Rolling Thunder but Shelton bails before he connects. Commercial.
We’re back with RVD in trouble. During the break, Shelton took over. RVD goes for a sunset flip for two. Benjamin gets a massive suplex to neckbreaker for two. Shelton then hooks on a chinlock/leg scissors. RVD fights up but Shelton grabs his hair and tosses him down. Shelton slaps on a reverse chinlock that RVD fights out of, but Shelton tosses him into the corner. Shelton misses the Stinger splash and is dazed. RVD hits a few kicks and then hits a springboard sidekick to take Shelton down. Clothesline, another kick, and a backflip gets two. Rolling Thunder also gets two.
Shelton gets up and the two exchange blows. Shelton catches RVD with a Samoan drop hitting the ref on the ankle. Shelton grabs the IC title to get a shot on Rob but Dam hits a Van Daminator into the belt. The ref sees it and”¦ calls for the bell?
Winner (by DQ): Shelton Benjamin
Lame, lame ending considering how often we see that happen. RVD hits a Five Star Frog Splash anyways.
In the back, it’s Vince, Jay Paul and Billy Gibbons! Fantastic. Vince reminisces about beating Triple H for the title. Vince calls Candice Michelle to the back and heads to the ring for his apology while the two rockers get acquainted with Candice.
Wrestlemania 22 is on sale tomorrow. New Super Mario Brothers is on sale now. When you’re purchasing the former, get the latter too as it rocks.
One more recap of what happened last week before we bring Vince to the ring. Vince calls out Triple H twice before he comes out to his new music. Vince reminds Triple H about how he made Shawn Michaels life a living hell. Vince wants to hear two words from Triple H. That’s funny because Triple H has two words for Vince. “I’m sorry”. Vince is happy with that, but he wants Triple H to do one more thing for him. He wants Triple H to come down to the ring and crush Shawn Michaels head with a sledgehammer. The two shake and that’s all she wrote until Triple H stays tweener later tonight.
Masters/Cena next. Commercials now though.
We’re back and its time for the See No Evil promo followed by a Kane interview. Kane’s adopted family died in a fire on May 19th but now, May 19th has come and gone and he’s going to inflict pain and suffering and blah blah blah.
Chris Masters vs John Cena: Artic Chill
Wait, never mind. Huge Cena chant before the match starts. They lock up and the crowd is 99% pro Cena. Cena hits an elbow, a scoop slam, and a two count. Masters almost gets caught in the FU , but he floats out of it and runs over Cena with a couple of clotheslines. Cena rolls out before Masters pulls him back in. Suplex gets two. Masters goes for the Masterlock but Cena blocks it and runs himself and Masters to the outside. Both crash and burn. Commercials.
We’re back and Cena is running over Masters. Masters gets back dropped. Masters gets clotheslined. Masters goes down. STFU and he taps?
Winner: John Cena
Um ok. So we get three seconds of match after the commercial. Fantastic. Wait a tick, here comes Rob Van Dam. Van Dam goes through how he got the Money in the Bank shot. He says that he’d never get a title shot without Money in the Bank. Rob says he wants this match to take place where he’s a lot more comfortable. He says he’s cashing in MITB at June 11th at One Night Stand. The two of them stare each other down and RVD slaps Cena. They go into a slugfest and RVD gets dropped. Masters pops in the ring and gets dumped. RVD tosses the briefcase into Cena’s hands and hits a Van Daminator. Huzzah.
Relive Judgment Day for the greatest PPV in history”¦or not”¦ Who orders encores anyways?
We’re back and Maria and Carlito talk about cheating at cards. They run into Snitsky who is apparently waiting for a Vegas showgirl. Maria sees “her” and Snitsky goes over to “her”. Snitsky immediately goes for the feet and tries to take her to Kane’s movie mentioning that he killed his unborn fetus. Of course it’s Golddust leading to hilarious consequences.
Meanwhile Shawn Michaels yells at Triple H for sucking the Vince cock. Triple H looks all mean over it and its commercial time again.
For some reason Trevor Murdock is going over movies from this weekend. Here comes Kane and it’s smashing time.
Kane vs Trevor Murdock: Ick
Murdock gets some nominal offense in before eating a chokeslam. Kane wins.
Winner: Kane
Kane chokeslams Trevor a second time. He goes to leave but the crowd draws him back in for a third chokeslam. Kane seems happy”¦ until the post May 19th video haunts him. Aww, his mask is taunting him. Kane looks like a confused puppy. An evil confused puppy.
This week in wrestling history it’s the NWO INVASION ANGLE! Wow, ten years ago. Yikes, if that doesn’t make you feel old, I don’t know what does.
Mickie James vs Torrie Wilson
They give each other headlocks. Yay. Mickie takes over of course and beats the hell out of Torrie. Mickie finishes it with her DDT.
Winner: Mickie James
Trish Stratus comes out and announces that Beth Phoenix has signed a contract with the WWE. Mickie waits for the attack before trying to flee. Of course, Phoenix nails her out on the outside and Mickie flees for her life. Nice.
Commercial time. WWE puts out their first wrestler theme song album in a long time. Granted, these are all legit themes rather then Yo! WWE Raps, but still. It’s nice to see the Wrasslers have their own little album out again.
We’re back and Big Vis is filling time between the main event. Viscera proposes to Lillian who seems pretty put off by his advances. Lillian says last time in Vegas, she got dumped for some Godfather hoes. Viscera pulls a cheeseburger out of his pants. He says he wants to eat home cooked food. Before he gets an answer, here comes Armando. He brings Umaga down to take on Vis.
Umaga vs Viscera: Nearly half a ton of crap
The two exchange blows on the outside before Viscera runs into the ring post. Wait, this isn’t a real match. Sorry. Ignore the previous sentence. Viscera eats a bit shoulder block from the ring apron.
Anywho, everyone loved watching Kane gouge out the eyes in See No Evil.
Plus the Spirit Squad loves Triple H. That disaster is next.
We’re back with an ECW commercial. Here comes the Spirit Squad”¦
Spirit Squad vs Shawn Michaels: Haven’t we seen this 100 times already?
Vince comes down and kicks out the ref and makes him take Shawn Michaels chair. Spirit Squad does their fun raise and drop thing. They all beat up Michaels in relatively meh fashion. They eventually grab a chair and Michaels fights back. Shawn drops the elbow. He hits Sweet Chin Music two times before Mickey drops a chair shot on Shawn’s third Sweet Chin Music. They proceed to work over the leg and attempt to “break” his leg with a guillotine chair/top rope leg drop.
Triple H comes down and Kenny rips out the sledgehammer from his hand. Triple H blocks the sledgehammer shot and takes out the Spirit Squad. Spinebusters! Pedigree! Huzzah. Vince looks shocked as the show ends.
As far as Raw goes, this was a slight step backwards from last week’s terrific show. It’s nice that they’ve started to build towards RVD/Cena as almost everyone assumed that’s where we were going. With any luck, that’ll occupy the main event in the future rather then the Vince stuff. Slight thumbs up.
