Last Friday, I entered a rap battle. A big, expensive rap battle.
A few years ago, I was known as a “battle rapper”. Which only meant that I was very good at embarrassing other rappers at public events.
I kind of retired from that in 2003. The reason that I give to most people is that I was tired of all the negative energy. This is only partly true. Another reason that I sometimes give is that I was tired of losing rapper friends, since this would often happen after I got on stage and said something personal about someone that I was going up against. This is almost not a lie.
The main reason that I decided to stop participating in big rap battles was due to what happened in a battle I entered in 2003. It was called Survival of the Illest II, it was the second annual campus wide battle at my alma mater Southern Illinois University-Carbondale.
To this day, some people still remind me of some if the awful, awful things that I’d said in route to winning Survival of the Illest I.
When the next installment rolled around, I was especially confident. I invited a whole bunch of my friends, fraternity brothers (gasp!), and ladies I was sure that I would impress. I had my sights set on the three or four other emcees that were favored to make it to the latter rounds. I was so focused in fact, that I lost in the first round to a freshman kid wearing a dirty hoody and a pair of spongebob pants.
The toughest thing about emcee battles is that even if there are judges, the crowd chooses the winner by their applause. No judge is condescending enough to choose a rapper as the winner of a bout if the crowd was obviously reacting to the other guy more. So when you hear the people reacting to the other guy more than you, you know its over. There’s no demanding a re-count, blaming Diebold, or pandering to the Supreme Court. It’s over, you lost. So you either drown your shame in Natty Light or go home and soak your sheets in jealous tears.
I might have done both that night…I was far too drunk to remember.
I do remember the spongebob kid being so geeked that he beat me that he would remind me every time he saw me thereafter that he considered it an honor to have battled me. And that even though he went on to lose, he felt as if he had achieved some small moment of glory. I’d smile and nod and resist the urge to tell him that I thought he sucked.
And with that I decided to quit. I’d won so much that I never really learned how to lose gracefully. So with my first major loss I decided not to ever try again.
In other words…I bitched out.
So what made me decide to enter last weekend’s escapade?
The prize…an Apple iBook.
There’s a list of things that I wouldn’t do for an iBook. But none of the things on that list are things that I’ve done before. So I said “f*ck it”, threw three years worth of apprehension to the side and decided that I was gonna do whatever it took to win.
I entered the arena, literally. The battle was held on the campus of the University of California – Irvine. There were easily 500 spectators, mostly UCI students getting there early to catch the headliner, a certain Ghostfaced Killah.
My first round opponent was an Asian emcee wearing super-trendy college kid gear. He honestly seemed a bit nervous. Fortunately for him, he won the coin toss. So I had to begin the round. I dropped about three or four bombs on him. I mentioned his tiny shirt, his crazy haircut and funny belt buckle. The response from the crowd?…Crippling silence.
It’s now his turn, and he lets loose three mama jokes that I remember from the fourth grade. The crowd goes nuts.
Again, I am shamed.
In light of these events, I’ve been scouring hip-hop news for items that I can smile about. For those in similar places of sour colored vibes, here is my short list:
The Roots on Def Jam Left
Sometime between diddling Beyonce, encouraging Memphis Bleek, and not promoting Ghostface, Def Jam president Jay-Z signed Philadelphia hip-hop band The Roots to a deal in his Def Jam Left imprint. This may very well mean that they will get the promotion that they deserve, while having the creative freedom to produce some music worthy of their name. The Jiggaman himself has been quoted telling Questlove that he doesn’t want them promoting their album as groundbreaking if it’s going to get a 2.8 rating on Pitchfork. That, dear hearts, is good news.
DangerMouse and Black Thought link up
The enigmatic-yet-furry produer DangerMouse, hot off the success of the Gnarls Barkley project, has made it public that his next project will be a collaboration with Roots front-man Black Thought. I, for one, am eager to hear Thought over some production other than the sometimes stale arrangements of recent mainstream-aiming Roots offerings. If they could get him and Doom together on one track I’d be happy for at least an hour.
Rap Videos on YouTube.com
If you know me, you know that I live in 1996. I’ve learned of late that there are others…
Remember this?
And that’s…about…it
Old School Rap Rumors of the Fortnight
-Big Pun hit Jay Z over the head with a bottle in a club.
-Eric. B beat down Large Professor and ran Kool G. Rap out of New York to Arizona after ‘G. Rap revealed Large Pro produced most of the beats Eric B. was supposed to have done on the Eric B. & Rakim albums and “Wanted Dead or Alive”.
-Biz Markie produced most of EPMD’s first album.
Stinky Links
That Damned Fernandez made me lose in the first round of another tournament the very next day!
Gloomy discusses the finer points of discussion without making my head hurt.
Judgement Day 2006 – The Anderson Breakdown is my favoritest article on the pulse this week. He writes like he doesn’t read much wrestling news. I wish I didn’t.
OpenMikeEagle
Out.
