Saluti.
Sorry for the delay this week, folks – I’ve had some computer issues, specifically with my video manipulation software. As such, there’s no screen shots this week: I apologize if you looked forward to them.
Also, please be aware that on Sunday, May 28, HBO will be replaying episodes 9, 10 and 11 of this season. The final episode of this first-half of the season won’t be on until the following Sunday, June 4. Then, the series goes on hiatus until January 2007, when the final 8 episodes of the series will be aired. (Can we wait seven long months? Well, I guess we’ll find out.)
To fill the gap between seasons: how do you think the show is going to end, when it finally wraps up next year? Tony dies? Tony goes to jail? Tony ends up in witness protection? Something else entirely? If you have your own theory, please email me. I’ll print the best ideas next week along with the episode 12 recap.
Previously on The Sopranos:
- AJ hangs out in a NYC nightclub, and gets stuck with a nearly $2,0000 tab
- Johnny Sack gets told his trail will be starting soon
- Bobby Bacala gets mugged and shot in the eye coming out of a bookie’s office
- Tony finds out Paulie has prostate cancer
- Vito tells Jim that he’s actually from New Jersey
- Carmela continues to try and complete her spec house, much to Tony’s irritation
- Johnny Sack plea bargains to a 15 year sentence
- Tired to trying to live a “normal” life, Vito sneaks out of New Hampshire without saying anything to Jim
- The New York crew is disgusted by Johnny’s plea bargain
- We see Vito driving past Satriale’s pork shop
Episode 76: Cold Stones:
Directed by: Tim Van Patten
Written by: Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider
Tony and Carmela find out that AJ got fired from Blockbuster. Tony: “How the f*ck you’d do that? THey got rhesus monkeys working as managers over there!” It turns out AJ was fired for selling off movie-promotion merchandise for a profit — gee, wonder how he’d ever get an idea like that? AJ also lets slip just how much a bottle of Cristal costs in a NYC club. The argument ends with Carmela storming out, and AJ declaring “You can’t even talk to her!” Tony reminds AJ, in none-too-gentle terms, that Carmela was the only thing that stopped Tony from smacking the crap out of AJ years ago.
Carmela can’t sleep that night, still fretting about AJ: “It’s not only that’s he a complete stranger to the truth: he’s got this dead streak in him. Chills me to the bone.” Tony groggily asserts that he’s just spoiled, and maybe he’ll turn out okay. Carmela: “Aren’t you the sunny optimist when you want to go to sleep.” (Ouch – nice line, Carm.) Meadow knocks and walks in, and announces that she’s moving to California with Finn, who’s going back to dental school. Carmela is understandably upset, and asks if Meadow will at least be back home for the holidays (remember, it’s somewhere around late-fall early-winter time in Soprano’s land). Meadow: “I don’t know. No pressure please, okay?”
Phil informs Tony that he can’t allow the usual numbers of “no-show” jobs on a recent construction project. Tony objects, since this is the only way for several of his captains to claim a real job: which gives a W-2, health insurance, etc. They have a quick argument over the vitamin shipment (from two episodes ago) which apparently didn’t go as smoothly as planned, and Tony insisting that he needs compensation over the construction work somehow.
Tony is watching a History Channel show on the European theater of WWII, when Carmela reminds him of the week-long trip to Paris for two that she won in a silent auction at the recent Italian Feast. Tony is resistant at first, but when Carmela suggests that she go with Rosalie Aprile, he changes his tune very quickly. (Speaking as a married man, I understand: a week of peace and quiet and near-bachelorhood is like a gift from the gods at times.) Carmela then throws out a line that made me rewind the TiVo immediately, just to make sure I heard her correctly: “It’d be good for you too – you could do whatever it is boys do when they’re on their own.” Umm, Carm – you do remember who you’re talking to here, right? I actually called my wife over and had her watch this scene, and she agreed with me: knowing Tony’s history, this sound like explicit permission from Carmela to have an affair while she was gone. I don’t know if that was the writer’s intent – but wow, did it come off that way to me. Then, in a humorous twist, Tony points out to Carmela the scene currently on the TV: footage of the Nazis marching through Paris. Carmela seems less amused by it than I am.
Vito surprises Tony while he’s having lunch, and asks to get back in to the family. Vito denies that he’s gay, and blames his behavior on his blood-pressure medication (well, that’s a new one). Vito: “I can probably get a letter from my doctor.” Tony: “A note from your doctor saying you don’t like to suck cock?” Vito offers to pay his way back in (with about $200K), recognizes that he can’t go back into construction, and suggests that he set up business somewhere around Atlantic City.
Back at the Bada Bing, Tony and the boys are discussing Vito’s return. Silvio: “Say what you will about Richie Aprile: when he found out his son was gay, he did the right thing. He disowned him.” (Ow.) Tony seems open to the idea of Vito being in AC, but the other members of the crew (especially Paulie) don’t embrace the idea.
Carmela seems a bit hesitant about her trip (as she’s sitting on her bed, waiting to go to the airport), but Tony surprises here with a nice gift: a Louis Vitton purse with $15K inside. Carmela tells Tony that she told him that she loved him while he was in the coma. Tony, of course, doesn’t remember it, since he was.. ya know, in a coma. Carmela: “I should tell you more often.” Tony: “Well, nobody’s stoppin’ ya.”
Vito meets with his wife and kids at a restaurant, where he tells the kids not to tell anyone that they’ve seen him. We find out that he’s told the kids he’s been in Afghanistan, as a spy under “deep cover”. His wife wants to know when he can move back in, and if he’s going to get counseling for his “problem”. Vito again insists he doesn’t a problem, and talks about trying to have another kid. (Yeah, that would be just an outstandingly great idea. Yeesh.)
Back at the hotel, Vito makes a call to… surprise, surprise: Jim. Jim, the only person in Vito’s life who’s actually honest with him, calls Vito on every lie he tries to push over the phone, and ends with: “I don’t want to know you. I don’t want to hear your voice. Don’t ever call me again.”
Carmela and Rosalie are in Paris, listening to the dulcet tones of “Ouvre Les Yeux” by PM, a French rap act. (Yes, it sounds about as good as you think it does.) Rosalie lets us know that he bowels don’t enjoy air travel (gosh, thanks for sharing, Ro).
Phil confronts Tony about rumors concerning Vito being in the area, but Tony blows him off.
Carmela and Rosalie are having a little trouble adjusting to the jet lag, but are definitely enjoying the food, the shopping, and the fact that you can smoke indoors everywhere. Carmela is also happy that no one there knows them: well, when your life is defined as “mob wife”, you’d probably enjoy the occasional anonymity too. They get a bit lost trying to find the Louvre, but managed to enjoy the random architecture and views they find along the way (if anyone has any idea what that bridge they were standing on was, please email me).
Outside of the Bing, Tony informs Silvio that his tolerance for Vito has now gone to zero, due to the strain with Phil. Sil: “It’s the right move, T.” Tony: “If Vito wanted to pursue that lifestyle, he should have done so quietly.” Sil: “He was, wasn’t he?” Tony decides to assign this to Carlo, and wonders why Vito couldn’t have just stayed where he was. He goes inside for a drink, and enjoys the view of a cute little blonde dancer who’s giving him the eye.
Phil gets an earful from his wife, a member of “Concerned Catholic Mothers”, about the embarrassment of having “a gay in our own family”. She quotes her priest several times, about how Vito is damned, and “there’s nothing gay about hell”. and “Vito has to be made to face his problems squarely.” Okay – so is Phil’s true problem with Vito himself, or with the nagging he’s been hearing from his wife?
Carmela takes a stroll through a Parisian church, and sees Rosalie lighting two memorial candles. (I’m assuming Ralphie was not one of those two.)
We see Tony in his car, and… is he really? Yup – road head. And from the blonde stripper, too – nice touch. (Love the juxtaposition: we go straight from Carm praying in church to Tony getting a blow job. Nice.) Tony drops her off at her home, and gives her a bit of cash for the troubles. “You don’t need to do that. But you’re sweet.” And, of course, she takes the money. (No dummy, this girl.) And he drives away to my favorite Lynyrd Skynard tune, “Simple Man” (available on my favorite soundtrack, Almost Famous). While pulling away, he gets a call on his cell from Vito, and sets up a meeting the next morning.
Vito pulls into his hotel room, and… well, he isn’t going to make that meeting. Phil and a couple of his goons, including Fat Dom Gamiello, are waiting for him and beat him down before he even gets into the room. Phil sits on the bed, tells Vito “You’re a f*cking disgrace”, and then gives a signal. And we find out that Vito won’t even be given the dignity of a bullet in the head: they beat him to death. Well, no open casket funeral for him.
Bobby shows up to Satriale’s the next morning and tells the crew about Vito’s death, and adds one lovely little detail we hadn’t known yet: “Vito had a pool cue rammed up his ass”. There’s a few moments of silence, after which Tony states that everyone knows Phil was responsible. Carlo shows up, and makes the mistake of hinting that he respects Phil for it, since “it’s not all talk with him.” Tony rationalizes it a bit for the rest of the crew, stating how this involved “family honor” for Phil, and how Tony himself was planning on killing him anyway. Tony and Sil walk out of the room, and Tony explodes: this isn’t about Vito, it’s about Phil challenging Tony directly by killing one of his captains. Tony gets interrupted by a cell phone all from Carmela, and they chit-chat about Paris, and the weather, and the sights, and the kids. Then, right back to business: Tony doesn’t want to go to war, since the last time this happened between NJ and NY, it lasted seven years. Tony decides to take another tact: “All Phil cares about is f*cking money.” So, they start to hatch a plan to hit him that way.
Tony walks in on AJ, who’s chatting on the computer in his underwear, and laughing uproariously. To call Tony’s expression “disgusted” is putting it as mildly as possible.
Rosalie is doing her own discovery of French culture, by trying to hook up with a 26 year old. Carmela gets them back on the museum tour, and then they walk through the Gallo Roman baths. Carmela remarks on the age of the city, and how many generations have lived there, and how it makes her think about her own life. She tells Ro about the night when Tony came out of his coma for a few moments and asked, “Who am I? Where am I going?” Carmela; “At the time, I didn’t know what he meant. Coming here? I feel the same way. Isn’t that odd?” Rosalie: “Let me get a picture.” Wow – that’s some empathy you got going there, Ro.
Maria Spatafore is grieving over the loss of her husband, and is (ironically) being comforted by Phil and his wife. Apparently, the papers are trying to push it as some sort of random gay sex thing gone bad. The lack of sympathy is rather jarring: “It is a sin, after all Marie. The church is very clear on that.” And the conversation is surreal:
Phil: “You know what, I’ll make the funeral arrangements, you’re in no condition. Given the circumstances, a small, private service – just the immediate family.”
Marie: (sobbing) “He was.. a good man. Wasn’t he, Phil?”
Phil: “He was. I loved him like a brother-in-law. But God moves in strange ways.”
Phil’s wife: (sobbing) “Our tailor – he’s going blind, 47 years old! Walk in those shoes.”
Phil: “And I gotta think, Marie. Vito, on some level, maybe it’s better for the kids not to have that role model.”
And we’re back in Dr. Melfi’s office, with several moments of uncomfortable silence. Tony finally offers up: “How about the fact that I hate my son?” Well, now – this should get interesting. In fact, let’s just start quoting, since I don’t want to miss anything:
Tony: “Let me tell ya, if Carmela had let me kicked AJ’s ass like my father kicked my ass – he might have grown up with some balls.”
Melfi: “Like you.” [NOTE: not phrased as a question.]
T: “Yeah, like me.”
M: “He might have also grown up, taking out his anger at his father’s brutality towards him on others. He might have grown up with a desperate need to dominate and control. Anthony, we’ve been dancing around this for years: how you live. What is it you want from your life?”
T: [long pause] “I couldn’t even hit him if I wanted to, he’s so f*cking little. It’s Carmela’s side of the family – they’re small people. Her father – you could knock him over with a f*ckin’ feather.”
M: “Okay. But I have to point out: what you resent Carmela doing for AJ — protecting him from his father? Is the very thing you often wish your mother had done for you.”
And there we go folks – full circle. Awesome – I *love* the writing on this freaking show.
Carmela and Rosalie are enjoying dinner in a very upscale restaurant, and enjoying every moment of it (hey, good for them). Carmela attempts to start up a philosophical discussion on recognizing that other people exist and have experiences on all their own, completely outside of you (I’m going nuts trying to come up with the term for this; “empathy” isn’t quite right – what’s the antonym of egocentric?). Rosalie changes the subject as quickly as possible to their shopping agenda for the next day. Carmela, determined to have a meaningful conversation one way or another, brings up the two candles that Rosalie lit in the church: “Jackie and Jackie Jr., right? You know, we never really talked about that.” “About what?” “Jackie Jr.” “What’s there to talk about?” Another distraction: the food is delivered to the table. Carmela once again pushes the subject of Jackie Jr, until Rosalie berates her for talking about this while they’re on vacation and trying to have a good time. “He’s dead. He’s gone. What can I do about it? Light a candle. I picture him with his Dad, and with his grandma who he loved. And with Jesus. What’s the matter with you? What would you bring New Jersey here? Why can’t we just have a good time?” Carmela apologizes, but the mood has definitely soured.
Carlo and Sil are hanging out at Satriale’s, preparing a meal for the crew, when Fat Dom walks in with a payment for Sil. Dom offers some rather insincere sympathy for Vito, and can’t resist breaking some balls: “That pool cue – I wonder if it was chalked?” He continues on this vein, talking about finding a three ball in his pocket, and “a hankie with Carlo’s lipstick in his other pocket.” Sil attempts to lighten the mood a bit and head off trouble, but Dom keeps going: “My mistake. Carlo’s lipstick was on Vito’s cock.” BOOM – Sil smacks him in the back of the head with.. something… while Carlo picks up a butcher’s knife, and stabs Dom repeatedly in the chest. And so, we end up with one dead New York Capo on the dinner table. I know I’ve used this phrase before, but it’s really, really appropriate now: this will not end well. They discuss how to get rid of the body, with Sil nixing the idea of chopping up his body in the store’s equipment (ooh, flashback to season one) due to the DNA. Another complication arises when Tony shows up to the pork store before they’ve been able to remove the body. He takes one look at Dom’s bloody corpse, and walks back out again (obviously very, very pissed off).
On the ride back home (Tony’s still be chauffeured by Perry Annunziata during the day, it appears), we see the stress crawling across Tony’s face. (He knows this is going to mean a war.) He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out.. wait, it’s not medication? A cell phone? Ooookay.
Tony arrives at home to find AJ playing video games with Annan and some random blonde chick on his couch. Tony orders AJ into the garage, where he informs his son that AJ will be starting a construction job the next morning at 7:00 AM. AJ complains that “it’s winter time”, but Tony assures him that the hooded sweatshirts he owns will work just fine in the outdoors. Tony assures him that the job pays well, since it’s union (yeah, I can vouch for that – I worked for a boilermaker union back in 1993, and back then the payrate was about $24/hour – and there was a ton of overtime available, which was all time-and-a-half). AJ tries a couple of ways to get out of it: he’s going back to school, he wants to keep searching online. Tony: “If you’re not at the site tomorrow morning, I’m gonna take away your car. And then, I’m gonna take away your clothes. And then I’m gonna take away your room, and then I’m gonna take away your mother’s cooking. And pretty soon you’re going to be out in the f*cking street.” AJ, during this entire speech, is sarcastically nodding along with a smart-ass look on his face – he obviously isn’t taking any of it seriously. To prove his point: Tony smashes the front windshield of his car, and says he will have it towed the next day. Tony: “Don’t put me to the test.”
Carmela has a short dream, where she sees Adriana walking her dog down the streets of Paris. Some random French guy tells Carmela: “Your friend? Someone needs to tell her she’s dead.”
Phil is lying in his bed, late at night, staring at the ceiling. His wife is sleeping soundly.
Carmela enjoys one last look at the sights of Paris. In the next scene, she’s home and is greeted warmly by Tony. Rosalie is also greeted by her mother.
Vito’s two children are reading through the newspaper report of their father’s death, which includes speculation on his gay lifestyle. “I don’t understand. Dad wasn’t a spy?” (pause) “No.”
Early the next morning, Carmela (still on European time) is doing some laundry, and wishes AJ good luck at his new job on his way out the door.
A photographer notices Vito’s obituary in the paper and makes the connection that he knew him. He flips through his portfolio and shows his assistant the Thin Club ad he photographed featuring Vito.
Cue credits.
What did we learn this week?
– Phil’s obsession over Vito may have had less to do with disgust at his lifestyle than with trying to get his wife to stop nagging him. (Yup – I can relate.)
– A driving point of this season has been to show how much more socially developed, and how much more intelligent, Tony is than anyone else in his crew. This episode made sure we realized that the same goes for Carmela and the people in her social circle. Rosalie is Carmela’s best friend, and has no idea what she’s talking about in philosophical terms (and is totally unwilling to do any inner speculation at all – she’d rather forget anything unpleasant in the past ever happened).
Next week on the Sopranos:
- Little Carmine does a sit down with Tony and Phil
- “Tony wanted our attention? He got our attention.”
- AJ might be having some problems with a small gang of neighborhood punks
- Tony to Christopher: “Why did you lie to me?”
- Carmela: “We should hire professionals to track Adrianna down.”
- Uncle Junior appears
- Tony to Julianna: “I was confused.”
