The Velocity Report

Archive

Sorry about the lateness of this week’s Velocity recap everyone; Tafe can be a real bitch sometimes.

In breaking news for Velocity watchers, Orlando Jordan has been given the boot. Which proves for people who watch wrestling there is a god. Bad news for Jordan though, he and the Bashams both needed their positions in JBL’s Cabinet in order to keep a solid contract.

Opening Contest: Gunner Scott verses Lawrence Tyler
Boy, they’re really milking that debut victory Scott had aren’t they? Start off with Scott nailing Tyler with an arm drag. Lock up and Tyler goes behind with a hammerlock which Scott turns into one of his own which Tyler tries to reverse multiple times, but fails multiple times. Scott beats down on Tyler in the corner and throws him back into the ring, clothesline gets Scott a two count. Dropkick by Scott gets a two count again. Tyler gets a suplex in on Scott for a two count. Scott nails the Russian Leg Sweep for another two count. Tyler gets an elevated hammerlock in before he slams Scott down onto the mat and reapplies the hammerlock. Scott gets to his feet and nails elbows, Tyler knocks Scott down and runs off the ropes into a belly to belly by Scott. Scott with shoulder blocks and a back body drop and a very crisp German for the two count! Evenflow DDT by Scott gets the three count.
Winner: Gunner Scott

Scott has yet to show a specific finishing move, but I think the Evenflow suits him nicely. Started off as a squash, but Tyler got a few moves in and it was better than I had previously expected. So we’ll say Three out of Ten since I’m in a good mood for no particular reason.

Commercials

Recap of Booker T / Sharmell / Regal from SmackDown

Commercials

Second Contest: Gregory Helms verses Shawn Osborne
Helms gets a headlock which leads us into a irish whip moment, with Osborne getting a shoulder block. Osborne works the arm and sends Helms into the corner, but runs into an elbow and missile dropkick. Helms chokes Osborne at the ropes, using the five count. Helms gets a reverse Jazz Stretch while kneeing Osborne in the head. Helms nails Osborne with a suplex and goes up top looking for a double axe handle, but Osborne gets a punch to the gut of Helms! Osborne punches Helms down but Helms nails a reverse DDT variation which is followed by the Eye Of The Hurricane – now called “Nightmare On Helm Street” – for the victory.
Winner: Gregory Helms

Two out of Ten. And that’s only because it didn’t drag .. Now, for the real reason for this match … Nightmare On Helm Street?! What the hell?!?!

Commercials

Recap of JBL / Lashley from SmackDown

Commercials

Recap of JBL / Mysterio from SmackDown

JBL promo from WWE.com; he says the usual stuff, and is getting legal advice about his “retirement”

Commercials

Main Event: Kid Kash and Jamie Noble verses Funaki and Scotty Too Hotty
Havn’t seen this before. No, no, no, not at all.Kash and Noble attack to start, and Funaki and Noble eventually start off. Funaki works the arm to start. Hotty in with more arm work, yay, Noble gets an irish whip and follows up with an elbow before tagging out. Kash in with hip tosses by Hotty who then .. works the arm. Hotty goes for a ten count on Kash, but Noble comes in only to get nailed with an elbow to the head. Noble then tries to attack Hotty with the dog chains but while he is arguing with the referee, Kash nails a backbreaker for a one count. Kash rakes at the back of Hotty and sends him into a boot by Noble, before Kash tags out to Noble. Kash and Noble get a double headbutt on Hotty, followed by a double chop before Noble scoop slams Hotty for a two count.Noble locks in a camel clutch on Hotty, before Noble punches Funaki off the apron. It’s right around here that Matthews calls Noble JBL, which is why he’s still doing Velocity.Hotty begins to mount a comeback, but Noble trips him and drags him away from the tag, before he tags out to Kash. Snapmare by Kash, followed by a nice version of the abdominal stretch. Noble in and Hotty goes down with a double team shoulder block, with Kash knocking Funaki back off the apron. Noble takes down Hotty in a headlock before locking in a nice reverse cobra clutch, Hotty escapes with knees and elbows but Noble stops the tag attempt. Hotty reverses the powerbomb with the shoulder body toss, before he gets the tag to Funaki! Funaki in with a cross body to Noble, inverted atomic drop to Noble, enziguri to Kash! Funaki goes up top and comes off with a crossbody on Noble for a two count, broken by Kash, and Hotty throws Kash outside! Double Knee gutbuster on Hotty by Noble – Small Package by Funaki on Noble gets a two count! Noble throws off a tornado DDT and nails a dropkick to Funaki, which takes us into the “Powerbomb Bulldog” for the victory.
Winners: Jamie Noble and Kid Kash

The only problem with this match is that it was the very meaning of “meh”. There’s nothing there which should make it bad, even Funaki and Hotty can work a good match sometimes, and I’m such a Noble fan .. Sigh. Workrate was there, the wrestling was there, but the fun wasn’t. Four out of Ten. Next time I’d like to see something much faster paced from these four. So our results this week’s Velocity;

Gunner Scott verses Lawrence Tyler: 3/10
Gregory Helms verses Shawn Osborne: 2/10
Kash & Noble verses Hotty & Funaki: 4/10
Velocity 27/05/06: 9/30

Hm, well, what you’d pretty much expect from Velocity once again. Until SmackDown, ciao y’all.