Inside Pulse’s Happy Hour!
For those who need to let it out after that horrific loss…
Our mascot takes a week off, undeniably exhausted from his calendar run here at the Pulse. I’m Steve Price, your loveable loser of a host in the column with the most ridiculously useless information this side of AM Raw. It’s been an interesting few days at Happy Hour Central, as my satellite took it like Edward Norton in the American History X shower scene and conked out after a pair of severe thunderstorms passed through on Friday afternoon. Sadly, I missed the elimination of the worthless Anaheim Mighty Ducks on Saturday, as the monsters of Alberta await the winner of the Buffalo/Carolina series. Speaking of which, I also had the misfortune of missing both Carolina’s ravaging of the Sabres in Buffalo on Friday night and the OT thriller in Raleigh on Sunday night. If my internet connection holds together, I’ll be listening to the game on NHL.com through their radio service, but the strain of a potential series winner on the road again may cause some distress on my end of things tonight.
(If you’ve never listened to a meaningful hockey game on the radio before, allow me to sum it up like this – it’s like having your nuts cut off when you hear how the opposing team has a 3-on-1 breakaway towards your goalie, not knowing how much time is left in the period or what the score is.)
Luckily, I managed to catch both the Indy 500 and the Coke 600 thanks to some incredible foresight (and some well-timed bribes). On the bad side, I had to watch the Indy 500 and the Coke 600. Auto racing, NASCAR in particular, is suffering from the symptoms of unlikable shits winning every week. Kasey Kahne is a nice change of pace from Mr. Hanky winning every year, but that can’t slow the fact that Greg “Gagne” Biffle, Matt “Opie Taylor” Kenseth, and the human turd himself, Jimmie Johnson are always running at the front of the pack at the end of the day? Johnson, a noted cheater on multiple occasions, has won a fourth of the races so far this year! Speaking of Kasey Kahne, the man has also won three times (coincidentally, at all the D-Ovals – Charlotte, Atlanta, and Texas) this year alone! That is six of the twelve races accounted for right there. Who else has won this year? Greg Biffle at Darlington, Kevin Harvick at Phoenix, Tony Stewart at Martinsville, Kurt Busch at Bristol (poor track), Matt Kenseth at California, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Richmond. Of those six drivers, only Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Tony Stewart are considered interesting or likeable personalities, and half of NASCAR’s fan base hates Tony Stewart! The conundrum I face is that the good ones, the drivers that you want to get behind, like a Carl Edwards or Mark Martin, are getting beat by bland, emotionless drivers, or worse, totally unlikable dicks like Johnson and Kurt Busch.
Is my view slanted by my own personal bias? Perhaps, though Kurt Busch is a nerd and nothing is changing that. I’m not a fan of Dale Earnhardt Jr., and even I was happy when he won at Richmond. The man doesn’t win but once or twice in a season now, so at least he’s a fresh face in the winner’s circle. What NASCAR needs is a brand new face – not a rookie that’s up-and-coming, but an established driver from another series that can bring their popularity and credentials to the table. We need a driver that will stand out from the rest of the field, and offer NASCAR fans an alternative cheering option that we haven’t had in awhile.
Danica Patrick?
Keep that pipe dream stashed with your pictures of her in FHM.
Fernando Alonso?
He’s an incredible talent, but much like Schumacher, you would never convince him to race in an inferior series compared to Formula 1. Besides that, F1 is not exactly popular right now in the United States, which would make it a crap shoot to import anyone from overseas.
Dan Wheldon?
Dan Wheldon is my choice, personally. He has expressed interest in racing in NASCAR in the past, and has the credentials to make the jump – the 2005 IndyCar Series Champion, not to mention the Indianapolis 500 winner from the same year. In 53 career IndyCar starts, he has finished forty one times in the Top 10. Included in that are ten victories (two coming at Twin Ring Motegi) and an ungodly thirty two Top Five finishes. Wheldon, the British-born superstar, brings a tradition of winning with him, and will stick out as someone difference thanks to his IndyCar pedigree and his accent. What’s more, he’s young enough to be able to make a serious run at NASCAR’s most prolific events. Personally, Dan Wheldon in my opinion could become this generation’s version of an A.J. Foyt, someone who wins in both the open wheel rides and the stock cars. He’s already completed half the equation. Now all it takes is a Daytona 500 win, a couple of victories at Charlotte and a Brickyard 400 win to solidify him as the Top North American driver.
Are there any other drivers that I would import from the IndyCar Series? Not at first glance, actually. I mean, it would boost the talent level in the field to have a Dario Franchitti or a Helio Castroneves in NASCAR, but getting them to switch would probably prove impossible. There is a respect level between the two racing leagues, granted, but that doesn’t make the jump easy for drivers on either side of the fence. Danica Patrick would see her star grow in NASCAR, but the IndyCar Series will wage an unholy war to keep her in their series, so that one is not going to fly.
Yes, I think that about sums it up.
NOTICE: A Call to Action!
This one is for people who will be attending WWE Vengeance here in Charlotte in June. If you are one of the lucky ones who will be privileged to watch John Cena defend his WWE Championship against Edge, allow me to pass along a special message. We, the fans, will not be force fed this Cena shit anymore! If you have tickets to attend Vengeance and are tired of seeing Ric Flair jobbed out to worthless lugs, let your voice be heard and help us get a “We Want Flair!” chant going during the “Main Event”. It is a chant symbolic of the most pathetic excuse for a wrestling show ever, and on June 25th, it will hopefully become a chant symbolic of one of the most grating and ignorant title runs in history. Let the Almighty FLAIR be worshipped in Charlotte, not some fruitcake champion who needs his nose broken, Horsemen-style.
Quick Shots
– Sam Hornish Jr. won the 2006 Indianapolis 500, defeating rookie Marco Andretti by less than seven hundredths of a second, the 2nd closest finish in the history of the Indianapolis 500. The 2005 Indy winner, Dan Wheldon, finished in the top ten.
– Kasey Kahne won the 2006 Coca-Cola 600, breaking Jimmie Johnson’s dominance at Lowe’s Motor Speedway. Johnson, a winner at the track for six consecutive races (plus two all-star wins) finished second.
– Miami Dolphins RB Ricky Williams, suspended from the NFL for the upcoming 2006 season, has agreed to terms to play in the CFL for the Toronto Argonauts.
– Albert Pujols hits his 25th Home Run of the season, lifting the St. Louis Cardinals over the Houston Astros in St. Louis.
– Barry Bonds his Home Run #715 in San Francisco on Sunday afternoon, giving him sole possession of second place on the all time Home Run list. Home Run King, Hank Aaron has 755.
– The Miami Heat defeat the Detroit Pistons, 89-78 in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals to take a 3-1 lead in the series. Game 5 of the series returns to the Palace at Auburn Hills in Detroit.
– At the HSBC Center in Buffalo tonight, the “Pride of Carolina”, the Hurricanes take on a feisty Buffalo team in a do-or-die Game 6 for the Sabres. If Carolina wins tonight, they advance to play the Edmonton Oilers in the Stanley Cup Finals. If Buffalo wins tonight, the Eastern Conference Finals move back to the RBC Center in Raleigh for the deciding Game 7.
Happy Hour’s Shot of the Week!
It should be a rule here at Inside Pulse that all writers try to make their columns entertaining, be it with jokes, clever writing, or random pictures. Sometimes, I bog my columns down with too much information, and make it a chore to read. So, ladies and germs, I have chosen to insert a random picture here to get some laughs. Without any further adieu, I present to you… a rare sighting in one of the world’s oldest games. I present to you… the nineteenth hole in Golf!
Wow… and on that note, my work is done. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this more leisurely peace. I’ll be back next week, as we count down to the Stanley Cup Finals, and the start of the 2006 World Cup! Peace, my little root beer bottles.
