The Botterm Dollar in News #4

What’s up, dudes. And dudettes, too.

There’s lots of good stuff around the Pulse this week. Murray and Burnside wrote a book and you can read it. Iain has an eyewitness account of the Booker/Batista fight from the Observer, and it’s as hilarious as anything I’ve read in a long time. My favorite part is Batista sucker-punching Booker as he came through the door, and then after getting pummeled for 30 seconds, demanded the fight continue — and then started PULLING BOOKER’S BRAIDS. What a real man that Dave is. McCullar has a review of Stadium Arcadium and says it’s decent, but really it’s not all that good at all.

Off the Pulse, I’ll insert a quick plug for my awesome band, my awesome blog, and…actually, that’s it.

Also, Eric has reported to Army basic training, where there’s a pretty good chance he might run into me. They’re trying to get me to do Drill Sergeant school, and while I secretly laugh at them behind their backs for even asking such a thing, I also kinda relish the chance to make Eric do pushups and yell at him. I’m not even sure Eric can DO pushups, but it’ll be fun either way. And don’t let him tell you that he’s not going back into the Army, because everyone knows that if you work for the Army, you’re in the Army. The military has a way of seeping itself into even the most civilian-minded job posts on base — especially if he’s going to be working in ammunition quality control.

Enough idle banter. Let’s hit the news, shall we? As always, my column is supported by the outstanding news crews from the Pro Wrestling Torch and Figure Four Weekly.

== WWE NOTEBOOK ==

– There are no current plans to bring in either Justin Credible or Homicide to work ECW. Credible might be a long-term signee at some point, but he’s still under contract to the MTV project and they can’t touch him until he gets a release from it. Homicide is a straight-up no, at least for the time being.

– Orlando Jordan was fired from the company for bringing an unauthorized male companion on the road with him. And by “unauthorized,” I mean someone whom Orlando was probably having relations with. It’s one thing to run an angle where you pretend you’re gay, but everyone knows you can’t REALLY be gay and have a future in wrestling. Just ask Kanyon.

– Contrary to popular reports, JBL is not going to either Raw or ECW. He’s got a major back injury that will require, at minimum, 2 or 3 months off the road, and that’s why Rey Mysterio is still your World Champion. It’s also why JBL has gotten fat as of late, as he hasn’t been able to work out due to the pain. He’s expected to return to Smackdown once he fully heals, most likely through a lawsuit angle or something of that ilk.

– Chris Masters has been taken off the road, despite recieving a gigantic and never-ending push since entering the company. Most folks believe it’s because there’s been a violation of the new WWE Wellness Policy, which is a nice way of saying that he finally popped hot for steroids. If Masters is brought back, it’s pretty likely that he’ll look absolutely nothing like he did when he debuted.

– All three former members of MNM have maturity issues that need to be worked out before they can recieve any kind of push again. They were pushed too early in their careers due to a distinct lack of depth on Smackdown, and as a result have developed sizable egos that probably wouldn’t have existed five years ago. Also, Joey Mercury should probably stop doing drugs, or else he probably won’t get another push, ever, and will end up back doing King of The Indies and whatnot.

– Inside Edition is doing a story on Matt Striker with the emphasis being “teacher by day, wrestler by night.” Yes, that was the case at one point, but it’s just a gimmick now.

– WWE has been heavily confiscating anti-Cena signs at recent events, which is a stark contrast to last month when they were aknowledging the growing hatred for Cena during the Raw broadcasts. Whatever happened to the new millenium of wrestling, where fans get to choose who they like or don’t like?

– Kurt Angle is not happy with the decision to place him in ECW, but is a team player and wants the brand to succeed, so he’s going to stick with it for the time being.

– Harry Smith (son of Davey Boy) is said to have been impressing the road agents at recent shows, and it’s likely he’ll be in line for a huge push leading into Summerslam, possibly with a matchup against Shawn Michaels.

== TNA NOTEBOOK ==

– Senshi (Low Ki) missed the May 29 Impact tapings due to a prior engagement with NOAH.

– After seven weeks in the Thursday night timeslot, Impact is averaging a 1.0 rating and 1.2 million viewers per show. Compare this to the old ECW on TNN show, which never drew much higher than a 0.8, and you could say that TNA is doing alright for themselves.

== OTHER NOTEBOOK ==

– Randy Savage has reportedly agreed to be a part of the next season of Surreal Life. A better fit for a reality show, I’ve never seen.

= FIVE THINGS I THINK I THINK ==
With apologies to Peter King

– I think ECW is going to die a horrible, quick death, and won’t last beyond the summer months, if even that long. There’s too much going against it, not the least of which being that Vince McMahon won’t ever let it succeed on the same level as Raw. It might overtake Smackdown, but as soon as someone becomes super-hot on ECW, they’re gonna jump to Raw, which is where Vince showcases his big stars. There’s absolutely no excitement for One Night Stand; I mean, who really wants to see Rey Mysterio and Sabu face off? That’s not a dream match, that’s a “I sure hope Sabu doesn’t accidently kill him” match.

– I think that putting Randy Savage on The Surreal Life is the most amazing television casting choice of all time. It would be better if Hogan was a cast member along with him, but you can’t win ’em all.

– I think it’s time for Vince to pony up the cash, swallow his pride and bring back Brock Lesnar. Lesnar would have been a MUCH better choice in the Kurt Angle spot for ECW, and it would have worked because of the history between Heyman and Lesnar.

– I think King Booker is the best thing to happen to Smackdown since the brand split.

– I think Finlay’s midget is going to get really, really over. Especially if he keeps him under the ring all the time and then puts him back when he’s done. He’s like a living, breathing version of the sledgehammer. If they really want to make money, they’ll do angles where Teddy Long confiscates the midget for certain matches. It’s going to turn Finlay into a huge face.

That’s all, folks. Go home.

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