Smack YOU! Smackdown Review 2nd June 2006

Sorry for the delay this week. Believe it or not I decided to this one the old fashioned way and write it down first before typing it up as opposed to the usual method I do of typing it real time on my laptop. Also, this week I’m going to format my review because all us humble reviewers have been ordered from above to do so by the evil dictator Matthew Michaels who has shackled us to his way of law

ALL HAIL KING MICHAELS!!!

(Matthew has me locked on with a sniper scope should one of my paragraphs get too long, Soon I’m sure we will all be carted off to work camps where we will be consistently whipped until our match reviews are of legible spelling and length.)

Anyway to the show

We’re in Portland Oregon and your commentators are Tazz and Cole

The show kicks off with he Miz introducing all the matches and segments and away we go with…..

Farewell Match
Kurt Angle Vs Rey Mysterio
Paul Heyman comes down for some commentary and is actually not very confrontational. Angles new mouthpiece looks about 3 times too big for his mouth but damn that little logo on it is cool. Angle stalks Rey to start and takes him down where he promptly bitch slaps him a few times. Angle then concentrates on the arm and then decides to slap Rey around some more because there’s nothing more funny than watching American’s slap diminutive Mexicans around. Rey gets choked in the corner worse than Lex Luger in a main event push. Angle gets a takedown and goes for the ankle lock but Rey is able to make the ropes.

Heyman makes a point of Angle challenging anyone for One Night Stand including guys who wrestle in 6 sided rings. If AJ Styles can find a loophole in his contract and jump for the big show it would be 100 times more exciting than the predictable Benoit/Angle match it looks like we’re getting. Rey gets a head scissors which serves to only piss Angle off and he promptly goes back to the leg. Rey dodges a charge in the corner and Angle collides shoulder first with the ring post. Rey slugs away and gets a 10 punch in the corner but Angle Powerbombs him down. Heyman starts making hints of Tazz perhaps coming to ECW and puts over his commentating skills. Rey counters an Angle Slam by arm dragging out of it and we have a stand off as it’s commercial time

We’re back with Angle pounding away with Rye failing to mount any sort of comeback. Around this point Heyman mentions that Rey will be Facing Sabu at ONS II. Well that’s a new and different match I’ll give them that. Angle gets a rear arm lock and hooks the legs around Rey’s waist working the ribs too. That’s a neat submission move we’ve never seen from Angle before. Angle shows some more good technical skills keeping Rey on the mat. Rey fights back but runs into a knee in the gut which stops that rally quicker than a Matt Hardy main event push. Angle gets a rib breaker for a couple of two counts and stays working on the gut and mid section of Rey. German Suplex, no bridge all impact (Well we are only a week away from ECW), and Tazz annoys me trying to spin the fact that Angle is a new man just because of the way he threw the suplex. It was the same suplex he’s been doing for the past 7 years.

Angle goes to the rear naked choke but Rey fights out. Rey gets a flurry of kicks and a dropkick but Angle shrugs that off and gets an overhead belly to belly suplex for two. Rey gets a desperation DDT and both guys are woozy. Rey gets a big tilt a whirl head scissors and a rolling neck snap which doesn’t so much to slow Angle down. Rey drop toe holds Angle face first into the turnbuckle and kicks him outside. Rey goes for a baseball slide but Angle catches him so Rey fires off another head scissors. Okay Rey we’ve established the head scissors now. Rey gets a seated Senton inside for two and Angle turns the pinning predicament into one of his own for two. Rey gets an ugly looking roll up in the corner for two. Down comes the straps! Angle Slam! But Rey gets a foot on the ropes.

Another Angle Slam is reversed for a 619 and Rey heads up for a Frog Splash but Angle pops up and they slug it out on the top rope. Rey goes for a Sunset Flip Powerbomb but Angle blocks it and goes for the ankle lock. Rey flips that into a 619 position but Angle catches his legs but he turns that into a roll up for two. Hot ending sequence here. Angle throws Rey over the top and Rey just can’t make it inside and is counted out.

WINNER – KURT ANGLE

*** – Good match with a very lame ending designed to keep both guys looking strong. We have a handshake post match.

Batista is coming back in 35 days

Lashley cuts a promo about his title win. He says he wants to earn people’s respect as opposed to demanding it like JBL.

Nunzio is backstage worried about the fact he can’t find Vito

Matt Hardy Vs Nunzio
Apparently Matt has been going around saying it’s his time. I laugh at Tazz saying it could Matt’s time anytime he wants it to be because it clearly isn’t as long as Johnny Ace is there. That man clearly holds vendettas. Lock up and they fight over an arm wringer. Headlock by Matt but Nunzio counters it with a fireman’s carry. Matt drops an elbow for two and does a version of Justin Credible’s corner Powerbomb for another two count. Matt goes into the corner shoulder first and Nunzio gets a key lock. Could the spirit of Guido Mariato be returning to Nunzio’s soul?

Kick to the face from Nunzio gets two and also probably causes Matt to check he has all his teeth. Nunzio goes back to the arm as the fans chant for a local sports team. That says it all really doesn’t it? Finally we get a “Hardy” chant as he begins a comeback. Bulldog gets two but Twist of Fate is blocked. Matt gets a second rope axe handle to the back of the neck and finishes with a Twist of Fate

WINNER – MATT HARDY

** – Energetic little scrap there. Post match Vito comes out in drag and seems to have been raiding Saturn’s wardrobe. Nunzio runs away in fear showing that WWE is still one of the most tasteful forms of entertainment there is.

Mark Henry promo video

Can I just think it’s really scummy of WWE to still use Rikishi’s voice on the “Don’t do this at home” video and put Big Show there instead selling a fake injury? If Vince McMahon really is a rich billionaire why can’t he afford to dub s new voice in? I hope Rikishi sues them for still using his voice after they fired him.

Pipers Pit with Great Khali
Piper starts out by saying that he always gets hard jobs like this and won’t believe that Khali isn’t the next big monster until he sees him himself. Piper first quizzes Daivari on whether Khali can speak English and when he finds out he can’t he goes on to insult him about 5 different times with Khali just standing there looking confused. There were some good cheap shots too. Piper puts Undertaker over and Daivari says he’s been destroyed forever. Khali starts choking Piper but Daivari tells him to let go. Piper uses the chance to get a cheap punch in but then he’s promptly hammered down as WWE seems serious in giving Khali this Andre like push.

Ashley debuts on Smackdown, I still think WWE were stupid to fire Christy, and comes down for some commentary for the next match

Jillian Hall Vs Kristal
Lock up and Jillian goes to the arm wringer. Kristal gets a nice roll up for two but Jillian out wrestles her with a headlock. Kristal pulls some hair and Jillian pulls some herself. Kristal goes to a victory roll but Jillian counters to a pin for the win.

Winner – Jillian

* – Not bad actually

Post match Michelle Mcool makes her long awaited return to Smackdown in some seriously skimpy clothing. She appears to be using a hot teacher gimmick and is acting heelish. She looks good but the Jeff Jarrett southern voice remains, but that’s not much of a problem for me. Anyway she promises that things will start getting hotter on Smackdown

Mark Henry Vs Burchill
Burchill is injured so this is just the storyline excuse for him to go and have surgery. Henry destroys him with the usual and then “injures” him post match. Hopefully this will lead to Burchill adopting the old gimmick he used to have on the British Indies and joining ECW.

MMMMMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRR KENNEDY……………KENNEDY returns next week. I can’t wait for that

Finlay Vs Caden Matthews
Squash match. Post match mini-Finlay comes out and goes insane again.

Sabu promo video. After that Tazz goes into Taz mode and challenges Jerry Lawler to a match at ONS II. Well I guess it will be cool to see Taz one more time but I wish he was facing someone better than Lawler.

King Booker Vs Lashley

William Regal introduces King Booker by yelling “All Hail King Booker” a lot and my does that piss off the fans. Booker continues to bring the goods outside of actually wrestling. The pyro while he sits on the throne is a very nice touch. Fans are frothing at the mouth for Lashley to kill Booker following that entrance. Lock leads to them fighting into the corner for a clean break. Another lock up and Booker gets some right hands. Lashley fights back with a body slam for two. Clothesline gets another two count for Lashley. Booker gets some chops in but Lashley shrugs them off and lays in some rights. They’re keeping it nice and simple here so as for Booker not to bore them with his dazzling array of chin locks and to avoid Lashley’s inexperience causing problems. Booker gets a Stune Gunn and then drops Lashley throat first on the top rope.

Lashley reverses a suplex with…..a suplex! They seem to have found a way to avoid the problem of Lashley’s lack of selling by not making him sell much which can only be construed as genius and I’m amazed it took them so long to realise it. Lashley hammers away with right hands and a back elbow. Big clothesline in the corner but Booker dodges another one and gets a jumping super kick. Lashley fights back with an overhead suplex but eats some knee on a spear attempt. Booker has the Book End blocked and Lashley gets a big Running Power Slam for the win.

WINNER – LASHLEY

**1/2 – First good Booker T match in ages there. Post match Lashley is beaten down by the combined forces of Finlay, Regal and Booker. They then force him to “bow” to Booker and rub his face on Booker’s boot. Methinks Lashley will be right pissed off ad will go on a rampage of revenge over the next few months until Batista comes back to feud with Booker.

Really strong show this week with good matches and angles setting up future matches. Booker Vs Lashley will probably be the focus of the show for the next few weeks until they either find a feud for Rey or Batista comes back.

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