The Crucifix

Well look who’s back! It’s me! Real life has been tricky the past few weeks, hence me not being here. But it’s going to be even trickier soon. Rest assured either I will be here or we’ll find someone to impersonate me. On with the show…

Since You’ve Been Gone…

Well really only two things of note have happened since I’ve been gone. DX seems to be coming back and ECW is coming back. Oh and the old Kane came back. Oh and blue chipper Rocky Maivia is coming back. Oh and The Blue Blazer is coming back with this new COOL entrance…

– DX…Let’s get ready to suck it! Surprisingly all the boys in the back have been doing this and have known how to suck it from Triple H and Shawn Michaels for the longest time.

Now I must admit that the build to this has been very good, at least what I have seen. The fans are actually salivating over the return of DX and somehow The Cheerleaders From OVW have gotten very over as heels due to this. Who would’ve thought that male cheerleaders could get over in the WWE? Be honest, Doink was over for a little while…Nailz was over as a monster for a tad. I think we can buy male cheerleaders, even if we’re required to make gay jokes about them. The only thing that surprises me is that there haven’t been any sexual overtones in the group yet. But heck, they only started like 4 months ago.

We have to assume that BG James and Kip are not going to be a part of this group, solely because they work for TNA…right…they also ripped HHH a new corn hole to sell their shoot video. Such is life and wrestling.

Many assume X-Pac won’t be part of the group. Right, and Chyna never had surgery. If you remember, Vinnie Mac and The H’s sent The 1-2-3 Drink Kid to rehab some time ago, with the dangling carrot being that if he kept his nose clean he’d be back to WWE. I haven’t heard about him in TNA recently, so I assume he is…well…he’s getting ready to suck it if he hasn’t already.

But the one member that we have completely forgot about that may be included is the best one yet. No, not Chyna, they don’t want me chucking a brick from Westchester all the way across the state line to Stamford. No, who better to make people suck it than Shawn Michaels’ most recent tag partner…ya know…God?

All the things God could make people do, as a member of DX, would be fantastic. Parting the ring of Spirit Squad members with a single God Chop? No problem. Turning the clock back for Shawn and turning turnbuckle filler into cocaine? He’s God, of course! Making Stephanie skinny after she unleashed a child that for all intents and purposes should have been born tomorrow? God’s like the ultimate Stacker 2! Say it with me kids…LLLLLLLLLLET’S GET READY TO SACRAMENT!

ECWWE Takes Shape

While I was skeptical about the return of ECW and the crater chasing fans of Sci-Fi certainly are against it (It brings down their attractiveness level, from “never had a girlfriend without 7 fingers” to “never had a girlfriend that didn’t look like Sonic The Hedgehog”), ECW certainly is taking a nice form, as is One Night Stand. I can buy Edge and Foley against Funk and Dreamer for the life of hardcore. Heyman and Foley were gold on the microphone last Monday and Foley seems rejuvenated by his last few months with WWE. Additionally, the shock of Kurt Angle going ECW has not worn off. Here is a guy that hated ECW since The Sandman was crucified and now he has been drafted for the “new vision”. The great thing is that he looks damn excited about it. And of course, as master of everything, I know why:

– This will be his promotion to float. No Undertaker returning from the dead. No Batista coming back. No HBK or HHH in the locker room. It will be Angle as the big man, along with RVD.

– He wants to prove himself worthy of praise from fans of ECW, who are his kind of fans: Workrate freaks who will be honest if you suck.

– More time off. Yes, ECW will be “full time”, but Angle will get some more days off to rest and heal not only his body, but his family. Good for Angle.

As for the return of Taz to take on Jerry Lawler, this is the time for WWE to use that old tape library. Lawler ran from Taz when he showed up in ECW. Play it up boys and hope that Taz doesn’t kill Lawler.

Cena might just die at One Night Stand. If you think the crowd was rowdy last year, feed them Cena in a main event against RVD in ECW territory. I think you might need extra security.

Now for the match that could very well steal the show, Sabu vs. Rey Mysterio. I wouldn’t exactly call this a “dream match”, like ECWWE is, just because although they fly high and take risks, they are two different wrestlers. Sabu hits you with a leg drop compounded with a chair. Rey sits on your face. But whatever, this might be the match where all hell breaks loose in the Hammerstein Ballroom. Note to Mysterio: Remember last year and leave the 619 at home.

That’s all for me. Like I said, it might not be every week because real life is something I finally have to take seriously, but rest assured I will be back. Be safe, be smart, and tell your mom I love her. Adios!