– What? ME following an order of reviews? Yes, I know it’s shocking, but I recently picked this one up and had just had WrestleMania done, so I figured I would go ahead and do this one now.
The NeelDown: Backlash 2006
– From Lexington, Kentucky
– Hosts are JR & King
Carlito v. Chris Masters
I didn’t notice it live at WrestleMania or anything, but the Masterpiece entrance is WAY overdone, and it looks pretty silly when he is the first entrance of the night. Carlito tries the cliche slap to start and gets pounded on. Carlito gets a low dropkick and bulldog for two. Masters gets a backdrop for two. Carlito tries a Masterlock of his own, then dumps him and gets a crossbody. Back in Carlito punches out of a powebomb but gets tossed to the corner for two. It’s funny how King will point out the crowd’s criticism of Masters with his chants, yet it took him 3 months to finally give in after defending Cena. However, I think he finally broke that curse around the time of WrestleMania, or at least at WrestleMania, when he actually acknowledged the “sucks” chants. I would still say it was far overdue, but really, what can you expect from King. Masters adds a legdrop then locks in the CHINLOCK OF DOOM. Carlito gets out but meets an elbow an it’s back to the chinlock, into a neckbreaker for two. Masters rolls the snake eyes and goes for the Masterlock but Carlito counters to a cradle for two. Carlito gets a slingshot elbow then a low dropkick and some clotheslines. He blocks a neckbreaker and gets a leg drop for three. Masters f*cks up the pin and forgets to kick out, so the ref just doesn’t count the three. I knew this match was going too smoothly. Carlito gets a sloppy moonsault for one. He must have been anticipating the pin that time. Masters tries the Masterlock but gets sent to the corner. They are really making that move like counterable. And really, the numerous counters does nothing more than make the move look weak. Having the guy lose all the time doesn’t really help much either, for someone going by that nickname and gimmick, and that “devastating” submission hold. Carlito gets the backcracker and pins with his feet o the ropes to get the win. Tremendous working here from these guys, good opener. ***
– JR calls Maria a “handsome young billy.” We see footage of who the fans think will win the main event, and despite more people saying Edge than Cena, they say there aren’t many Edge fans. Ah, kayfabe.
OOOOOmaga v. Ric Flair
They even introduce Umaga as from the islands of Samoa? Wow, the originality just continues to show. Umaga attacks him outside then slugs him down inside. Flair pokes the eyes and goes low, which is something you don’t usually see in the first 20 seconds of a match. Flair evades a charge and goes out where he lands some chops. Flair takes him down with a chopblock and tries the Figure Four but Umaga kicks out and hangs him in the tree of woe for a headbut and ASS CLOBBER. Umaga finishes with THUMB SPIKE OF DEATH for the big, clean, 2-minute upset over the legend. The sad fact is that they will never go anywhere with this character, so the Flair job wasn’t even necessary 1/4*
– Vince pours some water on the floor and stomps on it, saying he walked on water. It just gets me all the more thrilled and excited for his match.
Mickie James v. Trish Stratus – Women’s Championship
Mickie works the arm to start but Trish gets out and gets a headscissors and a dropkick. The energy just doesn’t seem to be here after the big Mania match. They brawl on the floor then Trish tries the ten punches but Mickie dumps her out where she takes an awkward bump on the floor on her arm. This would later prove to be serious and would take her out of action for months. Mickie chokes her with a leather strap to draw the DQ. Not sure if they ended it due to Trish’s injury or not, but either way this was short and sloppy. 3/4*
Winner: Trish Stratus (DQ)
Shelton Benjamin v. Rob Van Dam – Intercontinental, MITB Championship
Winner takes the IC title and RVD’s money in the bank briefcase. Benjamin outwrestles him to start and works on an armwrench but RVD reverses it and they roll into a standoff. Shelton shoulders him down but RVD takes him down with the leg and some armdrags Steamboat-style. JR notes that RVD has “dominated” in the WWE, and how jolly he was away in Oklahoma. RVD gets a spin kick so Shelton has to go and regroup. Benjamin slugs him down but falls victim to the educates feet and a scoop slam. Benjamin rolls out to avoid the Rolling Thunder, but is met with a crossbody. Benjamin gets a sunsetflip bomb off the apron. That nice move gets two. Benjamin gets a knee guillotine for two, then goes to the CHINLOCK OF DOOM. Damn. Benjamin adds a knee lift from the apron for two, followed by a backbreaker and it’s back to the rearchoke. He switches to a Cobra Clutch but Rob gets the ropes. Benjamin gives him a pair of scoop slams and it’s rear choke time … again. RVD tries the Rolling Thunder again but Benjamin catches him with a samoan drop. Now THAT’s a counter. Benjamin gets the Angle pop up superplex for two. Benjamin locks in a bodyscissors but RVD fights out and dodges a dropkick. RVD goes to work with his usual stuff and gets the mule kick and Rolling Thunder finally. That gets two. Split-leg moonsault gets two. Benjamin dodges the Frog Splash and plants him with a DDT that RVD sells like f*cking Jimmy Yang, for two. Benjamin gets the briefcase, then adds a superkick for good measure. He tries a high crossbody but RVD rolls through for two. RVD gets a rana and gets the Van TERMINATOR with the briefcase then finishes with the Frog Splash to keep the briefcase and win the IC title. The slowness made this the MOTYC classic people expected not, but still a fine match. ***1/2
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Kane v. Big Show
This unfortunately came before the technical classic the two performed at Raw. Big, boring slugfest to start and Kane goes in control and gets a clothesline for two. Show slams him down but hurts his arm, by golly. Kane works on an arm to continue the fast-paced excitement. That goes on for like five f*cking minutes. Then he tries coming off the top but Show slams him and goes to work. They do an AWFUL sloppy DDT counter to the Chokeslam that even puzzles the announcers. Show tries poking the eye but Kane blocks it, all of this is just a movie promo, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, the red lights come out and May 19 starts, yadda yadda yadda. It’s bad enough that we get the match, but the fact that all it is is a movie promo is disastrous.
Winner: Big Show
– Matt Striker comes out for his first PPV school lesson. It’s always funny because I had a professor who looked just like him. He makes fun of Kentucky’s illegally recruited basketball players. Get a load of that Tubby. Sorry, but as a Cincinnati native I know a lot about the U of K Wildcats, so it’s only right to agree here. That draws one poor guy in the crowd to give him the DX chop. He addresses them as “yall” rightfully and brings out Louisville-native Eugene. Striker says he is a good example of not to marry your cousin, no matter how tempting it may be. Anyway, he tells Eugene to spell his name on his blackboard, so Eugene rights “loves poop” under Striker’s name. He picks his nose and puts it in Striker’s mouth, then gives him a Stunner for good measure. JR’s BBQ sauce couldn’t even make that taste good, as he himself has said.
Vince McMahon & Shane McMahon v. Shawn Michaels & God – No Holds Barred
I’m brave enough to say that Vince’s blasphemous “get jiggy with it” entrance for God is funny, and I fell content with my religion saying that. Vince is really on the mark with his heel-ness with this storyline, even more so than the strut at WrestleMania and the middle finger from the stretcher, which was hard to top. Michaels attacks to start and splashes both of them. They brawl to the stage where Shane tries a piledriver but gets backdropped. Then he splashes Vince down into the equipment area for that tired spot. Shawn climbs back up on the stage but is met with a chair wack from Shane. JR busts out the MLB references for that one, comparing the swing of the chair shot to a swing by Albert Pujols or Travis Haffner. Always nice to have a visit from JR the sports wiz. I guess he gets that apropos title with the whole Oklahoma gig. Back at ringside Shawn eats post and barricade. Inside Shawn gets a shuffle and backdrop suplex, as JC anticipates the hot tag. The Shane Elbow misses, but he gets a DDT and tags in Vince who scolds Shawn like a GOVERNMENT MULE with a belt. Some slow slugging and taunting follow. I wonder if anyone actually bought into a God appearance. Vince wacks him with a trash can then gets a microphone to ask God what he thinks. He then says God leaves to the back as we see an empty ramp. Anyway, Vince tries a superkick but gets caught and knocked down. Shane’s chair wack meets Vince and Shawn takes care of him with the flying elbow, them gives them both the Music. But a simple pin and victory wouldn’t be enough for that hardcore appetite of Shawn’s, so he sets up two tables and rolls them on top. Then he climbs up the 20 foot ladder but the Spirit Squad runs out so he turns and splashes them from it. They gangbang him though, then go to Vince’s aid in what later would play out the “5 disciples.” That Vince sure is always up to date on religion. The Squad cheerleader toss Shawn up and back down through a table and put Vince on top for the win. King throws out the “father, son, and holy Spirit Squad” reference as if that wasn’t planned. At least some moves and logic went into this one unlike the slopfest at WrestleMania, despite how unsatisfied the crowd was. **3/4
Winners: Vince McMahon & Shane McMahon
John Cena v. Edge v. Triple H – WWE Championship
Edge takes the token third man rest on the outside to start. Cena gets some shoulderblocks and a suplex to some loud BOOOOOOS. Edge breaks up the pin. HHH gives him an atomic drop and the crowd tries to repeat the “Yeah! Boo!” chant sequence on the punch exchange but it doesn’t quite work. HHH gives him the high knee, and NOW the punches chanting goes into effect. They decide to team up on that pesky Edge and toss him into the ring, then go out and slam his face against the announce table 15 times. HHH tries suplexing Edge from the apron but Cena yanks him off the goes up and splashes Edge, which just looks silly, and the crowd knows it. Cena tries the People’s Elbow rip-off but as he goes to the ropes Lita dumps him. HHH goes in and gives Edge the facebuster and a lariat for two. Edge tries fighting back but runs into a spinebuster for two. Edge slips out of a suplex and gets the Edge-O-Matic, which OF COURSE gets two. HHH locks in a sleeper, Edge reverses it into his own. Cena comes in and lifts them both up for a double FU but Edge slips off, hits the ropes and Spears them. Outside Edge slingshots HHH into the post where he takes a BIG bleed job. Yikes. Edge DDTs him on Hector’s table but it doesn’t break. HHH gets to bleed more though. Edge comes back in with a missile dropkick on Cena for two. He Spears him in the corner, but Cena locks in the STFU. Edge reaches for the ropes, but HHH grabs his hand then hits Cena with a microphone. Random. HHH KILLS Edge with a chair wack that sends him into the crowd. Cena locks in the STFU on him inside who has a VICIOUS CRIMSON MASK going. He makes the ropes. Cena tries the FU, but HHH slips out and tries the Pedigree, but Cena goes back to the STFU. Edge climbs up top and Cena follows to break that up. He tries an FU from the top but HHH gets under him and gives him an electric chair. Lita tries sneaking in and hitting HHH with a chair but he dodges it and gives her a spinebuster, which actually looks decent. HHH gets the sledgehammer and sizes Cena up, but Edge comes out of nowhere with and Spears him. Edge gets the hammer and tries hitting Cena but Cena lifts him for the FU. HHH low blows him and tries the Pedigree, but Cena counters into a jacknife pin for the win. That glorified rollup ending sucked, although for Cena they were probably proud. A fun triple-threat with some nice spots and HHH blading like CRAZY. Rightfully afterwards, HHH hits the referee with the sledgehammer, then one for Edge, then one for Cena, and he gets his King of Kings music played after that. ****
Winner: John Cena