The Final Velocity Report

Sorry about the lateness of the final Velocity Report. But it’s that time of year where course work is hectic and stressful .. Okay. I lie. I didn’t want to see this day. The IP crew had to help me through this difficult hour. I’ve spent three days in denial about this and it’s finally here .. Welcome. To the death of Velocity.

Opening Contest: Tatanka verses Seth James
Tatanka gets a headlock on James who sends Tatanka into the ropes. Tatanka ducks a clothesline and James turns into a scoop slam. Bad hip toss by Tatanka before Tatanka continues to work the arm, but James takes Tatanka to the corner using the hair before getting in a cheap shot and nailing a few punches to Tatanka. Scoop slam by James leads into some elbow drops and a blatant choke. James gets in a rear choke hold which Tatanka fan faves out of and runs off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and gets in some chops. Tatanka with a punch right to the forehead, shoulder body toss, before getting in the dancing chop. Scoop slam by Tatanka and running shoulder block. Trail’s End finishes it.
Winner: Tatanka

You know, it’s moments like this which make me realise that no matter how bad ECW can be, it deserves a part at the SmackDown tapings much more than this crap. Too long. Too boring. Too slow. Too bad. -Five out of Ten for Tatanka’s final ever match on Velocity.


Recap of WWE verses ECW’s promo between Angle and Orton. We didn’t get that special here, so … did Orton just call Angle a smug son of a bitch?! Man, I SO wish I hadn’t cancelled my download of WWE verses ECW. But it’ll probably be on the One Night Stand DVD anyways, won’t it? I think the fact that Orton just called Angle a smug son of a bitch without breaking out into laughter is reason enough for ECW to come back.

Second Contest: Gunner Scott verses Colt Cabana
Lock up and Caana gets taken down by Scott into a one count. Cabana goes for a handshake but gets in a cheap kick and locks on a headlock, gets sent into the ropes and back with a shoulder but comes back into a legs only monkey flip, dropkick by Scott doesn’t get the pinfall. Scott with elbows but gets sent into the corner, he climbs over the ropes and Cabana gets sent head first into the top turnbuckle, and Scott goes up top only to get knocked down by Cabana. Cabana with some punches to the gut, followed by Cabana working the gut with knees and a stomp. Half nelson by Cabana before Scott gets up and nails a hip toss. Abdominal stretch by Cabana before Scott reverses it with a back drop. Cabana goes for a right but Scott takes Cabana to the corner with punches and nails him with kicks in the corner, Scott throws Cabana halfway across the ring and sends him off the ropes into a german suplex for a two. Cabana gets an eye poke, kicks the gut, and Scott falls down from the suplex into a roll through for a two. Cabana runs right into the Overhead Belly to Belly for the three count.
Winner: Gunner Scott

A nice enough match. Especially for Velocity. Five out of Ten. It’s just a pity that Velocity’s going, otherwise Scott could have gotten the uber cult following.


Recap of Lashley / Regal from SmackDown. This week’s SmackDown will feature Lashley verses King Booker.


Batista Returns! Eventually, that is.

Third Contest: Kid Kash and (for nostalgia’s sake) JAMIE ‘BY GAWD’ NOBLE “The Pitbulls” verses Sterling Keenan and John Bolen
Pitbulls attack to start, and Noble starts with Bolen. Bolen gets in a nice clothesline to start but eventually gets knocked out of the ring by a double team shoulder block from the Pitbulls. The crowd starts a bark chant, so it looks like this gimmick is really working. While trying to put Bolen back in the ring, Noble decides to introduce Keenan’s jaw with the canvas. Back inside Noble tags out to Kash, Kash making sure Keenan doesn’t get back into the ring with a dropkick. Kash with a second rope leg drop for a two. Kash takes it to Bolen by getting belly to bellied by Bolen, but Keenan comes in and gets kicked down by Kash for a one count. Right around now I get REALLY confused because Romero is calling both of these guys Bolen and then calling them both Keenan. Noble in and a double team headbutt and chop, Noble with a scoop slam and leg drop for a two count. Noble with a rear choke hold which Keenan tries to escape, but a knee to the jaw prevents it. Kash in with a snapmare and soccer kick for a pair of two counts. Spear by Kash in the corner leads into a few punches, irish whip reversed and Kash flips over Keenan but Keenan kicks Kash down and tags out to Bolen. Bolen clubs away on Kash and goes for a suplex but Kash falls behind and tags out to Noble! Noble in with a nice swinging neckbreaker to Bolen. Noble elbows down Keenan and kicks away on Bolen, Keenan gets a kick to the gut of Noble but runs right into a standing leg drop from Noble. Bolen gets stuck alone with the Pitbulls and runs into the Spear / Clothesline combo for the three count.
Winners: The Pitbulls

Entertaining simply to see how well these two guys are meshing with their new gimmick. Not much chop, but it’s enough, even if it was a squash I’ll give it an average score; Four out of Ten.


WWE Rewind: Tazz leaving SmackDown for ECW.

Recap of Finlay / Mysterio from SmackDown.


Main Event: Matt Hardy verses Simon Dean
Matthews calls this a great way to end Velocity. I call this a great dark match. And because I’m the judge, I get the final say. Oh well, Hardy’s topless at least. Lock up and Hardy takes Dean to the corner and needs to be forced off by the referee. Lock up and Hardy gets in a headlock, off the ropes with a shoulder block. Hardy with a headlock takedown, Dean gets a headscissors which Hardy escapes and takes Dean back down in the headlock. Dean with a knee to the gut but off the ropes into an elbow by Hardy, leg drop follows. Hardy punches Dean off the apron but misses the baseball slide, getting back in the ring just before the ten count. Dean sends Hardy into the corner for a spear, before slamming Hardy’s face into the canvas. Dean clubs away at Hardy and drops an elbow for a two count, before he chokes Hardy using the second rope. Hardy with a sunset flip for a two count. Hardy goes for the twist of fate but Dean takes the legs out from Hardy and almost gets a three count. Side headlock by Dean, Hardy to his feet and gets a reverse DDT. Hardy with elbows to Dean before he lays punches to Dean in the corner, off the ropes with a clothesline and a clothesline bulldog from the corner on Dean, getting Hardy a two count. Dean reverses the Side Effect, sending Hardy into the corner, Hardy goes up for the Yodel Elbow but jumps off into a punch to the gut by Dean, followed up by a school boy for two. Hardy gets the Side Effect after a short arm reversal for a two count. Twist Of Fate for the victory.
Winner: Matt Hardy

Seven out of Ten. Not a GREAT way to end Velocity, but it sums up Velocity pretty damned well I’d think. So the standings for Velocity this week;

Tatanka verses Seth James: -5/10
Gunner Scott verses Colt Cabana: 5/10
Pitbulls verses Sterling Keenan and John Bolen: 4/10
Matt Hardy verses Simon Dean: 7/10
Velocity 10/06/06: 16/40

Normally a show ending means that a company has to force more onto one show. But what happens when SmackDown loses it’s, by comparison, better third when it comes to Velocity? Yes Velocity may have had some stinkers, but it was always a good place for those strong fans to wrestlers such as London, Kendrick, Hardcore Holly, and many others. Even if it couldn’t have been taken as seriously, every week Matthews and Romero would give it their all and try to make Velocity important. And that’s why I’ll miss this show. But here’s the reason why I won’t miss the show; when it all comes down to it, we see pretty much the same thing on SmackDown. Squashes, over hyped commentary, everything that made Velocity it’s own charming little bubble.

… Well. There’ll always be Heat or Global Impact. I’ll miss you Velocity, you gave me my fix of Josh Matthews every week.