The NeelDown ECW Zone

– I thought I might as well do this, as I was originally scheduled to the WWE v. ECW Head to Head special but my satellite went out, and I don’t have any huge plans this Tuesday night. We all know the WrestlingFan articles were great, but let’s see if Van TERMINATOR or Dawn (Marie) of the Dead really appear…

– Oh, and in other news, I am currently considering purchasing a DS Lite. If anyone has any suggestions to why or why not to get it, don’t hesitate to shoot me an e-mail, I need them.

– From Trenton, NJ

– Hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz

– Well, shows how much I have been paying attention to the product’s information, as I didn’t even know where the shows would be taped at. So apparently this is live following the SmackDown tapings, except it was pretaped due to “chants” not getting out of hand. The regular arena might give away some clues if they are trying to ignore it. Hey, maybe it draws a bit more attention to people attending the abysmal SmackDown shows now.

– Anyway, we start with Heyman coming out to introduce new World champion Rob Van Dam. Heyman awards him with the new ECW title, but RVD says he wants to keep the WWE title too. That draws Edge and Lita out. Edge starts with the sympathy “we’re gonna tear the house down” slurs but then clocks RVD with the title belt and exits via the crowd, but Cena shows up behind him and they brawl to ringside, but then RVD takes his shots at Edge, but then Edge sneaks in and fights them both down. Cena goes back out to chase Edge, but punches Heyman first, for good measure. The ECW roster come to Paul’s aid, and Stevie Richards has *NEW* gold and blue trunks! That takes us into commercial break one, and so far we’re accomplished that two WWE stars were the main focal points.

– Team meeting in the back and Paul says they will invade Raw. Oh, that’s just great. As if it hasn’t been happening already but being ignored.

The Zombie v. The Sandman
The “Zombie” is some strangly-looking guy dressed in ripped blue jeans and a flannel shirt, and makes zombie noises and walks like on and all that. I guess this is some “Sci-Fi” joke, but it isn’t really funny, and to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t be “messing” with the network you’re on. Paul should have learned that lesson by now. Anyway, Sandman beats him up and gets the Russian leg sweep for the quick pin. This was not … I repeat, NOT a good way to get started. -***
Winner: The Sandman

– Kelly tells us she will “take off all of her clothes” for us tonight. Get ready, Sci-Fi geeks.

– We get a shot of the arena. This whole taping looks so much like a WWE show it’s not even comical to make jokes about.

– We get a replay of the WHOLE Tazz v. Jerry Lawler match. Oh, you already have to hear me bitch about time constraints every Thursday, so I won’t bother with this one either. I guess they needed some chants in there though.

– Oh, hey, InsidePulse Chairman Widro has chimed in on the show thus far. And he’s pretty accurate: insidepulse: so far its edge, cena, heyman plugging going to raw, a dx commercial, the zombie.

Kurt Angle v. Justin Credible
Angle takes him down to start via wrestling and tosses him to the floor. He comes back in but gets tossed around and slapped. Angle headbuts him then locks in the rear choke and Credible taps out. See folks, this is why Angle jumping to ECW is indeed a bad idea. Angle being his smooth wrestling self was great, but quality wise this was squash and a half. -*
Winner: Kurt Angle

– “Kelly” says she will show us her “assets” next. The real question will be if she shoots bullets out of her tits. I really don’t follow porn divas or shit, so I don’t know who she is.

– A “Vampire” is shown outside. Yeah, this sucks.

– “Kelly” comes out onto a mini-stage and dances in lingerie and struggled to take off her bra and then covers her boobs. …

Extreme Battle Royale – Winner Fights John Cena
We’ve got Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Al Snow, Danny Doring, Stevie Richards *WITH* before said new gold and blue trunks, Amish Roadkill, The F.B.I., Balls Mahoney, and Big Slow, whose new music is just an updated version of his old one, which if anything just makes it sound worse. Everyone brawls and clears the ring leaving Show to slam Roadkill. After advertisements we have the token everyone stands in different corners sequence. The FBI beat on some people with COOKIE SHEETS OF DEATH. Mahoney tries the sheet on Show but it doesn’t phase him. Everybody beats on Show with road signs and sheets. This seems too WrestleMania 2000-ish, not ECW style. Snow and Doring get tossed and eliminated. Richards gets tossed. Roadkill gets tossed. Show tosses Balls onto a can, then dumps him. Show catches the Air Sabu attempt and tosses Sabu but he lands on the apron. Show tosses Dreamer out through a table. Show Chokeslams Guido onto Mamaluke then tosses them. He tries to eliminate the last FBI member and Sabu jumps off the chair and takes them both over, so he wins, yay. This was all cookie sheet, street sign-ish, not the “ECW style” they needed to go for. But that about sums up the whole show, really. *
Winner: Sabu

End of show.