SATURDAY EVENING POST
A cornucopia of lost items, burning bridges and nailing coffins, no Wonder Widro didn’t get a column, Eric S in Absentia, wondering if this teaser will get cut off, no one edits, Flea don’t care. Did I ever tell you how much I like the old days when I could make these teasers a full page? Not that I ever tried, but I had more fun…Wrestling Dead Pool…is DEAD. For fun, this teaser should be programmed as a scroll, because I would bet every dollar GRUT has I get shackled with a “cool pic” that no one asked me to approve. Probably someone’s idea of something. I suggest just going to www.1ryderfakin.com and don’t take a chance.
Boys – are you going to make this a teaser? I think you should. Better than a scroll, come to think of it. If anyone out there DOESN’T click on this column, too bad for them. Or me. But not YOU! Here you go.
And yes this is the F’n teaser. See! I kept profanity until the column, if only because – just humor me…and mind the formatting
Hello there. I’m Flea. So what does it feel like to be a mark? Come on – admit it. You are. I am. We all are. No matter how much shit is shoveled our way re: wrestling, we are all still marks. It’s been awhile, but I can almost hear the rolling of the eyes. Even the glass eyes in GRUT’s head. Or maybe that’s the sound of a scrolling mouse. At any rate, here’s where we stand, Summer 2006…
But before we get to all that, one thing I did notice combing through the archives…I sure didn’t type much during the Summer, over the past few years. Not that I’m bitching about the obvious pattern, but prolific dependency sure coincided nicely with non-beach weather
Guess the column starts now, again. Probably should have wrote this part first. Read Backward? Naw, it’s nice that you are reading…
And off we go! The window is closed!
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Back to court we go again this week as two items stick out like a sore thumb. One of which is Austin’s divorce, which ain’t none of my business and second on the list is the ECW Bankruptcy hearings, which has an item or two of note”¦
Vince and the Gang are trying to get their hands on the ECW Tape Library, which is worth it’s weight in gold, seeing as the “myth” of ECW is still alive and kicking, witnesses by “EC — dub””¦hey wait a second. How the f*ck does E.C Ostermeyer always manage to sneak into my life subconsciously? Nevermind that right now, I’m talking about Vince is thisclose to having full control of all that is and has been “mainstream” wrestling over the past 20 years.
Combined with his existing WWF(E) footage and the recent acquisition of WCW’s archives, adding ECW to the library would be the final piece of a big part of a puzzle. I wonder if the courts know this?
From what I have read, Vince and his lawyers are playing this low key and saying “it’s MINE because ECW still owed us a ton of dough when they went belly up” instead of “hey motherf*ckers, here’s 3 million dollars, give us the tapes and we are outta here!”. Which they could very well do in the end, it’s tough to say. No big rush, I guess. But this goes along the lines of something I have said several times before — The WWE is NOT going to go bankrupt or out of business and the recent financial struggles are just a bump in the road.
Hell, no one is really making any money nowadays, it’s more of a “hold your own until the economy takes off again”. Vince has a goldmine in tape archives and anyone who doesn’t realizes that he knows he could close shop and do nothing but release videos and DVDs full time and STILL bring in at least 8 figures a year is a fool. Not hoping that it happens or anything but I do like the idear that one day soon, WWE.com will be my one stop Shopzone for all commercial tapes.
Any chance of Vince obtaining some old Florida stuff from back in the early 80’s? I loved that stuff. If anyone you out there have some old tapes of Florida that you would like to “trade”, drop me a line.
Trading means your tapes for my money, unless you want to hook me up for free. You know where to find me.– FLEA, 2002
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Here’s something from…don’t know when, but it would have seen the light of day if…whatever. Looks like from January or February of this year
ECW F’N W
Has anyone made the joke yet that Vince’s provided drink on the plane ride where he allegedly came to his senses re: ECW was KoolAid? If not, there you go…
Which in this case, the more Kool Aid, the better. What many people asked for, begged for and fantasy booked after the PPV last year – a full time ECW revival – has come to fruition, simply because Vince got “a whim”. Oh – and maybe because house show business sucked, Shane Douglas had to prove that it isn’t the ECW name or nostalgia, but Brand rights, marketing and money that are going to make the grade, and probably 100 other reasons that only Vince and what’s left of his mind knows.
Oh yeah – the old bastard has flipped his lid.
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Yeah – checking the score, I wrote the above earlier this year, right when the news of THE RETURN OF ECW hit all the normal places. In a way, I’m glad that I waited until the after the PPV and first Sci-Fi show, or else my commentary would have looked like this:
(by the way – these flashbacks below have been written over several months. Every time I’d get started on a column, I’d save it for a rainy day. Well, goddamn it’s raining)
A couple weeks in…
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So, Heyman will be booking. Betcha the first time they try and f*ck with him, he wigs out and we will be left with a third brand full of cross promoted PPVs…if they ever get a TV deal, it’s going to be nothing but a shill and infomercial for whatever is happening on RAWr. Or Smackdown, depending on what’s pending. But, a good way to make money, cause the saps are going to bitch and moan…non stop…but still pay. Ironically enough, Vince McMahon, regardless of how much you think he ripped off ECW, or how much Kool-Aid you’ve ingested, is the only one who has ever figured out how to make money off this crap. Not counting Bootleggin Rob Feinstein and his shitty fan cam tapes. Or any members of the IWC who sucker you into paying for their insight. Come to think of it, the only ones who DIDNT make money were the ECW wrestlers.
Watch when these f*ckers start dying everyday. And I don’t mean every couple of months – more likes one a week. Like files. 10 years later, and Vince wants to put Sandman and Axl Rotten on the road allegedly five days a week? Get the f*cking bodybags and where do I sign up to sue. I’m running a $200 cash prize for a dead pool and Vince is stacking the deck against me. Now you know why I sold that dog of a stock.
Speaking of which, the WWE stock is probably hit close to $20 by June, and then tank when the Quarterly numbers come out. If I cared, I would day trade this and whack these assholes- but I don’t. If you took my advice and bought the stock when it was 9ish, ride to 17 and sell all but a little, you’d have money. Why am I telling you this? If ECW tanks, Vince still won’t go out of business but his reputation will be shot, for good. Investors are tired of his failures, and you don’t even need to know a wristlock from a wristwatch to look at the financials and see that the yacht is worth a fortune, but the Captain is a half-bright and his minions are perfectly happy at 5mph, in the no-wake zone. While they ain’t throwing anchors as life preservers, they sure as hell are yucking it up at their own expense while their yacht dies of engine failure. Or stalls, whenever the Captain gets the dumb idea to hit the throttle full speed without thinking.
“Hey Asshole! – the boat ain’t sinking but damn, do you look like a fool”…that’s pretty much verbatim for what you say to a guy with a Million Dollar yacht and a low budget brain.
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Several weeks ago:
The latest on ECW? TV deal is done, Bonnie “Swung Da” Hammer…now there is a chick that’s got to be a good f*ck. I met her a long time ago; by the way, she stills looks good. Maybe to you younger readers, she’s not “hot” on a scale of a Paris, or a Alba, or that chick that gets married every two seconds. But even the lamest of you kids HAVE to be into MILFs. Keep your eyes open – girls in their 30s want nothing but a hard cock. Guys up until 25 have nothing BUT a hard cock. But most of them waste that libido on nothing but lame chicks who 1) can’t suck a dick 2) can’t f*ck and/or 3) don’t know from John Lennon. The Statler Brother were right.
But about Bonnie Hammer. The USA network decision maker for many years…until a break…but still a lover of wrestling, evidently. If I ever see her again, I’m going to have to ask her “who in that company got to you?”. I can’t imagine her into Vince – when wrestling got hot, I can see…hmmm. I guess the Rock would do the duty, but if I go that route, I would have to remember that 2 Cold Scorpio and his Big Black Cock were on the roster around this time. Tough to say.
Anyway – Sweet Bonnie grabbed the reigns again at USA several months ago, and her first line of business was to get WWE back on USA. Dammit, this is bugging me now – Lawler would never do it, anyone older than 18 he calls Grandma. Maybe that’s what HHH used to “get in good”. Nah. She’s too much of a woman for him. Maybe Bonnie likes girls. Wow. That would explain Steph and her rise to power. That’s it.
After Randy Savage raped a young Stephanie, Bonnie took pity on her and showed her the ways of Sappho and Woman Power. In return for his only daughter, Bonnie offered Vince (and probably Linda) a lifetime of support re: the television endeavors of WWE. That HAS to be it. I’ll ask someone, someday.
As far as the Sci Fi thing goes – the hardcore viewers of that channel are freaks who don’t like…hell, they don’t like anything. That’s a tough sell to any suit that ain’t a nerd and has a vision. Let’s hope the memory of a young Stephanie between her legs keeps the focus of the person in charge of the network.
And in all fairness, if Dixie Carter would quit being pregnant, she’d be…do yourself a favor and find you a 30ish chick. Unless you are one of my older readers. See your doctor first – that way he can “get you going” AND be liable for you dropping dead in the throes of passion. God Bless Bonnie Hammer. And I don’t see a damn thing wrong with my lesbian scenario
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And I still don’t. And Bonnie Hammer is still hot…and in charge. I like that
Okay – here are some thoughts going into One Night Stand 2. Also, this was a response to Eric S. Or more of a typed clarification
Come to think of it, before I get to this, let me cut and paste something else I typed, before…I’m sure there was a reason.
From 2.25.06!
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A couple days ago, Eric S. wrote and opine, in passing on the Financial Status of the WWE. I’ll reprint it here, in it’s entirety, since some of youse still have a weird aversion to his columns…
MORE BULLSHIT FROM 1BULLSHIT JUNIOR
One thing that Milord and Big Johnson are addicted to is the need to put intense amount of hype into every article teaser on their site. Witness this one: “WWE handing out the dividends in time for Wrestlemania”. Now, this would make you think that somehow, the issuance of stock dividends by World Wrestling Entertainment is linked to Wrestlemania, one of their prime earning periods. In point of fact, it’s not. Yes, the dividends are being released on March 31st, and, yes, that’s a couple days before Wrestlemania. But one has nothing to do with the other. March 31st is the last working day of a financial quarter. Issuing dividends on that day means they can be written off against that quarter rather than against the next quarter.
In point of fact, there is a mild linkage between the two, but it’s not what you think. As I said, Wrestlemania is a prime earner for the company. Dividends count as a debit. So what’s being done here is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Apply a debit to one financial quarter, and it makes the next one look good in comparison, especially when you have a windfall rolling in, which is what Wrestlemania is to the bookkeepers. This way, they get to say something like “earnings went up yah-dah-dah percent over the previous quarter”, and the higher yah-dah-dah is, the better WWE looks to the analysts and the institutional buyers who know nothing about the wrestling business and therefore don’t realize, unlike us, that yah-dah-dah is artificially inflated by Wrestlemania.
Actually, I shouldn’t be talking about this subject. I usually defer to Fleabag on issues like this. As a former WWE stockholder, he always has some choice words to say about Stamford and their financial practices. So, I’ll sign off of this issue and leave the obscenities to him.
And that him would be me. A bunch of archives are available over at 1ryderfakin.com detailing my opinions on the subject of the business aspects of the WWE. Heck, if you are really bored, go surf 411mania.com – unless those archives are here at IP. Wherever and whatever. If you have been reading for the last 5 years, you’ll remember that I was one of the few that kept things positive and explained the monetary benefits of the whole she-bang. Right up to and including the period when “the company is dying and will be dead , like tomorrow”, which is about the same time Vince started consolidating ever piece of wrestling history he could get his hands on…while his wife was making deals with every International market that would return her phone calls. And Lo and Behold, there was a bunch of them, Jethro. Just like I said many years ago – WORLD Wrestling (whatever)…and the jerkoffs in the “Big Market” domestic states can go fly a kite…
I sound like a prick crowing about this now…but you have to realize how bitter and negative people were back then – about 3 years ago, especially. Difference now we – the IWC – are all beat down at this point.
In sad resignation, we realize…
(remind me when I’m ripping you off, Goat Cheese)
Vince is an egomaniac, who will stop at nothing to exploit his “herd”…
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That’s as far as I got with that one. Probably for the best…but as I was saying, GRUT
Here are some thoughts going into One Night Stand 2. Also, this was a response to Eric S. Or more of a typed clarification!!!
From May 9th, 2006
Eric S:
That actually links into the conversation I had with Fleabag last Friday. He’s pushing for Cena to go up against Van Dam at ONS because he believes that the heel heat from the ECW manque audience will be incredible for Cena. What I tried to tell him was that the heat will be incredible for Cena, but it’ll be X-Pac Heat, not heel heat. ECW audiences don’t have the tolerance for someone who’s pretending to be a great wrestler but manifestly isn’t, which is exactly what Cena’s doing within the confines of WWE Main Event Style. They can tell when someone’s living up to his potential or, worse, not trying to do so. This isn’t the case with High-Quality Speaker Boy. He knows, and more importantly, the ECW-type audience knows he knows, his deficiencies in the ring and sticks to what he does best, which is brawling (and, admittedly, he’s damn good at that). The heat for High-Quality Speaker Boy at ONS would be legitimate heel heat, something he knows how to milk. That match would be an acceptable, old-fashioned, face versus heel match between two guys who’d mesh decently. Cena/Van Dam would be a complete farce, not as bad as Brock/Goldberg, but almost. Yeah, Flea, if Cena wins that one, the audience will riot, but not because it’s a heel winning. It’s because the entire PPV will be ruined because a guy they regard as a complete piece of shit as a wrestler and as a sports entertainer went over.
I wrote that mainly because, when Flea called, I was dead on my feet. I had woken up at 2AM that day, drove five hundred miles round-trip to and from Missouri (yes, this time I made it), and had finally had a chance to eat, so I was nodding off and wasn’t my normal coherent self. Hope you understand a little better now where I’m coming from on this, Flea.
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And my response:
Oh, I know where you are coming from. But – and I have no problem with JBL, he’s great – but this isn’t the time to cater to the ECW marks, at least on that level. The general idea of ECW splitting and becoming a “revolution” against the Sports Entertainment status quo has to be accomplished by shoving it right down their self-serving throats.
They definitely do not want to appease that crowd in any way shape or form. That will back them into a corner re: future plans. The whole premise, Heyman orchestrated or not, of ECW fandom is to rebel against the “norm”. Cena is perfect for this – he won’t lose any of his heat with the kiddies (especially if they do a major ECW style beatdown…I still dig the idea of Sabu jabbing his f*cking eye out with the spike). Everyone wins. And Cena has to. At worst, some kind of split decision – but this even steven booking gets nowhere.
And remember – as much as Cena winning would “ruin” the crowd, all it would take to send them home happy is for him to get his ass kicked and Paul E to cut a promo saying “EXXXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEME” a whole bunch. I’m surprised you are giving this Hammerstein audience so much credit. They are sheep. The ultimate sheep.
Besides – RVD ain’t that much better than Cena, wrestling-wise. Neither of them need to get into a punching contest, that’s for sure. Just make it a garbage match (think JBL vs. Cena streetfight, which was damn good) and hide the negatives (like either of them actually trying to wrestle). It’s the angle – specifically the post-match angle -not the match , that will make this one.
And damned if Cactus hasn’t roped me back in again. Dumb crowd to do it in front of…but all that will be needed from that is the recapped visuals in a promo package.
Speaking of the Hammerstein and this:
Rock recluse Axl Rose made a surprise radio appearance to proclaim that Guns N’ Roses’ 10-years-in-the-making “Chinese Democracy” album will finally hit store shelves this fall. – AP wires
This coming weekend, AXL is doing a four night stand at said venue in New Yawk. Needless to say, I’m f*cking pissed that I can’t make it. Of all weekends – Mother’s Day – I’d never hear the end of it.
EJS (re: Cena): It worked. He’s a simp, and he’s certainly pathetic.
Great line…
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I was right about the audience, I guess. And man, they sure “backed themselves into a corner” as far as RVD winning. Now we have two belts. And it’s probably a good thing we have another show to promote PPVs. The show is an infomercial, nothing less, and until someone – anyone – figures out how to make real money, all the IWC will do is sit back and collect chump change at the expense of another of Vince’s failures.
12 weeks to prove everyone wrong.
And no, this isn’t “one big work”. People are defending – that’s a strong word. People are DEFENDING ( yep, looks better in caps) this by saying “All part of Heyman’s plan. He’ll do this and THEN rebel!.”
You don’t do that with a publicly traded company. Which may have been Vince’s biggest mistake. Sure, he’s got money to burn, but he can’t show his ass being a megalomaniac when he is dealing with other people’s money. Not if he wants to make money. Who knows – I jumped off that ship and laugh like a goon when Johnny Ace and Kevin Dunn get paid in stock and then SELL. Like Morton. Reading the transaction page for things like that is a combination, to me, like reading the comics and watching bad porn. Someone is getting f*cked…and it’s funny, but you can’t figure out which is which.
More on this on of these days, I’m sure…for now, some Plugs, Politics and Page Six. In that order
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
Remember back in the day, when reading recaps of these wrestling shows was worth your while? Well, in honor of ECW on TV, two of my all times favorites return to form. One is a (edited) and the other is CRZ. You know where to find both!
Speaking of ripping people off
A SECRET MESSAGE – A HIDDEN NOTE
You done shit in your oatmeal, boy. And I think you know when I serious
POLITICS
While I’m cleaning out the archives, how about his one! Another response…
Sorry – I DO give a shit about wrestling. But that was up there. But, many people have asked me about this over the years. And here’s the story, kinda
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Monday was the 45th Anniversary of that exemplar of American foreign policy, the Bay of Pigs invasion. I’ll let Fleabag tell you how well that one worked. He’s had a number of things to say on the subject of Fidel over the years. One thing about Fidel, though, is that he learned his lessons from history. Both he and Stalin were stuck with an annoying but popular ideologue who was a threat to his power. Stalin decided to demonize, exile, and murder his, using him as a fulcrum to murder millions, which didn’t do much for his public relations. Fidel just told his to go export the Revolution, hoping that he’d get killed in the process, which is exactly what happened. Result? How many Trotsky T-shirts do you see out there compared to Che T-shirts?
– Eric S., last week
Damn right. And that’s why Castro is still around – he’s smarter than the rest of the clowns that have tried to “change things”. That means “tried to kill him”. And Stalin was a drunken lunatic, but that’s the point – learn from history. Fidel’s been perfectly happy on his island of paradise while the rest of the world has gone mad. He figured out long ago who runs America – and the world for that matter. Until the Chinese start to get serious.
It’s certainly not America. Not in the American Century. At least not our Government – the “democracy” (representative republic – or pick your own term, just not “democracy”) Castro loathes. America knows genocide (Native Americans, Hiroshima)…the cruel orchestration of a political assassinations (JFK, RFK, MLK, etc). – hang on a second. That’s just the murders. Think of how many character assassinations have kept the best and brightest out of political power in this country. Think back (or if you are old enough, remember) that an overwhelming majority of this country elected Richard Nixon President for a second term, then have the audacity to cry the blues and become disenfranchised with the whole “politics trip”. And then found God and decided to shove him )GOD) down a latch -key kid / pill induced behavior generation of slaves to pay for their old-aged-lack-of-backbone “golden years”. Fucking Baby Boomers. Bu that’s a topic for a different time.
The ignorance of the Bay of Pigs invasion was JFK’s death sentence. When he failed at that, the people that run America realized that him and his brother, their booze money, all the uppity niggers and hippies, and anyone vaguely associated with any and all of the stinking lot of them can go shove their reformist ideas and ideals straight up their ass. There was a time when this country really could have risen above mockery and outright criminal behavior and been ” a dream”. Some people say it was the murder of JFK. Many have the opinion it was the Manson killings. Or Altamont. Or King getting shot – when Jesse Jackson was RIGHT THERE. A few will try to convince you it “was the drugs” – while others tell you it’s in you best interest to find God, like now…and get on the keeper list, lest you be damned to hell – Cash Bar and Non Smoking section. But I’ve never agreed with that.
I look at Castro’s rise to power (the guy said he was taking over and did) as the most important event of the 20th Century. Communism works perfectly, in a limited setting. Not that I agree with the concept at all, but deep inside most people would prefer to live a life of misery , beholden to a government that doles out comfort and prosperity to those worthy. In America, it’s called “welfare”. Or IRS. When it goes wrong is when people wise up and want to “be someone”. That takes ambition. Which is why the “Cuban Invasion” happened in the late 70’s / early 80’s. The oppressed Cubans wanted to “be somebody”.
Of course, that turned out to be America’s problem, not Catsro’s . He made it clear that anyone who leaves is persona non gratis should they come to the conclusion that America is full of bigots. One way ticket. Southern Hospitality is the same one way street, but if you are anything but a God Fearing WASP, you’re going the wrong way. Castro didn’t give a damn, he was glad to get rid of the agitators.
90 miles from American soil, Castro has thumbed his nose at our way of life for half century and is all the better for it. He knows the power structure of this country would be raked over the coals for allowing him to die under any other circumstances than “natural causes” and will go down in history as a better leader than any of his contemporaries – when you stop to consider his competition, it’s really not that all fair of a fight. While 50,000 unlucky f*ckers died fighting a political war against his idea of governing, Castro was on his cabana, smoking a cigar. The only 9/11 he cares about is a perfecta. Global politics has never been an issue; that’s for the Capitalist Pigs. And his people love him for it.
It’s always comforting to know – even on a small scale like Cuba – that your leader is a “somebody” and not some cheap punk elected through fraud and bribery.
Case in point – Pope John Paul II – God’s Right Hand Man – came to see Castro in 1998. The proper respect was shown, as per custom. Fidel is anything but rude to “dignitaries”. The following is a synopsis of his speech when the Pope came to town
Castro: U.S. embargo ‘total suffocation’
.:: “Welcome to Cuba” AIFF .::. “Welcome to Cuba” WAV ::.
In contrast to the pope’s mostly apolitical remarks, Castro offered a very political defense of the principles of the Cuban revolution, outlining the struggle of the Cuban people against first Spanish imperial conquest and later dictatorship.
“You, as a son of Poland … can understand this better than anyone,” Castro said to the pope.
He went on to launch an attack on the evils of poverty, discrimination and unfettered capitalism. He also targeted the U.S. economic embargo against Cuba, calling it “total economic suffocation.”
Using the analogy of how the Roman empire fed Christians to the lions, Castro pointed out that the United States is more powerful than Rome was during that time.
He also defended his government’s actions toward Catholics and other people of religious faith, insisting that the Cuban constitution provides “respect for believers and non-believers alike.”
“If there have ever been difficulties, the revolution has not been to blame,” Castro said.
“My best wishes are joined with a prayer that this land may offer to everyone a climate of freedom, mutual trust, social justice and lasting peace,” he said. “May Cuba … open itself up to the world, and may the world open itself up to Cuba.”
– JP II, exit speech.
Amen.
And that won’t happen until Castro dies. Which is about 2008, the last time I asked. Then it’s on like neckbone.
I keep referencing the “real power” – those who run America. In constantly revolving order, that would be The Jews, The Mafia and The Texas Oil crowd. At the moment, Oil is running a first, Jew a solid second and the Mafia distant third.
And I’m not talking “Italian” Mafia…they died a horrible death when the wrong people stared to sing like canaries. La Cosa Nostra is not the same thing – not even close – to this lame “code of the street” or whatever the cocksucking worms call it these days.
The reason why the former works(ed) – if you kept your mouth shut, your family would be provided for. Simple as that. “Code of the Street” is bullshit for people not wanting to be branded as a narc. You think that when your “buddy” gets busted for any kind of crime – and the Prosecutors offer “turn in three and we will let you off the hook” – that the “friend” will say “f*ck you pigs!” and count on YOU to pick up the tab for his old ladi’s habits and food on the table for his kids? Of course not. Trust and Honor went by the wayside many moons ago, and you are a sucker if you think different. There are exceptions to the rule, and you’re damn lucky if you find them. By and Large, most people you consider “cool” will f*ck you if given the chance. And your old lady too – if you get sent up the river.
Anyhoo (Burgan)….the point was the Mafia these days is a combination of anyone who controls the “vices”. Sex and Drugs. Booze and Gambling. The Jews control the money and the Texans dictate Foreign Policy. The only good thing that Nixon did was think outside the box and make peace with Communist China on his own terms. Look where that got him. Anyone with power made that concession, knowing that Nixon was enough of a fascist domestically to hang himself…just provide the rope.
And that leaves Jewish Power. No comment. But they are the pillars of the structure. Look at it this way – if it wasn’t for our Foreign Policy in re: Israel, there would be no “war” over oil. The Arabs don’t give a shit about “Western American Decadence” – regardless of what FoxNews tells you. If they did, they wouldn’t be spending their Oil money on whores and gold plated Cadillacs. The hate us because we support the Jews. And the Arab / Jew war goes back way longer than 200 years of “Democracy”. And if there is no war over oil, Texans don’t get rich and the oil money doesn’t come back to the various Mafioso, which means politicians don’t get re- elected though fraud and bribery. And there goes Democracy…down the toilet.
Oddly enough, more people believe in the Da Vinci Code than the above. Or as my favorite Pit Boss in Atlantic City calls it – “Da Vinnie Code”. I call them both “full of shit and heads like a solid turd”. But we all live in our own world, much like Castro. Only you ain’t in paradise.
In a few years, Fidel Castro will be dead and one of the three “powers” will be back in charge of Cuba. I’m thinking, The Mafia will go back in, making it nice for the Jews and Texans. Think of Las Vegas. But not so degenerate and hot. A nice ocean breeze, while you ponder whether you f*ck someone, gamble your money away or maybe just stay drunk and stare at the ocean from an 11th floor balcony. And trust me, it will be nice, until the unwashed masses find out about it.
And that’s Castro’s legacy. He’s been sitting on a goldmine – on his own terms – while the world around us goes to hell. I’m half tempted, when the time comes, to lounge poolside with a Che shirt, a nice Cuban cigar and some rum. That will be the best place on Earth until the rest of the world gets a clue. But by then, we’ll be established and wonder why the rubes have power, but not care. Those who can’t, think. Those who can, drink. Coming soon, but don’t tell your “friends”
PAGE SIX
Here’s how it works. The Wrestling Dead pool has run it’s course. John Tenta kicked the bucket after a long battle with cancer and it’s a pain in the ass, waiting for these dopes to croak, wondering “who do I pay”?!?!? So, that’s it.
Thanks to everyone that played. And, for those of you that beat the “Tenta is off limits” deadline, you got money coming.
If anyone wants to steal the Wrestling Dead Pool gimmick, by all means do. I like it, but not enough to care.
And that’s a good way to end this one. One last piece of advice…then probably a CODA. For the unwashed, a CODA is like the end of Layla, or, maybe like the toy in the bottom of a Happy Meal. Something you didn’t expect, may or may not like, but something that was done – and not given second thought – because someone had to clean out some typing…or in the case of a Happy Meal prize, it gives you something else to choke on. Or like Layla – let the piano player play, while we get high
FLEA ADVICE
When someone double crosses you, turn the other cheek. That way it’s easier for the same someone to kiss your ass
CODA!
This was probably the genesis of a column. Good thing you weren’t Moses waiting for that creation bullshit to get over with, dude
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SATURDAY EVENING POST
Repeating Myself agayn, Joey, a Hillbilly and his Paranoid wife, The Wrestling Dead Pool prize INCREASES tenfold, while wrestlers continue to make it easy…and WM22 – as if nothing ever happened. Part I of it anyway Wrestling Dead Pool
Hey it’s Flea. Something tells me that a major shake-up is happening here. Here if you are reading this at Inside Pulse, that is. When people come to ME, of all people, crying the blues, thinking I have some kind of pull around here…something is amiss. Whether I do or don’t depends on your point of view probably. Actually, it depends in what mood I’m in to help you more than anything.
The next section is Inside Pulse business – you might want to jump ahead to the snowflakes (*****).
Does anyone know what a “primer” is. Nevermind – this ain’t the time for education. Consider this Flea Advice, because I can get around to being mean, especially when I’m *told* to do something. Or you try to make a fool out of me. Or even worse, insult me. Please don’t insult me. I don’t mind if you bust my balls or whatever, but be careful what you say. Grazi
Now then – if you need me to help you out, or a favor, or anything I can do to help…I’m always more than willing. But it’s going to save everyone a lot of headache – and may get you want you want, if you ask this way –
Hey Flea, it’s (your name here). Could you put in a good word for me with (x)? I’d really appreciate it!
Thanks,
(Your Name Here) – (and plug yourself here, catfish)
And that’s all it takes. Fell free to cut and paste that. Or – feel free to swallow a f*cking golf ball if I receive any other inquiries that are not in the format above.
When things are done how I ask, the tend to get done. Not to hard to comprehend. Good Luck
BOSS – don’t ask. Or maybe ask later.
The Rest of You – none of your business
As For You – this goes in the Brokeback Mountain file
Sorry about that – All Apologies. Love, Flea.
Hang on…
If you’ve been reading for any length of time, I try and get that crap out of the way first, so we can….come to think of it, why am I even being bothered? BOSS blows some up my ass about how I’m still “wildly popular” but I’m. Why bitch – or brag – about readers. Hell, I’ve been typing all sorts of nonsense for about 5 years now and still only think about 3 people reading it. It’s funny, because if things go the way I plan – shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Just hang tight. It may or may not be “funny”…but I’m not a f*cking web comedian anyway. It will blow your mind.
Speaking of funny – when I drop this on the parties involved, they’ll going to tell me to get bent. THAT’S funny!!
Come on, let’s go…let’s go let’s go pretty darling – and tell me that you’ll never leave me – come let’s go let’s go – and again and again….weeeeellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Sorry – but I missed the weekend of the 3rd. It was the anniversary of death for one of the best talents ever, Ritchie Valens. And one of the many that died too young. Not his fault either, unlike others. He has been one my favorites for about as far back as I can remember(*) and I suggest you check him out. Or, if you haven’t listened in awhile, make a point of doing so.
(*) – that’s a bit further back than yesterday, you prick
A couple others that croaked that day – The Big Bopper and Buddy Holly – also live in infamy…to different degrees of legend, so to speak
You might know a song by the Big Bopper. It’s called “Chantilly Lace”. You’ve probably heard it bellowed at weddings and cheap karaoke, most likely by a drunk uncle or father…or maybe by the Local Fuck Up…it may have very well been YOU! cocksucker. One of the worst songs ever written or performed and it’s a shame that the fat f*cker couldn’t have gasped “Hey Waylon, you got Fried Chicken on that bus? HELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYBYYYYYYYY! Take my seat on the plane!
That certainly would have changed my life…
Another chump is Buddy Holly. I’ll save that for another time. Or go read Hyatte. He likes to make up shit about what I’m saying.
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let call this one a day…one more thing –
WHERE DOES FLEA STAND
on…Where does Flea Stand?
It’d be a lot better without you typing it!
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thanks for reading!
FLEA
