The Botterm Dollar In News #6

I’ve got some news for you. Not as much as last week, but then again, this week hasn’t been as exciting as last week was. What IS exciting, however, is my new Nintendo DS Lite. Yes, Neeley, you need to buy a DS Lite. Like, NOW. It’s the best video game system out there right now, and it’s portable. If you doubt me when I say it’s the best system out right now, just go play New Super Mario Brothers and THEN try to tell me it’s not.

I hear Eric is doing well in basic training.

== WWE NOTEBOOK ==

– Vince McMahon ended up having a much larger hand in One Night Stand and the Sci-Fi debut than anyone, particularly Paul Heyman, thought he would. He changed a lot of Heyman’s ideas for the PPV, which is why the show ended up being so different than last year’s ONS. Stephanie McMahon, while head of the creative department, is due to give birth at any moment and thus hasn’t been around to work with the new brand. Tommy Dreamer has also lost a lot of power within the company and is actually nothing more than a regular worker now, whereas before he actually had a minor voice in the product.

– The Sabu and John Cena match from Raw happened because certain people within the company wanted them to wrestle each other on live TV to prove a point about the ECW guys and how inferior they are as workers to the top WWE guys. Nobody seems to understand that since WWE actually owns ECW, they don’t really need to bury the product, since it’s not a rival organization.

– John Cena wasn’t told until the day of the event that he would be dropping the belt to RVD, but he was fine with the decision. It’s also reported that he really enjoyed the reaction he got from the live crowd.

– Paul Heyman tried to get Harry Smith on the ECW roster, but Brian Gerwitz nixed the idea and rushed him on Raw as one of the 20 nameless dudes running in to save Cena from the ECW attack.

– Both Kurt Angle and Edge were highly upset last week. Angle is pissed that he helped boost Smackdown house show attendances leading into WrestleMania and was rewarded by dropping the belt and moving to ECW. Edge is angry because Gerwitz promised him the top heel spot on Raw, but those plans have changed because of Orton joining the roster as he’ll likely be pushed as the top heel for the babyface Triple H leading into Wrestlemania next year.

– Lilian Garcia isn’t the most popular person backstage, and workers were laughing because she sold her wrist sprain like she’d broken her neck.

– The Angle/Rey match from Smackdown was originally slated to go broadway at 60 minutes, but Vince changed his mind shortly before the taping.

– What you see with The Miz is what you get in real life, too. He’s not living a gimmick, as it’s been said that he actually HAS always dreamed of working in pro wrestling, and is said to be just as retarded backstage as he comes across on camera.

– See No Evil has grossed $14,229,338 and is still playing on nearly 900 screens.

– Mick Foley was upset with his promo from the Head To Head show. He made it halfway through the promo and started talking about Tommy Dreamer again (which he’d already talked about), and got frustrated and finished the segment early.

– The squashing of Justin Credible by Kurt Angle wasn’t done to demean Credible in any way; it was simply done to make Angle strong out of the gate. Credible will be a part of a new Impact Players faction, and it’s been noted that his strong friendship with Triple H and Shawn Michaels will put him in a good political position to get a good shot at showing what he can do.

– Batista vs. Mark Henry is being advertised for The Great American Bash.

– Vince McMahon is against the idea of upgrading the television production capabilities to high definition, in part because he fears it will expose more of the worked nature of the business than is possible with standard definition televisions.

– JBL is telling people that he likely will not return to the ring and is excited about the possibility of shifting full-time to color commentary.

– Big Show is excited about the transition to ECW because he’s friends with Paul Heyman and feels he’s been poorly booked. The Raw booking crew didn’t know how to book him, so they were glad to pass him off to Heyman.

– Dustin Runnels was released due to no-showing events.

– Sabu is said to be extremely upset with the new version of ECW and the way WWE is handling him. He’s used to going out and blowing spots and reacting to the moment, and WWE has given him a list of things he can and cannot do, and also wants to know what he’s planning for each match beforehand.

– Sandman has drastically cut back on his drinking, to the point where he might not even be drinking at all outside of his arena appearances. He’s lost a ton of weight and WWE is said to be high on him.

– Backstage at the ECW PPV but not making appearances: Ron Simmons, Bill Alfonso, Chuck Zito, Jonny Fairplay.

– Even though he’s being booked in a more edgy style as of late, there are no plans to turn John Cena heel at any time in the near future.

5 THINGS I THINK I THINK
(with apologies to Peter King)

1. I think the saddest thing about One Night Stand 2006 was how big a parody of themselves the “ECW Fans” have become. When I’m talking about the hypothetical ECW Fans, I’m referring to the folks who paid $400 per ticket to attend the PPV live at the Hammerstein Ballroom, and perhaps the folks who will pay ridiculous ticket prices to go to the New Allehambra when they pull through Philly in a few weeks. They booed John Cena mercilessly and told him “you can’t wrestle”, but he was by far one of the best workers at One Night Stand. In fact, with the exception of Kurt Angle, I’d say that John Cena is a better overall worker than anyone else that ECW currently has on the roster.

The fans chanted “same old shit” at Cena, but cheered RVD everytime he pulled out one of the same spots he’s done in every match for the past ten years? They give Cena a tough time for his in-ring skills, but they cheer Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk, a guy who is so far past washed up that he feels like he needs to hobble to the ring on completely shot 61-year-old knees and mutilate himself for the approval of some egotistical morons who consider themselves to be “smart” fans? Dudes, if you were smart fans, you’d start appreciating it when folks don’t feel like they need to lose pints of blood or set themselves on fire for your amusement. A smart fan cares about the people behind the gimmicks, and the only thing ECW fans care about is themselves.

Get over yourselves, idiots — you might have been the stars of One Night Stand, but that’s only because you made complete fools of yourselves.

2. The new ECW is a con job of the highest order. Nobody in the business truly believes that ECW is going to be given a chance to be a revolutionary new product that nobody’s ever seen before, but yet they’re buying into it anyway.

The fans in attendance at One Night Stand were the biggest collective group of pure marks I’ve ever seen. They KNEW that what they were seeing deserved to be crapped on, and they KNEW that ECW was being used to get WWE guys over, but yet they still played along, even when Paul Heyman counted three on the worst finish in the history of pro wrestling.

Last year’s One Night Stand was a blowaway show, something special. This year? It felt more like the WCW Invasion than the start of something truly new and different.

3. I think Jonathan Coachman’s new Executive Assistant gimmick is absolutely brilliant in its overt simplicity, and it’s too bad he doesn’t get a little more screen time.

4. I think Shawn Michaels needs to stop rummaging through his wife’s closet when looking for something to wear on Monday Night Raw. Either that, or he needs to be fined $5000 for every time he wears a girl’s tank top on live television. DX might not be able to do the same old things they used to (due to Shawn’s beliefs), but that black tank top is about as offensive as anything ever put on WWE programming.

5. I think there’s a pretty good chance that Vince McMahon is going to die someday while cutting a promo on live television. He’s getting close to a massive coronary as it is, what with his purple face and blatant overacting. Vince, here’s a free tip for you: when you’re in the middle of the ring, it’s okay to overemphasize your facial expressions in order to play to the back row of the arena. When you’re backstage cutting a promo or segment, however, the only way people see you is via the screen, and there’s no need to overextend yourself. You end up looking somewhat foolish.

FIN

As with every other week, this week’s action-packed BDIN was brought to you by The Torch and Figure Four Weekly. Oh, and me.

Tags: