InsidePulse DVD Review – Private Resort

image courtesy of

George Bowers


Rob Morrow….Ben
Johnny Depp….Jack
Emily Longstreth….Patti
Karyn O’Bryan….Dana
Hector Elizondo….The Maestro
Dody Goodman….Mrs. Rawlings
Hilary Shepard….Shirley
Leslie Easterbrook….Bobbie Sue
Michael Bowen….Scott
Lisa London….Alice
Andrew Dice Clay….Curt

Sony Home Entertainment & Tristar Pictures present Private Resort. Screenplay by Gordon Mitchell. Running Time: 82 minutes. Rated R. Theatrical release: 1985. DVD release: June 27, 2006.

The Movie

Before you see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, here’s a chance to check out Captain Jack Sparrow’s booty. I’m talking about Johnny Depp’s ass on full display. Do I need to give you any other reason why you need to get this DVD? Actually it’s Johnny Depp’s ass back when he was 23. And if that’s not enough, how about a little Southern exposure from Rob Morrow (star of Numb3rs)? Before they were stars of 21 Jump Street and Northern Exposure, they were willing to drop their drawers for a chance to work with Hector Elizondo. Unlike Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, the boy didn’t need a body double.

And for those of you not into the youthful buns of Depp and Morrow, there’s plenty of female nudity. A lot of it is natural talent and not that surgically enhanced bosom action we get today. This might have been the last of the major studio theatrical releases to feature scads of barely motivated exposed breasts. Around the mid-80s when the VCR revolution was in full swing, gratuitous nudity became the trademark of straight to video titles and Cinemax After Dark. Nudity in theatrical comedies became limited to one or two peek moments.

This is a date film since there’s nudity to appeal to either gender or preference. You might have seen this film on Comedy Central over the years, but without the nudity, you haven’t really experienced Private Resort. Watching this film without naked bodies is like watching Sound of Music without the songs. What’s the point? To enjoy the plot?

For those of you that insist upon a plot, there seems to be one. Johnny and Rob check into a happening resort in Florida. They’re ready for vacation action with the bikini babes. The resort detective thinks they’re interlopers and lives up to the title of hotel dick as he hassles them. In their pursuit of getting laid, Johnny and Rob get tangled up with a stacked blond whose boyfriend is mobster known as The Maestro. He’s got a scheme to steal an old lady’s priceless necklace. Depp also has a plan to con the old lady’s granddaughter into bed. Rob only wants to bang a waitress, but Depp wants his wingman to aim higher. I think that’s the plot. I lost track of it when the boys ran into a woman’s shower room.

Andrew Dice Clay plays a stud with ladies stuck all over his body. Part of this might be static electricity from his massive hairy back. The Dice Man could give Ed Asner a run for the dorsal shag carpet. Dice might be the only “star” in the film that still lists this on their resume. I doubt that Johnny Depp will be talking about what he learned from director George Bowers on the Pirates’ press junket. Bowers also made the equally naked romp My Tutor. Private Resort would be his last directorial effort although he has gone on to a very successful career as an editor splicing up From Hell and Walking Tall starring The Rock. I guess it just wasn’t fun to make films when the actresses needed a reason why they’d drop their tops at their mother’s funeral.

Private Resort is a mindless relic of an age when plot holes could be filled with large distracting doses of nudity. it should be a part of your collection if you’d like to have Johnny Depp’s butt on the shelf.

STORY: 5/10
ACTING: 7/10

The DVD:

The Video:

The film is presented in Anamorphic Widescreen 1.85:1. The print transfer is stellar especially if you want to freeze frame on Johnny Depp’s butt.

The Audio:

This film is presented in English Dolby Digital, French and Portuguese. Subtitles are in English, Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish and French.

Special Features:

Sony didn’t even make a special menu page for this classic film. It’s a shame that Depp, Rob or Hector didn’t reunite for a commentary. Why couldn’t they get the Dice Man to record a track? Was he too busy getting his back Scotchguarded?