THE CHUCKLEHEADS HAVE JOINED TOGETHER
TO WATCH THE MOST AMAZING…
GOOFY FACTION EVAHHH HERE ON:
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
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INSIDE PULSE – Pop Culture On The Edge
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Tonight – ECW will be here – so will DX!!
Joining us is:
ERIC – De
BILL – Gen
JENNA – Er
HERNANDEZ – Ation
DANI – X!
And to the thousands in attendance.. The million reading from home…. I am your host…. James Hatton!
How fantastic is that? I have no idea, especially since the show is starting with Vince McMahon – who informs us that as a result to Trips joining the Kiss My Ass club, he has restarted Degeneration X.
This week – Vince gets what he wants this week – the destruction of Degeneration X.
“He admits that they are there… it’s legit.” – Hernandez
As Vince is headed to the front, a ringboy offers Vince a chicken.. oh wait.. it’s not a chicken.. it’s a cock – since Vince loves cocks.
“It was Shane.” – Hernandez
As Vince heads to the front further, an alien starts to bother Vince.
“We’ll be seeing him tomorrow…” – Eric
Again, interrupted, two chippendales… who are here to blow our mind. Three men.. two muscley.. and one fat greasy guy.
“This is Vince’s board room meetings!” – Hernandez
Hey! It’s Dusty Rhodes holding his new DVD! Dusty wants him to go out there and buy one of them and get ‘Funky Like A Monkey’.. he then walks off to sell them to the Chippendales.
Now Vince is asked to sign for something. What is it? A penis enlarger pump! Vince’s eyes tell the tale.
“Keep a straight face.. straight face.. straight face..” – Hernandez
“SIR! My semen has fertilized deserts!” – Bill
“At least they are making up for the anticlimactic DX Intro..” – Dani
So finally he gets to the ring…
“Why is there a red carpet?” – Dani
“..Nitro?” – Hernandez
Vince has two words for DX – to which Dani and the audience responds ‘suck it’. It is actually Living Hell. Vince wants us to look at his size twelve shoe – and as noted by Danielle – the crowd is FULL of the black and green.
So anyway, he’s going to firmly plant that size 12 between Triple H’s butt cheeks… and then kick Shawn’s teeth down his throat.
“At the same time?” – Eric
So Vince said he’s going to — wait… here comes Shane.
“Join DX… JOIN DX!” – Dani
“Dad did you get my boxes?” – Hernandez
“I’ve been asking for Shane to join for YEARS” – Me
Shane wants Vince to leave, Stephanie is in labor.
“Prepare for a hand.” – Me
“You mean a round of applause.” – Hernandez
“As a note – if that was real… Triple H will have to leave too!” – Me
In the back – Vince and Shane are leaving but they are stopped by Coach.
“Are things ok?” – Coach
“No things are NOT ok.. I’m leaving you in charge!” – Vince
Vince then says that Stephanie has the worst timing of anyone he’s ever known – so she apparently is a bitch! That’s not very nice.
COMMERCIAL (ONE – 9:09)
Torrie Wilson is putting together a backyard barbeque photoshoot.
“When did she get abs of steel?” – Dani
“And here comes Orton following her dog with a pooper scooper” – Bill
So we get some gratuity… whoopdee….
Now though, it’s time for her to come down to the ring… here comes Torrie in a black tied shirt and pink pair of pants.
Maria – wearing a red glittery thingy and a garter.. in fishnet glittery gloves.
“The crowd goes silent.. in awe.” – Bill
“Doesn’t Maria always win?” – Dani
“I submit that should be a rule.” – Bill
Candice looking pretty ok in a white capey bit… and white knee stockings… ok… see.. I’m torn… M…m…Maria still wins… but that’s only because Candice is wearing Daisy Dukes…. bleh.
Now Mickie James – wearing some other stuff… like a moomoo!?
“They gave her a bunch of meth before coming down…” – Eric
TORRIE WILSON & MARIA vs. CANDICE & MICKIE
BRA & PANTIES TAG MATCH
Candice starting in the ring with Torrie. Lock up and a headslam drops Torrie. Tosses Torrie to the ropes and Torrie gets a sunset flip and a roll over from Torrie who then removes Candice’s shirt. Just like that.
Candice looks concerned and tags in Mickie. Mickie kicks down Torrie and removes her pants…
“How come they don’t wear more clothes to bra and panties matches?” – Dani
“Like parkas..” – Bill
Torrie tags in Maria and Mickie attacks her – but then Mickie gets her up for a face plant. Mickie removes Maria’s pants. Then her top! Torrie runs in and eats a back kick – and Torrie gets her shirt taken off… and that’s that!
WINNER: MICKIE & CANDICE
Candice raises up Mickie’s arms and Mickie CLOTHESLINES her! Removes HER pants.. and yells for her to get out of her ring. Then she does the Go Daddy Twirl – takes JR’s hat.. and heads on out….
So Mickie gets in the face of a plant and removes HER shirt.
“Sniff it… Sniff it…” – Me
Hey JR is interviewing Kane!
“Prepare for JR to get lit on fire by two different Kanes” – Me
Also tonight – Ric versus Edge in a rematch!
COMMERCIAL (TWO – 9:20)
So last week – Haas hit Lillian and apologized.
“I just wanted to jumpstart my career” – Hernandez
So now.. here comes Viscera.
“We went from a bra and panties match to this?” – Dani
“In fairness, Viscera’s wearing a bra…” – Bill
VISCERA vs. CHARLIE HAAS
It’s bad when Viscera is the one that gets his theme music, as Haas started in the ring already. So Visc grabs the mic.
“I’m going to give you one last chance to apologize to Lillian and this time you better mean it.” – Viscera
“He did that already!” – Me & Dani
“No she didn’t..” – Viscera
“Yes she did… after the show.. she and I went to dinner.. and then accepted my apology over and over.. over pillow talk..” – Haas
So the bell rings.
So Visc slaps the hell out of Haas – throws him out of the ring. Haas finally hits Viscera – rolls him in and stomps him down – but as the big guy gets to his feet he hits a HUGE Black Hole Slam on Haas…
Haas goes and tries to beat Visc in the corner – but a HUGE clothesline drops Haas. Followed by some chokes – chops – kicks – and.. well.. pain… Visc screams ‘PILLOWTALK!?’ as he slams on Viscera.
“Look they let a leoploridon(sp) cut a promo Charlie…” – Bill
So as Visc is about to chokeslam Haas – in runs the Spirit Squad!?!?!? Attacking BOTH of them!?!?
“I’d like to believe if one of the Spirit Squad jumped at Viscera… they would disappear” – Hernandez
“Like Cloak?” – Eric
“Precisely!” – Hernandez
So now we have the Spirit Squad toss out Haas – and they do the big Spirit Slam on VISCERA!
“They just destroyed his spine!” – Me
“THANK YOU FOR REMOVING THE TURKEY IN MY RIBS…” – Hernandez
Spirit Squad grabs the mic… Kenny me thinks… so they state that DX isn’t even going to make it to Vengeance.
Kenny stumbles about on the mic calling out the DX.
In the back – Shawn and Trips on the Titantron… looking “worried”
“There are five of them.. two of us.. they are going to murderize us!” – Shawn
“Shawn.. calm down.. they are just… …..cheerleaders! If you think for one second we are going to come out there because you asked us to. No, we are going to come out there because we want to!” – Trips
Trips has two words for us… as the crowd chants SUCK IT! Trips says.. NO.. LOOK UP!
And as the Spirit Squad – they get coated in green slime all over the ring…
“I DON’T KNOW!” – Bill
“You can’t do this on television!” – Jenna
Shawn and Trips laugh themselves to tears in the back as the Spirit Squad slide around each other…
“Now men.. touch each others” – Hernandez
DX Spraypaints the camera…
COMMERCIAL – (Three – 9:33)
Happy birthday Bill!
A SPECIAL FEATURE:
People who celebrate their birthday – today – June 19th:
ANDRE THE GIANT
GARFIELD THE CAT
..and The Rabble’s own… BILL!
Here’s to another year of masturbating to Different Strokes episodes.
(This is how I find out if the Rabble reads The Rabble)
A DVD of Managers! Awesome… no seriously… AWESOME!
Back five minutes ago – it wasn’t ‘Suck it’ – it was ‘Look up’.
As a note – Trips and Shawn are back to their awesome comedic ways… the whole bit was really pretty funny.
“And from the top.. came the slime” – JR
“..and Owen Hart.. don’t you DARE put that in there” – Dani
So in the back Coach is talking with the slimed Spirit Squad. Coach promises them that DX will realize he is not to be messed with. Yeah, I’m sure of that.
So Coach heads into McMahon’s office, only to find Paul Heyman sitting on Vince’s couch. He recognizes that Coach is having a rough evening. Coach agrees, and asks Heyman to leave. Heyman introduces Coach into a worst case scenario, that he is not here alone tonight.. he’s here with a busload of ECW Rebels ready to attack tonight.
Coach wants to know what Paul wants.
“I want you people to stop messing with my shows…” – Me
Paul wants Edge & Randy Orton versus Kurt Angle & RVD tomorrow night on TV.
“Essentially something we could have seen without watching ECW?” – Bill
Coach agrees… but Paul has one more little thing. He wants tonight, Balls Mahoney to get revenge on Cena in that very arena. Coach.. again.. agrees!
So down at the ring, there are lots of people cleaning the ring – and JR is upset that he can’t find his hat. Now though he gets to talk to Kane…. that was so screwed up that mid discussion between JR and Lawler, they start the interview!?!? Wow, pretaped much?
So Kane explains who the other Kane was…. “There was this guy..” – Kane
“My neighbor… Randy Beeman..” – Me
Kane explains that this guy….. he………. Kane then leaves.
COMMERCIAL (Four – 9:45)
Hey – here comes GARBANZO!
Last week he kicked Hacksaw’s ass…
SIGN OF THE NIGHT: ‘UMAGA ATE MY SIGN’
UMAGA vs. JOBBER MCJOBJOB
Chops Jobby who lands on his ass… Tree of Woe – Flying headbutt.
“Do his pants say Jobber?” – Bill
“No, that’s Al Snow” – Hernandez
Broken Cigar…. Thumb Poke… Pin.
“LOUD NOISES!” – Bill
He then picks up Jobbie… TOSSES him out of the ring.. he skids off the slime… Armando gets upset as the rest of the crowd says his name with him! He then leaves grumpy that he got a face pop. How fantastic is that?
In the back… John Cena…
COMMERCIAL (Five – 9:53)
Here comes Cena..
“TEN O’CLOCK SPOOOOTTTTTT” – Hernandez
And now – with Paul Heyman… Balls Mahoney with a chair that says ‘Cena Must Pay’
JOHN CENA vs. BALLS MAHONEY
Sure.. why not?
Balls goes in the ring – the bell – and here we go… Balls goes fist to fist with Cena. Tosses Balls to the ropes – big suplex and a two count.
Big fists now from Cena – gets Balls into the corner. Ref separates them more than once and Balls pokes him in the eye and trips him down to the second turnbuckle. He picks up Cena and now clubbing blows from Balls… followed up by the BALLS BALLS WOOAH BALLS.
Snapkick to Cena for two. Balls goes in and gets a hit to the gut. Now onto the their feet… Cena hits the shoulderblock twice. Balls goes for a clothesline, ducks it, and Cena hits the slam. He hits the five knuckle – and as he hits the ropes – Heyman hands Balls the chair! Drop Toe Hold into the STFU from Cena!
WINNER: JOHN CENA
Cena goes for Heyman and in runs Sabu – in new pants!
“Hey look they got paid” – Hernandez
Sabu throws the chair at Cena… Cena rolls out and they go and he sets Cena up on the table… runs into the ring – Heyman has set up the chair. He runs – hits the chair – hits the ropes – HUGE LEGDROP! PERFECT BALANCE FROM SABU!
Cena is cut open as Sabu bails, and the crowd chants for Cena… nice. Security helps escort Heyman, Sabu, and Balls…
Cena is looking dazed.
“He’s looking mighty Krispy Kreme…” – Bill
In the replay – we see that Cena was lying on the table face down.. ouch.
“He can’t see himself..” – Eric
COMMERCIAL – (Six – 10:05)
Hey.. here comes Orton.
“Christian’s pyro is back!” – Eric
“HEY!” – Bill
In the ring… Snitsky?! Sure.
RANDY ORTON vs. GENE SNITSKY
I, too am confused…
Orton thumbs Snitsky’s eye – hits the Orton backbreaker – followed by kicks to his back. Big knee drop to Snitsky and a chinlock.
“This man aborts BABIES!” – Me
Snitsky fights out of it finally – then back and forth – and a HUGE clothesline. Picks up Orton – hits the ropes – and a sideslam from Snitsky! Snitsky does the 3 point stance and charges Orton down!
“HUSS!” – Hernandez
He charges Orton again – and gets a back elbow. Snitsky goes for the clothesline – a duck from Orton, Snitsky kicks him, sets up for a pump handle slam. Orton slides behind – goes for the RKO…. DENIED.. pushes Orton out of the way – Orton though grabs and RKOs anyway!
WINNER: RANDY K ORTON
And me and Bill agree – it was short – but it was a solid little match.
Orton then explains outside the ring that he is ‘Way more tough than John Cena.. way more..’
“Orton Destiny Grammar..” – Me
COMMERCIAL – (Seven – 10:16)
This week in Wrestling History: June 21, 1981
Harley Race versus Dusty Rhodes for the NWA Title. He wins it for a second time.
In the ring though.. is Carlito.
“You are never going to believe this..” – Carlito
“But I got a yob..” – Hernandez
So Coach made Carlito have a handicapped match… and that… is not cool, nor is Coach. Carlito becoming IC Champion this Sunday… is Cool.
Now though – here comes Nitro!
Also here comes Shelton!
SHELTON & NITRO vs. CARLITO
Heels and ambiguous Faces
In the ring – Nitro and Carlito… toss to the ropes – and a shoulderblock drops Carlito. Carlito gets up – and there is a nice tech exchange, ending in a monkeyflip via Carlito.
They lock back up and a knee to Carlito and a fight against the ropes. Carlito hits second rope – backflip – and a dropkick.
“Look at what I did.. that was cool!” – Me
A tag from Nitro to Shelton. They fight for a moment.
“Hey look, it’s Breakin'” – Hernandez
Carlito grabs Shelton and hits a sideslam. Corner fight back and forth. Carlito gets the top of the game on it – hits the ropes – and the kneelift – another rope – another clothesline. Shelton gets a dropkick out of nowhere and tags in Nitro. Now there are blind tags back and forth between Shelton and Nitro!
Shelton and Nitro go at it – Nitro clotheslines Shelton over the top – a roll-up from Carlito for TWO… a counter roll from Nitro – grabs some tights and gets the pin.
So Carlito and Shelton are in the ring, stunned.. and then they go after each other! Carlito hits the backcracker and heads on out.. leaving Shelton upset in the ring.
COMMERCIAL – (Eight – 10:29)
In the back – DX has attacked Vince’s office… they have Shane joining the Kiss My Ass Club… Vince getting Pedigreed… Vince’s Muscle Fitness cover, with spraypaint and mustache and bucktooth. Vince and
In the back – Maria – looking fantastic… with Eugene… dammit. Maria in a little pleated skirt and bra/shirt number… SCREENSHOTS ANYONE!
So Eugene wants us to know that Hacksaw Jim Duggan is recuperating, and he’s going to take on Umaga at Vengeance.
“Umaga goes Blalalalalalalalalalala” – Eugene
“So does everyone else…” – Bill
So Rob Conway comes out – makes fun of Hacksaw – and Eugene goes apeshit on him.
“HAVE YOU SEEN MY BASEBALL!!!!” – Me
So after the Vengeance promo – DX continues to ask Coach
“Gonna get it? Gonna buy it? Gonna get it? Gonna buy it?”
Funny… so Coach wants DX to know that they should be careful with what they should do tonight. They shouldn’t mess with him, as it’s like messing with Mr. McMahon. DX thinks on this and apologizes. No hard feelings. They seem quite ok with it, until finally they grab him – and THROW him through the wall – then pants him.
“AWWW That’s where the stud in the wall was.” – Hernandez
They then make fun of him wearing a thong… which of course Triple H agrees with innocently.
COMMERCIAL (Nine – 10:41)
Hey – The Highlanders are standing outside of a hotel room. Rory and Robbie MacAllister. Robbie seems to be the crazy one. Anyway – they can’t get their keycard to work in the hotel – so Robbie knocks on the door to find the sweet spot… then barrels through it…
Later, in the hotel room – they sit and watch the television, which has no football.
“Aye, but there’s XFL” – Bill
Robbie stops on ‘Adult Titles’ and since they are adults.. they click and watch..
So Mick is sitting with Lawler and JR! Edge is already in the ring.
“Skipping entrances left and right!” – Hernandez
Now here comes Flair – as Foley discusses that he is going to have an intentionally bad match versus Flair.
RIC FLAIR vs. EDGE
Quick and Sportzy
Lock-up and Edge pushes Flair to the corner and then the fists begin. Whips him to the corner – and then Flair bounces out for a back body drop. Edge picks him up, basic slam.
Edge climbs to the top – and as he leaps he gets chopped down – brings Edge to the corner and the chops chops chops… whip from Edge and he goes for the mini-spear and eats the ring post. Edge now goes for a chair and rolls into the ring. The ref takes it away from him in time enough for Flair to get the nut punch and a roll-up, but the ref takes a long time to get there….
Lita hits the apron, and Ric flips her in – but then chops Edge down. The ref is helping Lita as Ric goes for the figure four – Edge kicks out of it, pushing Ric into Foley who hits him with the mandible! Flair turns around to eat the Spear – that’s that.
ROB VAN DAM OUT OF NOWHERE!!! Off the top! Kick to Edge! Baseball slide to Foley! Hits the top rope… FIVE STAR RIGHT ONTO EDGE! Hot.
In the background, the Spirit Squad are making a calling to destroy DX…. so others don’t get embarrassed like they did earlier tonight. Stryker, Umaga, and a bunch of other second tier heels…
COMMERCIAL – (Ten – 10:51)
Tomorrow on ECW…
“Vampires Zombies and Witches..” – Hernandez
“Oh my!” – Me
The entire arena goes green!
“IT’S OZ!” – Hernandez
Are You Ready
D E G E N E R A T I O N X
I don’t care what you people say…
I mark like an SOB…
I did mark like an SOB…
I will continue to mark like an SOB…
“Kick’s Shawn… Pedigrees… dammit” – Me
The crowd is NUTS!
“I think I know the answer to this, but I still gotta ask it… Are you ready?” – Trips
“No.. I said.. ARE YOU READDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” – Trips
“For the thousands in attendance. For the millions watching at home. And just because we are back baby…. LETTTTT’S GET READY TO SUCCCK ITTTT!” – Trips
“Kick’s Shawn.. Pedigree… Dammit” – Hernandez
“And of course, if you are not down with that.. we got two words for ya!” – Shawn
“We don’t know them..” – Eric
“DX is back, the originals right here tonight” – Trips
“I have to bring the mood down for a minute. I’m guilt ridden, and I have to ask the Lord for forgiveness. I have to ask each and every one of you for forgiveness. Right now Shane and Vince McMahon are flying back biting fingernails…. because of Stephanie’s labor pains..” – Shawn
“LIAARRRR!” – Trips
“You are right – it’s a lie… but I wonder…. who…. who’s the dad?” – Shawn
“Right and that guy has got to be a STUD” – Trips
“Now let’s segue right into a shameless Pay Per View Plug… which you can call your local cable provider to order. So Spirit Squad, I know what you are thinking – I mean I’ve never been a cheerleader.. but I know what you are thinking. You are facing just two WWE superstars… no no no, you are facing the GAME.. you are facing THE HEARTBREAK KID… and we are..” -Shawn
Wait a second….. The Spirit Squad Music! AND HERE COMES…
THE MIDGET SPIRIT SQUAD!
So mini Kenny… Vogues….
Mini Mitch.. swims…
Mini Mikey.. butt bounds on the ring.
So Trips and Shawn beat down the midget spirit squad… and Trips gives Mini Mikey a Mini Superkick!
“Versatile!” – Eric
“That was funny… but that came up a little short for DX standards. I’ve been thinking about cheerleaders all week… I mean I’ve been… thinking… about cheerleaders” – Trips (Rubbing his nipples)
Shawn now puts on a blindfold.
“My version of cheerleaders are a little bit different…” – Trips
And now comes out girls in Spirit Squad colors… they climb up to a mini stage, and Trips is explaining it to a blindfolded Shawn. The girl version now do a cheer…. which is 10x better than the real Spirit Squad’s as it includes them taking off their tops and wearing DX Bras.
“You guys are the breast cheerleaders ever….. are those underwire.. Feel free to take em off. I got a cheer for you…..” – Trips
Oh wait – and here comes the REAL Spirit Squad. The Cheerleaders leave, and everyone but Mikey and Mitch are gone with them (they all followed the cheerleaders out…)
So they turn back around and eat double punches. Kick Pedigree to one. Superkick to another. The other three SS members are standing outside and pull out their beaten brethren.
“IN case you girls have forgotten. We are Degeneration X. And you guys are going to get your asses handed to you – and we got two words for ya!” – Trips
It is at this time that the midgets all drop their pants and their little midget asses spell out ‘SUCK IT’.
“Did you notice that the Rabble stops being good, the minute that Raw actually gets good?” – Bill
So… what did you all think…
“I liked it.” – Bill
“Two Thumbs up” – Eric
“I liked.” – Jenna
“I’m looking forward to this sunday.” – Hernandez
And you know what – this show was jam packed with stuff – a weird show where even the middle based matches were solid. I can’t say it was a bad show even though it was chockful of Sportz Entertainment. So yeah – good times – and thank you once again for checking out The Rabble!
Now it’s time for your BONUS FEATURES:
P E N N Y C A N D Y W I T H T H E R A B B L E
I was hit by a car on Wednesday and breathing makes me sob so I’m keeping it short.
The DX bits were funny, Cena proved he doesn’t need to be carried by having a past-paced fluid match with Balls, Carlito was marginally amusing as always, Maria made me forget the pain for a moment, Eugene STILL pisses me off as a gimmick desperate needing to be retired to save Dinsmore’s carreer, and I really did not need to see Coachman’s cottage cheese ass. And I’m already sick of the Highlanders. There shouldn’t even be only one, let alone 2. Adrian Paul’s not busy these days, maybe they can hire him to manage.
I go nini now.
The Rabble wishes Penny the best of luck on her recooperation.
Now other things to read now that you are at the bottom:
TIM STEVENS gives you all the news from the world of DC!
JOHN CAVANAUGH lets us know if Beavis & Butthead hold up.
GLOOMCHEN has listened to Front Line Assembly.. and thinks you should too.
KEVIN WONG is following the Treasure Hunters, so you don’t have to.
IAIN BURNSIDE gives us the Anti-Pulse, because he is in fact.. Anti-Everything.