The SmarK ECW Rant – June 20 2006

The SmarK ECW Rant – June 20 2006

– Semi-Live from Albany, NY.

– Your hosts are Joey Styles & Tazz.

– I know I said I wouldn’t continue, but it’s only an hour long and thus is very easy to recap anyway. But I can change my mind at any point, so don’t get all clingy.

– A little bit better production this week, as the arena is darker and it looks more like an indy show. In this case, that’s a good thing.

Opening match: Tony Mamluke v. Sabu

Hey, it’s ECW guys in an ECW match, what a concept. Sabu takes him down and drops a leg for two to start. Mamaluke fires back with a low kick for two, and a nice hammerlock backdrop suplex for two. Sabu comes back with a legdrop out of the corner for two, and goes to a quick chinlock before breaking and baseball sliding Mamaluke off the apron. Good pace to this one. Sabu of course follows with the triple-jump dive to the floor, and that allows him to set up a table. Mamaluke breaks it up and chairshots him before going up, but Sabu gets a very unique counter by throwing the chair at him. That works. Mamaluke ends up on the table outside, Sabu puts him through it, and the camel clutch ends it.

(Sabu d. Tony Mamaluke, camel clutch — submission, 3:32, **) Peppy little opening match with a good ECW-ish feel, which immediately makes this show 100% better than last week’s debut.

– Oh boy, back to Kelly again.

– Meanwhile, RVD again ups the improvement, cutting a solo promo ala the original ECW TV show and being himself.

Big Show v. Tommy Dreamer

Big Show is apparently now a heel, judging by his scowl on the way to the ring. ACTING~! Show has to go through Dreamer to learn what it means to be hardcore. Well, a lot of guys in the WWE must know what it means, then, usually every week on Heat. This is apparently a non-match confrontation, as Dreamer cuts his promo and then Show beats the crap out of him and leaves him for dead. That would definitely make him a heel.

– Meanwhile, a vampire is hanging around outside the arena. The show sucks, we get it.

Macho Libre v. The Sandman

Yes, it’s a guy dressed as Jack Black doing a Randy Savage impression. As if Savage needed parodying any more than he’s become himself. They should just hire the real deal and let him cut a promo, people would think it’s a bad impersonator anyway. You know the deal here. Sandman still needs better music, though. Big ups to the production guys, however, by doing a DROP IN PROMO during his entrance, ala WWF Superstars from the 80s. I love that stuff.

(Sandman d. Macho Libre, legsweep — pin, 0:30, DUD) Served its purpose.

– Meanwhile, John Cena arrives and challenges Sabu to an Extreme Lumberjack match at the PPV. Is that like Brokeback Mountain or something? Anyway, the idea is that everyone at ringside will be ECW guys, because Cena is man enough to take on the whole promotion.

– Hey, more Kelly, once again proving that stripping is an artform not to be practiced by those without the skills to pull it off. If this ever does air in Canada, by the way, this stuff would be yanked by the CRTC faster than Kelly can get her bra off. The payoff this time: A wrestler comes out and covers her up, thus instantly becoming the biggest heel in the building.

– Coming soon: The return of that hardcore icon — Test. Just what ECW was lacking, I say.

Edge & Randy Orton v. Kurt Angle & Rob Van Dam

Edge tells all the ECW fans that they suck. Oh, TAG. Angle takes Edge down to start and controls him on the mat, and brings in RVD. Orton and Rob slug it out in the corner, where Rob gets a spinkick and crotches Randy on the top rope. Orton gets kicked to the floor and they brawl out there, as RVD follows with a moonsault off the apron. Back in, Orton catches a cheapshot and Edge comes in, but misses a blind charge and gets dropkicked. Lita pulls Rob out of the ring, and we take a break.

Back with Rob in trouble, as Orton drops a knee on his head for two. Edge tosses him and introduces him to the stairs, and back in Orton gets the standing dropkick for two. Orton’s dropkick is probably the best thing in his moveset. RVD manages a high kick in the corner on Edge, however, and it’s hot tag Angle. Angle suplexes the crap out of Orton and Edge and takes Orton down for the anklelock, but Edge saves. Edge comes in off the top, but eats another suplex as a result. Orton hits Angle’s knee from behind, however, and goes to work on it, and Angle ends up on the floor. Edge gives him some punishment, and gets two back in the ring. Angle keeps fighting, taking Edge down with a chokehold, but Lita saves this time. The crowd helpfully starts a good old “She’s a crack whore” chant, but it doesn’t take.

Edge & Orton trade off on Angle, but Angle fights back with another german suplex on Edge, and it’s hot tag RVD. Everyone gets kicked and Rob hits Orton with a pescado, and then fights him off with a chair, but Edge shoves him into the table. That allows Angle is anklelock Edge and give Lita the Angle Slam, but he walks into the RKO. Orton stalls and RVD dropkicks him off the top and follows with Rolling Thunder, but Edge kicks him in the gut in mid-roll in a nice visual. Spear misses as they collide, but Rob has a harder head, I guess, because he fires off a frog splash and wins it. The replay shows that Rob actually hit Edge with one of the belts.

(RVD & Kurt Angle d. Randy Orton & Edge, RVD frog splash — pin Edge, 11:57, **3/4) Good TV match, which is more than can be said for anything last week. The whole notion of this being an “interpromotional” match is ludicrous, however.

The Pulse:

Way, way better than the debut show, with a grittier feel and less of the tired WWE production attached to it, like recaps of stuff that happened 10 minutes ago. That’s what announcers are for, and that’s how they did it this time. This is now a show I can actually watch.