Remote Destination

What I Watched Last Week

Nothing really. Well I watched three shows, but I missed four others so what’s the point of writing about a half week? Exactly there is none. Which is why this week’s column is going to pretty much deviate from the columns that you’ve grown to love.

This week things are going to be very random. In fact it’s going to kind of be like changing channels.

My Love/Hate Relationship With On Demandâ„¢

I love On Demandâ„¢. It’s perhaps the pinnacle of mankind’s ingenuity. It’s clearly one of the best things to come along in terms of Television in the past five years. But…

I hate On Demandâ„¢. It completely robs me of any immediacy or urgency in terms of viewing programs. Missed it when it originally aired? Now sweat it should be On Demandâ„¢ by now. Still…

I love On Demandâ„¢. It allows me to experience shows that aren’t on the air anymore like Oz and Six Feet Under. Furthermore it lets me catch up on previous seasons of shows that are still on, like Curb Your Enthusiasm. However…

I hate On Demandâ„¢. It makes me lazy. I used to have to rush to be home to watch a show. But now even if I’m home there’s no guarantee that I’m going to watch something, because of the blasted On Demandâ„¢!

Still I do kind of love it. Plus I’ve got to watch last week’s HBO Sunday Night lineup.

Random Praise For the Greatest Show on Televison: The Wire

Bob Reiss says: “For my money “The Wire” is the best show on TV. The Sopranos was excellent but this season it sort of lost some of its appeal to me. “The Wire” and Carnivale are why I still have HBO.”

Michaelangelo McCullar says; “I’ve been singing the sweet, sweet praises of The Wire for 3 years now. Hands down, no ifs, ands, or buts, best show on TV. “

With testimonials like this how can you not give The Wire as shot?

The third season of The Wire is currently getting an encore run on HBO on Sunday nights.

Readers Dreams

It’s not like I get a lot of readers send me tales of their dreams. However I had to share this one, because it seems completely apropos.

(For the sake of anonymity I’ll leave the readers name out.)

Random Reader wrote;

I couldn’t sleep last night and when I finally did I had a weird dream. I lived next door to you. I lived alone but you lived with your family. Your dad was Alan Thicke. Your mom was Meridith Baxter. You had a sister(Marcia Brady) and your brother was the older brother from the Wonder Years. Whenever I left my house, they would all come outside and say whatever they though was the standard ebonics speak. They would say things like, “Yo shorty, what’s the haps?” Or “What’s it be like, Pimptress?”, “You chillin’ it out B, word my bitch.” You would just shake your head and walk away. For some reason, I came over for dinner. They served pickled pigs feet. Telling me, “I know you think these da bomb, yo!” You just shrugged your shoulders and ate. Totally strange.

I’ve got to say; that sounds like the greatest dream ever. Ok, it sounds like one of the ten best dreams ever.

Hate to the Digital Max

An equally anonymous reader send me the follow email. It’s a response to a piece that wrote awhile back. Here’s what I wrote;

I’ve got a friend who hates Digital Max.

Who is Digital Max? Well for those not in the know, Digital Max is a virtual spokesman for Cox Communications. He pitches Cox products like Digital Cable and High Speed Internet. He’s really quite the shill.

But my friend hates him. She could literally talk for five minutes on how much she hates him and why. She hates him the way some people hate the New York Yankees. It’s bizarre and seems to have little provocation.

I’ll never forget the first time she told me of her hatred for him. She really built it up, explaining that he was a “tv personality” and she despised him. She went on about how he gets under her skin. So naturally I’m eager for her to reveal who rubs her in the wrong way. And when she actually said “Digital Max” I couldn’t help but smirk. It was an unreal moment. I mean a completely fabricated piece of corporate marketing was given a personality and she hates him for it.

So yeah, if anyone out there wants to drop me a line about their feelings about Digital Max, I’m strangely interested in now others feel about this character.

Well just this week I got the following email;

Hi Mathan!

I have to agree with your girlfriend: (Actually she’s just a coworker) I HATE DIGITAL MAX!!!!!! Hate his voice, hate the anonymous person who behind the voice–I suspect they don’t reveal the actor’s identity because he would get death threats–hate how the character looks (like a blue-sweatered ape, but less charming), hate Cox Cable for subjecting us to his video torture every ten minutes, hate the constant, annoying commercials, hate hate HATE whoever came up with this idiotic character. I think what I hate most of all the fact that (as you pointed out) he is not “real,” but actually a cartoon image. But, God, he is SOOOO AGGRAVATING! Why don’t you visit his website and report back to your readers? I guess you either don’t mind him, or you don’t use Cox Communications. I’m ready to get satellite TV at this rate, because if I see many more of these advertisements featuring this lummox, I’m going to lose it.

Thanks for letting me vent, and tell your girlfriend (C’mon, you’re killin’ me here. Ladies, I’m single.) she is not alone in her utter, complete hatred of Digital Max.

I still don’t hate him, but after visiting his site, he’s very annoying. He’s also clearly arrogant. I can kind of see how someone might change the channel. But hate him? It still seems extreme to me.

Domestic Help

Last week I posed the following scenario;

Good News; you got a promotion. Bad News; the job means more work on your part. Good News; it means more money. Bad News; you’ve got less time to spend at home. Maybe your promotion requires you to work night. Maybe it requires you to work weekends. Who knows? The point is you’ve got cut something out of your life. Good News; you’re cutting housework out. Bad News; you’ve got to get a maid.

So who are you going to pick; Alice (The Brady Bunch), Florence (The Jeffersons) or Rosie (The Jetsons)?

A Faceless Name posted the following on our thread;

It comes down to Alice though, she is the only one to every really do her job right. She just shagged the meat man in the closet, and sat on the washing machine way too often. Plus if you were single and really needed to get some she’d throw down. She is a freak, you just know it.

Thomasina dropped me a line via email;

I’d pick Alice, but I don’t want the butcher making booty calls at my place.Plus she’s too nice. Florence may not do enough cleaing for me, and she has serious attitude which may get on my nerves sometimes. I could have to box with her. Which would make Rosie my choice. She’s not too nice but wouldn’t piss me off.

Colin makes his victorious return to the column;

I think I’d want Rosie to be cleaning my gates. All of the three have some sass and backchat, but at least one could turn Rosie off.

As for me, I’m going to have to side with Florence. Y’see I’m all about finding someone that could match my wit and that’s Florence. I’d be afraid that Rosie would gain sentience and try to destroy me. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t find it unnerving to think that my maid was getting busy in my crib. Florence had her own place and she wouldn’t let me get to high and mighty about having a maid. She’d keep me down to earth and if I’ve got enough money to pay someone to clean up my messes, that’s exactly that I need.

Obviously this is going to bring us to…

Good News/Bad News/Question of the Week

Good news; you’re going on a trip. Bad news; it’s going to involve some flying. Good News; it’s all expense paid. Bad news; it’s not really a tourist spot. Maybe you went on a game show and won it as a prize. Maybe you won a raffle. Who knows? The point is that you get to go someplace new. Good news; it’s a weeklong trip. Bad news; it’s a weeklong trip.

So would you rather visit St. Olaf, the hometown of Rose Nyland (The Golden Girls) or Mypos homeland of Balki Bartokomous (Perfect Strangers)?

Links

It’s nutty because Kevin Wong is raving about The Great Space Coaster while I’m currently enjoying The Electric Company. Isn’t it odd that we both took trips to the past at the same time?

Matt gives his two cents about two shows.

Josh’s latest hasn’t posted yet, but it should be up by the time you read this.

Joe Reid’s Girl

Joe gets his Big Brother on in his latest blog entry. Last year I pretended that I might possibly give the show a shot. This year I’m not in the mood to lie.

Movie Joe Reid makes an appearance and discusses trailers.

The column is over. I’m going to watch more The Electric Company. Next week should be a return to form.