The RAW Events
— Vengeance has come and gone, so what kind of fall out do we have now? Me on the other hand lets see… I came out of Sunday with a 3-4 record, even though you can *technically* say I came out at .500 with a 4-4 record, because, hey, Kane still won. Sigh.
Hosts: JR & The King
The MAIN Events
– WWE Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Mickey James
So when you don’t have any other women challengers for the belt, I guess we get Trish back in the ring, not that I’m complaining or anything. Well it’s a women’s match as King continuously annoys me throughout the whole thing. We get very close to a nip slip from Trish as James gets the DDT for the very clean win.
Afterwards, Melina with the newly acquired IC strap and Nitro walk down to the ramp. Melina says that she is the new top diva in the WWE and orders Trish to walk out of the ring. Trish tries to fight back and gets shoved out of the way, Carlito runs in to make the save and I guess we have a new feud to work on here.
Winner: Mickey James(4)
– Umaga w/ AAE vs. Kamala
Kamala takes a few good shots at Umaga, but Umaga gets a hit in followed up by a scoop slam to keep Kamala out of commission for a while. Umaga then takes it out on Kim Chi for a while, before hitting the diving head butt onto Kamala. Samoan spike ends another squash.
Winner: Umaga (5)
– Val Venis & Viscera vs. Trevor Murdoch & Lance Cade
We don’t get any commentary from the cowboy team this time around as we get some action in the ring for a while until Charlie Hass walks down and starts to berate Lillian Garcia. Hass then tries to give Lillian a shoulder rub while more action goes on in the ring that I miss. Hass lays into Lillian, distracting Viscera which gives the win to Murdoch.
Winner: Trevor Murdoch & Lance Cade (3)
– Kane vs. Randy Orton
Kane slugs it out with Orton, before Orton going quickly to the knees. Chokeslam almost comes up, but a rake to the eyes and a drop kick nearly gets the two for Orton. Big boot sends Randy back down to the mat and is followed up with a corner clothesline and a sidewalk slam. Kane goes up top now and connects as the chokeslam is called for. Old school Kane music starts up and fake “Kane” makes his way out. Kane quickly goes after “Kane”, but Randy takes advantage and pulls off the RKO for the win.
Kane goes after the imposter after the match and choke slams him, finally getting the upper hand. Another choke slam is hit as the crowd chants “take off the mask”. Kane continues to attack as he choke slams Kane once more onto the ssttteeeellll ramp. Kane then drags the “Kane” backstage.
Winner: Randy Orton (2)
– WWE/ ECW Championship Match : John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam
We get a boxing like introduction with both men already in the ring after their entrance. Mixed reaction for both Cena and RVD from the crowd. And this is WWE rules. Scoop slam first by Cena and hip toss for two! RVD fires back as he goes up top, but is pushed off by Cena down to the mat as we head to break. (You know, build up a title match then cut to break 2 minutes in, who was the genius behind that!?)
Finally we’re back after a LONG break, and RVD is wrapped up in a Cena headlock. Both break out and RVD gets Cena on the ring apron, as John breaks up the attempt to get his face smashed into the post. RVD fights back and this time he gets Cena dumped out onto the floor. RVD connects with a moonsault on the outside on Cena, pulling him back in for 2! Leg drop for 2! RVD tries to bring in a chair, but the ref stops as Cena nails a couple of HUGE clotheslines to take him out. “You can’t see me” and the five knuckle shuffle connects. RVD counters the FU and hits the windmill kick to start back up.
Both men exchange a few punches in the middle of the ring and another kick takes out Cena. German suplex only gets 2 for RVD! Split legged moonsault gets another 2! Cena gets back up and slams RVD to the ground for another 2! Reverse elbow nails Cena and a top rope kick hits and five star is almost attempted, but goes instead for the rolling thunder, but Cena gets the knees. FU connects this time and STFU follows, BUT Edge fights back in to call the DQ. Edgecution and spear hits Cena and RVD respectively. And calls out that he’ll see RVD tomorrow on ECW. So the RAW/ECW feud sadly continues.
Winner: John Cena by DQ (1)
— Carlito tells Trish backstage that taking the IC strap from him wasn’t “cool” then goes off to mumble in Spanish. And mentions about saving Trish was no problem as she tells him her answer to his shirt with Carlito saying that was “cool”. Hmm, lemme guess, she swallows, nice.
— DX review from last Monday. Then back today where SS is complaining in Vince’s office while Shane settles them down. We know that Shane-O-Mac and Vincent will be taking on DX tonight.
— Diva search recap: Same ‘ol, same ‘ol. With the some very beautiful women auditioning while some of them trying to pull off “dirty” tactics to get on the show.
— Torrie Wilson is out in the ring with Todd Grisham to promote the “Summer Special Magazine” yeah, cheap plug. (Dammit, King still goes off over a damn picture) THANKFULLY Edge and Lita walk out to end this whole thing.
Edge tells us that he is STILL the MVP of this show (which I agree too!) And that he should be on magazine covers and in the main event as well as being the WWE champion. Edge cries out about the RVD/ Cena match being a joke tonight. Edge threatens to pull out of the show if he doesn’t get a rematch, so here comes the boos as Edge doesn’t wait and walks out. Through the crowd no less.
Camera walks out with Edge as he goes to the concession stands and demands his shirts back to be pulled off for sale. HAHA, neat little promo.
— The lovely Maria is backstage with Cena. He rags over the now departed Edge, but does the tough guy act of how he fought against ECW and will fight to get back the WWE title.
— Why I don’t know. Did WWE turn into MTV all of a sudden, I’m not quite sure. But we get to view Brooke Hogan’s new music video, who hot in her own way, seems to be just another Britney Spears look a like.
Randy Orton is seen backstage liking his lips at the 17, 18, 19 whatever year old Hogan’s daughter is. In other words, Orton vs. Hogan, pretty soon.
— I don’t know how we get this, but JR calls the upcoming match a slobber knocker!?! Can anyone help me on that? Vince’s music hits, but out comes HHH dressed up as Vince. Let the mocking begin. HHH goes on to “ramble incoherently” even going on to take a burn at the XFL. Ouch. Vince loves cocks by the way. And he knows and loves a lot of Dicks too! Big ones, small ones, fat ones, short ones, white ones, black ones, and even Asian. But he can’t get enough Dicks.
“Here comes the money!” and out comes “Shane” (aka HBK) jumping and skipping out into the ring. Shane is the product of Vince’s semen as it says so on the business card and jumps around a bit more. Vince says that he won’t leave the empire to Shane, but to his lovely daughter and to whoever it was who knocked her up because he must have a huge… Shane interrupts. We get an old Vince singing and dancing 80’s montage.
At last, the real McMahon’s walk out a bit pissed off. Fully armed with weapons and the SS. There’s a port-a-potty waiting at the ramp as DX dumps shit on them. With this public announcement brought to you by DX. And if your not down with this than you can “Suck it!”
To be honest, even though it kind of lasted a little bit too long, I was laughing through out the whole thing.
— Flair interview: pretty much a shoot over Mick Foley in how he isn’t a “real” wrestler from last night’s antics.
— Kane is still backstage dragging “Kane” while pulling off his mask, but not letting us see who it was. By the way, the mask was complete with the fake hair too.
— We meet the WWE Diva search finalist. Too many “Ashley” look-a-likes during the search.
— Enjoyable show actually that brought out some new story lines while continuing others. The only bad thing that really comes out of this is that the whole RAW/ ECW feud is STILL going to continue, dashing any hopes of those of us that wish ECW will get on and be ECW by itself. And it doesn’t seem like its going to end any time soon, so expect to see Edge and Cena popping up on ECW for a while more. Till the next EVENT, I’m out, peace!