The NeelDown Video Review: WWF Summerslam 1990

– I’ve had this one sitting around (which is translated to DVD) since WrestleMania III which I already got too, so I figured I would get to it now before the long WCW haul kicks in next time.

The NeelDown: Summerslam 1990

– From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

– Hosts are Roddy Piper & Vince McMahon

Power & Glory v. The Rockers
P&G jump them on the outside to start but Michaels takes them both out with hip tosses and Jannetty adds a dropkick. P&G double team Jannetty but he rolls one of them up for two. Hercules takes Jannetty out. Piper thinks P&G are the “new Mick Jagger & David Bowie.” Unless he was just loosely throwing out two rock stars, I think Jagger and Keith Richards would have worked as a better duo. If it was up to me though, I would definitely throw in the Plant-Page connection. Or, currently, the Cedric-Omar. Hercules press slams Jannetty for two, as Michaels stays isolated on the outside due to knee problems. He tries a slam but they do an awkward roll through for two. Jannetty makes the comeback and gets the FIST DROP (not of DOOM though, we’re saving that for Rick in the main event) for two, then gets tripped up via heel tactics. Hercules turns Marty inside out and they finish with a superplex splash combo for the pin. Whole thing was basically a handicap squash due to Shawn’s injury, but Jannetty’s offense prevented it from behind a boring squash. *1/2
Winners: Power & Glory

– Mr. Perfect says that being the perfect IC champ has its problems, and Heenan gives us his thoughts on a real “tornado,” This is what we call a time filler.

Curt Hennig v. Texas Tornado – Intercontinental Championship
Von Erich shoves Hennig to the corner to start so he has to bail and regroup. Back in Hennig takes him down with an armdrag. Piper wonders what Heenan actually “knows about wrestling.” Um … anyway, Von Erich goes in charge and tosses Hennig. Back in Von Erich works on the arm with an arm wrench until Hennig clotheslines out of it and snapmares him into the somersault bulldog. An OLD SCHOOL one at that! Hennig goes with the sleeper but Tornado makes the ropes, then slingshots him to the corner and gives him the TORNADO PUNCH OF DEATH and gets the pin and the IC title. Man that glorified PUNCH finisher sure looks/is stupid. Good match, anyway. ***
Winner: Texas Tornado

– Bobby Heenan tells Mene Gene that the last match’s officiating was the worst he has ever seen.

– Sensational Queen Sherri v. Sweet Sapphire never happens because Sapphire never comes out. They keep playing her music over though, just in case she forgot about the match or something. Piper predicts that Dusty Rhodes is holding her back, or eating pancakes. Yes, that’s right, eating pancakes. Not waffles. She has 30 seconds to come to the ring or she loses via forfeit. She doesn’t, so Sherri wins. Okay, I understand the booking, but I don’t think we needed to waste 9 minutes on this.

– Dusty does not know where Sapphire is, and says she disappeared into thin air when they got to the arena. Jim Duggan, captain of the T.S.R.S. (Team Sapphire Sapphire Rescue Squad), does not know either. Back to work, I suppose.

The Warlord v. Tito Santana
Warlord looks EXACTLY like a bearded muscular Steve Austin, with a Phantom of the Opera get-up. Piper notes that he won’t call Santana the stereotypical “Bean eater.” That’s nice to know. But can Roddy contain himself? We’ll see. Warlord overpowers him to start but Tito slugs back and gets a bulldog, and a bunch of dropkicks send him to the floor. Tito tries working the arm, but he gets slammed down in exchange. Warlord tries a powerbomb but Santana falls on top for two, as Warlord’s overpowering kickout sends Tito to the floor. Out there Warlord gives him the WEAKEST ram into the post I’ve ever witnessed. Dear lord that was bad looking. Slick tries inching in with the shoe, but the classy referee prevents that. Warlord continues to … slow … down … the … boring … match with a series of CLUBS to the back. He eventually chases into some boots, and Santana takes him down with a stiff lariat for two. Forearm hits, but Warlord has the rope. Tito gets tossed out of the corner and Warlord finishes with a running powerslam for the pin. Slow and boring as hell. 3/4*
Winner: The Warlord

– Survivor Series promo. The November 22 Thanksgiving edition! Don’t miss it!!

– Demolition, equipped with brand new third member Crush, leave us puzzled as to which two members will be in the 2 out of 3 falls tag match tonight. They also add that LOD “need their butts kicked.”

Demolition v. The Hart Foundation – 2 out of 3 falls Tag Team Championship
We’ll split up the falls here, to avoid confusion and make it easier to read for you “scanning” readers.

The Harts double team Smash to start and Bret works his arm then tags in Anvil who continues working it. Back in comes Bret who drops a leg on the arm but gets slammed. Crush comes in and slams Bret, but misses a knee drop and Bret headbuts away. He tries a crossbody but gets tossed down. Bret schoolboys for two, and they both tag out. Crush adds the token heel boot from the apron tactic to slow down Anvil, but he quickly regroups. Bret comes in and dropkicks Crush, atomic drops Smash, then whips them into each other. Whoa, Bret. The Russian leg sweep on one or the other gets two. Logic would say that after all that work for Bret to overcome the outnumbered odds that would score the first fall, but I never argue with kayfabe, so whatever. High crossbody on Crush, but Smash breaks up the pin. Anvil is hurt outside for a while, leaving Demolition to get the elbow drop over the knee on Bret for the first fall.

Anvil finally comes back in as they continue to isolate Bret. Back suplex gets two, and Smash applies the CHINLOCK OF DEATH. Crush comes in but falls victim to a sloppy … I guess it was a clothesline attempt, from Bret. Hot tag to Neidhart who cleans house but just gets a couple of two counts. Bret whips Anvil into Smash’s crotch and they follow with the Hart Attack, but Crush dives over the pin rather than just breaking it up, and tackles the ref, and yes, that draws a DQ. However, the match isn’t over, the Harts just win the second fall with the DQ. Yeah.

Third Demolition member Ax runs down and hides under the ring. Bret comes in with a sunset flip on Smash for two. Anvil comes in illegally and slams Bret onto Smash for two. A punch sends Smash to the outside, where he rolls under the ring and then Ax comes out and goes to work on Bret. Well, I guess no one notices that one has long hair and one doesn’t. Wait — Mr. McMahon does. Those sly announcers. But who knows, perhaps Smash had some clippers under there and trimmed it in the 2.5 seconds he was down there. Ax’s slam on Bret gets two. Leg sweep gets two. Irish whip gets two. Bret is taking PUNISHMENT. Smash comes out and they double team pound Bret while the ref is distracted. Now Legion of Doom make their way down and pull Smash out to a big pop. Back in the ring Bret rolls Crush up for the third and final fall and the titles. Surprisingly, this was one of those special times when the interference and normally stupid tactics were enjoyable and entertaining, and fueled this one to a great match. A lot better than I or anyone else had probably expected. ***1/2
Winners: The Hart Foundation

– Sherri says she heard some rumors about Sapphire, but ends up laughing mercifully, like in all of her promos.

– Nikolai Volkoff and Jim Duggan talk about their new country to country, respectful mutual relationship. Pretty funny.

– Team meeting with Jimmy Hart, Dino Bravo, and the late Earthquake (R.I.P).

Jake Roberts v. Bad News Brown
Your “special” guest referee here is the apathetic Big Bossman, who makes his way down after the match is underway. Quick brawling to start and Roberts tries an early DDT. Brown tries a fake out Ghetto Buster but drops a leg instead, with a cocky pin for two. BNB stops to talk to Bossman about the unfair racist officiating, so Roberts tries the DDT again, but it fails. Outside we go and Brown wacks him in the gut with a RED chair. Piper comments that it is chemical warfare to smell BNB. Yawn. Brown continues the assault and tries the Ghetto Buster but Roberts dodges it and gets a kneelift and then goes all punchy and stuff. He tries to finish him with the DDT for the third time, but BDB backdrops out of it then uses a chair again, so Bossman calls it a DQ. ** Brown tries a leg drop on Damien afterwards, but blindly misses, then gets attacked by Damien sending him to the back. I guess it’s kind of funny.
Winner: Jake Roberts

– Tickets on sale now for WrestleMania VII! Complete with 1-800 # and all! Yes, I tried calling and yes, it was busy.

The Orient Express v. The Superpowers that are Nikolai Volkoff & Jim Duggan
The Japs attack after the pre-match God Bless America singing, which was funny. Anyway, the heels get dumped quickly. Volkoff takes Tanaka down to start but Sato comes in to break up a slam. Fuji adds the cheap cane shot and a side kick on Volkoff gets two. Tanaka misses a headbut and Duggan gets the tag who gets a double clothesline. Some token double teaming follows and Duggan clotheslines Sato for the pin. Too short and meaningless to make anything of. 1/4*
Winners: Nikolai Volkoff & Jim Duggan

Dusty Rhodes v. “Macho King” Randy Savage
Savage is escorted down being carried on a throne. Ted DiBiase reveals that has purchased Sapphire, who joins he and Virgil with a bag of money, because remember, everyone has their price. Rhodes goes after him, but Savage attacks him from behind. Savage keeps on the attack but Rhodes pummels him down and gets a DROPKICK. Rhodes goes after Sherri, but Savage sneaks in and clocks Rhodes with something black from Sherri’s purse for the pin. A short match which only meaning really was to reveal where Sapphire has been this whole time. What a mystery it has turned out to be. 1/2*
Winner: Randy Savage

– Double main event time!

Earthquake v. Hulk Hogan
So we have Bossman, Dino Bravo, Jimmy Hart, Zach Gowen, and probably others floating around at ringside. Lockups to start and Hogan gets shoved down, to Jimmy Hart’s delight. After some regrouping, Hogan pounds away but tries the “early slam which he will not be able to muster but at the end of the match he will make the big slam” and gets pummeled around. A gazillion punches and chops finally drops Earthquake on his ass. He goes out to regroup, but Hogan breaks it up and in the ring Bossman and Hogan big boot Bravo and Earthquake. Bravo and Earthquake slam him down for two though. Earthquake goes up top (?!?) and drops Hogan with a VICIOUS CLUB. Then he applies a Boston Crab but Hogan gets the rope. Bravo adds a cheap slam on the floor, for good measure, because, you know, a 468 lb former sumo wrestler needs all the help he can get against the Hulkamaniac culture. Like I foreshadowed earlier, all of the wild and crazy interference (not to be confused with former Nickelodeon program with the same name only with “Kids” after it instead of “interference”) is really hurting this match, and making it even more boring than it should be. Earthquake misses an elbow. OOOH! So Hulk tries slamming him again, but it’s still early, so Earthquake falls on top for two. Earthquake now locks in the BEARHUG OF DEATH.

(16 minutes of fast forwarding and 4 sodas later)

BUT THE IMMORTAL WILL NOT FALL, and Hogan punches out of it. He then does the numerous shoulderblock sequence to try to get Earthquake to fall, but he won’t, and Terry gets slammed for two. He follows with the ASS CLOBBER but doesn’t pin, and instead hits another one. Now he pins, but Hogan makes the mega huge kickout, because the Hulkamaniacs can prevent a pin after two devastating finishers in a row. Anyway, Hogan gets the big boot followed by the Lethal Legdrop but Jimmy Hart and the crew raid the ring to prevent the pin. Hart tries a megaphone shot but accidentally hits Earthquake, and Hogan slams him (I told you it was coming sooner or later) on a covered table that he slips off of for the win, presumingly a count-out. That finish seems pretty awkward, I don’t see why Hogan couldn’t get the pin, unless it was due to all of the interference would storm the ring and break it up again. Otherwise I can’t come up with anything, especially when he was able to do it to Andre 3 years ago. *
Winner: Hulk Hogan

Ultimate Warrior v. Rick Rude – WWF Championship cage match
Warrior takes a few laps around the cage to start then climbs up and pounds on Rude to get in. Warrior gets the flying clothesline and feeds him to the blue cage a few times. Speaking of the color of blue, this is the unveiling of UW’s WWF belt, which is baby blue. And sue me, I like it. Warrior misses a charge and launches himself into the cage. Rude tries climbing but Warrior interrupts. Rude kicks him down though, and then follows by taking him down, instead of simply just climbing out of the cage. I never understood that “I have a perfect opportunity to escape the cage but would rather inflict more pain and suffering upon my opponent” logic, but I guess that’s why I am watching the matches. Rude tries feeding him to the cage but Warrior gets caught in the ropes instead. Rude continues working him into the cage and tries the Rude Awakening early, but Warrior’s magic strength overcomes it and he fights out then drops him with some usual stuff. Rude manages to get the Rude Awakening shortly afterwards anyway, then gets the first drop from the top of the cage. He then tries another one … and gets caught with a gut jab. Warrior tries climbing out the door, with a huge glob of snot hanging out of his nose, but Heenan slams the door on him. That gets two for Rude. Rude tries crawling out but Warrior pulls down his tights then hauls Heenan in for a beatdown. That allows Rude to clothesline him, but that only motivates Warrior to do some rope shaking. He follows with the trio of lariats — WAIT! It is a duo of lariats! He only did two! Oh well. He then raises the roof, you know the drill. Warrior then successfully climbs out to retain his patented title. Fun match, but quality-wise there was nothing too good about it. **1/2
Winner: Ultimate Warrior

End of show.