Body Blows: Brock/Ibragimov, 5 Boxers That Should Retire, and My Favorite Knockout Ever.

The marquee fight of the weekend featured two undefeated heavyweights in a #1 contender bout. Calvin Brock, 28-0 (22 KOs), from the United States faced Timor Ibragimov, 21-0-1 (13 KOs), of Uzbekistan with the winner gaining a shot at Wladimir Klitschko’s IBF Heavyweight title. Brock left his 9 to 5 as a banker to focus on his boxing career, hence his nickname of The Boxing Banker. Ibragimov piled up his unblemished record against lesser competition and was taking a big step up in quality in his fight with Brock.

Calvin Brock vs. Timor Ibragimov

This fight, and I’m being generous in calling it a fight, did very little to produce an exciting heavyweight attraction. While Calvin Brock won the contest by unanimous decision, he let Ibragimov dictate the pace with his holding and posturing. The punch stats for the fight showed Brock landed 104 of 319 for the bout while Ibragimov mustered 59 out of 321. It’s hard for Brock to get work when his opponent only lands five punches per round. These guys made Cousin Larry Appleton’s skirmish with a jealous boyfriend in the parking lot look like Hagler/Hearns. Unfortunately, Balki Bartokomous was not able to step in and save us from this boring excuse for a main event.

Calvin Brock now earns a shot at the IBF Heavyweight title, currently held by Wladimir Klitschko. It may have been the easiest fight to ever get to a title shot, although one judge scored the bout 115-113. The other scores were 117-111 and 119-109, both a more accurate gauge for the fight. The dullness of the fight relies more on Ibragimov’s shoulders than it does for Calvin Brock. Ibragimov was about as active in this fight as the girls were in third grade dodgeball. He just kind of stood in the back and showed no desire to be there, while Brock just waited to tee off on his head. I don’t see Ibragimov getting many major opportunities after this so hopefully he’ll be out of our lives for good.

Five Boxers That Should Never Fight Again

Last week, Oscar De La Hoya was supposed to make an announcement concerning his retirement. De La Hoya had narrowed his choices down to fighting Floyd Mayweather Jr in September or calling it a career. In the end, Oscar decided it was too early for him to decide. Retirement is still an option, but The Golden Boy said he was leaning towards a final fight next year during the Cinco de Mayo weekend. Oscar still considers Mayweather Jr as his only viable opponent. There is still a major problem with that matchup, however. Oscar De La Hoya’s trainer is Floyd Mayweather Sr. Oscar says he will not fight without Floyd Senior but Floyd Senior says he won’t train someone to fight his son. That’s quite a dilemma. A dilemma that will surely be eased by the millions of dollars all these men will make from the fight.

Since Oscar still can’t make up his mind about his career, I feel I’m the next best person to make that decision for him. Oscar, it’s time to retire. And since I’m feeling generous, here’s four other guys you can take with you as I present five boxers that should never fight again.

John “The Quiet Man” Ruiz 41-6-1 (28 KOs)
Ruiz is the most boring fighter to ever hold a heavyweight title. He clinches, holds, complains, basically does everything he can to not actually fight his opponent. Even his nickname is boring. Boxing fans everywhere rejoiced when he announced his retirement last year after losing to James Toney. Unfortunately, Toney tested positive for a banned substance changing the decision to no contest. This gave Ruiz his belt back and thus reinstated himself as a boxer. As evidence by his record, Ruiz wins fights. Too bad his “winning style” puts no one in the seats. Ruiz is 34 years old now and just lost his title to the Russian giant Nikolay Valuev. The best gift Ruiz can give the heavyweight division is his very own departure. So please John, for once in your life do something the fans would enjoy.

Roy Jones Jr 49-4 (38 KOs)
Junior was the pound-for-pound king for nearly a decade. A fighter so dominant that he had to create his own challenges just to make the fights interesting for him. Jones once played in a semi-pro basketball game hours before he was to defend his world super middleweight title. After dominating middleweight, super middleweight, and light heavyweight, Jones took on another challenge as he battled the aforementioned John Ruiz for a heavyweight title. Jones was successful in both instances. That Roy Jones is gone and all that remains is a 37 year old man that hasn’t won a fight since 2003. Jones has since been knocked out twice and was all but knocked out in his last fight with Antonio Tarver. Jones has an upcoming fight with Prince Badi Ajamu at the end of the month and let’s hope it is his last. Jones has too much pride to admit his skills have diminished. He doesn’t want to go out a loser and 50 wins would be nice, but Jones has proved far too much over his career to feel like he needs to redeem himself now.

Oscar De La Hoya 38-4 (30 KOs)
Similar to Roy Jones Jr, Oscar has nothing left to prove. He was won ten world titles in six different weight classes. The Golden Boy showed he still has the skills to hang with the best in the world when he knocked out Ricardo Mayorga last month after a 20-month layoff. De La Hoya has said his win against Mayorga would be the perfect walk into the sunset. So why not take it? Oscar has nothing left to prove. Oscar has plenty of money. He earned a reported $20 million for his fight with Mayorga, a combination of guaranteed purse money and his share of pay-per-view revenue. Oscar even has his own promotional company, Golden Boy Promotions, to occupy his time after retirement. All of those reasons are enough to retire but the main reason he should hang up the gloves is because of Floyd Mayweather Jr. If this is the only fight Oscar will take, then it makes more sense for him to ride off into the sunset with his storybook ending. De La Hoya has proved a lot of people wrong over his career, and that bravado will be his only reason to get back into the sport. Most people think Mayweather is too good for Oscar. In this case, most people are right. Mayweather humiliates boxers and that ending is 180 degrees away from the ending Oscar can choose right now.

Arturo “Thunder” Gatti 40-7 (31 KOs)
Speaking of Mayweather humiliating a fighter, the ultimate blood and guts warrior has had a long and exciting career but it needs to come to an end. Gatti has taken part in some of the most exciting brawls boxing fans have ever seen. The wear and tear he has accumulated over his 15-year boxing career should be reason alone to call it a career. Protect yourself at all times, right? Gatti’s style makes it nearly impossible for him to end his career in any non-life-threatening manner. WBC Welterweight champion Carlos Baldomir awaits Gatti in a few weeks. I don’t fear for Gatti in this fight, but I do fear he will become another in a long list of fighters that held on just a little too long. After losing to Mayweather, Gatti realized he will never be an elite fighter. His most famous rival, Micky Ward, suffered the same realization and hung up his gloves at the correct time. Ward is now a part of Gatti’s camp and the two are close friends. I’m sure the best decision will be made, it just may need to be made a little sooner than Gatti would like to admit.

Juan Manuel Marquez 44-3-1 (33 KOs)
Marquez is still a boxer capable of taking down the elite featherweights. He’s 32 years old and there is plenty in the tank to go another three or four years. So why should Marquez call it quits? Marquez and his team are perhaps the worst decision makers in boxing. Marquez has made more stupid decisions with his career than Samuel L Jackson. When Marquez was the #1 contender to Prince Naseem Hamed’s featherweight title, he turned down what would have been the biggest, most important, and most lucrative fight of his career. Why even box if you don’t want to be champion? Instead, Marquez lost a decision to Freddie Norwood, a fight he could have had after Hamed regardless of the outcome. Marquez wouldn’t get another title shot for four years. Marquez did, however, make the most of that situation as he became a world champion. That led to Marquez’s most famous fight of his career, a draw against Manny Pacquiao. Manny dropped Marquez three times in the first round but Marquez chipped away at Pacquiao the rest of the fight. After an exciting fight was put on between the two, a rematch was discussed and of course, Marquez turned it down as he wouldn’t come down from his ludicrous asking price. Pacquiao has since gone on to better things and become one of the hottest attractions in boxing. In contrast, Marquez was stripped of his title because no one bid on promoting his title fight. Not even the minimum. Marquez was trying to leave his Top Rank promotion but before he did, he was offered $1.4 million to fight Erik Morales. Marquez obviously declined because as we’ve come to find out, he’s a moron. Marquez wanted more money and the talks came to a halt. Instead of taking over a million dollars and a possibility to re-energize his career, Marquez took $31,500 to fight Chris John in his hometown. This was a risky fight that Marquez could certainly lose, making a lot of people wonder why he was willing to take such little money compared to what he was being offered elsewhere. Marquez did in fact lose the fight and has become the poster child for poor career management. Marquez has another title fight in August but he should just hang up the gloves and retire before he inevitably does something stupid once again.

Results From Last Week

– Mia St. John, once the face of women’s boxing because it was the hottest to choose from, lost to Jelena Mrdjenovich by unanimous decision. St. John once posed for Playboy and Jelena really does have four consonants to start her last name.

– Jean Pascal remained undefeated as a super middleweight with his unanimous decision over a game Darnell Boone.

– Joachim Alcine earned a WBA Light Middleweight title shot with his victory over Javier Alberto Mamani. The current WBA Light Middleweight champion is Jose Antonio Rivera.

– Joe Mesi won a unanimous decision over Stephane Tessier. Mesi is best known for being medically prohibited to fight due to blood clots in his brain. Mesi fought the suspension and this is his second fight since returning.

– Featherweight Robert Guerrero won a rematch with Gamaliel Diaz by 6th round KO. Diaz had never been knocked down before and won the previous meeting between the two by split decision.

– Carlos Quintana handed heralded prospect Joel Julio his first loss and earned a WBA Welterweight title shot in the process. Quintana’s unanimous decision over Julio not only keeps Quintana undefeated, but sets up a fight with WBA Welterweight champion Ricky “The Hitman” Hatton.

Jockscraps – The Stories They Won’t Tell

David Beckham Lets Loose After Big Goal

The filter was off of David Beckham in a post-game interview that followed Beckham’s game winning goal in the World Cup. The following are Ten Things You May Not Know About David Beckham:

(10) I’ve got a stunning poster of the Queen of England in me laboratory. As far as bowel movements are concerned, her lovely face has inspired moments of absolute brilliance from deep within me body.

(9) I write poetry to ease me mind. I ain’t saying I’m the best at it, but I ain’t the worst either. Check this out:
When the wind stops swirling over all the land,
And the waves stop crashing upon all the sand,
And the baker bakes his very last roll,
David Beckham will still be scoring goals.

I wrote that in me head whilst playing a match against Newcastle. Not bad, eh?

(8) You don’t have to be Posh to swallow a Becks. And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout the beer, mate.

(7) I spent more money yesterday than any of you sorry muffs will make in a lifetime. Stupid wankers, the whole lot of ya!!!!!

(6) Me father was a roadie for the rock ‘n’ roll group Herman’s Hermits. Now that I think about it, what the bloody hell was so rock ‘n’ roll about ’em? They sang that absolutely horrible “Something Tells Me I’m Into Something Good” song. Well, something tells me they sucked.

(5) I like singers with sexual names, like Enya.

(4) I don’t count sheep if I have trouble getting to sleep at night. You know what I count? I didn’t think so. Well, I count meter maids. Meter maids with big ol’ titties.

(3) My hair has its own body guard. His name is Rod. I hired him because his name sounded sexual. I giggle every time someone says his name.

(2) Roger Clemens once punched me in the face outside a nightclub in New York. He’s a cool dude, though. We made up real quick after it happened. He even gave me an
autographed baseball and a ticket to a minor league game.

(1) I hate soccer, ‘bro.

My Favorite Knockout….And Soon To Be Yours

Spit Bucket

Who do you think is the best heavyweight today? Is there another boxer you think shouldn’t fight again? Shoot me some answers at buddhabean316@yahoo.com. In the meantime, check these fine folks out:

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