The RAW Events
— I stand for truth, justice and the American way! Unlike some guy who flies around in a red towel and has a kid out of wedlock, but hey I’m just saying, it’s not like I saw a *bad* movie or anything. Anyway, Happy 4th of July week, and what better can we kick off a good ‘ol American holiday with some good ‘ol American wrestling.
Hosts: JR & The King
The MAIN Events
– Lita vs. Torrie Wilson
Lita takes it to Torrie from the get go. Pretty much a basic squash.
Winner: Lita (5)
– Spirit Squad vs. Eugene, Hacksaw, Val Venis, Viscera, & Snitsky (aka: The Crap Squad)
Wow, this should be entertaining. SS squash Venis for a while. Eugene turn to get beaten (I’m really tired of this retard gimmick). Snitsky clears with the tag. But SS clear the team and work on Snitsky for the win.
Winner: Spirit Squad (4)
– Rob Conway & Matt Striker vs. The Highlanders
Hey it’s my old high school mascot… what do you know? Highlanders are just a basic rough ’em up team. They should have Rowdy Roddy Piper as their manager! Striker refuses the tag from Conway saying he’s to smart to wrestle them, and SQUASH.
Winner: The Highlanders (3)
– Intercontinental Title Match: Johnny Nitro w/ Melina vs. Carlito
DX gives us some good replays of Melina’s ring entrance. Nitro starts off the match by accusing Carlito of a poke to the eye, and then jumps him right afterwards. Carlito gets some back and forth action until Nitro does a spinning leg drop for a two count! Nitro goes a little to much showing off and Carlito starts to whale on Johnny. Carlito gets the back breaker but Melina causes the DQ to retain the title.
Trish runs in (a little to late albeit) and takes it to Melina to clear. We get some more DX replays of the good ones to watch.
Winner: Carlito by DQ(2)
– Umaga vs. Jobber
Before the squash, DX interrupts to promote their new DX t-shirt. And then HHH brings us back to our regularly presented ppppppprrrrrogram. Squash then ensues. And due to DX we get no AAE speech tonight.
Winner: Umaga (6)
– WWE/ECW Championship Title Match: Edge vs. John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam
Hey what a concept, RVD (the champ) comes out last in the intros!! Who was the genius who thought that up? And what’s up with this new “boxing” style way of introducing the wrestlers?? ANYway, bell rings and we’re set.
Cena sucks chant! RVD goes after Edge first and then Cena goes after Edge, getting booed loudly. We take turns here for a while, with every offense Cena gets, he’s booed. Back from break, Cena and RVD are at each other, with Edge coming from behind and knocking Cena off the top rope, and getting a quasi- power bomb for two! RVD cartwheels over and gets a two count himself. RVD shoots over the ropes with a cross body, taking out both men, and getting Cena for two! All three now in the ring and we get a nice little sequence of Edge putting up Cena in a vertical suplex, but RVD shooting off the top rope, knocking them all down.
All three men are back down and FINALLY JR points out a good point, asking why the ref is counting if this is a no DQ match. RVD finally gets up and fires back, but is tossed out of the ring by Edge. But Cena does a few clotheslines and shoulder blocks to take down Edge. A five knuckle shuffle connects and sets up the FU, while Edge holds onto the ropes before getting tossed out. FU on Lita. Vandaminator on Cena from RVD.
Five star missed and all three men are back down. FU time for RVD and it connects, but Edge runs in and hits Cena with the title, pinning RVD for the win. EDGE IS THE NEW CHAMP!!!!
Winner: and new champion, EDGE (1)
— DX is barred from coming in the arena tonight along with wearing new shirts.
— Edge walks out saying that the R-rated superstar will own this summer as he will take on RVD tomorrow at ECW to win the title and then go on to Saturday Night and defend his title against RVD and Cena. He burns on the Phillies and the Eagles. Edge is like T.O. where he just wants to get the hell out of this town. HAHA, nice. Edge was about to announce his partner, BUT Cena interrupts.
Edge and Cena start the brawl right away as Cena clears the ring. But as he does, RVD comes out. RVD gives Cena a shot for the WWE title once more tonight. However, Edge doesn’t want to get screwed incase Cena wins. And RVD knows Edge will just interfere, so he wants Saturday Night’s Main Event tonight in a WWE triple threat match.
Edge says the next champion will be rated “R”, but RVD says he’s close, but the next champ will be rated “R-V-D”. Big crowd reaction.
— Vince arrives at the arena with Coach letting him know that DX is no longer here. And just as they walk out, a car pulls up with lots of girls cheering and hanging from the back.
— DX is having a cookout outside the arena, with a whole lot of lovely ladies in DX shirts. HHH sends HBK off while he calls out two girls to take their tops off.
Candice goes to the cookout and with HHH while he stands behind a table, having a little trouble talking. And after a while so does Candice as HHH pops his mustard bottle and out comes two girls from under the table.
HBK is in the production truck, showing how they have a screen for everything within the show. And they push a button to cut off their feed. But they find a camera that shows Vince taking a leak in the bathroom. Coach barges in and Vince pees on him.
— Vince walks out and gets DX “censored” with funny voices and “John Madden” like drawings. Vince announces that at Saturday Night’s Main Event, it will be DX vs. SS in an elimination match.
— Heyman is backstage with RVD, saying he respects him so much. But is worried about the triple threat match tonight.
— Vince leaves for the night in the limo and as he’s about to leave, fireworks shoot out of the car. DX then catches him falling out of the limo as they waive little USA flags and sparklers, telling Vince he should let them in next week.
— Randy comes out saying that he’s going to let Hulk Hogan know why he’s the legend killer.
— Well I have to hand it to them, while the show was running kind of slow, other than the DX jokes, it picked up with the very good main event. And not only that, while I’m disappointed that RVD lost the title (even though he probably still will be the “ECW” champion- pending whether that whole being arrested for drugs goes) they actually gave Edge the win here!! Let’s just hope this second title reign last a bit longer. VERY GOOD SHOW, I’m still actually shocked they gave Edge the title, and I’m looking forward to next week and ECW tomorrow night. Till then, I’m out, Peace.