Smack YOU! Smackdown Review 7th July 2006

We’re in Philadelphia

Hosts are Cole and JBL

Show starts with a recap of Mark Henry “injuring” Batista requiring him to forfeit the World Championship. Tonight he returns

Battle Royal for a title shot at The Great American Bash
Psicosis, Super Crazy, Simon Dean, Finlay, Matt Hardy, London, Spanky, William Regal, King Booker, Scotty 2 Hotty, Jamie Noble, MMMMRRRR KENNEDY………KENNEDY, Funaki
Well it’s pretty obvious who goes over here isn’t it?
Eliminations are
Super Crazy by Finlay
Psicosis by Finlay
Crazy and Psicosis brawl outside
Kid Kash by Hardy
Sorry for the lack of PBP but I feel it’s not really necessary in battle royals
Noble by Dean
Dean by Funaki
Funaki by Kennedy
Scotty by Booker
Kennedy by Hardy, London and Spanky
London by Finlay and Regal
Spanky by Regal
Finlay by Hardy
Hardy and Regal by Booker

Kristal is with Rey Mysterio. He says that Henry disrespected the Guerrero family last week. He apologises to Chavo for being unable to help him and tells Henry that they have unfinished business. He also says that at The Great American Bash Booker is one move away from the 619

Sylvan comes out to his La Resistance music calling himself “Ambassador of Quebec”. JBL hates Canada and France so he double hates Sylvan. Sylvan personally invites everyone to spend their summer in Quebec and he shows pictures of Quebec to really seal the deal. Oh man I’m SO there!

The Miz is in the crowd annoying everyone and hyping up Batista’s returns. It’s official Henry Vs Batista at GAB.

Crazy interrupts Kennedy’s introduction, bastard, so Kennedy hammers him and bad mouths him all the way too. Kennedy is pure awesomeness in a jar with a free applier. Kennedy gets some cross face punching but Crazy fights back some rights and a head scissors. Kennedy gets a running elbow for two and goes to a chin lock. Seriously, what is this fascination with rest holds in short matches? At least cheat while doing it to give it a reason for it’s existence. Anyway Kennedy works Crazy over, gives him some hope spots and then finishes him with Kenton Bomb for the win. That was pretty much the match, just a squash, and a REALLY long one at that that killed the crowd. Psicosis does give a slight distraction to Crazy as he mounts a comeback to continue their feud but really Crazy didn’t have a shot

Backstage Kristal is bitching about Ashley but doesn’t realise the camera is on. She asks Tatanka if he’s afraid of fighting Khali. Tatanka says he is but he will face his fears tonight

Daivari is caressing a casket and asks some guys to take it down to ringside

Tatanka Vs Great Khali
Did I wake up in 1993 or something? What the f*ck is a “Punjabi Prison” match? See this is why you should not watch in two weeks. Tatanka’s new music sucks, at least he had a decent theme in the past. Tatanka gets booted off the apron to start and never gets back in the match. JBL is hilarious with his racist commentary however. The match just sort of stops after Khali manhandles Tatanka. The casket opens and smoke comes out of it and Undertaker accepts the match at The Great American Bash, over the sound system. What a pile of wank, why couldn’t he at least show up to accept the challenge instead of ripping off fans and TV viewers who wanted to see him.

Diva Search stuff. I ignore

Vito Vs Psicosis
JBL brings the funny again making fun of Vito while Cole defends him for wearing a dress. Vito is playing the gimmick much more cheerful here which will kill it right there. They should continue having him be the total psycho who just happens to wear women’s clothing. Vito is wearing a thing it would seem, joy. Anyway Vito plays it comedy to start but gets angry. Psicosis starts attacking Vito’s bottom which, not surprisingly makes him angry. Vito gets the pump splash, nice one too, but gets hit with a clothesline. Psicosis gets Vito in a camel clutch but Vito fights back with a snap suplex and a running elbow for two. Psicosis gets the front face suplex for two and Super Crazy comes down for a distraction. Vito uses the chance to get a DDT and put on his submission move for the win


½* – It was at least competitive as opposed to every other match tonight

King Booker, Real and Sharmel are backstage and Booker is celebrating his win.

The Pittbulls Vs Scotty 2 Hotty and Funaki
Noble attacks Funaki to start and Kash comes in for a double team shoulder block. Funaki gets worked over by both Pittbulls and gets nothing in the area of offence in. Yes it seems we’re back to squashes. It’s like WWE has gone back in time 20 years. I don’t mind having at least one squash match a show but THREE? At least let some of these matches be competitive. Anyway Scotty gets a tag in and gets a swinging neck breaker on Noble. Funaki gets a face crusher on Kash but takes Noble’s awesome back breaker move. The Pittbulls get the clothesline-spear thing for the win.

Regal and Finlay are backstage reminiscing about beating the shit out each other in the past. Finlay reminds Regal that it’s every man for himself at The Great American Bash in the triple threat match with Lashley. Mini Finlay humps Regal’s leg, hilarity ensues

Gregory Helms Vs Lashley
Wow reckon this will be another squash? Helms goes to the leg but Lashley throws him off. Helms gets some right hands but Lashley no sells them and smashes him with a hanging vertical suplex to a great reaction. Lashley gets a clothesline in the corner but Helms rakes the eyes to counter a running power slam. That’s a damn effective counter. Helms goes to a rear chin lock but Lashley powers up to his feet and turns it into a side slam. Lashley eats some boot on a charge in the corner but fights back with a big press slam for the win


* – Helms tried but Lashley crushed him with little difficulty.

Mark Henry is backstage and says that he’s sick of Batista and he will give him the “longest whuppin” of his life tonight. Henry’s mic skills are just riveting let me tell you.

Batista makes his big return and comes out to a huge reaction from the crowd who are no doubt very pleased to see him after the last terrible hour and a half they’ve been forced to witness. Batista wastes no time in calling Henry out and Henry answers but then starts to walk away playing mind games. Rey Mysterio runs out though to avenge Chavo but gets thrown into the barricade. Batista knocks Henry down and sends him into the steps in a nice bump. Batista destroys Henry like the joke he is and hits him in the face with the steps again busting him open. Batista, not content with the beating, then annihilates Henry with a chair. That was tremendous, I’ve waited so long for someone just to beat the living shit out of Henry and show him for the trumped up jobber he really is.

Well, aside from Batista’s glorious shit kicking of Henry, this show was absolutely wretched and filled with nothing but pointless squash matches. Smackdown is dieing before our eyes, as is the whole WWE. Sure they still might be in the green but I can’t see that happening for long now seeing as they botched ECW and people are leaving, getting suspended and getting injured on a regular basis. I’m glad there wasn’t a draft this year as all Smackdown would have left would be Funaki as a main eventer. WWE have no one to blame but themselves. They allowed Raw to rape and pillage Smackdown at will and they now have a brand that people just don’t want to see. This isn’t like ECW where it’s just their sheer lack of knowledge and incompetence, I literally think they set out to kill Smackdown. We’re a long way away from 2002 my friends, a looooooooong way

See you next week.