Monday Morning Flasher


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Newsflash! Rob Van Dam Shows Up For Work Despite Being Suspended.

Although he was suspended for 30 days after being caught with 18 grams of marijuana by Ohio State police, Rob Van Dam showed up ready to work at the Saturday night ECW house in Racine, Wisconsin.

“Rob asked me who he was wrestling,” Paul Heyman informed Insidepulse during an informal meet and greet. “I asked, ‘Rob, what are you doing here?’ He said, ‘Dude, we have a house show tonight! RVD is here to do what RVD does best, and that’s steal the f*cking show.’ I replied, ‘Rob, you’re suspended. Go home.’ Rob got this look on his face like he was offended and surprised, and then it seemed to suddenly hit him. ‘Oh yeah. The weed. Right.'”

Paul Heyman said that Rob then saw the Big Show holding the ECW title belt. “Rob said, ‘What the hell is the Big Show doing with the title? And what’s Test doing here?’ I didn’t answer so we pretty much stared at one another for a few seconds until he remembered what happened to ECW. It was kind of sad.”

Insidepulse will never have anything else on this story ever again.


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Newsflash! Tommy Dreamer Apologizes For Last Week’s ECW Show. Fans Do Not Accept Apology.

Tommy Dreamer apologized in his weekly column at for last week’s show. He wrote, “I take it upon myself to apologize for what happened this week. I cannot truly begin to express my feelings…I am angry, pissed off and totally frustrated about what I have been seeing in ECW. I need to sit back and digest all of this; if I write about what is in my head, my column will probably no longer exist. Sorry.”

The fans responded to Tommy Dreamer in droves, and insidepulse hacker Matthew Michaels was able to get into Dreamer’s mail. Here were a few of the responses:

“Fuck you Tommy! Quit apologizing and start fixing that crap!” – Tom Anderson.

“Get Test off my screen you shit eating cripple!” – Andrew Tomson.

“So it’s YOUR fault Kelly keeps doing the same shit week after week! Please stop. I have seen pictures of her online holding her bare boobs, and I don’t mind telling you I’ve seen better. You’re a pervert.” – Ashington Calloway

“Hey Tommy, if you’re so sorry why don’t you SUCK MY DICK?” – Kelly Clarkson.

“People say that I’m a Dreamer/It’s my fault that the show sucks/And now I’m bashing it on the web/Cause I like passing the bucks! Hey asshole, sing that to the words of John Lennon’s Dreamer you shit head.” – No name given.

“Tommy Dreamer, you are the sorriest piece of human waste to ever come out of Test’s ass. You’re a yes man and it makes me vomit.” – Paul E. Heyman

“I forgive you Tommy. In fact, I think the show is great! So what if it’s on late, it still has fast paced action, great matches, stunning angles and I love that you brought in Jim! Are you going to give Samoa Joe the title? That would be awesome!” – Jake Tingleberry.

Insidepulse will have more on this story in the coming weeks.


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Newsflash! Batista Returns, Shares Uncomfortable Moment With Booker T In Bathroom.

Batista returned to Smackdown last week to a thunderous ovation from the fans. After his segment he shook hands with the other wrestlers involved and went to the bathroom to pee. There were only two urinals in the rest room. Batista saw one was open and the other was being used by his arch enemy, Booker T.

We here at insidepulse remember the tragic day when Booker T and Batista had a knock down drag out flat lip stare up brawl at the taping for the Summerslam promo. It ended with both men showing up bruised to the premier for See No Evil, the biggest night of either of their lives.

Batista did not want to be near Booker T, but his need to pizzle far outweighed his hatred of the proud married African American. He cleared his throat to signal his presence to see how Booker T would react. Mr. T did not even look away from the urinal, but clearly he was aware of Batista. Batista walked to the urinal directly next to the one Booker T was using and unzipped his fly. He took out his little animal and proceeded to pee. After five seconds, he smirked and said, “Sure feels good to be back.”

Booker T grunted, either not in the mood for conversation or having problems with his plumbing. “Yeah,” Batista continued, “You’ve been doing a great job.” “Yeah. Thanks,” Booker T replied.

Batista started to say something else but didn’t. The two men continued to pee. After what seemed like hours but was actually only seconds Booker T finished first and went to leave the bathroom. Batista asked, “What, you don’t wash your hands?” Booker T glared at Batista, but Batista could not see that as he was still facing the urinal wall. “I got hand wipes in my bag. I don’t like using public bathroom faucets. Saw this thing on Oprah, they’re swimming with bacteria and semen and all kinds of disgusting shit.”

Batista said, “Huh. I didn’t know that.” There was a moment, and then Booker T left.

Insidepulse will have more on this story later on in September.


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Newsflash! Monty Brown And AJ Styles Not As Good As Kip James Says Kip James To Fan Who Asked Him Question About Samoa Joe.

Actually, the headline pretty much says it all.

Insidepulse will have more on this story as it develops.


Newsflash! As promised, Miss Jackie Nude!


May your week be as informative as reading this article was.