The Weekly Movie Pulse

Welcome back to another weekly movie pulse column, man… it’s been a LONG time since I sat down to write one of these, two months according to my archive page. What can I say, life’s been hectic around these parts, what with still needing to find a new job and all. Don’t worry, there will be no chronicles of John’s journey to employment after this small update, just keeping you all in the loop. Once all of that gets ironed out I’ll be back to my old self and back on schedule. On top of all that, there are going to be a lot of changes around the Pulse soon, not that I’d know much about it, seeing as that shit is more secretive than where Hoffa’s buried.

I am lucky to be back however at a very important time in movie history, as we have a new box office king in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. Where it toppled just about every opening week record known to man. I was able to catch this last Sunday and have mixed feelings. Then again the place was so packed by the time I got in to the theater I was stuck sitting in the very (and I mean VERY) first row of the theater, so the seating arrangements didn’t quite make an ideal viewing experience and did become an issue from time to time.

But at the same time, I realize I’m looking at the film far too logically, when in reality it’s the embodiment of what summer blockbusters one time used to stand for. It’s The Black Pearl times one hundred, it’s bigger, louder and longer than the first, taking the entire structure of the first one and taking each major scene all the way up to eleven. Not to mention that the thing had freakin’ Cthulhu in it. Though I really hope that part three doesn’t rely on all the little winks and nods that part two had in referencing the first Pirates movie, as that’ll just make this trilogy a series of the same oneliners and not a whole lot else.

I know that out of site linking is frowned upon, but there’s a review of the film over at, and while it’s all tongue in cheek (atleast that’s how I always take what ever the ninja over there says) he does make some valid points about how this is a two and a half hour series of unresolved plotlines (and the lack of a Luck Dragon). It’s The Matrix Reloaded all over again, sans dreadlock wearing albino twin ghosts, ofcoarse. Except we actually care enough about the characters in this movie to let all that slide and just sit back and enjoy the ride.


Rob Sutton continues his tease at a V for Vendetta column this week as he instead chose to talk about Supergirl in the newest instalment of R0BTRAIN’s Bad Ass Cinema. I count myself lucky as one of the… well apparently many, who have never sat down to check this one out.

ML Kennedy has another Contradicting Popular Opinion column for your reading pleasure. This week he discusses Hotel Rwanda, clearly since it’s in the column he has a few gripes to pick. He also brought out a “Quick Review” section which I was toying around with adding to The Weekly Pulse, until I saw that he uses it. Now I need to go find some other way to fill out the column more. If you’ve got any suggestions, drop me an email.

Scott Sawitz tries to convince us that there is a good Andrew Dice Clay movie in this weeks Off The Beaten Path. He tries admirably but honestly now, do you have any idea how drunk I’d have to be in order to enjoy anything from that one-trick pony?

We have TWO candidates this week for the Inside Pulse 50 Club and they have the chance to rub elbows with such classics as Raging Bull, Chinatown and 12 Angry Men… oh wait that’s right, 12 Angry Men isn’t in the club, is it Steve? Err anyway, both Cool Hand Luke and Dog Day Afternoon get put to the test this week, do either of them make the cut? Read both columns and find out.


Scott reviews something called You, Me and Dupree which outside of the few TV spots that I’ve seen I have no idea what it’s about. But it has a cast that is just… disappointing. Hudson never wound up becoming the next best thing after Almost Famous like everyone thought she would, Dillon went from an Oscar nom to falling back in to his Something About Mary days, and Wilson is playing the exact same character he’s played his entire career. Be sure to read Scott’s review and see if this is a must see or must avoid. I’m guessing the latter.

I’ve kind of said all I want to about Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest by this point, but there are still other opinions to be heard. We have reviews up by both Tom Pandich and Mike Noyes. Both men seem to have had a blast watching the movie and each gave a very positive opinion/review/score.

DVD Reviews

Rob has two reviews for you to read this week, first up is The River’s Edge, which he got duped in to believing was a Western. But hey, atleast there’s an attractive redhead. He also checked out the DVD for Neil Young: Heart of Gold which I’ve added to my queue after reading his review, can’t wait to see it.

Travis Leamons took a look at the new DVD for The Matador, another title that I haven’t gotten a chance to check out yet. It feel like only yesterday that I was pimping his theatrical review of this flick, boy how time flies. He also makes note on how just about any half wit with photoshop seems to be fit for making DVD covers for studios these days, which I agree with.

David Brashear has a review for the John Wayne: An American Icon collection which has five Wayne films I’ve never heard of at a discount price. Can’t beat a bargain.


We have a tournament going on in the forum for the Funniest Film of Our Generation, we’re in round three right now, and it ends the 19th. In case you’ve already voted, be sure to check out the general movie area in the forum for round four which is coming soon.

Around The Pulse

Fernandez is back with a new column, sKR33d!. He goes down the list of all the new releases coming out in the next few weeks, including the new Flogging Molly CD which some company tried getting me to review, but I wouldn’t take the bait.

Kaye over in the Figures section has his latest Cybertronian Enquirer. Where he talks a little about the new Transformers movie, I’ll get to that a bit later.

Mathan doesn’t really NEED a pimp seeing as everyone should be reading him already, he’s hard to miss seeing as the guy writes for nearly every zone. In this weeks Remote Destination he shares his two cents on what he watched during the week, including the new series Brotherhood which is all types of awesome.

And last, I wonder just how drunk Burnside had to be in order to write close to a page about what color Test’s panties were in the latest Anti-Pulse.


Superman Sequel in Jepordy

Things aren’t looking so great for the man of steel right now, after it’s relatively small opening and then getting decimated at the box office last weekend, word has been going around that the film will need atleast another $50 million domestic before the studio starts talking about a sequel. This is a shame, because while I see both sides of the argument about the film, Singer planted so many seeds in Returns that to not see what he had in store for a part two is a real let down. If only he could get Superman to turn around the clock and maybe not stay so true to his “requel” (as it’s being called) idea a second time around.

What’s most disappointing about all of this is that a large reason why Singer’s film has failed is because what people went in expecting and what they watched on screen didn’t match up. Many people were going in expected a wall to wall summer action film with big explosions and a lot of large things being thrown around. Instead Bryan took a cerebral approach, much like he did in X2, and showed us a human side to these characters. So why the flooding of bad or average reviews? I’ll admit the thing needed an editor. Badly. But it’s still one of the years best so far. Since Singer is so keen on the human side of comic book characters, Warner should put him in the director’s chair for Watchmen.

Sitting here now writing this, I’m realizing that this movie, which is basically a remake of Superman: The Movie, only with a slightly new plot and (more or less) bombed. Yet Now Pirates 2 (screw writing out that ridiculously long title) is nearing the $300 million mark and much like Returns, is just the first movie on a larger scale. Why does one succeed while the other fail? Email me and let me know what you think.

Optimus Prime Photos Surface

For a short window of time AICN had posted a leaked picture of what Optimus Prime would look like in truck form in the new live action Transformers Movie, before Dreamworks and Michael Bay demanded they be removed. Luckily in that short period of time many sites and individuals were able to save the picture on their hard drives and share it with the rest of the world. Here is the picture:

You see what happens when you put Michael Bay in charge of a property that is near and dear to the heart of an entire generation? He goes and pulls a George Lucas by screwing around with everything that was the basis on which the property grew a following in the first place. Sure this is just him taking the flat nosed red colored Optimus Prime we’ve grown to idolize and turning it in to a long nosed truck with flamboyant flames. But his excuse for changing it is so absurd that it’s kinda funny, here’s his statement:

-The reasons why they went with a huge long nose truck for OP (BTW, regarding the flames, there is a context for them like Orci pointed out). Bay said they did test with flat noses (FN) for scale purposes, and the FN would only be about 20 to 25 feet tall, so they went with the biggest truck they could find: the Peterbilt. We’re talking 40 to 50 foot tall robots here. The physics for these robots have to be real…aka no magically disappearing parts. Also, OP is going to have much more red than what was shown in the supposedly “leaked” photo.

Let me get something straight, Mr. Michael “Pearl Harbor” Bay all of a sudden cares about logic and physics? And he chose to bring this train of thought to a film based on giant alien robots from outerspace who crash land on earth and can take the form of cars, trucks and planes? You know, it’s things like knowing this guy has a career that keep me up late at night…

Between this, turning Bumblebee into a Camero, Soundwave apparently becoming and iPod and Bay completely disregarding the backstory and history of the series, this went from a movie I was looking forward to the most next year, to a film I just hope doesn’t suck too badly. And why the hell do the Transformers need to be 50 feet tall?

Michael Bay, concider yourself… ON NOTICE:

Vinny Truncellito should have kicked Bay in the balls when he had the chance.

Shrek the Third Casting

DreamWorks Animation has cast a small medieval kingdom’s worth of fairy tale characters to appear in “Shrek the Third” says The Hollywood Reporter. The next installment of the smelly ogre’s saga, set for release next year, will star an elite, ninja-like strike force of fairy tale princesses voiced by Amy Sedaris as Cinderella, Amy Poehler as Snow White, Maya Rudolph as Rapunzel and Cheri Oteri as Sleeping Beauty. Organized by Princess Fiona, the ladies underground resistance movement fends off a coup d’etat by Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) in the land of Far, Far Away. Also joining the hit animated comedy’s cast are Ian McShane as Captain Hook, John Krasinski as Sir Lancelot and Monty Python veteran Eric Idle as Merlin the magician. –

It’s as if they’re purposely making me want to avoid this thing. Amy Sedaris, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Cheri Oteri? Are you kidding me? That’s a quartet that almost guarantees me not forking over my ten bucks. Correction, it’s a triplet that almost guarantees me not forking over my ten bucks. I have no qualms toward Poehler, any former member of the Upright Citizens Brigade is ok in my book. but the casting of Ian McShane as Captain Hook is by far the best casting this series has ever done in any of the movies so far. I hope he goes all Deadwood in it and starts calling everyone a cocksucker. Family entertainment indeed.

New Spider-Man 3 Teaser Poster

Sony has put out a new teaser poster for the third Spidey film and I’ve got to say, this is one that I plan to hunt down and purchase because it’s quite badass. Here’s a picture of it that has been making its way around the net:

You can also see it in action over on the official Spider-man 3 site in quicktime to see the lenticular part of it in action.

First 24 minutes of A Scanner Darkly Online Now

In a very odd news bit, IGN has somehow been given the right to play the first 24 minutes of Warner Independent’s A Scanner Darkly on their website. I tried to watch it earlier but after roughly ten minutes the thing crashed, not to mention the video is very compressed. Still, what I saw of it makes me want to see the movie more than ever and if this is the only way for me to feed my craving for this movie, then so be it. I guess I’ll have to keep counting down the days until July 28th when it hits theaters nation wide. By the way, how cruel was it of Warner to put out a massive marketing campaign for this thing for the past two weeks to then go and only put it out in limited release on 17 screens? That’s just cold. Even by Warner standards. Stupid too.

Who will be Silver Surfer?

Now we all know by now that Silver Surfer is going to be completely CGI in the next Fantastic Four movie and that we can all breath a sigh of relief that we won’t have to see a silver painted Vin Diesel on the screen. Well, according to AICN, Doug Jones – who was the body double for Abe Sapien in Hellboy – may be doing the motion capture for the part. Now, keep in mind that while the CGI quality will probably blow (we all saw how magnificent the work was in the first F4 flick), Jones has a talent for making things look physically fascinating, so I think that even though the look of Surfer will be average at best, he’ll atleast be doing all he can to make us believe what we’re seeing. Besides, if Fantastic Four 2 sucks, we can all go home and rewatch Hellboy on DVD.

Top 10 at the Box Office
1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest Review Here and Here
2. Superman Returns Review Here and Here
3. The Devil Wears Prada Review Here
4. Click Review Here
5. Cars Review Here
6. Nacho Libre Review Here
7. The Lake House Review Here
8. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
9. Waist Deep Review Here
10. The Break-Up Review Here

New Releases in Theaters (7/21)
– Clerks II
– Lady in the Water
– Monster House
– My Super Ex-Girlfriend
– Shadowboxer (limited)

On Store Shelves This Week (7/18)
– Edison Force
– The Film Noir Classic Collection Volume Three
– Road House: Deluxe Edition
– She’s the Man
– Some Like it Hot: Collector’s Edition
– Tsotsi
– Warner Bros. Pictures Tough Guys Collection

And that’s a wrap for this week, see you guys next week.