Monday Morning Flasher

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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by GRUT’s A Wrestling Tale: Bret and Shawn In Their 70’s Act 3. The play concludes in a way you would not expect. Many have called it the greatest work ever produced by the IWC, but they might be pushing it.

Nude photos of Barbie Blank up later!

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Newsflash! Trish Stratus Having Serious Doubts About Getting Married.

Trish Stratus recently spoke with the Monday Morning Flasher about her upcoming wedding. I was sent to ask her only about the floral arrangements, that’s what I do as the Insidepulse Floral Arrangement Extraordinaire, but I could see an uneasiness in her eyes, a longing if you will. I asked her if something was bothering her, and she let floodgates to her soul burst open.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Trish cried wistfully. “I don’t know if I can get married without seeing if… I’m sorry. There’s someone else.”

This was the scoop of the century. Trish Stratus, professional wrestler and award ceremony hostess was admitting to me that she was in love with another man besides her husband. I immediately thought it was Carlito, but she told me I was wrong. My next guess was A-Train, but she shot me a dirty look after I suggested that. I went up and down the WWE roster past and present, hoping beyond hope that I was right when I said Mickie James, but she informed me that the person she was in love with was not a wrestler.

“He couldn’t be a wrestler. His soul is too beautiful to ever be drawn into this business. He’s… he’s an artist. A writer who sees right through my very soul.”

She admitted that although she has never met him in person, her online conversations with him have suggested to her that he might be her soul mate.

“Nobody gets me like him, and I don’t think anyone gets him like I do. We’re two strangers connected by the Internet, and our conversations have made me realize exactly who I am inside. I don’t think I feel complete unless I’m instant messaging with him. He was my best online friend, maybe my best friend in general.”

Trish paused and looked out of the window of the Arby’s we were in. It was snowing, odd for Detroit in mid-summer but perfect for the mood.

“Everything turned sour when he found out I had a boyfriend. He yelled at me, I yelled at him, well, we both typed in capital letters anyway. He was right, I was being selfish talking to him all these years without ever intending on having sex with him. What he didn’t know was that every fiber of my being is constantly pulling me towards Rho… towards him, and it kills me that I can’t be in his arms right now. We brought out the best in each other. When I was sitting at my computer typing messages to some person I’ve never met and refused to give my phone number to, I was truly at my absolute best.”

I was disturbed as Trish’s nipples began to harden. I figured it was the cold, I mean, it was snowing. I tried not to interrupt.

“We would flirt from time to time, but I never told him about my boyfriend. I thought that if he knew I was in love with someone I actually had sex and talked to and did things with, he might get jealous and boost my warning level on AIM. If he ever found out who my boyfriend was and spammed him, I don’t think I could live with myself.”

Trish wiped a tear away and concluded. “In my heart of hearts, in the deepest part of my soul, I had to think long and hard about him… I think… I WANT to think… that I came THISCLOSE to choosing him… to coming down to the States and showing up on his door and saying, “Here I am, let’s try this.” I WANT TO THINK that I spent a LOT of time thinking about going for it with him… someone I never met… just throwing caution to the wind and just GOING for it… roll the dice, take a shot… it’s why I never talked about my boyfriend and never asked him about his girlfriends over the last few years… why ruin the fantasy? I’m catching myself thinking of him a lot… and if he sees me online, I’m just logging on to see if he’s around.

I’ll always love him, but I just don’t know if I love him more than my boyfriend who I’ve actually had sex with and built a real life relationship with instead of just an online one.”

Trish started walking away, but suddenly spun around. “If you ever talk to him, let him know that he’s right. You never really know a person until you’ve talked to them online on and off for a few years. It’s the only way to find true love. Also, apologize to him for me deleting my e-mail address and staying off line to avoid him. It’s not that I think he’s an insane stalker who completely blew this relationship out of proportion and now I’m scared of him, it’s that I’m thisclose to giving in and having sex with him.”

And with that, Trish walked out of my life forever. All I have left are the notes from the interview I scribbled on the back of an Arby’s bag, this nagging feeling that we were meant to be together and the Blackberry I stole from her purse. The identity of the online potential lover is still unknown, but all signs point to Bob Ryder.

Insidepulse will have more details on this story once Sean Shannon and Rick Scaia stop laughing hysterically.

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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by Gloomchen’s Totally True Tales. Many of you know I discovered Gloomchen and brought her to the site. What many of you don’t know is how our relationship has blossomed. We talk online every now and then, and I’m pretty sure that means we’re in love with one another. I know she just got married, but part of me is hoping one day she’ll choose me over her husband cause we talked online a bunch. She’s not Gloomchen to me, she’s just a girl named Spring. Or is it Winter? It’s some season. Regardless, we should just do this. Trust me, it’ll be well worth it. Oh, and if her husband is reading this, dude, I’m sorry, but true love conquers all.

And Fall? In case you are wondering why I went this way instead of writing something else… well, remember my list of things I’m really, really good at? One of them… the one you liked the most… still applies. What were you so nervous aboot? Was it that I was stalking you? Is that it? Fair enough.

Barbie Blank gets nude shortly!

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Newsflash! Mark Henry Continues Streak Of Injuring Wrestlers By Injuring Mark Henry.

Mark Henry continued his streak of putting wrestlers on the shelf on Saturday Night’s Main Event when he took out Smackdown monster Mark Henry during a six man tag match.

“I’m not just the strongest man in the world, I’m also the deadliest! Batista, Benoit, Gunner Scott, that pirate guy and now Mark Henry,” Mark Henry said during a backstage promo while he was being treated by doctors. “I’m unstoppable! The only person who can stop me is me, and you’d better be damn sure I’m gonna get my revenge on myself when I come back! ”

Every black cloud has a silver lining, and Mark Henry is happy to report that he’ll have more time to flirt with his online girlfriend he has not yet met. “We truly get each other, you know? I’m thinking of dumping my wife for her. I have a really big choice to make.”

Insidepulse will have more on this story in the coming weeks.

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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by The Weekly Movie Pulse, weekly, posted and concerning movies.

Barbie Blank nude shortly!

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Newsflash! Rhino Torches ECW Title Destroying ECW.

On Impact last week Rhino cut a promo about how the heart and soul of ECW was in TNA, then threw the ECW title into a trash can and set it on fire in an attempt to give the company a ‘proper burial’. As a result of this action, ECW is no more.

“Wow,” said Justin Credible. “I guess I’m out of a job. Bruce said, Bruce was my manager at Target, he said they’d always be happy to welcome me back. Maybe I can give X-Pac a call.”

Justin Credible isn’t the one out of a job. The Sandman, Balls Mahoney, Sabu, RVD, RVC (Retarded Vampire Character) and many others all found themselves without employment when Rhino set the belt on fire.

“I don’t know what I’m going to tell my family,” Barbie Blank AKA Kelly said. “Are you sure the company has to fold because the original belt was burnt up? Don’t we have a new one?”

Perhaps the hardest hit by the news was CM Punk, the straight edge superstar. “I’m CM Punk. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t use drugs. I am a top notch athlete who gets lots of tattoos that make Triple H laugh. All I wanted was a chance to prove that I am the next big thing in wrestling, and believe you me, I am that.” While what he said doesn’t sound particularly sad, I assure you he was sobbing like a little girl who found a dead kitten as he said it.

“What about my kids?” asked Al Snow. “Did Rhino know what would happen to us when he set the title on fire? Didn’t he realize the curse that the mystic title belt maker put on Paul when Paul didn’t pay him was still in effect? If the title goes, so shall the company. I hate you Rhino! I hate you!”

Rhino was available for comment and in fact gave us one, but it sounded like a bunch of snarls and gibberish and we didn’t really understand. With ECW still slated to be on tomorrow night on the Sci-Fi network, one can only assume the screen will go black for an hour.

On a personal note, I can’t believe ECW is gone. I never went to a live show but I watched it on television, and I really felt like we had a special connection. I got ECW and ECW got me. I guess it was my id that made me think somewhere in the back of my… my id, I guess, that one day ECW would come to me and be all, “I love you Grut.” And I’d be all, “Let’s give this a shot ECW.” And then we’d have sex.

Insidepulse will have more on this story when Sunny starts writing for us.

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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by PK’s New Wrestling Figures. God, that Matt Hardy figure really brings me back. Matt, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I know why you made the choice you did, just know part of me will always be with you.

Stay tuned for Barbie Blank butt assed nekid!

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Newsflash! Love Is Fleeting.

Insidepulse is sad to report that love is fleeting, but the IM logs will last forever.

Insidepulse will have more on this story as it develops.

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As promised, Barbie Blank Nude!

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May your week be as informative as reading this article was.