Would it be really cliched of me to – in the middle of July – blatantly bitch about the sweltering heat? The obvious answer is yes. However, my television and computer (the only two items I use over the summer) are both in an air conditioned room. So maybe it’s not that bad.
And while I usually try to avoid cliches like the plague (yet another one), but I have one more to add. While the heat and humidity are sweeping the Northeast (and probably the rest of the country; I don’t know because I don’t care), things in the Big Brother housed are heating up like a loaf of bread in the oven. Allow me to expand on this
First off: hello. I like to start with my columns with a greeting, but this week, I had to acknowledge my use of overused terms. It’s more of a friendly warning to the fans that my contents this edition might not be jam-packed with the originality you’ve come to expect and love about Brain Spill. But don’t get used to it; I try not to display any courtesy toward fans.
I’m gonna be writing about Big Brother all summer. And I think the best way to tackle the column is to divide it up into the happenings of the previous week, and a forecast into the upcoming week. Then of course, I’ll wrap it up with the Rundown. Before I begin, I must share a funny story that happened to me. I was taking a call, and wanted to review a list of people, and I said to the other person, “okay, let’s run down these people.” We both shared a good laugh. Sorry for wasting your time with that anecdote.
Obviously the biggest “news” of the past week was the departure of Alison. I must say that I was really surprised. On premiere night, I was certain that Danielle would be first to go. However, as I’m sure you all witnessed, Alison was being herself, and people were not about to tolerate that. As sneaky and slimy as Danielle can be, I myself would not be able to put up with a loose cannon such as Ali. Danielle, you can go and plot/scheme your way, and probably stab me in the back, so long as I don’t have to hear Alison. I’m sure that thought was going through the minds of lots of houseguests.
By the way, Ali is one of my favorite BBers ever, so I am not dogging her. I am merely commenting on her game play this time around, and was disappointed it never got off the ground.
The Power of Veto competition was classically cheesy. In case you were not aware, the POV and food competitions are designed to be slightly more “fun,” and they usually feature some sort of corny theme. Here it was garbage. Nothing fun about the challenge, other than the fact that my girl Janelle won it. I kinda wished she had thrown it away (pun intended), but she had to get rid of Ali, even if it meant putting herself in the spotlight even more.
I am disappointed in Big Brother for doing away with the “each person picks one person to play in the veto competition” rule. Instead, three people are chosen by chance. This eliminates the backdoor method. That was the best part of the show! Going behind someone’s back and masterfully planning their execution was pure genius. Now you have to hope luck’s on your side. Boooooo!
Thursday brought us our first Eviction Night, and our second HOH competition. Before I go into depth about this, I must first give you a lesson in general chemistry. The molecular formula for water is two hydrogen (H) atoms and one oxygen (O) atom. However, due to the bonding natures of hydrogen and oxygen (hydrogen can only form one bond, and oxygen LIKES to form two bonds), the arrangement of a water molecule is H-O-H. The dork in me loves the term HOH, because it makes me think of water. So I am making the term “Water” my new Dora Malone Official Nickname (TM) for HOH. Expect me to use them synonymously (by the way, there are waaaay to many Y’s in that word).
So in this week’s Water Game, Alison had her revenge. It was down to Kaysar and Nakomis. And despite Julie Chen’s best efforts, Kaysar wound up winning, thus strengthening the stranglehold that BB6 has on the house. Or maybe that’s what I’d like to believe. After all, four of thirteen is hardly an unconquerable alliance. Just a thought that there is plenty of time for people to take them out. But whatever.
We have more business to discuss. Those of you who know and love my weekly Survivor columns know that I like nicknames for people. Last column I said that I needed on for Julie Chen, commonly known as Chenbot for her robot-like tendencies. My nickname for her will incorporate her cyborg-iness, but will focus on the prefix, not the suffix of the word ‘robot.’ Going off ‘robo,’ I thought of Robitussin (or Robo-tussin, if you like mispronouncing it). So her Dora Malone Official Nickname (TM) will henceforth be: Tussin. Plus, like cough syrup, it does its job, yet leaves a bad taste in your mouth (kinda like Julie).
I’m liking this nickname thing. Feel free to suggest more.
The good part about dividing the column into two parts (albeit unequal parts) is that they segue nicely into each other. So I was all ready to talk about Kaysar as the Water this week, and I realized that I couldn’t do that without looking into the future. So let’s do just that.
Reality TV has tough us over and over that floaters (people who are just there. They don’t piss people off, yet don’t really do a whole lot) tend to be successful. Thus, despite their lack of “powerful” attributes, they are power players because they are most likely to win. But history has shown that a floater (or Under The Radar, if you prefer) is less likely to be perceived as a threat. All this being said, I totally respect what Kaysar did this week, by nominating Nakomis (Nak) and Diane. While I do like these girls and want both Mike and Will to leave, if you remember from last column, I ranked both girls in the top 4 of the Rundown, due to their likely status as Floaters. So Kaysar is in the right for putting these girls up; they are equally threatening as Mike and Will.
But don’t believe it for too long. Kaysar said this was a way to get things stirred up in the house, and this will be effective. If he had done the obvious, and put up Mike/Will, those two would have been all over the house saving their own asses, and creating an even bigger counter-alliance. That means bye-bye Kaysar. This will be a good way for Kaysar to avoid enemies for a few days. And of course, the Power of Veto competition. Don’t forget that it can be used to save one of the girls, and if so, expect Will to go up and go home. Although backdooring someone is not a mathematical clinch anymore, the odds are still in his favor (at the very least 50%, since the girls will save themselves) that he can still put up a Chill Town member and send him packing. Don’t be too shocked too see it work out totally in his favor.
And folks, we have love in the air, between Kaysar and Erika. This makes the BB house even hotter this summer (sorry, I had to slip another cliche in there). While I must admit that it does not seem like the classic American couple, I think it’s cute as hell. Both are beautiful people, so I’m hoping this blossoms into something great. And besides, what’s an All Star season without love? If it worked for Romber, it could work our for these two.
And lastly before The Rundown, I must first commend Danielle. I dismissed her early for her past on BB3. While I am not a fan particularly, I am impressed with her ability to shut up and let Ali seal her own fate. And not to jinx it, but history has shown good outcomes for people who avoided the axe on the first nomination.
Season 2 – Nicole (runner up)
Season 3 – Marcellas (5th)
Season 4 – Jee (5th)
Season 5 – Nakomis (4th)
Season 6 – Kaysar (10th)
Although Kaysar only placed 10th, the fact that he is an All Star indicates success to me. So while it’s not a lock, one can assume that Danielle can do well in this game. And she’s a good player, so I’m sure she changed her game a little after the near-fiasco last week. Expect her to do some damage.
And with that, it’s now time for The Rundown. The usual disclaimer applies: The Rundown ranks each player’s likelihood of winning, relative to everyone else, given current level of gameplay. For those of you new to Brain Spill, the number in parentheses indicated the rank last week.
14- Alison (11). Ali, I love you. And I’m bummed I won’t be able to watch you shine for the summer. But you always continue to amaze me. See you on finale night.
13- Will (13). I don’t like him this time around. I really think he’s doomed, despite what he may think. He may be the best ever, but I think he’s waaaaaaay too comfortable.
12- Mike (9). And so is Mike. While he is hiding behind Will very well, aking out either of them would produce similar results. And how does he get away with saying that he and Will are the most powerful alliance in the house? Two people is hardly enough.
11- Kaysar (12). I had to bump him up for being HOH. But I do think that he will be the first person targeted of this whole anit-BB6 thing goes down. Maybe Erika can save him. Or maybe it’s all talk.
10- Howie (6). Last year, he realized there was no way to please the other side, so he decided to make them his enemies, and have fun doing that. He talked so much trash and was a basket o’fun. This season, I think he’s already accepted his fate and calling things as they really are. This is a problem in my eyes, because the battle lines have not been drawn, but it’s very easy to draw them around Howie. I pray I’m wrong.
9- Danielle (14). As I said, she is far from done. My advice to her is to lay low, and be a key player in whichever side needs you, whenever the sides are determined. And thank you for growing up slightly. I guess being most hated in the house was quite humbling for you. But please cut out the “one down, twelve to go” crap.
8- Diane (4). Diane has good luck in this game, so don’t count her out. However, the fact that she was basically nowhere to be seen this past week (usually a plus) and got called out on it means she may be in trouble. Plus the fact that only her and Nakomis deviated from the group might be a sign that she’s not in with anyone.
7- George (3). Maybe Chicken man’s act isn’t an act at all. What if he truly IS mildly retarded? I don’t know. While he has yet to piss people off, I am not convinced that he knows how to play this game.
6- Janelle (7). Hell, if you have a huge target on your back, why not make it bigger? Janelle took the bull by the balls, and rocked this past week, because that’s what she had to do. With Alison gone, Janelle’s stock just rose a little bit.
5- James (10). He’s doing great right now. I noticed right away that he did not celebrate Kaysar’s victory in the Water Games. He’s still with the BB6ers, yet is detaching himself in case he needs to jump ship. She’s playing the field, so he has somewhere to land, too. This is good for now, since both sides need him. However, if he lets it go on for too long, expect it to explode in his face.
4- Nakomis (2). I still think she’s playing a great game. She’s a smart player, and there are bigger fish to fry. However, she is nominated, and I can’t in good conscience put her any higher.
3- Marcellas (8). As I said before, as long as he stops his crying, he should be fine. He’s not in any trouble right now.
2- Jase (5). Player of the Week honors, folks! Jase played the past week perfectly. He let Janelle take all the heat. Meanwhile, he is a power player that everyone wants to team up with. He’s fun still, but not as much of an asshole. I have nothing to complain about him.
1- Erika (1). I have no reason to drop her. She’s not out of the loop. She is a floater, which can result in being an integral part of an alliance. She was nowhere to be seen this week, which means she is not pissing people off. She’s got this fling with Kaysar, so he can trust her. And oh yeah, she is STUNNING. I think she is the most beautiful person in Big Brother history. Considering all that, I’d say she’s in a good spot right now.
Speaking of a good spot right now, bed seems like a good one. That’s my destination soon. So I must conclude my column for now. Feel free to drop by and say hi. Also, I need nicknames for houseguests, so I am inviting you to submit some suggestions.
So until next time, when we discuss the verbosity of parrots, stay cool.