Ashley Massaro vs. Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool vs. Kristal Marshall – 4-Way Bra & Panties Match
PK: What more can be said about this match but FILLER. The only bright spot about this is that we haven’t seen these 4 half naked nearly as much as the other divas. Ashley & Kristal are kind of in a feud, so I expect the match to revolve around that, however it seems as they want to push McCool, so I see her picking up a sneaky win.
Winner – McCool
Eric Szulczewski: Hope those Diva Search contestants are getting a good look at this. This is what their lives will be like, win or lose should they be lucky (or is it unlucky?) enough to attract the attention of someone in the front office. Is any amount of money worth this level of degradation?
Winner – oh, hell, give it to Ashley, since she and Kristal are the ones getting a push right now
GRUT: How dare you ask me to make a choice in this match? All four athletes are so evenly matched that to pick one is impossible. Predicting the winner of this match has kept me up nights, and here’s why:
Ashley Massaro- 5’5″, 112 lbs of Diva contest winner. This means she knows what it takes to come out on top. She’s from my home country of STRONG Island, Long Island to you non-Long Islanders, the same Long Island that gave us Mick Foley. Trained by Trish Stratus and further trained by Matt Hardy, Ashley might have what it takes to come out on top.
Jillian Hall: A freak with a mole on her face no longer, Jillian Hall trained at WWE Developmental federation OVW. She has faced Melina countless times, along with Shelly Martinez and Micki James. She would be the obvious pick if it weren’t for the fact that she could be distracted by the absence of her boyfriend, Chris Masters.
Michelle McCool and Kristal Marshall: Two losers. Two diva contestant losers. They shouldn’t be in this match, they shouldn’t be working for the WWE, they shouldn’t even be on the planet anymore. We should round up reality show losers and blast them into space. They disgust me. And yet, God knows how, they turned their failure into steady work in the wrestling business. Gotta respect that. Gotta give it up for that. How can you pick against women who overcame these odds?
Can you see my perdicament? How can I pick one of these girls? Should I do it by height? By strength? By weight? By race? Fine! Fine, you win! I’ll do it by race!
Winner – Kristal Marshall via African Americaness.
Matthew Michaels: I donno man; I don’t understand why they have divas fight unless they’re going to tie these fights into actual WRESTLERS’ feuds. Yes, yes, T & A is good. But Ashley’s the only one I want to see naked, and — oh wait — I ALREADY HAVE.
Winner – Kristal
Michael Fitzgerald: Oh wow more diva action. Why do they always have the throw away T & A match at GAB? Remember when this pay per view used to be good?
Winner – Honestly I don’t care but I suppose Ashley
Danny Wallace: [Insert witty, sexist, perverted, non-caring yet upbeat comment here]
Winner – Ashley Massaro
Vinny Truncellito: I couldn’t care less.
Winner – The one horny, 14-year old boy in America with no access to Cinemax, Playboy, or the Internet.
Jeremy Botter: Ashley’s really the only sore thumb in this one in regards to wrestling talent. Not to say that any of them are really great or anything, but at least everyone else can wrestle a little bit. Since it’s a bra and panties match, McCool will win this one to avoid stripping.
Winner – Michelle McCool
Mark Neeley: Don’t even know what to say here … this is beyond the usual diva PPV match we get to make fun of here in the roundtables. SmackDown tries hard to get the fans to care about their chicks, but it just isn’t going to work. Hell, two of these are LOSERS from the diva search. Thinking logically, Ashley is the diva search winner who they are pushing pointlessly, but on the heel end they seem to be revamping McCool and had her win the little SNME bull riding thing … I’ll say they give it to her.
Winner – The Arena’s concession/merchandise vendors
Troy Hepple: I can’t see any reason for Marshall not to win. Mc can wait a little while for her time to shine, Massaro won the damned Diva Search last year, and people take Hall seriously as a wrestler .. let’s give something to Kristal Marshall for once. Besides, eliminating Ashley might actually make this a legit feud.
Winner – Kristal Marshall
Dan Hevia: I forsee this becoming a three way dance when one of these ladies gets her blood test back to find :::GASP::: Mark Henry’s child! Either way this means nothing.
Winner: McCool
Gregory Helms (c) vs. ???? – WWE Cruiserweight Title
PK: It looks like Helms will face either of the former MexiCools, however he faced Super Crazy at the last PPV, and facing Psicosis would be heel vs. heel. Either way, Helms retains.
Winner – Helms
Eric Szulczewski: Okay, we know that it’s either Super Crazy or Psicosis. I’ll go out on a limb and say that they’ll give us a face/heel match-up, because, let’s face it, anything more complex tends to confuse them. It’s irrelevant, really, because whichever Mexicool Novocaine faces, the other will interfere and cost said opponent the match. We know that’s what’s going to happen, which is a goddamn shame because Super Crazy deserves a shot with the strap. If you’re not going to give him one, get his ass over to ECW pronto.
Mystery Opponent – Super Crazy
Winner – Novocaine Helms
GRUT: Why are two heels fighting for the title? I feel like we’re back in the late 90s. Gotta play the race card again.
Winner – Psicosis via Spanish Power!
Matthew Michaels: My guess is — unless they’re going to pull a surprise and have Jimmy Yang come back or actually put The Miz into a match — Helms will continue to build upon his “longest reigning CW Champ” thing. Best way to do this is to either have him face one member of The Mexicools, while the other does a run-in, or just have him do a three-way. With the US Title match no longer a triple-threat, why not?
Opponent – Both Psicosis AND Super Crazy
Winner – Helms
Michael Fitzgerald: This one really does have potential to be a great match but to do that it will need a decent ammount of time and Helms will have to try something different from his million neckbreakers and chin lock formula. Plus, with Psicosis lurking around this could get really screwy
Winner – Helms in screwy fashion
Danny Wallace: I can’t see Helms losing the CW title anytime soon, and with all the Mexi-crap going on I’d say that Super Crazy costs Psicosis the match to further the feud. All Hail Helms!
Winner – Gregory Helms
Vinny Truncellito: It’ll be Super Crazy, but Psicosis will cause his former amigo to lose the match, right when he has Sugar Shane beaten.
Winner – Gregory Helms
Jeremy Botter: If it’s Super Crazy as has been hinted, I see a title change happening here. Helms is good enough to be placed in the US Title division and having him run any longer with the Cruiserweight title is pointless.
Winner – Super Crazy
Mark Neeley: I actually got to see SmackDown last Friday in my condo in Florida (here they have been postponing the show until 2 AM) and the Helms/JBL commentary against Cole was pretty funny. During that we saw Super Crazy score a schoolboy on Psicosis … what the hell, I don’t see them doing anything creative for the Cruiserweight division, let’s just say he goes against Super Crazy and retains.
Winner – Gregory Helms
Troy Hepple: Before the ECW presence was announced, I figured that Hardy or Super Crazy might be challenging Helms. Now I’m hoping CM Punk, Shannon Moore, or maybe even Stevie Richards might be challenging for the title. Couldn’t hurt .. could it? Either way I want Helms to retain here. I’m a Helms fan, and I’d like for his reign to last a good while, maybe up until next year’s WrestleMania?
Winner – Gregory Helms
Dan Hevia: WWE did the smart thing here and it’s what they should do all the time when they do the blood tests. Just make the card ??? vs. ??? so nobody gets let down. With the big deal they made out of Helms’ title reign being the longest for the cruisers, I bet they take it off him here. But against whom? I dunno, raid TNA or something.
Winner – ??? (He’s a good talent I hear, that ??? guy!)
London & Kendrick (c) vs. The Pit Bulls – WWE Tag Team Titles
PK: Despite very little TV time since winning the titles, the HooliganZ need to keep the straps for a while.
Winners – London & Kendrick
Eric Szulczewski: Some people think it might be too soon to do a title switch. Normally, I’d agree with those people. However, Smackdown’s lack of high-level teams means that something has to be done to bolster Kash and Noble as fast as possible. With those singles wins on Smackdown, it looks like they’re doing the same thing to build up Kash and Noble that they did to build up Kendrick and London when they were feuding with MNM. The result will end up being the same.
Winners – Kid Kash and Jamie Noble
GRUT: Can’t go by race here. This could either be the match of the night, just another match or the worst match of the night. It really depends on the quality of the match.
Winners – London and Kendrick
Matthew Michaels: Not time to take the belts off of the HooliganZ yet. In fact, I want to see a lot more of this feud.
Winner – London & Kendrick
Michael Fitzgerald: When I’m in trouble trust London to come to the rescue. Will be a great match I’m sure
Winners – The fans, but most likely the champs retaining
Danny Wallace: Can these boys make it two consecutive PPV tag title matches that have been good-to-great? Probably…
It’s also very refreshing to see an old-school tag team feud in the works. I can see the Pit Bulls picking up the win, then having a continued feud with London & Kendrick all the way to SummerSlam.
Winner – The Pit Bulls
Vinny Truncellito: Too soon to pull the trigger on the title change, but this should be a hell of a contest and further the feud.
Winners – The Hooliganz
Jeremy Botter: This is my pick for sleeper match of the show. I could watch these two teams fight over the tag titles for months and probably never, ever get tired of it. I think there might actually be a little money in having the Pit Bulls win the belts and then have London and Kendrick chase them for months, but they really need to establish a little character for both teams. It’d take 3 minutes per show, which isn’t too much to ask.
Winners – London and Kendrick
Mark Neeley: Should be a good little tag bout, I just wish they give it more time than they gave London & Kendrick v. MNM. You would think they wouldn’t take the tag straps off of the HooliganZ so soon, especially after losing all of the previous SmackDown singles matches to Noble and Ka$h, but I’m going to say the Pittbulls get the win here.
Winners – The Pitbulls
Troy Hepple: Yay, hoorah, a London and Kendrick match! This match is going to have some great chemistry and so long as they keep it as Pitbulls wrestling slow and Hooliganz wrestling quickly then I’m sure we’d have no problems .. But something deep down inside of me tells me to not expect anything beyond good from this match, which is sadly a lot of people are expecting. London and Kendrick should retain .. should at least.
Winners – Paul London and Brian Kendrick
Dan Hevia: Well this should be the match of the night by far, and it would be stupid to not put The Pitbulls over.
Winner – The Pitbulls
The Undertaker vs. The Big Show – Punjabi Prison Match
PK: If the ECW match is any indication, this will SUCK!
Winner – Big Show
Eric Szulczewski: Due to the sudden change, we don’t know if this will be for the ECW World Title or not. What we do know is that they’re still going on with the unknown gimmick despite the fact that the guy who the gimmick was designed for has fallen victim to the now-infamous elevated enzymes. This is actually a benefit. Presumably, it’s designed to be a violent environment. That fits into the current Extreme mode for TBS. They also had a pretty good match (for the two of them) on ECW On Sci-Lie this week, not to mention a long history, so they’re entirely comfortable with each other and with the challenge of the gimmick (whatever that may be). Also, if this gimmick makes sense, expect it to be transitioned to ECW for use by Sabu as “his” match, so having TBS in there will assist in that. So, losing Khali is a huge positive for everyone, including the audience.
Winner – UT gets his job back if it’s not for the ECW World Title; TBS goes over if it is for the title, since a Punjabi Prison Match sounds like something that’s No DQ by nature.
Matthew Michaels: Undertaker won the last match-up between the two by disqualification (at an ECW show?), so however the decision comes to fruition, Big Show’s winning this match. They have to keep the ECW Champ strong, and I was picking Taker to job here to Khali anyway. Perhaps Sabu & Co. show up and help Show win, if they want to ‘protect’ Taker; I have no clue and at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Boogeyman showed up.
Winner – Big Show
Danny Wallace: *The following comments are about the possible Undertaker vs. Big Show match, because rumours are knocking about that Khali is also out and is off the PPV. If it doesn’t turn out to be true, just forget you read the following, and just replace it with a blank space and quietness, which would show just how much I care about the match if Khali was in it.*
A guess at Vince McMahon’s thoughts when he heard the Great Khali was also unable to compete on the PPV: “Shit.”
The Wellness program will be the death of the WWE. You heard it here first.
Aaaaanway, onto more immediate matters. At least having the Big Show on the card gives ECW some more exposure, plus the match expectations have jumped up considerably, just because we all know that Big Show has been on a roll recently, and since he’s the ECW Champ, we’ll hopefully get a barbaric and bloody match.
The bad thing from all of this is that I can’t seem to find a way to get both The Undertaker and The Big Show out of this without any of them losing face. Taker needs a win to keep the feud with Khali going, and Big Show is the ECW Champ so a loss to Taker will hurt his credibility, so it’s a win-lose situation when they really need a win-win.
My guess is that Khali will make an appearance towards the end of the match, rip the doors/cage/bamboo shoots or whatever a Punjabi Prison is, then help Big Show to win. Taker will then make a “shocking” comeback, then Big Show will leg it while Taker battles and hopefully destroys Khali. Anybody who has read my column knows that I think Taker should start a “killing” streak at the GAB, much like his winning streak at Wrestlemania. First it was Muhammad Hussan, now it’s Khali. You know that would be awesome.
Winner – The Big Show
Vinny Truncellito: With rumored changes to the card due to all manner of health issues, this is hard to predict. If it remains Khali vs. ‘Taker, I believe the Dead Man will get his victory back. If it’s ‘Taker vs. Big Show, Show has to stay strong for the future of ECW.
Winner – Undertaker (if he wrestles Khali), Big Show (if he’s the substitute)
Jeremy Botter: I was really looking forward to seeing Great Khali in this match, for obvious reasons. Maybe they could put him on color commentary instead? That would be great, at least much better than this match is going to be. It’ll be interesting to see how they play this match out, because Big Show can’t lose or ECW will look weak, and Undertaker can’t lose because Vince is overly protective of the character. The most intriguing part of the match is seeing what, exactly, the gimmick will be.
Winner – Draw or some other kinda of shenanigans
Mark Neeley: We know, it’s desperation booking since Khali was just the next domino in the row to go down in illness … but didn’t we JUST see this on ECW? Piss break.
Winner – DQ of somesort … just like it went the first time around
Troy Hepple: One minute nobody cares about this feud, the next it’s voted the most anticipated for the GAB card .. then The Great Khali has liver problems and Big Show is going to be his replacement. Okay. There’s some interest here with what the hell a Punjabi Prison Match is (my assumption is that it’s just a cage match with wood instead), but now with Show in it we can at least guarantee a watchable match. I’d prefer this match would be for the ECW Championship and break out some sort of destruction .. He’s put him over before, at least.
Winner – Big Show
Dan Hevia: The big question is if Vince will let this be contested under “Extreme” rules. Either way, having a Jumanji Prison match without the Jumanji guy really doesn’t help. But whatever.
Winner – Robin Williams
Finlay (c) vs. William Regal – WWE US Title
PK: People really want to cheer Finley and the Leprechaun badly, maybe this will finally turn him face? NO SHOT! Finley is a born heel. This will be a stellar match, as these two really know how to go.
Winner – Finley
Eric Szulczewski: Originally, I had Kennedy interfering with Lashley in order to set up their feud, with Regal taking advantage of the distraction to pin Lashley and win the title. Now Lashley’s out with “elevated liver enzymes” (code word for hepatitis). However, I don’t think very much will change as to the result. The audience wants to cheer Finlay (and Little Bastard), and the separation from the King’s Court will be more easily accomplished if he’s chasing the title. So Regal uses the shillelagh to get a cheap win. Hey, Regal’s no stranger to foreign object use, so this is right in character. And it’ll be a wonderful reward for everything he’s done over the years with very little notice or push. He can definitely run with the belt and have a good feud with Finlay in the process.
Winner – Mister Regal
Matthew Michaels: PLEASE add Matt Hardy into this match. You can do it so simply too: (Matt) “Teddy, I beat Kennedy and HE gets a PPV match but I don’t? What gives?” (Long) “Well, playa, you’re right — and since Bobby Lashley isn’t medically cleared to fight tonight, I’m giving you a title shot — at the United States Championship!” (Matt) “I WILL NOT DIE!” (Little Bastard) Humps Hardy’s leg.
Winner – Surprise! Matt Hardy (or if no Matt, then Finlay retains)
Danny Wallace: With Lashley out now, I’m looking forward to this match even more. Even though Lashley has improved by working with Finlay, Regal and King Booker, I think that both Regal and Finlay would still feel as though they had to carry him to a great match. With that out of the way however, they can let loose and just go to town on each other, without the pressure of thinking about the third man. So yeah… it should be an awesome match if given 20 minutes or so.
Winner – Finlay
Vinny Truncellito: More health issues? With Lashley out, this will be the match of the night, but I figure they don’t rock the boat too much with the US Title.
Winner – Finlay
Jeremy Botter: Oh, goody. The tough part about this one will be selling it to the live crowd with two heels in the match, which could cause the crowd to turn on it in a hurry. My bet is they run some type of angle beforehand to establish Finlay as a face, and then they’ll beat the living hell out of each other.
Winner – Finlay
Mark Neeley: At Judgement Day we saw them give Benoit v. Finlay time and it was delightful. This could be equally great, and I for one would rather see this than have Lashley inserted into the mix to add some powerslams. It could be a blow-off match though, with the two being in King Booker’s court. Hopefully they take the first route. I’ll say we see Finlay retain, on the flip of the coin trick.
Winner – Finlay
Troy Hepple: With Lashley out the question we have two very good possibilities. The first being that Regal lays down cleanly for Finlay, even if we do miss out on one hell of a match by doing so. The second being we get a match of the night candidate (the others being the the title matches) complete with Little Bastard interference that adds an interesting ingredient to the Royal Hierarchy of International. I somewhat think that with Lashley in this match it was almost destined to break Regal or Finlay away from their team and maybe turn Regal face, and without him in the match is just makes it easier to turn Regal face .. yes, I know, right now Regal is in the best place he has been in years. You expect that to last very long?
Winner – Finlay
Dan Hevia: I really hope Matt Hardy get inserted in this match and gets killed just so Matthew Michaels can take the guys you know what out of his you know where. Other than that, LET THE VIOLENCE ENSUE!
Winner – Finlay
Batista vs. Ken Kennedy – #1 Contender’s Match
PK: I’m begging for a swerve here. I’m just begging to see Kennedy go over. However, I think we all know the real outcome of this match.
Winner – Batista
Eric Szulczewski: The spoilers already ruined this one. Initially, it was supposed to be Henry going over Batista to set up a Triple Threat at SummerSlam with Rey-Rey, Batista, and Henry. Now that Henry’s out until Wrestlemania, Kennedy got substituted, and we get the Booker/Batista match for SummerSlam (whoops, we’re not to that one yet, are we?), while Kennedy goes and feuds with Lashley. Wasn’t it only a month or so ago that DAVE’s return was seen as the salvation of Smackdown? Now he’s more of an impediment to some sweet booking.
Winner – DAVE
GRUT: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Batista versus Matt Hardy’s bitch. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Winner – Batista
Matthew Michaels: Batista was reportedly going to job to Henry, beating him at Summerslam; no way he’s losing to Mr. Kennedy. Next.
Winner – DAVE
Michael Fitzgerald: Dumb idea to simply book this on the fly. They should have just inserted Batista into the main event instead of killing off Kennedy in this way
Winner – Batista, obviously
Danny Wallace: Talk about booking on the fly. I managed to sneak into a WWE Creative meeting last Tuesday, and heard the following: “Hmm.. we just had Kennedy lose his first match on SmackDown to Matt Hardy. I know! Let’s piss in the face of logic and give him a shot at becoming the Number One Contender to the World Heavyweight Title anyway! Fuck Matt Hardy. Johnny Ace will love us!”
This match has the opportunity to kill Batista’s return dead on arrival. Everybody was psyched up to see him whup Fat Mark’s arse, then one knee injury later and Sayonara ‘Big Payoff’, hello ‘Cheap Replacement’. A Matt Hardy vs. Batista match would have been better than having him face Kennedy, who just isn’t ready for that position yet. Still, it’ll be interesting to see if Kennedy can hang with the big boys.
Meh.. enough chitter chatter about a match I no longer care about.
Winner – Batista
Vinny Truncellito: No question. Big DAVE.
Winner – Batista
Jeremy Botter: This is going to be short and one-sided. Going any longer than seven minutes will expose both of these guys as weak workers, so they’ll keep it short and have Batista dominate. Kennedy is good on the mic but weak in the ring, and Batista isn’t good at carrying people less skilled than he. Batista will win to set up the program with King Booker.
Winner – Batista
Mark Neeley: This is some scrapped together, desperation booking if I’ve ever seen any … but DAVE has no chance of losing, so whatever.
Winner – DAVE
Troy Hepple: I’m not expecting much from this match, though it is hard to pick a winner. Batista’s making his pay per view return here, meanwhile Mr Kennedy has the best win / loss streak of the entire roster .. let’s give Kennedy a break here. But, then again, if he got a push to the top of the SmackDown roster then he’ll probably break something too .. That’s just a risk I’m willing to take.
Winner – Mr Kennedy
Dan Hevia: This is the big trick of the night. They want DAVE to win the title back at Wrestlemania, which is like 8 months away. Everyone expects DAVE to win. Why not have Hardy run-in and beat up Kennedy, saying he beat him and should be in the match against DAVE, while drawing the DQ win for Kennedy, setting up Kennedy vs. Booker at Summerslam and DAVE demolishing Hardy?
Winner – Hevia booking, Kennedy
Rey Mysterio (c) vs. King Booker – World Title
PK: If Big DAVE is winning the #1 contendership, Booker wins the title.
Winner – Booker T
Eric Szulczewski: They don’t have the balls to do a Rey-Rey/DAVE match, pure and simple. Rey-Rey’s title reign has been a not-his-fault disaster. Booker, meanwhile, is hot as an in-use automatic pistol. It’s time to make up for some of the shitty booking he’s had to endure for the last five years. Plus, we all know that they can’t resist doing a work-shoot with Booker/DAVE. With Regal as US champ and Booker as World champ, the King and his Court will reign supreme.
Winner – Booker T
GRUT: People call the Rock the first African American WWE champion. That’s crud. Scott Steiner put it way more elegantly than I ever could when he called all Samoans half breeds. King Booker has been the best thing in professional wrestling for the past 5 or so months, and now he gets what he deserves after his Wrestlemania Boogeyman job, the honor of becoming the first TRUE African American WWE champion. Will America be ready? Of course not. It’s going to kill Vince in the pocket, but we will finally be able to speak the names Vince McMahon and Malcom X in the same sentence.
Winner – The King Booker T
Matthew Michaels: It’s time to get the belt off of Rey-Rey, make the GAB a meaningful PPV, and show that it IS indeed good to be The King. Brock Lesnar was the last KotR and got the crown during a monster push that led to him becoming the last Undisputed Champion. Let’s get Booker his sixth World Title and set up Book/Batista for Summerslam, shall we?
Winner – Booker T
Michael Fitzgerald: Booker is great so long as he doesn’t have to wrestle, now he has to wrestle, that’s not good. LET THE RESTING BEGIN!!!!!!
Winner – Booker
Danny Wallace: “All hail, king Booker!” x 50
Winner – King Booker
Vinny Truncellito: King Booker ends the dream, and transitions the belt back to Big DAVE soon.
Winner – His Royal Majesty
Jeremy Botter: As of a few days ago, Chavo Guerrero was schedueld to cost Rey the belt by turning on him here. Since stuff changes on an hourly basis in the mind of Vince McMahon, there’s no way of knowing if that’s still the plan. Rey no longer needs the belt, and having the belt be at play between Batista and King Booker is really the only way to go. It’ll be a great match.
Winner – King Booker
Mark Neeley: I predicted a long time ago that Booker would win the title from Mysterio at Great American Bash setting up DAVE’s return and DAVE playing the babyface at SummerSlam, with the whole “commercial shoot” storyline and all. Godspeed, Rey.
Winner – King Booker
Troy Hepple: Turn damnit Chavo! With Mysterio out for a few months you’d think they’d just let the little guy be off on his merry way and start building towards No Mercy instead of hoping to build it around him. But with WWE logic they won’t .. just let Mysterio get some daned surgery already, Batista’s back, Booker’s on a great hot streak for getting heat, and if worse comes to worst then just put Undertaker back in the title picture. Nevermind all the guys that could make legit title contenders if they ‘had’ to get the big push .. I’m ranting, aren’t I? Well I’ll just keep the rest of this simple then: it’s either now or never for King Booker. They usually give him a title when he’s thinking of retirement, and since SmackDown’s King Of The Ring privledge doesn’t count as a title, I think we can say hello to our new King of the World.
Winner – King Booker
Dan Hevia: Following the booking from the last match, Chavito finally turns on Rey, costs him the title, Booker picks up the win and the title. Now we have Rey vs. Chavito for Summerslam. Add in another tag title match and you have 4 matches from Smackdown for Summerslam, not a bad showing.
Winner – King Booker
