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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by Shawn Smith’s Stuff I Think And Shouldn’t Say. Shawn Smith knows music, and he beats it like the whore it is.
Nude photos of Trinity up later!
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Newsflash! Owen Hart Challenges Eddie Guerrero To ‘Loser Leaves Heaven’ Match.
Credit: HWE.com
The epic feud between the HWE’s Owen Hart and newcomer Eddie Guerrero finally came to a head last Sunday night when Owen challenged Eddie to a ‘Loser Leaves Heaven’ match. This is only the third such match in HWE history, and the consequences could not be more dire for the loser. One man gets to remain in paradise while the other will be burning forever in Hades.
The feud began on November 13th, 2005. Owen Hart was well on his way to winning the HWE Heavyweight title from his brother in law, The British Bulldog, when Eddie Guerrero suddenly appeared in the ring. While all three competitors were confused, especially Eddie, the great and powerful Mohammed to whom all praise is due declared it was now a triple threat match. Owen turned to complain to the referee and Eddie schoolboyed him for the quick three count.
Since that match the two men have battled over the title throughout heaven, ‘from the pearly gates to the Virgins Islands’ according to one source who wishes to remain anonymous. In all of their battles, it is always Eddie who comes out on top to the delight of the crowd. Owen had finally had enough when Eddie won a hair vs. hair match against Stu Hart. Owen stated that there was only room in paradise for one of them and challenged Eddie to the loser leaves match. The consequences could not be more dire.
“IT BURNS, IT BURNS,” cried Yokozuna, loser of the last Loser Leaves Heaven match, from the pits of hell during an interview with HWE.com, your new number one source for inside HWE news and rumors. “TELL OWEN IT’S NOT WORTH IT! PRIDE IS NOT WORTH THE FIRE! OH, IF I COULD ONLY GO BACK IN TIME AND NOT GET SO ANGRY WHEN BRIAN PILLMAN USED MY TOOTHBRUSH, THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! AGONY! AGOOOOOOOONY!”
Will Eddie accept the challenge laid down by the cocky Canadian? What does Davey Boy Smith have to say about all this? Find out next Monday Night on HWE!
In addition, we’ve been seeing the vignettes all year, will Monday night finally bring us the debut of Kurt Angle? Tune in to find out!
Also, Curt Hennig takes on Andre the Giant in a scaffold match, and half of Jake Roberts fights half of Tommy Dreamer in a no holds barred Valhalla Pajama Prison Match!
Insidepulse will have more details on this story in the foreseeable future.
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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by Ken Anderson’s TNA PPV breakdown! It’s sad to see such a talented writer having a breakdown at such a young age, especially over something like TNA wrestling, but shit happens.
Trinity gets nude shortly!
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Newsflash!Edge’s Head in Danger of Exploding.
More tragic injury news from the world of professional wrestling as Edge’s head is in danger of exploding. He was admitted to Sinai hospital in Toronto Monday morning but doctors aren’t sure if there is anything they can do.
“It’s his smile,” Dr. Moishe told Insidepulse.com. “He always had a wide, healthy smile, but about a year ago it suddenly started to widen. It was slow at first, a millimeter here or there, but lately his smile has been expanding rapidly by inches a week. He’s torn all of the muscles in his face, and if we can’t stem the growth his head will most likely explode.”
The investigative unit of insidepulse.com looked into Edge’s career to see if we could discover what has caused this awful development. After every victory Edge’s smile remains the same, so it could not be that. We checked to see if his title wins had something to do with it, but we hit a dead end there as well. It was the fact that he was brought in this morning that gave us our first clue, as we learned that last night his smile expanded a full inch last night around 9:30. It was right around that time that Gregory Helms, Cruiserweight champion, defeated a very over Matt Hardy on the WWE Smackdown pay per view The Great American Bash.
“That makes sense,” Dr. Moishe kivetched to us. “So Edge’s problem is that he can’t stop smiling every time Matt Hardy loses. This is a simple problem to solve then. WWE needs to put Matt Hardy on a huge win streak, and my guess is that Edge’s face will return to normal.”
Edge is doomed to die Friday night when Matt Hardy lies down for Simon Dean on Smackdown.
Insidepulse will have more on this story in the coming weeks.
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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by While You Were Reading The Big Two, the completely true story about what happened while you were reading the big two. Trinity nude shortly!
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Newsflashback! Triple H Routinely Mocked Behind His Back.
Unconfirmed sources have revealed to Insidepulse.com that Triple H is routinely mocked behind his back by employees of World Wrestling Entertainment.
“This one wrestler, I can’t tell you his name, he did an impression of an Edge/Triple H promo the other night,” said our unconfirmed source. “First he was Triple H. He said, ‘Edge, you couldn’t cut it as a face so you did a whiny heel turn. You sucked at that too until you betrayed your friend and co-worker by screwing his girlfriend. The only reason you’re still here is because you’re taller than Matt Hardy. Also, you’re super skinny and your spear is one of the worst in all of wrestling.’ Then he pretended to be Edge and said, ‘Triple H, I respect the hell out of you. You’re the best wrestler in the world and I can’t think of a single bad thing to say about you. I’d blow you if you’d let me. I only hope and pray I can survive our match.’ Man, we cracked up hard.”
Our unconfirmed source said the employees also mock Triple H’s mustache. He quoted one wrestler as saying, “We oughta stick Hunter in some black leather and have him do a Mr. Slave gimmick,” referring to the South Park character. “I shouldn’t be joking about this. After he shaves it off, I’m probably going to be jobbing to his emancipated incredibly gay mustache.”
They also mock his relationship with the McMahon’s. One wrestler asked, “Did you see the devestating move Hunter used to get his last title reign?” The mocker then held up his index and middle fingers in the shape of a v and licked inbetween them. He then added, “Oh, this doesn’t represent Steph’s snatch, it’s Vince’s fudge factory.”
Also mocked is his role in the terrible ‘Blade: Trinity’, his burial of wrestlers he percieves as threats despite his being married to the daughter of the boss, his on again/off again steroid use and most recently his incredibly expensive private tour bus he plans to raise his child on. Our unconfirmed source quoted another wrestler.
“Watch this, I’m Prince Hunter McMahon Junior cutting a promo twenty one years from now. ‘I was born on the road! I was raised on the road! This business is in my blood! I’m the Game McMahon, damn it! And dad, I will beat you for your title tonight!’ See, it’s funny because that blowhard with a bad knee is still champ… Hey, Hunter! Great promo tonight man, you really exposed Cena. I love the tweener reaction you’re getting. My son says he wants to be just like you when he grows up, especially with the mustache.”
Insidepulse.com will keep you up to date as more information becomes available.
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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by PK’s New Wrestling Figures. God, that Matt Hardy figure really brings me back. Matt, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I know why you made the choice you did, just know part of me will always be with you. Stay tuned for Trinity butt assed nekid!
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Newsflash! Grut’s Birthday In Just Two Weeks!
Grut’s birthday is in two weeks. He is registered at Tiffany’s of New York. Feel free to buy him one of the many tiaras he has listed.
Insidepulse will have more on this story as it develops.
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As promised, Trinity Nude!
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May your week be as informative as reading this article was.
