Line of the Week:
Pick your favourite joke regarding liver enzyme counts.
My wife and I have never figured out the appeal of Pottery Barn. But, since one of our wedding presents was a $200 gift card (note to anyone attending weddings – it’s common courtesy to give back gifts (or money) approximately totalling how much they spent on you for the reception meal) for that store, so we went in to get some curtain rods to upgrade our current cheap IKEA ones. One hour after we went into the store, we had 2 of the five rod sets that we needed. Long story short, Pottery Barn is one of the most inefficient – and expensive – places we’ve ever been into, and you’d be well advised to avoid it if at all possible. That being said, the curtain rods are nice.
Back before Japanese toys and card games took over the imagination of kids, toymakers in the U.S. came up with many ideas intended to capture their attention. And naturally, those ideas were sold with the help of a companion cartoon to help sell the product. You’re probably familiar with Transformers and G.I. Joe, but let me reintroduce you to… The Centurions.
Starring Scott Stapp
The Centurions, as with many “guy” cartoons, took place in “the near future”. As you could tell by the intro sequence above, the three main Centurions were:
Max Ray, sea operations and generally the level-headed one.
Like Aquaman, only made to look useful
Jake Rockwell, land operations and the stubborn one.
I think Jake’s overcompensatin’ for something
Ace McCloud, air operations and the “daring” (read: impetuous) one.
Kinda looks like a douche, doesn’t he?
Later in the show two more Centurions debuted – Rex Charger, energy expert and John Thunder, infiltration. Which was pretty funny considering that Thunder’s main weapon consisted of a huge fricking crossbow strapped to his back. You’re not gonna sneak into a facility wearing that.
So why is it that Thunder’s exo-frame seems less protective than the others?
The Centurions were helped out by their eye in the sky, Crystal Kane, who beamed down their weapons systems. There’s also a monkey, but I’ll just ignore that little fact.
Insert your own joke here.
Of course, heroes are useless without having some sort of villain. In this case, we get Doc Terror, who is intent on taking over the world regardless of the condition it’s in. Of course, he’s got a crony, named Hacker, but he’s also got a daughter, Amber, who is sorta good, but bad. Or something.
Hacker’s the one on your left
As always with cartoons designed to sell toys, the stories aren’t always the greatest, although the one I’ve found on YouTube, “Let the Lightning Fall”, actually isn’t bad. For the most part though, there are a lot of gaps in logic that really, you have to accept as a part of cartoons, since many of them aren’t, you know, aimed at us older folk.
Centurions only lasted one season of 65 episodes (they went all-out to get syndicated back in the day), presumably getting the axe due to poor toy sales (the figures were Mego-sized, and the weapon systems were rather hard to put in/take out which killed the play value). But looking back on it, it was a really cool idea that, had it come out now, might have enjoyed more success than it did back then.
And finally, before we get to the cartoon, an interesting tidbit: character designs were by a couple of guys named Jack Kirby and Gil Kane, who worked on and created a few comic books that you may have heard of.
IP Alumni sighting, as I discovered that Mark Polishuk now writes for MLB.com.
The Week… In Hindsight (Now with ratings!):
I should note that I don’t watch all of these shows. You’ll figure it out pretty easily.
Monday ‘Canadian Idol’
OK, so Zack finally said out loud what noone else on Canadian or American Idol has done – he’s said that the show isn’t about the best singers anymore, it’s a popularity contest. And that’s exactly how 19 Entertainment designed the show to be. Remember, Simon Fuller and co have no vested interest in the winning singer outside of the Pop Idol winners, so whether those albums sell well or bomb is of no concern to them.
Of course, I still hold firm that when it gets down to the final four or five, only the ones that can sing will still be left standing. But with Brandon still being in the mix, that belief will be severely tested.
‘Hell’s Kitchen’ (4.5/7, 2nd)
Anyone notice that once Tom got the boot the remaining contestants all had some sort of kitchen work on their CV? Anyways, this week Garrett got the boot after been thrown under the bus by his mate Keith, and things will be pretty interesting should Garrett come back in the final challenge to cook with the big man.
Oh, and if the finals aren’t Heather and Keith at this point, there’s something seriously messed up.
‘Treasure Hunters’ (2.5/5, 4th)
Finally, the Fogals are gone, and ironically on a leg where Kayte didn’t whine or complain. But now that they’re freed from the burden of having to carry another team, the Air Force shouldn’t have any problems getting back on top.
And if you decide to watch this show again, google “man in the mask”, “Marquis de Lafayette” and “Benjamin Franklin” to find out who these people REALLY are and what they REALLY did.
Tuesday ‘Big Brother All-Stars’ (4.7/8) ‘Last Comic Standing’ (4.6/8)
I kind of lost interest in this after a while. You’d think a show with comedians on it would be, you know, funnier.
‘Rock Star: Supernova’ (3.9/6)
It’s still all about getting rid of the singers who obviously aren’t gonna make it. That group includes Josh, Patrice, Jill, Ryan, Phil, Zayra and maybe Dana. The final five should be Toby, Magni, Dilana, Storm and Lucas, and given that the “band” has the final say on who stays or who goes, it’s probably likely that those are who we’ll get over the final five weeks.
‘The One’ (1.8/3)
Ouch. This show is bombing worse than the XFL.
‘Iron Chef America’ (Food Network Canada)
That’s it for this week.
About The Author
Kevin has been an Insider since 2003, writing on a variety of topics ranging from The Amazing Race to Mixed Martial Arts. His current hobbies include Fantasy Football, Sporcle, travelling, making liberal use of his DVR and wondering what the heck he's gonna do when his two daughters are old enough to date. You can follow Kevin on Twitter (@starvenger).