Looking Ahead – 1st August 2006

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Looking Ahead – 1st August 2006

Hi there! Welcome once again to ‘Looking Ahead’, the column with more squeak than a really really old mattress (and more dubious looking stains too).

Life is finally calming down, it seems. After the past few weeks, the powers-that-be at work have taken their finger out of their arse and hired some more bar staff, so I’m no longer going to be pulling 60 hour weeks. Hooray! Also, the horribly warm weather is starting to go away. Bring on the snow! August 1st today too, the start of a new month. Shit… 5 weeks to the day I turn 23. Fuck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck!

By the way, in case you didn’t already know, the SmackDown Spoilers are up. Which means I’ll be incorporating them in here, so if you don’t want to know what happened… well… tough.

Have A Gander…

Body Blows‘s writer Trent Pusey attempts to eat 10 McChicken Sandwiches in one sitting. By the way, the “Two Whole Pizzas” challenge has been achieved, by myself no less. My advice – use order the Italian base. It’s thinner.

Looking To The Stars – The Last Of My Favorite Things from Matt Morrison.

Tim Stevens blabbers on about Comics in his DC News & Views. The only comic I used to read was the Beano. Those were the days.

Gloomchen once again brings us the opposite of Partially False Stories.

Alternate Reality is back once again, by none other than “The Man Who’s Tougher Than Plastic And Chews Elastic (bands)” – Vin Tastic!

Burnside with the awesome-as-ever Anti-Pulse. By the way, the first line of the column. Were you quoting The Fresh Prince?

Eric Something’s Triple Threat Short-Form is as good as usual.

Screw it, that’ll do.

RAW & SmackDown! (& ECW?)

Next PPV – SummerSlam; 20/08/06

The Announced Card

Randy Orton vs. Hulk Hogan

I’ve changed my mind from last week. I’m now going for an Orton win, because I forgot one very important thing. If we get this again at WrestleMania, there’s no way Hogan will job at the “Granddaddy of Them All” is there? Nope. So that’s why I think Randy Orton will win here.

John Cena vs. Edge – Title can change on DQ Match for the WWE Championship

I don’t see Cena winning the Championship again before Mania, so I’m gunning for an Edge victory because there’s nothing better than a long chase for the title. I’ve a gut feeling that we’ll see a ref-bump and a run-in from somebody to help Edge retain, probably from Lita.

This can set up a possible Cage match at Survivor Series to keep away any outside interference (Edge will still sneak out a victory), maybe a Submission match at the Rumble (Edge will cheat to win again, putting Cena in his very own STFU) then at Mania they can have the final blow-off match (Hell in the Cell maybe?) where Cena finally gets the title back.

That’s what I’d do anyway. Basically I see Edge being the true heel and always retaining the title thanks to nefarious means, but ultimately losing to Cena once it’s a proper one on one match, where nobody can help or cost Cena the match.

De-Generation X vs. The McMahons

I can’t seem to predict who’s going to win here. If DX wins, then the McMahons lose yet again, but if Vince and Shane win then is that the end of DX? And if so, where do HBK and HHH go from there?


Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

This is obviously going to happen, and I’m glad I called it way back when. It means I must be doing something right. Maybe.

Anyway, it should be a good match and might help elevate Chavo up the card afterwards. I’d like it to continue until WrestleMania, possibly cumulating in a brutal match of some sort. Iron Man maybe?

Batista vs. King Booker

Hinted at during SmackDown, this is the only possible opponent for King Booker now anyway, unless Finlay is turned face and pushed hard, which I don’t see happening. Finlay would make an awesome World Champ though.

The Undertaker vs. The Great Khali – Last Man Standing

Taker challenged Khali on SmackDown this week, but the Great One didn’t accept. But he will do. Otherwise he’ll look like a complete pussy, because he challenged Taker to the Punjabi Prison match, and what sounds worse, Punjabi Prison or Last Man Standing? Exactly.

William Regal vs. Finlay vs. Lashley

“OMG!!!1!!!1!!!!! BOBBY LASHLEY IN THE CLEAR!!!!!1!!!! LASHLEY IS BACK!!!1!1!11! SMACKDOWN IS SAVED!!!!!!” – screamed WWE.com in the early hours of Sunday morning.

So hopefully we can get to see the triple threat match that we were denied at the Bash, if the Spoilers are anything to go by. Also, as you may have read yesterday, Finlay shoved Regal into Lashley, which resulted in a Dominator for Regal. Poor bloke. So that will add some intrigue to the match. SummerSlam is shaping up to be a great card.

Awesome… Slow Cheetah by the RHCP has just come on my MP3 player. Great song.

The Spirit Squad vs. The Highlanders

Could be a possible match at SummerSlam, although I’d prefer to have a Fatal Four Way tag match also involving Cade & Murdoch and Hass & Viscera. Whoever said Raw doesn’t have a tag division is now WRONG WRONG WRONG. Cade & Murdoch, Venis & Snitsky, Hass & Viscera, Spirit Squad 1, Spirit Squad 2, The Highlanders. That’s 6 tag teams. How many more do you want?

Johnny Nitro vs. Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin – IC Title Ladder Match

A three-way Ladder match for the Intercontinental Title would be awesome, especially if they pull out more incredible spots like all three men did last night on Raw, and the week before too.

Mick Foley vs. Ric Flair – Hardcore Match

Wow, wasn’t Flair fired up last night? These two are in the top five promo guys of all time, so it’s no surprise I paid close attention when they were nattering back and forth. Awesome TV. Should be a great match too, if both guys go to the EXXXXTREEEEEMEMEMEMEMEME. Haven’t said that in a while, needed to get it out.

Big Show vs. Sabu – ECW World Title Match

I’m going to suggest something here. Paul Heyman’s turn will be revealed to be a work. He faked the heel turn to get the belt off RVD, because he knew RVD was going to be suspended and he couldn’t have the ECW title missing for 30 days when he was trying to relaunch the brand, and he also kept Vince sweet by taking the appropriate action, doing what he had to do for the good of ECW.

Heyman, by not giving Sabu the title shot, comes across as twat, but really he’s trying to let Sabu know that just let Big Show go on his run with the title, and then when RVD comes back, he’ll get his shot at the title, all in the process of keeping the ECW brand alive. If you saw Heyman’s face at the end of last week’s ECW show, you could see that he was pissed off, but I don’t think that it was a “Sabu just attacked my man, Big Show. Grrr”, it was more like “Shit. Sabu just f*cked up my plan to keep Big Show away from the ECW wrestlers and thus not giving us wrestlers from Raw and SmackDown to help keep us afloat”, or something like that anyway.

Sorry if any of that doesn’t flow well, or make sense for that matter. Basically, Heyman will help RVD beat the Big Show somewhere down the line, and will turn out to be doing good for ECW all along.

Oh, er… Big Show to beat Sabu.


Next PPV – Unforgiven; 17/9/06

The Announced Card



Randy Orton vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler

They might as well, unless they use the Lawler stuff to keep Orton occupied until SummerSlam.

Edge (c) vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship – probably a rematch from SummerSlam

Umaga vs. HHH

Johnny Nitro vs. Ric Flair – Nitro’s been getting in Flairs business recently, so a match between the two would be a good idea to elevate Nitro


Yeah, I’m going to be giving some love to the best British/European fed to emerge in a very long while – 1 Pro Wrestling. I’ve been to 2 of their shows so far, and loved every minute of them, so they’ll be getting some love in here every so often.

Next PPV -Invincible; 19/8/06

The Announced Card

Masato Tanaka vs. “American Dragon” Bryan Danielson

Hopefully Bryan Danielson won’t miss his sodding flight this time, and actually make it to the PPV. This should be a Match of the Night candidate, no questions asked.

Doug Williams vs. Nigel McGuiness

Another MOTN candidate, my money’s on Doug Williams, as it looks like he’s being pushed fairly hard at the moment.


1PW World Championship Match
Steve Corino (c) vs. Abyss

Obviously Corino, being the World champ, will be defending the title, but against who I’ve no idea. The money could be put on Abyss, seeing as how they have a scuffle at the last PPV, ‘Devil’s Due’, as well as an awesome Triple Threat match involving Christian Cage at ‘Know Your Enemy’.

1PW World Tag Team Championship Match
Storm & Fleisch vs. Aries & Strong

With Southern Comfort getting the Tag Title shot at ‘1PW’s Anniversary Show’, look for Aries & Strong, or maybe Team SHAG (Cabana and Burridge) to get a shot at ‘Invincible’.

I can’t see Jonny & Jody dropping the titles just yet though, as they’ve only held them for a month or so.

The Last Bit…

Time to wrap this puppy up (to coin a phrase from Eric S, who’s finally got a job. I was only joking about you being a dole-scrounger you know), so I can once again it seems start a crappy shift at work.

Oh, and it looks like my prayers have been answered. It’s currently pissing it down. Yey!

Stay cold…

Danny Wallace.