Howdy, all. Welcome to Look on the Bright Side, the happiest column in the IWC. All the other columns are jealous.
For our weekly diversion, we’ll start with some comic movie news:
As a follow up to last year’s blockbuster Batman Begins, Christopher Nolan is set to direct Warner Bros. Pictures’ The Dark Knight, written by Jonathan Nolan, based on a story by Christopher Nolan and David Goyer. The film will be produced by Emma Thomas, Charles Roven and Christopher Nolan. Additionally, Christian Bale will resume his role as Bruce Wayne and Academy Award nominee Heath Ledger has been cast as The Joker.
Simply put: awesome.
I saw the original Batman in the theater on opening weekend – way back in 1989, before the internet, and Ain’tItCoolNews.com, and 40,000 other movie web sites that leaked constant rumors. Back then, unless you knew someone in Hollywood, you went to the movie, you liked it or not, and you went home. And at this time, nobody was making comic book movies. In fact, no one had done anything significant since Superman.
Then, came the sequels. Honestly, the less said about them, the better.
The release of Batman Begins did a lot to re-establish my faith in the ability of someone, anyone, to make a good Batman movie. Honestly, it’s not that difficult – he is, quite simply, the coolest superhero ever. Just read some Frank Miller (or hell, read the Kevin Smith Green Arrow run), and make something decent inspired by that. (And for God’s sake, please forget that the original TV show ever happened.)
There’s been some fanboy grumbling about Ledger playing The Joker, but that’s to be expected. Honestly, I loved him in A Knight’s Tale and Brokeback Mountain (in a totally heterosexual way), and I think he could pull off an excellent job with such a fun part. And I received a pleasant surprise looking through his IMDB.com entry — he was the lead role in the Fox TV show Roar? Wow, I remember watching that, and being somewhat depressed when it was taken off the air (due to the fact that I was, I belive, one of approximately 250 people who watched it). Now, I’m not talking Firefly or Angel level disappointment – but the show should have been given a chance.
The You Tube Video of the Week
Wow. I can’t believe I never watched The Evolution of Dance before today. Over 30 million views? Yeesh. How come none of you ever told me about this, huh? Don’t you love me anymore?
Around the Pulse
Eric gives you a quickie. In his world, a quickie consists of 2700 words and ten screenshots. (But I’m sorry, Eric – that was indeed a (running) Samoan Spike that Umaga hit HBK with at the end of the match. Watch it in slo-mo – you can see the thumb sticking out just before he makes contact.)
Daniels takes the hammer (and deservedly so) to Starcade 1997, which was, ironically, the first WCW PPV I ever bought. Not too surprisingly, it was also the last. Read the article to find out why, like Daniels, I also still get upset thinking about the ending of this show.
Over in Sports, Daniels also sums up the fallout from the baseball trading deadline. I cannot tell you pissed off I am that I now have three different jerseys (Abreu, Wagner, and Thome) between myself and my two boys for players that are no longer with the team. This sucks.
Iain says goodbye for a while, in order to heel his body. It turns out he’s been writing his columns through a few dozen injuries, with only high-quality drugs keeping him together. Despite all of that, he’s been bringing the goods every time. Basically, he’s the Kurt Angle of Inside Pulse.
Kubryk saw Miami Vice over the weekend, and absolutely loved it. Honestly, I was scared to death that this thing was going to suck – guess it’ll have to go onto my list of movies to catch up on now. (Luckily, with my wife and kids out of town for 5 days, I can actually start working on that list. Temporary bachelorhood RULEZ!)
Last week, Michaelangelo reviewed Clerks II, which I was supposed to do, until forces beyond my control prevented me from doing so. (Damn those forces.) And he makes an excellent point: if you like Kevin Smith movies, you’ll like this one. If not – well, why are you even reading that review in the first place? Mikey gives it a “10” for Entertainment Value, and says he laughed his ass off. I just saw it earlier today (took the day off from work after taking care of some errands – by the way, has anyone remarked on how hot it is? No? Didn’t think so), and thoroughly enjoyed it. But, strangely enough, I did feel a bit disappointed walking out of the movie, which I chalk up to three factors: 1) I think I was expecting just a bit more from it, 2) some of the scenes really struck me as out of place (the go-carts) or forced (Jedi vs. LotR), and 3) the primary reason – I’m not going to see these characters ever again.
Oh, and we’re down to the Final Four in the Funniest Movie of Our Generation tournament in the forums. Which four? Go click the link, fool!
Mathan muses on hip-hop. Gee, wonder why?
The Happy Fifteen (or so)
And now, we get to the meat of the column. The idea is fairly simple: I point out (at least) 5 things from each major show that should be getting more attention, but aren’t. (And occasionally, I just point out some absurdity just to tweak the rest of the IWC.) There’s way too much negativity infused into columnists who write about pro wrestling: this is just my little attempt to balance it out a bit.
Love the concept? Hate it? Think I missed something important from last week? See something this week that you think should be here? Email me by Tuesday evening.
Friday Night Smackdown
1. Some of those pics of Kennedy post-GAB were just brutal. While I appreciate the toughness of pro wrestlers, did I need a photo of an actual needle being pressed into Ken’s forehead? It was bad enough when I had to get that done to myself back when I was 9 (and thankfully didn’t watch it; my mother didn’t fare so well); I’m not sure I needed even a black&white photo to convince me that “these guys are tough”.
2. Kennedy’s series of moves against Batista’s knee was well-executed, and I applaud Michael Cole and JBL for talking about the strategy of taking out your opponent’s knee, especially when he’s a “striker” like Batista. But, really, all they needed to do was channel Dalton: “Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he’ll drop like a stone.”
3. I might have never actually written these words before: Michael Cole did an excellent job this evening. Specifically, I’m talking about his job during Vito’s match. I mentioned this once before, but I am still in shock that WWE is actually handling this correctly, and with a modicum of class. Putting for the idea that a cross-dresser can still be a tough guy, and talk about sports and such – honestly, that’s revolutionary in this industry.
4. During Sylvan’s entrance, JBL let loose with: “This guy sucks! I hate him!” And that, in a nutshell, sums up a good portion of why JBL is the best color commentator in the business: he doesn’t care if you’re face or heel, he just reacts to you perfectly in character. The fact that he’s put over faces like London & Kendrick, or has called Gregory Helms the “best kept secret on Smackdown”, gives us all good indication that he isn’t going to be predictable. He gives a good push to things that he likes, and isn’t afraid to ridicule aspects of the show that he knows are stupid, even if they get the primary spotlight.
5. And speaking of that, we get JBL on the Diva Search: “Good Lord. Next week, there’ll be a spelling bee. They’ll all be gone.”
6. Jillian does my current Favorite Move in Wrestling, the “Face in My Boobs” slam, and Cole is arguing with JBL: “You couldn’t do that! Well, maybe now you could.” Oohh, burn. (And if you think I didn’t appreciate the fact that Jillian wrestled 3/4 of the match with her thong hanging out – you just haven’t been reading this column long enough.)
7, I’m trying to avoid jumping on the IWC bandwagon of fellating King Booker for his recent run, with truly inspired effort and promo ability. But honestly, when they throw out a 10 year old girl to toss rose petals on the red carpet.. and then bring out Booker in a carriage, driven by a guy in a powdered wig… c’mon, what am I supposed to do? Brav-f*cking-o.
8. Yeah, everybody hates the Diva Search, blah blah. But after the “final 2” elimination on Musical Chairs. Rebecca made the effort to knock her J.T. over while she was sitting in the chair, and then picked it up like she was going to give J.T. an actual chair shot. Honestly, that raised my opinion of her ten-fold, in and of itself. All I ask is that the participants look like they *want* to be there. So, Layla and Rebecca – you are now my own personal favorites. You go, girls.
Monday Night Raw
1. Shane’s pronunciation of “UUUuuuuu-maga!” made it obvious that he watches YouTube also. I always knew you were one of us, Shane. (And you don’t often see someone willing to show ass during a promo – the bit where Shane got flustered, then spit out the “we’ll be changing your diapers” line was classic). And HBK’s line about Shane swinging the umbilical cord was genius.
2. Carlito gives Shelton an eye gouge, and baseball slides Nitro, while Nitro is doing his ring entrance. Then, Benjy does a topa on both guys, outside the ring. *THEN* the bell rings. Goddamn. If these guys feud over the IC belt for the next 6 months, I will be one happy camper.
3. I really do wonder how many kids, both in the audience and at home, got confused by the “Orton Knows Best” segment — those were some strong look-a-likes. And I will go Eric one further: I’d do the actress playing Brooke and the actress playing her mom. At the same time. (Hey, I like the MILF action – sue me).
4. Wait – Hulk Hogan has never lost at Summer Slam? Ever? Ah, shit – well, so much for my thoughts on the Orton/Hogan match ending the “right” way.
5. Layla suggests removing Melina from the Diva Search? Yo, baby – why you lettin’ the man keep you down?
6. King: “And when you said they were a great pair, you were definitely talking about Trish’s, right?” JR: “Bingo”. (Damn. I rewound this 5 times to make sure I heard it right. Yes, we all expect that from Lawler – but JR playing along? Bonus.) (And he’s right – they are spectacular.)
7. King: “Like I said, I’d like to smack a little respect into Randy Orton. Believe me, I’ve done that to many young men in Memphis, TN.” JR: “And you’ve got the tape to prove it.” If you remove that first line, this conversation takes on a WHOLE new meaning.
8. Yo, check it: Trish *totally* copped a feel on Candace right after their match. Not that I blame her, but still – nice.
9. Cha-cha DiGregorio: “The best dancer.. with the worst reputation.” Yo, some Grease shout-outs. Nice! Back in high school, I played Sonny in my school’s production of Grease. And, I actually worked in a “kip up” (ala Shawn Michaels) into the dance moves during one of the songs. (Seeing as I was 5’10, and wrestled at 138 lbs in my senior year, it wasn’t that tough.)
10. I don’t have much to add to the Flair/Foley promo that hasn’t been said, except: they actually called out the flight from Manilla where they hashed out their differences. That’s just freaking awesome.
ECW on Sci Fi
1. Joey talking about Paul E: “The Judas-like kiss of betrayal”. Well, I have to admit, that was a direction I hadn’t thought about. I guess it could work, but I’m just surprised that, given 2 weeks to work on it, ECW couldn’t decide to push either the cult leader concept, or the simply-explained Godfather “kiss of death”. Geez, guys – it’s not that complex.
2. While watching the opening tag match, all I could think was: if Test or Mike Knox takes just one shot into that barbed wire table, the crowd will stop getting on their ass for the rest of their freaking career. It wouldn’t make them a face, but it would make them a heel that they can respect. I’ll keep this solely in terms of ECW, since using the phrase “X-Pac heat” has become an over-used cliche — there’s a difference between the heel heat that Raven got, as opposed to Justin Credible.
3. Oh, and speaking of Peej: inevitably, multiple participants in the IWC are going to bitch that “former ECW heavyweight champion” Justin Credible was fed to CM Punk as a Jobber To The Stars (JTTS). Your assignment, if you should choose to accept it, is to use your search engine of choice to find even a single sentence from those IWC members between the years 1996-2005 when they said anything positive about Mr. Montoya. If you find it, please email it to me at your earliest convenience.
4. Alright, seriously – have any of you ever seen or known a chick this hot that was into pro wrestling? Let alone an ECW show? This has got to be a plant, right?
5. Kudos for CM Punk for selling his back damage inbetween even simple moves, like throwing a punch. It’s little things like that which keep us coming back.
6. Batista and The Big Show were put into an uncomfortable position when they realized the crowd was booing them both. But, I admire TBS for playing to his part, and encouraging the crowd’s reactions. His “bring it on” waves were a welcome respite from other WWE participants that didn’t seem to know how to handle the ECW crowd.
But seriously: this was the first “true” ECW crowd in quite a while. The people in charge of the show should have known this was coming. Why did they schedule a “big man vs. big man” match as the main, when they had to know the crowd would shit on it no matter what? I understand that TBS is playing a heel now in ECW, but couldn’t they have picked a face that would have gotten a better reaction in Hammerstein?
And that’s it for this week. See you next Wednesday.
