– So I figure I need a break from reviewing DVDs with an elimination chamber, and I’ve never done any Taboo Tuesdays. And hell, I’m going to be going to this year’s (renamed Cyber Sunday) in November, so here we are, starting with the very first one. The keyboard stage is a nice touch. When I’m asked about the idea of Taboo Tuesday, I think it’s a nice concept, and though people complain about it being on a Tuesday, well, it’s not like it’s much different than on a Sunday when people have to get up for work the next day on a Monday just like they would on a Wednesday. As for buyrate trouble, it couldn’t be any worse of an experiment than Tuesday in Texas (which is a tape I’ve tried to get online, but the Amazon Marketplace and everywhere else is empty) was all those years ago. My only problem with it however is the predictability, where instead of all these advertised “unpredictable” decisions like it was meant to be, it is more that there is one logical obvious choice that you know is going to win, so it just looks stupid. I guess we’ll see how it goes now …
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The NeelDown: Taboo Tuesday 2004
– From Milwaukee, Wisconsin
– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
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– We start with Coach at the “Control Center” to the side of the stage with a team of staff on computers, since voting is still going on. The divas come out, and the voting results (out of schoolgirl outfits, nurse outfits, or cheerleading outfits) see Schoolgirl win. Joy.
Chris Jericho v. Shelton Benjamin – Intercontinental Championship
So Benjamin beat out DAVE, Christian, Hurricane, Rodney Mack, Maven, Chuck Palumbo, William Regal, Steven Richards, Rhyno, Rosey, Tajiri, and Tyson Tomko for the IC title shot … And since Val Venis got injured, you can even vote for Coach. I’m SHOCKED that the fans would pick Benjamin over say, Rodney Mack or Stevie Richards here. This would have probably been the best match, though, so good for them. The problem is that Jericho is always a crowd favorite, so having the fans choose to who he faces is a lost cause, but Benjamin got the biggest reaction, which sadly doesn’t happen much to him.
They trade arm drags to start and Benjamin goes to a quick armbar. Jericho gets out with a fancy kip up and throws some chops. Jericho gets backdropped to the floor, and Benjamin follows with a baseball slide that gets two. Then he applies a chinlock that is thankfully broken fast as Benjamin takes him to the corner to keep working him over, but a charge meets Jericho’s boot and he follows with a running enzigiri for two. Backdrop suplex by Jericho and he drops some elbows. Delayed vertical WITH the “come on baby!” cocky pin (~!) gets two.
Jericho dodges a dropkick and stomps away then drops him into a backbreaker hold. Nice sunset flip by Benjamin gets two, but as he gets up Jericho kills him with a lariat for two. Jericho goes up top but Shelton goes up and snaps off a superplex. Things progress to a slug fest but Benjamin gets a flying forearm, back drop, and spin kick for two. Jericho reveres a whip and gets the bulldog out of the corner, but the Lionsault misses and Benjamin gets the “lasso” flying clothesline for a close two. Benjamin misses a corner splash and nearly gets caught in the Walls, but Benjamin cradles him for another close two. Lionsault connects, but it only gets two. So Jericho switches to chops and tries something off the second rope but Benjamin catches him with the T-Bone suplex for the pin and the IC title. Seems like they treated his finisher more like a roll up, as Jericho shows no sign of pain but gets up shocked that he lost. Respective handshake follows. You don’t see that much in an opener. Good opener. (***)
Winner: Shelton Benjamin
– Meanwhile, Edge, Chris Benoit, & Shawn Michaels get to give final thoughts on why fans should vote them into the World title match. Edge says if there’s any justice in this world, he’ll leave as Champion. Benoit says that he hasn’t lost to HHH since coming back to Raw, and if people are sick of him (raises hand), vote for him. I missed Shawn’s response because I was distracted and don’t feel like rewinding. This voting is of course a no-brainer and the fans overwhelmingly vote for HBK.
“Schoolgirl” Battle Royale for the Women’s Championship
We have champion Trish Stratus, Jazz, Nidia, Gail Kim, Molly Holly, Victoria, & Stacy Keibler. The idea here is that they all wear short skirts that reveal their ass cheeks, as exposed by Nidia who comes out and lifts hers up, and to make King wet himself in the process. I have no idea how they expect this to be taken seriously for a “Championship” when the build is if they should wear school girl or cheerleader outfits. Nidia loses her top quickly and gets tossed out and eliminated. Victoria baseball slides Jazz out. Gail Kim tries a rana to eliminate Victoria, but Vicky hangs on and she just eliminates herself. You would think since Stacy used to HAVE this gimmick she would be the favorite, but everyone knows she wouldn’t, you know, have anything to do with wrestling.
They try to suplex Stacy out, but Victoria gets on the apron to block it and keep her alive. So we’re down to Molly, Victoria, and the two people actually care about, Trish and Stacy. Victoria gets slungshot out. They do some double teaming on Stacy, as if Trish were supposed to be a heel or something. Well, I guess it’s the whole “blonde competition” physiology. Stacy uses the power of the legs to overcome the double teaming, and Trish nearly goes out. But after all that, a punch eliminates Stacy, and then Trish comes up and shoves Molly out to retain the title. Quick little chick-fest for the crowd, you know the drill. (1/2*)
Winner: Trish Stratus
– La Résistance complains that they just found out their opponents for the tag straps, and how it is just another flaw in the American voting system.
Kane v. Gene Snitsky
We all know the story here, Snitsky killed Lita and Kane’s baby, so we got to vote on which weapon Kane will beat Snitsky with. Some of my readers might remember this incident as infamous because in one of my previous reviews during this storyline I had completely forgotten what happened to the baby and forgot this entire storyline, just to show you what kind of an impact it had on the viewership. Surprisingly, the chain overwhelmingly wins out the lead pipe and steel chair, which I thought would be the obvious pick.
They get in a tug of war over the chain to start, won by Kane who pounds away forcing Snitsky to bail. Kane follows him out with the chain but gets booted down and Snitsky tries using it, but Kane takes it and punches him with it. Another chain-fisted punch sends Snitsky to the floor, which ended up not being a wise decision since Snitsky feeds him to the post and goes to work using the chain. He tries choking Kane out with it, then hammers and stomps away without assistance from the chain. JR comments that he doesn’t remember every seeing Kane get dominated like this. A few punches and stomps? That kind of commentary is very unlike you, Jim.
Snitsky gets a pair of slams for two, Kane tries slugging back but gets knocked down with a clothesline that gets two. Snitsky starts WHIPPING Kane with the chain and tries choking him out again. That of course fails, as Kane powers out but is able to block some chain shots, but however walks into a side slam for two. So now we’re back to stage 1, the slug fest routine, and now it’s a collision of big boots for a double-KO. Lita pulls out the chain and Kane tries the Chokeslam, but Snitsky fights out, however getting tossed in return. Kane goes out to retrieve the chain, but has the steps kicked into him. Snitsky hits him with a chair a couple times (hey, I thought the idea was that you could only use ONE of the weapons picked) then gets the chain and chokes Kane with it while punching him.
“A psychotic human being, a psychotic human being” JR describes Snitsky, who then puts the chair around Kane’s neck and stomps on it, causing Kane to bleed from the mouth and the ref calls to stop it. Well, might as well have just made it First Blood. However, Snitsky runs back in and pins Kane, just because he’s cocky like that. Really, really weird match, even given the storyline, since looking at it now since Snitsky never really amounted to anything and he just destroyed Kane cleanly. (**) Afterwards, Kane gets carried off on a stretcher, but Snitsky runs out and throws it down, and we see the replay about 30 times. At least this was still when Lita looked good.
Winner: Gene Snitsky
– Edge would like to thank everyone for voting Shawn Michaels into the Championship match, who will lose, unlike what he would have done. So thanks people, thanks.
“Uncle” Eric Bischoff v. Eutard
I must be on an unlucky streak or something, as this is my second straight random video review featuring an Eric Bischoff match. The voting choices for this was that the loser either got their head shaved bald, wear a dress, or be the winner’s servant. Another no-brainer, although if all the voters thought long term, Eric being the retard’s servant would have been the funniest route, since that’s what they’re going for. Eric goes to work with the KARATE KICKS OF DOOM, but Eugene Hulks up so Eric fakes a knee injury, then cheap shots him and in return gets shuffling punches. An extra long, like minute long Airplane Spin puts Eric down to set up the LETHAL LEG DROP giving Eugene the pin. (-*) Well, at least it was short and to the point, which I am grateful for since we could have got a bunch of heel interference from the likes of Coach and others.
Winner: Eutard
– Coach comes down to tease that the hair cut will not happen and says that it is his decision, and that he chooses for Eric to be Eugene’s servant for five minutes. However, BABYFACE VINCE struts out to announce that the authority is up to the fans, so it’s chop chop time. Eric decided to walk, but threatens to get fired, so he takes a seat in the barber’s chair and Eugene cuts it off. Vince also makes Coach wear the dress, since the other choice is of course out of the question. Could have been funny if it didn’t take half an hour, and seemed more like a long-running Raw segment than a spot on a PPV.
– Edge is still on the raging angry Canadian streak, who goes into Shawn’s locker room to tell him once again that he’s going to lose, Edge wouldn’t have, and that he’s a son of a bitch.
La Résistance v. Chris Benoit & Edge – WWE Tag Team Championship
Benoit & Edge are of course the challengers since they were the two not voted into the main event, and Edge IS NOT HAPPY. Maybe he’ll settle on being an 11-time tag champ. La R come out to perform the original Canadian national anthem with its French lyrics to get a bunch of disgusted crowd reactions. Edge starts with Conway, and jumps him then levels him with a corner clothesline. Tag to Benoit who comes in and chops away and fires off a snap suplex for two. Edge comes back in but gets slugged into the corner by Conway who then tags in Grenier who gets a slam but misses an elbow, and Edge suplexes him. The crowd is absolutely deader than a door nail for this, as I guess even with Edge & Benoit in it, the fans just don’t care about the modern age, overdone Canada-USA rivalry in professional wrestling, or France-USA, whatever they’re going for. I guess it doesn’t help either, that Edge IS Canadian. Edge tries the change that by going out to trash talk with a fan, but the heels go out and attack him.
Edge slugs Grenier down out there and back in tags in Benoit who gets a backdrop suplex for two. Backbreaker gets two. Botched flapjack/shoulderblock thing, and Benoit lights him up with chops. Edge is back in but Grenier manages a clothesline and tags in the fresh Conway who uses some cocky slap tactics. That doesn’t last long as Edge gives him a flying forearm then Spears him off the apron. He follows him out, but Grenier attacks. Benoit makes the save. Things slow down back inside and Grenier drops a knee on Edge for two, then we hit the rear choke mark. Edge elbows out of it but falls victim to a flapjack. Grenier acts as if he is about to do the French shuffle jig, but instead goes for a quick pin that gets two. Conway comes in and they double suplex Edge for two. Edge tries slugging back but Conway rakes the eyes and tags Grenier back in as they continue to isolate Edge until he blocks a charge and makes the hot tag to Benoit.
Benoit comes in and tries to clean house via chopping away, but it turns out to be a bad idea as Grenier dragon whips him face-first and knocks him down with a reverse lariat, with an elbow to boot, for two. Well, you don’t see that happen often. We hit the front facelock point with Conway, after we’ve ALREADY had the chinlock point. Benoit tries getting out with an enzigiri but Conway ducks it, so instead Benoit snaps off a german. He makes the tag to Edge, but ref doesn’t see it, which just pisses off Edge who is already in a BAD MOOD, so he decided to walk out on the match. No, he doesn’t just tease walking to the top of the ramp and running back in, he gets his bag, hits the parking lot and drives away. His headlights are already on, which is odd.
Anyway, this leaves Benoit in a handicapped position, but he manages a superplex and overcomes the double teaming with an array of germans and things of that nature, then locks in the Crossface and Conway taps, giving, well, Benoit both tag straps. The match was too slow, boring, and most of all LONG, a whopping so long that it would turn out to be the longest match on the card, even later surpassing the main event. Benoit overcoming the odds and winning the titles back was cool, but the rediculous longevity just exposed the French weaknesses in the ring. (**1/2)
Winners: Chris Benoit & Edge
Christy Hemme v. Carmella – Pillow Fight
So Christy won the Diva Search, runner-up Carmella (the dark haired Playmate chick) gets pissed and says she should have won, so of course they make a feud out of it, leading to this match, where we got to pick if it’s a pillow fight or evening gown or whatever the choices were. It takes Christy about ten minutes to change, but she finally makes it to the ring and this “match” starts, with Christy pulling off one of Carmella’s breast cups to embarrass her, and a lucky fan gets a souvenir. I wish I was in the crowd. She gets shoved in return, and now they go at it with the pillows, then do the annual roll around on top of each other, though this time Hebner doesn’t get in on the action. Crowd wants puppies, but only gets pillows. Apparently those couple of pillow shots puts Carmella in severe pain, and she gets pinned. Yep. (-*)
Winner: Christy Hemme
Triple H v. Shawn Michaels – World Heavyweight Championship
Didn’t expect this one to pull semi-main event duty, but I guess I was due to be surprised by something sooner or later, seeing as it sure as hell hasn’t happened thus far. HHH takes him to the corner to start but Michaels slugs him down so he has to go out and take a breather. Back in and HHH attacks the injured knee. Focus on the knee does HHH, by dropping a few of his own on it. And some stomps. Mounted punches. Michaels fights back with chops but has the injured knee kicked out from under him.
Michaels continues doing the mega oversell on the knee with the screams of agony as HHH taunts him and comes off the ropes with a knee drop to it. He is “sadistically putting damage on the leg.” Elbows, knees, punches to the knee. Now HHH locks in the Figure Four, and after minutes of fighting it Michaels finally makes it to the ropes. Now HHH tries slamming the knee into the post, but gets kicked in the face in return. Back in and Shawn chops away then catapults HHH to the corner. THREE (count-em) atomic drops by Shawn and it’s back to the slow-moving slug fest, won by Shawn who makes the slow cover for two.
Pedigree time, but the ref somehow tries to pull HHH off (apparently there is a new rule where even the referees don’t want to see a match end in a Pedigree), so HHH shoves him away allowing Michaels to get out of it with a low blow, then a sloppy DDT, and then he goes up and drops the Heartbreak Elbow and the crowd goes crazy as he sets up for the SCM on the bad leg. But then the momentum dies when Batista runs out on the apron to try to block it. Shawn wisely knocks him off, then hits the superkick on HHH anyway. However, PISSED OFF Edge then shows up, who apparently never drove too far out of the arena when he left earlier, and Spears Michaels while Batista has the ref distracted, and HHH crawls on top for the pin to retain the title. Match was really … one-dimensional if you will, with HHH working on the bad knee the whole match until Shawn made the lukewarm one-legged comeback, but got screwed by Edge which was foreshadowed all night. For those reasons, this was nothing like most of their matches, but more of a slow match to set up a storyline for the screwjob finish. (**3/4)
Winner: Triple H
Ric Flair v. Randy Orton – Cage Match
Of course in any list of match types, unless HIAC is an option, cage is going to win. Orton quickly grabs a headlock and shoulders him down. Another lockup and Flair takes him to the corner for chops. Orton gives him a standing switch for some punches and sends him to the opposite corner for a back drop. Flair gets up and tries climbing as fast as he can, Orton follows but gets thumbed in the eye and booted off. Flair gets the blatant uppercut low blow, which still looks funny after all these years. He follows by sending Orton into the cage and then punching the wound to get some blood going on Orton’s face.
Another throw into the cage, and then Flair grinds his face into the cage, damaging the handsome young features, as JR might say. Flair chops him down but Orton punches back and tosses him into the cage, then clubs the forehead. Flair then tries another quick climb while he plays opossum, but Orton goes after him and knocks him off, crotching him on the top rope and then falls back in. Orton delivers the ten punches, but Flair goes low again. Orton doesn’t sell it well though, and goes back to the mounted punches, as Flair is sporting a pretty good crimson mask now. Not to say that Orton is sporting a bad one, either. More grinding the face by Orton, and he then dropkicks Flair into the cage.
Flair goes up, but of course gets caught and launched off, landing on the pain-enduring hip. Orton follows with the high crossbody for two, then gets the patented backbreaker for a close two. Flair chops back to retaliate, and tries exiting through the door, but Orton holds him back and attacks the head. Flair then sells off an injury perfectly in time to pull out the bass knuckles and sock Orton with them, but only for two! Flair tries crawling out again, but Orton grabs his leg, and Flair is SCREAMING in pain. Flair however, while getting yanked back in, was pulling in a chair that was set up outside the door, and he swings with it, but Orton ducks it and nails the RKO for the surprise pin. Respective handshake and hug follow. Seemed a bit rushed, but a great old-school cage match, where both guys had a lot of good chemistry through it (not to mention doing some perfuse bleeding jobs) and a superb job of putting Orton over by Flair. (***1/2)
Winner: Randy Orton
