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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by Shawn Smith’s interview with Austin Aries. This is a huge deal for our website and all fifteen Austin Aries fans.
Nude photos of Diva Search Contestants up later!
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Newsflash! Exclusive Insidepulse Interview With Austin Aries Is Short.
Insidepulse music columnist and Paul London’s lover Shawn Smith recently conducted a short interview with ROH’s Austin Aries. If you click the link above you can read the microscopic examination of the wrestling business by Austin Aries.
Not everyone was impressed with the interview. “I’d say the interview was meager,” a competitor said. “I think when you post such a miniscule, itty bitty interview, well, you make Austin Aries look small.”
“Austin Aries is a dwarf sun who is going to help the site grow,” an Insidepulse writer who refused to be named said. “It might be a wee interview, but it contained big information.
There have been and will be bigger interviews, but the interview itself was technically proficient.
Insidepulse will have more details on this story in the foreseeable future.
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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by Moodspins! Will the updates ever be finished? SPOILER ALERT: No.
Diva Search Contestants get nude shortly!
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Newsflash! Yes, That Was You Chris Kanyon Was Checking Out.
Remember last week when you went to that Indy show in Florida and you were mocking Chris Kanyon with the rest of the crowd? Remember when he turned and seemed to look you up and down then wink and you stopped chanting and just kind of stood there uncomfortably? Remember how you rationalized it by thinking that there were plenty of better looking guys standing around you? He couldn’t have been interested in you, right? Well, you were wrong. It was you.
Don’t get Chris wrong. He’s not really into fatties with acne and who still live with mom. It wasn’t that he was attracted to you. It’s just that he doesn’t see too many gay fans at wrestling matches, and he has to take what he can get. Oh yes you are. Come on, you can lie to your friends all you want, but we both know the websites you check out. You try so hard to masturbate to lesbians, you have the pictures onscreen and you pull and pull, but we know you can’t do anything until you give in and close your eyes and picture those men doing those things. We both know the shame you have as you release, the tears you shed late at night. And guess what? Kanyon could tell INSTANTLY.
Knock it off. Kanyon wasn’t thinking about hurting you or insulting your manhood, he was going to give you what you always wanted. Remember the first time you clicked on a she-male picture and thought, ‘Ugh! Gross!’ But later on you kept thinking about what it would be like to be her/him, to have a man utterly dominate you while you were dressed in women’s clothing? You can’t stop thinking about it now. You’re not weak, NO, you’re not! You’re human. The only weak part of you is the part that won’t give in and allow you to be happy. Kanyon wants to make you happy.
Kanyon will be at the Captain Stevie Fish and Chipatorium at 2:00 tomorrow afternoon. You work a block away. Take a chance. Give in to who you are. You’ll be a more confident person because of it. Kanyon believes in you. Believe in Chris Kanyon.
Insidepulse will have more on this story in the coming weeks.
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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by Shawn Smith’s Stuff I Think And Shouldn’t Say, the best column ever. I got to love him two times this week.. DSC nude shortly!
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Newsflashback! Jeff Hardy Surprised To Be Back In The WWE.
Jeff Hardy was just as surprised as us when WWE.com announced the wrestler has signed a contract with the company.
“When did I do THAT?” Jeff Hardy asked insidepulse.com. “Are you guys sure? Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to be back, but, I mean… when did this happen? Let’s see, Monday I was studying herbal medicine in India with Ricky Williams. Tuesday I was surfing a red river down a mountain on the moon with Paul, Paul’s the goat who chills with me every now and then, Wednesday… hmm. I don’t remember what happened Wednesday. Was there a Wednesday this week? Thursday I was playing ring toss with Frank Sinatra and a 500 foot tall violet unicorn… it must have been Wednesday, but man, I seriously don’t remember signing any contracts.”
Jeff Hardy asked insidepulse.com if we were sure this was real because he’d been fooled before, and we assured him it was. The interview ended abruptly when Jeff Hardy grabbed a steak knife and tried to save insidepulse.com by stabbing the dwarfish creatures who were eating our legs.
Stay tuned to insidepulse for full coverage of Jeff Hardy’s first feud against the WWE wellness policy.
Insidepulse.com will keep you up to date as more information becomes available.
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Monday Morning Flasher is brought to you by PK’s New Wrestling Figures. God, that Matt Hardy figure really brings me back. Matt, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I know why you made the choice you did, just know part of me will always be with you. Stay tuned for Naked Contestants butt assed nekid!
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Newsflash! Grut’s Birthday Over!
You missed it. We had cake.
Insidepulse will have more on this story as it develops.
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As promised, Diva Search Contestants Nude!
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May your week be as informative as reading this article was.
