– Yep, you read right, that does say the NeelDown RAW Zone, not the Impact Zone. See, I’m going to be filling in for Mr. Carlos Zarur (The RAW Events, Sunday Night HEAT Wave) who, as explained in his last column, will be out for the month of August due to a hectic working schedule, and thus will not be able to do his patented Raw Events. So he asked me if I would mind filling in, since I have already done it before, and here I am. The format here is not that of Zarur’s (which we discussed), but of my NeelDown reviews, and actually this is good timing because I just recently freshened it up with my two last video reviews. So let’s do it to it, and see how they handle the infamous Hogan couch injury …
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The NeelDown RAW Zone – August 7, 2006
– Live from Memphis, Tennesee
– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
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– Vince and Shane are in the back dressed as Elvis, who make references to Heartbreak Hotel, All Shook Up, Jailhouse Rock, and a bunch of other references. That goes on for 4 minutes. Nothing like getting the juices flowing with a little Vince McMahon Elvis impersonation action.
– Our main event tonight looks to be Trips v. Ooooooooooomaga (ouch, 2 Umaga main events in a row), and the ever-so thrilling Jerry Lawler v. Randy Orton.
Micky James v. Trish Stratus – Women’s Championship
I’ve probably reviewed every twenty or so match these two have had in the past, so it shouldn’t be much of a problem adding another one here. Let’s just hope Trish doesn’t injure anything. Lockup, but then Edge’s music hits and out stroll Lita and him, with Edge pulling out the infamous “hit the brakes toots” line on Micky. Well, this one’s thrown out.
Winner: (No Contest)
– Edge says that he’s tired of getting no respect on here, and that he is now taking over Raw. He asks the fans if they think it’s fair that he has to go to SummerSlam in Boston to defend his title (by the way, he is a 2-time champ, you know) against John Cena. He then shows us the SummerSlam poster, with DX holding up sausages, and Cena doing a cannonball into a pool. He goes on to talk about how Trish is on the new WWE magazine, and to me, all wet in that pose she looks a bit like Nidia. So now we of course have Lita and Trish (well, at least one of the two chicks STILL looks good) go at it, Edge attempts to Spear Trish but Carlito makes the predictable save.
Kane v. Shelton Benjamin
Nitro and Melina are out to watch this one at ringside, though they don’t add any commentary. Benjamin starts quick with a springboard bulldog that gets one, then schoolboys Kane for two. Benjamin tries sliding under Kane’s legs but gets grabbed by the throat and tossed to the corner where he gets hammered on. Sideslam and flying clothesline, but Shelton counters the Chokeslam to a DDT for two. Benjamin tries … locking up, but gets shoved to the corner, where he gets a drop toe hold, but runs into the Chokeslam for the pin. Good stuff but way short. (3/4*)
Winner: Kane
John Cena v. Viscera
Well, it’s apparent now that they are trying to revamp title-less Cena with the mic work once again, as he comes out and gets booed the shit out of, then make some jokes about Edge being on the cover of “Crying Bitch Illustrated” and the joke that keeps on giving … some sort of variation with “Lita” and “Herpes.” It’s not a bad idea, as long as they keep the title off of him, because as soon as they do the crowd will shit on it and get sick of him once again. Anyway, he wants Edge, but Coach confirms that he and Lita will be teaming up to take on Carlito and Trish later. So instead, Coach treats us with this instant classic.
Cena pounds away to start but runs into a Samoan Drop. Viscera misses sitting on Cena, but retaliates with a spin kick and corner clothesline. Cena tries slugging back again, but gets caught and slammed for two. Vis goes with the chin lock … well, that’s stupid. Cena gets out and, you guessed it … punches away. He manages to take him down with what used to be called the “Throwback” I believe, but then runs straight into a big slam and Vis stops to dance. He misses a splash, and Cena gets the token big man F-U for the pin, played off as the most amazing move ever, blah blah, despite it being done on Big Show already twice. This was your typical Cena match … a squash, but a surprise finisher ends it. (1/4*)
Winner: John Cena
– Trish is paranoid that she was called a talentless slut, and then quickly pecks Carlito before taking off, which Carlito seems to take liking to.
– Shane is searching for Shawn, but instead runs into The Highlanders and Candice and Torrie Wilson. Then Shawn pops out of nowhere and tackles Shane into a room, but Vince has the police pin him down. After commercials we find out that Shawn gets arrested with HHH trying to compromise.
Edge & Lita v. Carlito & Trish Stratus
Edge and Carlito of course start, with Carlito taking over and getting a downward spiral for two. Edge gets a drop toe hold to plant Carlito into the turnbuckle, then takes him down for two. Edge does some choking and afro pulling but Carlito slugs back and gets a knee lift and sloppy clothesline. Desperate tag to Lita, so in comes Trish who charges with a nice Thesz Press.
Trish pounds on her and takes her to the corner for some kicky punchy stuff. Lita blocks a charge with an elbow, but Trish tries the rana, blocked by Edge. Clothesline off the top by Lita gets two, and then she goes with the dreaded WOMEN’S SLEEPER. Trish fights out with elbows but gets hairmared back down. Big “Edge is gay” chant starts up now, which is odd considering the chicks have been the ones in the ring for the past couple of minutes. Trish makes the comeback with the flying headscissors spin and now everybody’s in, and Carlito and Trish get dueling dropkicks to send the heels to the floor.
Back in and Lita trips Carlito up on his springboard reverse elbow attempt, and Edge goes in control with a grounded headlock. Carlito fights out but misses a moonsault, so instead he tries the Backcracker but the ropes block that, and Edge dropkicks him to the floor. Back in Edge locks in a modified bow and arrow, which Carlito fights out of with a jawbreaker and gets the springboard reverse elbow. Dueling tags and Trish gets a dropkick and chops away on Lita’s tits. Lita tries the DDT but Trish reverses it to a spinebuster for two after Edge yanks her off.
Lita goes up but Edge accidentally crotches her, which sets up Trish getting the arena. Edge accidentally gets a nasty-looking Spear on Trish that almost put her on her head, and feels remorse (some heel he is), so Carlito clotheslines him out, leaving Lita to cover Trish for the pin. Really, solid mixed tag match, which is hard to come by. (**3/4)
Winners: Edge & Lita
– The SmackDown Rebound sees The Great Khali interrupt the King Booker-Undertaker match. This is all news to me, since recently SmackDown has not even been on in my area. Great.
– Randy Orton says if Hogan heals in time, he’ll get killed.
– Ric Flair/Mick Foley promo time! – Flair comes out to start, equipped with one of his books, saying he was born in Memphis and says that he doesn’t want to look or dress like Mick Foley. He wonders how he can get him to accept his challenge, and someone told him to read a copy of the 2-million bestseller, Foley Is Good. So Flair stomps on the book, then drops a few knees and elbows on it. Flair notes that the 1989 Ric Flair-Cactus Jack I Quit Match is number one on his top ten matches list.
– Foley comes out on the stage to give props to the said match and recalls how great Flair was, and when you put Foley and Flair in the ring, you have your real SummerSlam main event. Violent, wild, intense, as Foley would describe it. Foley says that the only man standing between Ric and his dreams is, well, him. Life is a big negotiation, and right now Mick is holding all the cards. Flair responds with the usual stuff, and begs Flair to accept the challenge, and he does, setting it I Quit at SummerSlam. I think they should have advertised this, like official Flair-Foley match update or something, I don’t know, but it probably would have had people more excited about watching than the advertised Orton-Lawler match. Speaking of which …
Randy Orton v. Jerry Lawler
It has been a while since Lawler has came out to the Jerry Springer chants, but that’s what a hometown will do. Maybe the all-white singlet and pants is just drawing some token attention too. Cocky slap fest to start, which pisses off Orton so he gets a back drop. Lawler stupidly tries another slap, but in return gets knocked down by a textbook dropkick. Rear choke, Lawler fights out and knocks Orton down with … punches. A scoop and a slam by Lawler, but the fist drop of course misses and it’s RKO time, but Orton gets shoved off. Orton comes back with a low blow, and there’s the RKO, and also the pin. Thankfully, this was short and to the point. (1/4*)
Winner: Randy Orton
– Diva Search time would normally mean Mario Kart DS break time for me, but since I’m not just casually watching I won’t stop for a quick Grand Prix race. By the way, if you want to play me, shoot me a e-mail with the Friend Code and maybe you’ll get lucky. So we’re down to Jen, Layla, Erica, Milena, and JT (who I think is the overall favorite to win). Erica, who was the one of the token blondes, gets the boot. Now they play “Diss the Diva,” where each of them has 20 seconds to talk smack. Ooh, the creativity is just seeping. I missed Jen’s speech. Rebecca (the Stacy look-alike) says she’s agile like a cat and purrrs like a kitten. Layla (the afro chick) says she has more ass than the others, Milena (the least-attractive one) just says she’ll kick some ass. JT (the hot brunette) who gets cheered all the time, does a twirl and the crowd boos? Oh well.
Triple H v. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMAGGAAA
Accompanied by Umaga are Vince, Shane, the squealing cigar guy, Zach Gowen, and probably others. HHH slugs away to start but gets pounded by Umaga, though a charge meets elbow and HHH pulls down the ropes to toss him. Outside Umaga eats post and back in HHH runs into a spin kick by Umaga, who must be taking notes from Big Vis. Umaga gets an ASS CLOBBER and hangs HHH in the tree of woe for the running headbut. And there’s the running clobber. Diving headbut misses and HHH gets the facebuster and it’s Pedigree time, but Umaga counters to a back drop, but then runs into a spinebuster, Vince yanks out the ref. This allows Shane to come in for the shuffling punches, but he gets a spinebuster too. Pedigree attempt on Vince, but Umaga gets the Samoan Spike for the pin. (1/2*) Afterwards Vince Pedigrees HHH. Yeah.
Winner: Umaga
End of show … wait, NO Spirit Squad this week? Holy mackerel.
The NeelDown: Well, this wasn’t exactly an exciting episode from my standpoint, mostly all SummerSlam build which led to a cluster of dull matches, and the main event was basically the same as last week with the other DX member. No Spirit Squad (and for that matter, no Highlanders) was odd, but I guess they needed something for Heat. See you Thursday for Impact, a random video review in between then probably, then the next Raw and eventually the SummerSlam roundtable. Bye.
