Howdy, all. Welcome to Look on the Bright Side, the happiest column in the IWC. All the other columns are jealous.
For our weekly diversion, I’m going to celebrate the fact that the NFL is back, baby. Expect to see regular reports on how the Eagles did starting with the September 13 column. For this week, we’ll concentrate on the most hotly contested question in this league this year:
Who’s going to win the NFC East?
Short answer: I have no clue.
Long answer: Well, that’s a very good question. We have four teams that have all gravitated to the “pretty good” level. If I had to rank the top teams in the NFC, it would look something like this:
1) Seattle
2) Carolina (however, if Steve Smith’s hamstring turns out to be a problem, they drop into the last group)
3-6) Dallas/New York/Philadelphia/Washington
7) Chicago (sorry, Eric – they just don’t have enough offense)
8-16) Everybody else
(Let’s face it – there are a lot of truly shitty teams in this conference. Tampa Bay has talent, but continually chokes. Atlanta has a running back at quarterback, and a defense that can’t tackle. The Vikings have a QB that’s older than me (and yes, that’s saying something). And those are the semi-decent teams. Everyone else really, really sucks.)
Every team in the NFC East has at least one really strong component, and at least one huge, glaring weakness that can be exposed by their opponents. Dallas has the talented wide receiver TO, and a strong defense; but, they also have the locker-room cancer TO, a terrible offensive line, and a statue at QB. The Giants have Tiki Barber, and an incredible set of linebackers; but, again, their OL isn’t very good, their WRs are suspect, their DBs get burned, and Eli looked absolutely horrible for the last half of last season. Washington has Clinton Portis, Santana Moss, and a truly awesome defense; but their starting QB is one injury away from retirement, and their backup is a rookie (who was in a run-oriented offense in college). The Eagles have Donovan McNabb, Brian Westbrook, and my favorite player in the NFL, Brian Dawkins; but they can’t run the ball, they can’t stop the run if Trotter isn’t in there, and they have no true number 1 WR.
However, despite all of that – I believe the NFC Super Bowl participant comes out of the East this year. Why? Because Seattle will fall victim to the Super Bowl loser’s curse: since the 1998 Falcons made it to the Super Bowl and then followed it up with a 5-11 campaign, only the 2000 Titans have followed up a Super Bowl loss with a playoff appearance. The seven teams who have tried to defend their Conference Championship since that date have averaged less than seven wins in their next season. It got the Eagles last year, it’ll get the Seahawks this year. Carolina is one Steve Smith injury away from 8-8 (or worse). And while I believe someone in the East is looking at a 6-10 record due solely to injuries, I just can’t see that many injuries happening to four separate teams.
My total homer pick is, of course, the Eagles. They made it to four straight NFC championships with much of the same cast they have now, and with even less talent at WR than they currently have. And please remember, they didn’t have TO for a single playoff game when they made it to the Super Bowl in 2004. And, I loved how they looked in the first quarter on Sunday night. So, you read it here first.
Now, bring on the real games, dammit.
The You Tube Video of the Week
Actually, a series of videos this time. Did you catch the Umaga video from last week that I slipped into the first Raw item? Well, it turns out that little girl Michelle has a whole slew of them, including The Undertaker, Batista, and Hogan. Expect to see her face The Little Bastard at Wrestlemania next year.
The People’s Front
Thanks to Stephen W. McMichael for this link, which proves that Heath Ledger was indeed the right choice for The Joker.
Johnny points out something I missed last week:
I thought you were dead on with all of the happy fifteen (or so), but I was surprised that you didn’t mention how much of the middle finger SciFi let go uncensored. You could clearly see them when Test & Knox came out, all throughout the Big Show/Batista match. Hell, even Big Show flipped the crowd off, after his “the worlds smallest violin” (which I laughed my ass off after I saw that).
You know, you’re right – I completely forgot to mention that. The reasoning is – I still don’t get why the other WWE shows bother to pixel it out every time. (Although I believe it’s near-impossible to do so on a live show.) And after watching the entire career of Stone Cold on television, I guess I’ve become somewhat blase about them. I’d be more likely to comment on my annoyance of them being censored, rather than surprise at their preponderance on the show.
Christopher Pilto addresses the current direction of ECW, under Paul E’s direction:
I don’t know if this is what the ECWWE writers are doing, but doesn’t it seem like Paul E, the evil genius, is tying to kill the ECW alumni… so why wouldn’t he import all of his challengers from the other brands? Dreamer, Sandman, Sabu and RVD are the ones he’s targeting because, frankly they let him down the last time. ECW folded with these guys on top. In the warped mind (of his character) Big Show, Angle, Test, Mike Knox, Vampire dude, etc are all new and therefore not those who lost last time. I think at some point the build towards Sabu/Show at SummerSlam this has got to come out. It makes sense, to me anyway.
Well, that certainly seems to be the way they’re pushing things, going by this week’s show. Honestly, if they could turn all of his “You’re looking at new ECW” speeches before the launch of the new show into the primary motivation for his heel character, that would be genius. And it would even maintain a strong thread of continuity: “I told you all we were moving in a new direction – apparently RVD, and Tommy Dreamer, and The Sandman just weren’t listening.” I like it. I’m giving them a long, long rope on Paul E’s character, because of my faith in him (and my faith that Vince will tire of keeping a close eye on ECW very soon – most likely, right after Sci Fi renews the TV schedule, which is pretty much a given now). Let’s hope they do something worthwhile with it.
Around the Pulse
Vinny talks about the Hooliganz/Pitbulls feud. And yes, it was a damn shame that Kid Kash had to be an idiot, and ruin this potential classic. However, I believe we saw the team that will taking their place last Friday night.
Iain gives us one last column before his hiatus. Get well, brother.
Gloomchen checks in with the awesomeness, as always. Please do me a favor: click on the MySpace bands she reviews in “Your Band Here” this week. They’re all being promoted by my nephew. I’d really appreciate it – thanks.
Mathan was home last week, and celebrated the 20th anniversary of MTV’s launch. My God, do I feel old now.
Daniels walks through the intimidation factor of each the American League contenders. Of course for him, it’s for naught – since the Mets will choke during the NLCS.
My favorite column title here at IP, Pancakes in the Age of Enlightenment, gives a rundown of NFL pre-season moves.
Go vote in the Finals of the Funniest Movie of our Generation thread over in the reader forums. I gotta say – some of those matches were rough, especially in the early rounds. But these are two very, very deserving finalists.
Josh Clinton reviews the third season of the best show running currently on TV, The Wire.
And finally, Eric hates cows.
The Happy Fifteen (or so)
And now, we get to the meat of the column. The idea is fairly simple: I point out (at least) 5 things from each major show that should be getting more attention, but aren’t. (And occasionally, I just point out some absurdity just to tweak the rest of the IWC.) There’s way too much negativity infused into columnists who write about pro wrestling: this is just my little attempt to balance it out a bit.
Love the concept? Hate it? Think I missed something important from last week? See something this week that you think should be here? Email me by Sunday evening.
Friday Night Smackdown
1. Cole: “It’s a rare appearance on Smackdown by the Undertaker!” (But yet, he’s facing the champ.) I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments.
2. Your JBL moments of the evening:
– Calling Teddy Long “peanut-headed”
– Accusing Michael Cole of racism for referring to the Irish whip from Finlay
– “He is a fighting King. Instead of sitting in his palace, drinking Cristal with his concubines, he’s here to take on the Undertaker.”
3. After seeing the drawn-out, overhyped introductions of Cade & Murdoch, and the Highlanders, it’s somewhat refreshing to see Burke and Terkay simply introduced with the concept of: “These guys are bad asses.”
4. For a guy with a supposedly terrible backstage attitude, Batista sure is letting Kennedy get in a helluva lot of offense during their matches. Let this be your lesson, kids: always take any rumors you hear, from any source (yes, even us), with a monstrous grain of salt.
5. Layla is still my favorite diva. If she hadn’t already, smearing the pie all over her body has guaranteed her a job with WWE within the next month or two. Expect to see her doing flirtatious backstage interviews with John Cena very soon.
6. In his Triple-Threat Short Form, Eric accused KC James of trying to steal Curt Hennig’s look. I disagree – he reminds me of a more appropriate comparison: Bobby Eaton. The classic tag-team moves these guys were pulling, cutting the ring in half, blind tags – they were just a tennis racket-wielding manager away from the next coming of the Midnight Express. I see a ton of potential in these guys, and am looking forward to watching them feud with London and Kendrick for the next three months (assuming they can keep their backstage attitudes in check).
7. I don’t care why he has his position in the company: the Undertaker still has the single coolest entrance in wrestling history. Nobody else even comes close.
Monday Night Raw
1. Edge getting pissy about the Summer Slam poster and the cover of the WWE magazine really does make a lot of sense for him, storyline-wise. It’s a good way to get easy attention on the PPV and the magazine, and to continue the development of Edge as a character
2. Amazingly, for all the years that Kane has been in the WWE, I don’t recall anyone ever interrupting his entrance and pyro. Well, Shelton certainly took care of that, and also gave us the following exceedingly cool visual:
3. So, Cena is going to be in the main event at Summer Slam, in his hometown of Boston. But, Boston is an East Coast city – while not having anywhere near the smark population of Philadelphia and NYC, it’s still a pretty savvy town. I believe I might purchase the PPV just to hear their reaction to his entrance and match.
4. Cena putting up a really big guy like Viscera (or The Big Show, not all that long ago) into the F-U is, admittedly, a pretty cool visual. (But let’s not get carried away, folks. Back in my 20’s, I could squat 405 lbs, at a body weight of 175. Cena is about 230-240, so putting nearly 500 lbs on his shoulders isn’t exactly superhuman.)
5. And the push of Carlito to the upper card continues – he absolutely looked like he belonged in there with Edge (who is, remember, the World Champ). I continue to be amazed at how much I enjoy his character, when I absolutely despised him less than 12 months ago. I have no idea where they’re going with his relationship with Trish, but I’m enjoying the ride.
6. Foley and Flair in an “I Quit” match at SS? Oh, Lord. I suppose a part of me should feel guilty that these two guys, well past their prime and with their legends already intact, are going to practically kill themselves for our entertainment. But hey, f*ck it – bring on the blood!
And… well, that’s about it. Nothing for the rest of the show was truly “bad”, but there wasn’t anything that stood out as exceptional either. But I would like to take one last opportunity to remind everyone that I totally called the involvement of Umaga in Vince’s revenge on D-X a week before it actually happened. Go me.
ECW on Sci Fi
In his live coverage of this show, John Cavanaugh says that “this new ECW is quickly becoming the island of misfit toys”. I’m not sure if John realizes that that very phrase was used to describe ECW by Taz in the “Rise and Fall of ECW” DVD. So, it’s ironically apropos.
Plus, I forgot to mention this last week. Take a look at the photo below. See how Tommy’s t-shirt has come up to his mid-section, but his torso is still covered by something? My question is – is this simply some form of tight black undershirt (ala Under Armor), or is this some sort of foam protecting his torso from the barbed wire? Not that I blame him (jeezus, that stuff has to hurt), but I can’t imagine the rabid frothing ECW s/marks would react well if they thought one of their heroes was actually protecting himself somewhat.
1. An “E-C-DUB” chant to start the show? In Nashville? Really? Wow.
2. Holy crap, was that one helluva bump Knox took on the DDT by Tommy – honestly, it was probably the best thing I’ve seen from him. Plus, I like the fact that he was still selling the effect even after getting the pinfall. Hey, there’s an idea – let him get hit by everyone’s finisher every week! That’ll get him over!
3. Alright, this isn’t a positive point, but please indulge me. Paul’s “personal enforcers” are wearing helmets and body armor, and are armed with nightsticks. Why, exactly, would they be afraid of a man in a t-shirt wielding a Singapore cane? No one asked this question backstage when they were setting it up?
4. Well now. If Ariel keeps up this kind of.. “performance”, she’ll get over. One way or another.
She is definitely into this character, no question about it. (And hearing Joey talking about “bite clubs” is sending me into hysterics, for some reason.)
5. So, The Big Show walks out in his suit jacket and slacks, and my wife catches a glimpse of the screen. “Wow – where does he buy a suit in that size?” I explain to her that he probably has them made specially for him. Then, we catch a full length glimpse as he walks into the ring. Her next comment: “Oh, I hope not – or else he should have pants that are the right length.” Y’know, wrestling can be so many things to so many people.
6. The main event accomplished two really huge goals: 1) it established that Kurt Angle is the Ric Flair of this generation: he could get a *** match out of a broomstick, and raises everybody’s game when they’re in the ring with him; and 2) it showed that Sabu has the ability to get over and put on a good match without using tables, chairs, or any other paraphernalia. And good for him – everybody is saying that Vince is really high on Sabu (no pun intended), and this match will do nothing but enforce that.
And that’s it for this week. See you next Wednesday.
