– You know, despite the TNA rant every week and countless Video Reviews, I don’t remember ever receiving quite as much feedback as my first Raw encounter brought in. Although possibly the WrestleMania 22 VR or one of the View From The Cheap Seats columns might have racked in more, I’d have to go back and double check. So it sounds like everyone for the most part is enjoying the quick transition from Raw, and as well I hope everyone enjoyed the run of TNA, which as you probably know, is now over. Anyway, it has been a while since I’ve dipped into the mailbag in a column, but I figured it might be a fun little refreshment for all of my fine readers, so here we go. We’ll go with some of the pleasant and not so pleasant variety, just to keep things interesting on all points of view. The lead off man is Jakob …
Hey Mark, nice to see you doing Raw. Am I the only one, though, who thinks that Flair/Foley is the only thing saving Raw every single week? Good column, see you back next week.
Nope, in fact, most people, if not all, think that. Thanks for the letter.
– Adam Kline, however, did not enjoy it so much, as he writes: Your “review” sucks almost as much as the actual show does. Let’s move on …
– And lastly, Johnny92m (as my former co-host Jed Shaffer once said, that’s his name yo) ponders over how us InsidePulse Raw didn’t point out how stupid of a quote Edge made about Trish Stratus, that I never really thought about as much as he did.
Hey,
I was wondering how none of the Raw re-cappers this week mentioned how stupid the “Trish hasn’t won a match in over a year” comment by Edge. I mean just look how many matches she’s won since August 05.
*Unforgiven: won tag team match with Ashley against Candice & Torrie
*Taboo Tuesday: Won Fulfill your Fantasy Battle Royal
*Survivor Series: Beat Melina to retain Women’s title
*New Year’s Revolution:Beat Mickie James to retain title
*Backlash: Beat Mickie by DQ
All that, plus a handful of matches won on Raw. I know it’s a miniscule detail, but it just surprised me that none of the Raw guys this week (You, Hatton, and Pandich) didn’t correct it (well not so much Hatton)
Johnny
Well, Mr. 92m, you are nothing short of correct. Like I said earlier, I really hadn’t thought about it you did, I just took it as part of the promo Edge was cutting. But by all means, good eye, or ears, whatever.
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The NeelDown RAW Zone – August 14, 2006
– From Charlottesville, Virginia
– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
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– Edge comes out to start and talks about the humble abode of the Cena’s. We see video footage of Edge & Lita going inside and looking through his closet where he found wrestling boots, but he can’t wrestle. He even finds Winnipeg Jets hockey jersey, not very impressive. See, for the small percentage of us viewers who actually GET the joke here, we appreciate this kind of stuff. He saw baby pictures, and John still has the same haircut. Mr. Cena tells him what a big fan he is of Edge, but at SummerSlam he is going to beat John. Actually, as Edge SHOCKINGLY reveals, his real conversation with Mr. Cena said was that he was going to beat his son to a pulp at SummerSlam. It ends with Edge slapping Mr. Cena and exiting by their “tacky furniture.” Edge then takes us back through history where Edge won the Money In The Bank at WrestleMania 21 through winning the title at New Year’s Revolution through the live sex celebration until the twist … Edge losing the title at the Royal Rumble. However, Edge would win it back on Raw. And there is the story of Edge. Pretty funny promo from the cynical heel Edge, if not a bit retired with the whole “heel visits and stalks the face’s family at their house” shtick.
Micky James v. Lita – Women’s Championship
Lockup struggle and Lita gets a headscissors then kicks her down in the corner. Micky slides under Lita’s legs and gets a dropkick. She goes up top, but Lita yanks her off by the hair. Micky punches back but Lita gets a Russian leg sweep and tees off. That gets two. Micky fights back with punches and such and gets an elbow from the corner, then gets a rana out of the corner followed by a sloppy clothesline, a “clothesline knockdown” as JR would refer, gets two. Micky pins with her feet on the ropes but Edge knocks them off. Lita tries the same thing but the ref won’t count it. Sidekick by Micky and she tries the DDT but Lita shoves her off and clocks her with the title belt while Edge has the ref distracted to win the title and ends Mickie’s reign. Well, that was pretty unexpected. (3/4*)
Winner: Lita
– Mick Foley talks about how he is sick to his stomach of his own actions, that he was reeled in by Flair and agreed to have a match with him at SummerSlam. Mick says he will destroy the legend, and says that he bloods easily, he knows. He’ll see you tomorrow at ECW Ric, you washed up piece of crap!
OOOOOOMMMAGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAA v. Alex Sage
Umaga kills him with a lariat to start and gets the Samoan Drop. ASS CLOBBER, but Sage evades it! Just kidding, it hits. Samoan Spike, and there’s your pin. Isn’t this the Umaga who has been pushed to the main event for the past two weeks, and defeated HHH? Now he’s back to the 9:30 PM, second match jobber squashes? Well, there’s that wacky booking for you. (-*1/2)
Winner: OOOOOOMMMAGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAA
Johnny Nitro v. Ric Flair
Non-title, I guess. Nitro takes him to the corner to start and slugs away. However, he makes the rookie mistake of walking into the chops. Nitro gets an enzigiri causing a Flair flop. Hangman’s neckbreaker by Nitro gets two. Nitro, who is already in control, goes downstairs and then continues to work him over in the corner, but Flair fires back with chops and a reverse elbow.
Flair’s charge meets elbow and Nitro slams him down, then tries a corkscrew moonsault, but Flair evades it and chopblocks Nitro. He attempts to lock in the Figure Four, but Foley runs in, and there’s your DQ. (1/4*) Melina adds a low blow and Foley feeds Flair to the steps, drawing a “Foley Sucks” chant.
Winner: Ric Flair (DQ)
– As explained last week, Diva Search time usually means Mario Kart DS quick single player Grand Prix time for me, but I guess now I have to pay attention. I still don’t get why they are doing a special on Wednesday just for the divas, but oh well. Milena, who I thought should have went a long time ago, is booted off. Next we have …
– “Beat the divas Waterfight.” Your participants are the last three chicks from the diva search, JT, Layla, & the other chick v. Candice Michelle, Victoria, & Torrie. There’s a line dividing the ring, and each has water balloons, a Super Soaker, and bucket of water. I guess whoever drenches the others wins, or something. So they throw the buckets at each other to no crowd reaction, while the poor Miz shouts “this is awesome!” Candice pops some balloons in her shirt. Apparently the divas win. This was exactly what it sounded like, you know the drill.
– DX come out and talk about how the last few weeks have been a little rough. Shawn says they have a tendency to focus on Vince McMahon’s seemingly veracious appetite for cock-adoodle-doo. They then hold up a shirt with cartoon rooster on it that says “Vince loves.” For God’s sake, can we PLEASE get over the 3rd grade humor and same forgone jokes for ONE week? PLEASE?!??! Just one Raw without excessive use of …
– Cock jokes
– Fart/burping jokes
– Variations of those “cock” and “fart” jokes that are about as funny and creative as they were on the elementary school playground
– Anything involving this tried, drawn out, repetitive, pointless feud
– Gene Snitsky
– So many damn promos and just ONE good match
Okay, is that too much to ask? Apparently. Anyway, here come Shane and Vince, with security. We’ve never seen THIS scenario before. Shane says that last week DX was known for being taken out by Vincent Kennedy and Shane O Mac. We see clips of Shawn getting whipped and superkicked with assistance from a steel chair. Vince talks about having unlimited resources to have them at their side at the snap of his fingers. HHH says that at SummerSlam, they can bring whoever they want but they’ll win, blah blah blah.
The Spirit Squad v. Eugene & Jim Duggan
Duggan slams Kenny down to start, Mikey comes in and they double team. Mikey dropkicks Duggan to the floor where Mitch rams him into the apron. The Highlanders come out to ward the pack of SS off as Duggan gets isolated in the heel corner. Kenny slaps him around and tags in Mikey who tries the handspring elbow to the corner but Duggan clotheslines him down and makes the hot tag to Eugene who cleans house.
Rock Bottom on Mikey. Airplane Spin on Kenny, and he and Mikey collide with shoulders. Kenny goes up top, but Duggan shoves him off onto the rest of the Squad. Johnny comes in and nails Eugene while the red is distracted, so the Highlanders go in and take out Mikey giving Eugene the pin. Short overbooked mess involving oodles of interference in a pointless fashion. No reason why this had to go on here. (-1/2*)
Winners: Eugene & Jim Duggan
– Jeff Hardy is COMING. Well, depending on the number of neurotic dosage he’s on whenever that day comes.
– Meanwhile, Umaga is offered to the McMahon’s services.
Edge v. Carlito
This is non-title, even though earlier during Edge’s promo he said he had to defend the title against Carlito tonight. Slug fest to start, won by Carlito and he gets a suplex for two. A corner charge meets Carlito’s boot and Edge gets knocked down with a clothesline. Carlito takes him to the corner for shoulders and dragon whips him. A scoop sand a slam by Carlito sets up a leg drop that gets two.
Edge tries backdropping Carlito to the floor but he lands on the apron and then comes in with a twisting senton from the top. That gets two after Lita put Edge’s foot on the ropes. Carlito comes off the top but is met with a mid-air dropkick for two. We hit the sitting bearhug point, and Lita hangs onto Carlito’s leg, so Trish takes her out. Carlito gets a high knee and does some of his sloppy clotheslines and gets the reverse elbow for two. Carlito gets a snap rana for two.
Edge slips out of a slam and gets an inverted DDT for two. Spear misses, so Edge rolls the snake eyes and now hits the Spear, but Cena runs out and tackles him and they brawl into the crowd until it’s broken up. There’s your DQ, folks. (**)
Winner: (DQ)
– Our main event, I guess, is Randy Orton coming out to talk about Hogan. We see footage of all of the other “Legends” going down, those of course being Jake Roberts and Jerry Lawler. Orton says that Hulk was the inspiration that made him become a Legend killer. He watched him walk out yet all these idiots would chant his name. He just didn’t understand it. Out comes Mr. Hogan, or is it the impostor?! Feel the drama! It’s the impostor. And, as Eric S once noted, it is a pretty damn good impostor. Impostor Hogan talks about being a senior citizen, and WHAT’RE YOU GONNA DO WHEN I SOIL MYSELF ALL OVER YOU, BROTHER? Now the real Hogan is out. When’s the Shawn Michaels impostor going to show up? Mr. America? Orton stomps away as Hogan slides in but Hogan anticlimactically big boots him to the floor. The impostor Hogan tries to cheap shot him and they do some sloppy sequence ending with the impostor getting a pair of elbows and mounted punches. Once they’re together, I can tell the difference in the resemblance, the real one is wrinkly. Hogan says that the Legend killer can’t kill Hulkamania.
End of show.
