– If there’s one thing that keeps me going when trying to review this type of stuff, it’s off-brand fruit punch soda, Tahitian Treat. That I’m aware of there’s no official site I can link you to, but there is a Wiki, go check it out. That’s all.
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The NeelDown RAW Rant – August 21, 2006
– Hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler
– Live from Bridgeport, Connecticut
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– We start with Edge (Lita-less and title belt-less) coming down to say that he has waited for this night his whole life, because everyone who bought tickets tonight didn’t think he would be the Champion. He goes out to ask some black kids at ringside if they thought he would be Champion. They’re wrong. He has the answers to war his title and girlfriend are. We see on the titantron Lita is standing at a harbor yard pier with the spinning belt. Edge says he should end the last piece of Cena with a memorial at sea, and she chucks the belt into the river. And so ends the era of John Cena. Edge welcomes us to a new era, an era that is rated R. Note that it is NOT rated X or NC-17, but the weak little R. Then a bunch of white mist falls down over Edge and a new belt appears, a spinning belt with a rated R emblem in the middle. That spot with the mist spray was pretty cool looking.
– And so marks the triumphant return of Jeff Hardy, still with the same outdated crappy music, who comes out to get in Edge’s face. At least he has done away with the stupid body paint. Edge reminds him that he ended his brother’s career. Hardy attacks him and tries the Swanton but Edge bails.
– I CAN’T WAIT for the match extras on the upcoming McMahon DVD.
The Spirit Squad v. Eutard, Jim Duggan & The Highlanders
The SS reel Eugene in to start and Johnny works on him with an armbar. Eugene reverses it but he gets kicked down in the corner. However, Eugene blocks a charge and gets the Airplane Spin, then tags out to Robby who gets a dropkick for two. Johnny shows off his great martial arts skills with a spin kick to knock him down, though. Kenny comes in and does the same for two. In comes Mikey, and we hit the OPENING MATCH REAR CHOKE point.
They continue to isolate Robby and Kenny gets a swinging neckbreaker. Rory comes in to clean house and things turn into a mess with Duggan taking care of business on the floor. It eventually leads the Highlanders to double suplex on Nicky for the pin. Your average “fun” Jim Duggan match. (1/2*)
Winners: Eutard, Jim Duggan & The Highlanders
– Meanwhile, Edge wants Coach, who I guess is yet still filling in the GM role, to make him a match with Jeff Hardy tonight, so he does. Coach is on a Bowflex Extreme. Vince and Shane arrive, and tells Coach to get the hell out. The McMonopolys ponder over what happened at SummerSlam, and Vince says he feels “gnarly.” I always love when professional wrestling brings out slang terms that I haven’t heard since they were popular in the early 90’s among middle schoolers.
– Randy Orton says he got screwed because whether Hogan had his foot on the rope or not, it was still a three count. Um … okay. He is interrupted by Carlito. Orton says he demands respect the next time he is interrupted So I guess we have Orton v. Carlito’s father Carlos to look forward to at Unforgiven, or next week or something.
– HHH is at an office looking at an Air Force magazine with a map on the wall behind him, with Shawn acting like an idiot. Apparently they are at a private air terminal, where Vince lands his private jet. I can’t believe “creative” actually thinks this stuff is funny. We see footage of his jet with DX spray painted on it. Yawn.
Trish Stratus v. Victoria
This is pretty random, but it’s nice to see Vicky back on RAW for a change. They go back and fourth to start, and Trish dropkicks her to the floor where she follows with a senton from the apron. Back inside a stiff clothesline gets two for Trish. Victory roll gets two. Stratusphaction is wisely countered to a backbreaker that gets two. Trish gets her token fancy headscissors and another sloppy clothesline gets two.
Victoria levels her with a kick and goes up top, but Trish follows her up with a rana. Trish slugs back but Victoria stops her momentum with a kick and tries the Widow’s Peak, but that unfortunately is blocked and now the bulldog hits for the pin. Short and to the point, with Vicky doing her token fifty-third TV job to Trish and doing nothing but burying the Women’s Division. (3/4*)
Winner: Trish Stratus
– Vince and Shane delightfully come out next to say that they have called the police, and we will watch DX get arrested. After commercials DX talk about the French climbing mountains, Neil Armstrong on the moon, and Pearl Harbor. To save you the troubles, the consensus is that DX is not at the airport.
– In the back Mick calls Mr. McMahon “Vince.” Vince says Mick’s 25 stitches look nasty. Vince says that maybe tonight Mick can join a special club, and if not he’ll get fired. Talk about booking on the run.
Jeff Hardy v. Edge
Hardy jumps him to start and gets a baseball slide and crossbody for two. Hardy charges but Edge slides him out into the barricade. Edge feeds him to the steps and elbows him down inside. Edge stretches his back over the post but inside a corner charge meets boot and Hardy tries … a double stomp off the top. Edge dodges that but Hardy DDTs him for two. Twist Of Fate is countered to an inverted DDT that gets two.
Hardy gets the Poetry in Motion for two. Well, it’s good to know that Jeff can still execute all of his old moves while still sporting the same attitude era look. Sloppy flying forearm gets two. Hardy blocks a cheap shot and gets the Twist Of Fate which causes some nose bleeding from Edge. Swanton connects, but Lita pulls Edge’s foot to break up the count. She could have at least put it on the bottom rope, or something. She then yanks him out, and that’s a DQ. Cena runs out and attacks Edge then. Damn, and here I thought this feud was finally ending. (**) They brawl to the back where Edge gains the upper hand and sends him into a garage door. As for the match, Hardy hit all of his old stuff here, which was all it was.
Winner: (DQ)
– After the break Edge and Cena are brawling out by the harbor dock where the belt was tossed, as the spoilers and Da Metz predicted. They brawl into a garden area where Cena screams out “being one with nature” and sends Edge into a tree. He then strangles Edge with a hose until some “security” pull him off. Edge fights back with a desperation boat floatie and tries escaping, but Cena fights back and tosses Edge into the water, as also predicted.
Johnny Nitro v. Kane – Intercontinental Championship
Apparently Kane got this IC title shot after his win over Shelton Benjmain a couple weeks ago. Johnny tries playing a cute game of cat and mouse to start but is met with a big boot. Kane misses a charge and Nitro pounds away, then skins the cat. He tries springing in with a dropkick, but Kane knocks him down. Kane flips him over in the corner then gets the flying clothesline, but Umaga runs out and gives Kane an inverted DDT drawing a DQ. Well, that was expected after SummerSlam. Umaga Spikes him afterwards, and Kane does a semi-blade job, paid off as needing medical help. (1/4*)
Winner: Kane (DQ)
Randy Orton v. Ric Flair
They are playing this off as Orton beating an even bigger legend than Hogan in Flair. I guess they forgot that Orton has already beaten Flair cleanly in a PPV main event. Flair attacks with chops and jabs to start but Orton goes downstairs and gets a delayed suplex. Orton whiffs on clotheslining him out, but gets it on a second try, and dropkicks him off the apron. Out there Orton works him over with punchy kicky stuff. The brawling on the floor lasts a while, with Flair ultimately being sent to the steps.
Inside Flair tries chopping back but a kick to the chest to block a back drop stops that. He fires off some more chops, but Orton simply rakes his eyes then nails the RKO for the pin. However, the referee “reverses his decision” and Flair wins, I guess. Orton goes to RKO him again after the bell, but Carlito makes the save. It’s kind of funny how in this same month just about two years ago this match was a major PPV main event cage match that some might have considered a semi-MOTYC, and now it’s more or less a five minute Raw squash. (1/2*)
Winner: Ric Flair
– Our delightful main event is the a very special Kiss My Ass club with Mick Foley, which was built just by a quick backstage encounter tonight. Mick says he doesn’t have the best apparel, hasn’t got a haircut in 10 years, and drives a damn mini-van. Vince says Mick doesn’t hear very well. Vince reminds Mick that he didn’t say he would fire Mick, he would fire “someone.” That someone is Melina, so Mick decides to go through with it. Melina does a good fake cry about Mick going through with it. He gives a speech about Melina being worth it. He kisses it. Melina then makes her heel turn and LOW BLOWS Foley. Melina then tells Mick he is fired. Vince, Shane & Melina walk through the back with Vince proclaiming that he is going to go to New York and get another assicial. Then Vince and Shane step outside and Vince says he didn’t want to admit it but he thinks DX has finally broken him. They leave in the limo, but a chain attached to the axle pulls it off. They get out and DX is of course spray painted on the limo. Vince then claims his insanity and screams as well as possibly crying.
End of show.
