Live from the Sovereign Center in Reading, PA.
Announcers are Joey Styles & Tazz
By: John Cavanagh
With Kurt Angle gone for only god knows how long (well Eric, how long??) ECW now has yet another wrench thrown in to their plans. Tonight we’ll see Sabu vs Heyman in an Extreme Rules match, and if you’ve been watching this show lately — or wrestling in general — then you probably figured out how this is going to end. Other than that, it’ll probably be more of the same.
We start out with a recap of last weeks Sabu vs. Big Show rematch.
Paul says the he’s the father of Extreme Championship Wrestling, and that it’s his baby, his concept, his life. He tells us that he’s never wrestled in an ECW ring, until tonight. He’s been left no other option than to wrestle in an extreme rules match. Dr. Frankenstein must destroy his monster, he tells us that he’ll beat Sabu tonight.
Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly
Oh joy. the match starts out with a few thrown punches, Van Dam throws Holly in to the ropes and monkey flips him, followed by a kick to the chin. RVD clotheslines him over the top rope, Van Dam celebrates in the ring, He goes to the outside and Holly takes control. Holly goes for a suplex, but Van Dam counters it by dropping him on the guard rail, RVD goes to the apron and connects the corkscrew leg drop. Back in the ring Van Dam has Holly in the corner and starts punching away on the second rope. Holly almost sets up for the Alabama Slam but Van Dam hold on to the ropes. Holly then turns around and flips Van Dam over the top rope. Holly pulls him back in the ring and starts using a few choke holds, RVD tries to get up some speed but Holly knocks him down with a vertical drop kick. Holly tries to send Van Dam in to the corner but gets reversed, followed by a back leg lariat by Van Dam. Rob gets up, back-to-back clotheslines and a standing moonsault in to a pin, but only a two count. Rolling Thunder then climbs the turnbuckle looking for the Frog Splash, but Holly saw it coming and rolled out of the ring. Holly grabs a steel chair, misses the chair shot and gets a spinning leg kick by Rob. RVD grabs the chair and connects with Holly’s spine, effectively getting himself DQ’d.
Winner by DQ: Hardcore Holly
RVD isn’t done with Holly yet, he continues the chair shots out at ringside and ends up sending Holly over the guard rail. He celebrates in the ring with the chair as we go to…
Renee Dupree continues to bore me by working out on a treadmill and says it’s time to make his mark in wrestling history as the most extreme athlete to ever step foot in an ECW ring. I hate this man…
Out comes Big Show. Styles sells Show’s appearances during the McMahon Summerslam match, along with last nights RAW. Anyone else realize that by keeping Show in the main WWE brands it destroys all the build and change in character that he’s trying to do in ECW?
Show grabs a mic and wants to set the record straight. He’s the most dominant champion in WWE history, that he went to Summerslam and Raw and destroyed DX, wiping the ring with them. He talks about the Hell in a Cell match with himself and the McMahons vs Triple H and Shawn planned for Unforgiven. Show says that he knows they like to play mind games, and that he’s challenging the two of them to a handicap match next week on ECW. He says that someone’s heart is going to stop beating and the king of king is going to bow at his feet, because nobody can beat him (except all those matches that he lost in, naturally).
That wacky Shannon Moore tells us to fight the power.
CM Punk vs. Stevie Richards
Tonights obligatory ECW original will be played by Steven Richards. The match starts out with Punk applying an arm lock on Richards, followed by a top wrist lock. The guys start to trade chops back and forth, Richards kicks Punk in the stomach and tries to gain some momentum. He sets Punk up in the ropes in the center of the ring and then tries to hit a spear on Punk through the ropes. Well he planned it, Punk moves sending Richards straight through the middle rope to the outside. Richards gets up but it doesn’t take long for Punk to dive head first at him through the ropes. Stevie gets him in he ring and applies a side bear hug on Punk, CM breaks it with a few elbows but Richards makes sure to throw a punch to the gut to keep control. Richards throws him in to the ropes but out of nowhere Punk hits a missile drop kick. Punk uses a few of his kicks and then sets up a powerbomb on his knee, but only gets a two. Punk goes for a schoolboy but Richards gets out, Punk applies the Anaconda Vice and it isn’t long before Stevie taps.
Winner: CM Punk
We come back and are greeted with a promo for The Marine. It has the woman who plays Kimber on Nip/Tuck in the movie, didn’t know that.
Matt Striker comes down to the ring and asks the fans why they don’t realize that he’s here to help them. He’s a bonafide school teacher, that they should be looking up to a man like himself, but instead cheer for reprobate and pariahs like Sandman. A man who irresponsibly consumes excessive amounts of alcohol and who’s brain is clogged with barley, hops and resin. He tells fans that whether they like it or not, he’s here to educate them, because he’s their teacher.
Cue Sandman music.
Sandman climbs in to the ring and points at Striker, he starts moving towards him but Matt uses the blackboard set up in the ring as a weapon and throws it at him. Then smashing his head on the desk in the ring. He grabs a stapler and starts punching Sandman with it. Striker rolls out of the ring with a smirk on his face, while Sandman is busted open and livid in the ring.
Balls is in the locker room and before he can tells why he’s so balls to the wall, Kelly walks in and asks if he’s seen Knox around. Balls says no and asks why, she says because she’s an exhibitionist and then stands in front of him and opens up her robe. Balls is left speechless.
Tazz and Styles mention the recent loss of Kurt and talk about all of his achievements in both the amateur and professional worlds of wrestling. Tazz talks about his first match with Kurt and how he hopes that everything gets worked out and that he returns soon.
Sabu says that tonight he’s going to massacre Paul Heyman.
The main event is up next.
Sabu vs. Paul Heyman
Extreme Rules Match
Paul is already in the ring, Sabu makes his way down and Heyman’s security is staying between he and Paul. The bell rings and he tosses a chair at guard #1 while trying to take the other one down himself. He doesn’t get much offense in before he’s beaten down. The two guards start kicking him and then guard #1 holds him with his nightstick across the throat. when guard #2 tries to use his to hit Sabu, he kicks him down, then arm drags his way out of #1’s hold. He grabs his chair and hits #1 in the knee and #2 in the head, leaving only himself and Paul in the ring. Heyman cowers in fear, Sabu is eating this up and sets the chair up for the triple jump. When he gets to the the top rope, instead of hitting Paul, he goes for Big show who’s now standing at ring side. Show catches him but Sabu reverses it in to a DDT. He gets up and looks at Paul who’s still in the ring, he starts to climb in but is jumped by the guards. They roll him in to the ring and Show joins in on the beating. Show throws a chair at him while the guards hold him up, then picks him up and punches him in the face.
Heyman tells Show to hold him up and then starts slapping him around a bit, telling him that he’s Paul Heyman and that he made him. Sabu is now busted open, and Paul tells his lackeys to take him out. Show tells the guards to set up a table on the outside, Heyman is now in the ring dancing around showing the fans that he has Sabu’s blood on his hand. Hyman mocks him a little more, but Sabu grabs Paul, then gets free long enough to get a few punches on Show. It doesn’t last long, as Show clotheslines him after about five punches. Sabu again tries a few shots, but now Show hits a headbutt. Big Show picks him up for a press slam, looking to toss Sabu through the table, but something distracts him on the outside. It’s RVD! He comes down and takes out the guards. RVD goes right after Show, but Show again thows another headbutts (I wonder if he solves his real life problems this way also). Heyman throws Show a chair, but he misses, leading to a picture perfect Van Daminator, followed by a skateboard in the corner. Van Dam over the ropes with a cross body on both guards. Heyman tries to get Show up, but Sabu is right behind him, he gets a few punches in then grabs the chair and hits and Arabian Facebuster on Paul. Van Dam rolls him out and sets him up on the table, Sabu sets up for the triple jump, he’s in the air, but Show spears him down out of nowhere.
Hardcore Holly runs out and goes after RVD, then an Alabama Slam through the table. Show grabs Sabu and then hits his backbreaker and Showstopper Legdrop finishers. The guards roll an unconscious Paul in to the ring and then pull him over Sabu for the win.
Winner: Paul Heyman
Tazz and Styles are shocked, but it isn’t over. Holly goes and grabs another table from under the ring and sets it up for Show to chokeslam Sabu through. Show, Holly, Heyman and the two guards celebrate in the ring.
Don’t forget, you can head over to the ECW Thread in our forums and share your thoughts on the show.