The RAW Events

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— Week two of my glorious return and I’m already falling behind. Thanks to the never ending rain we’ve been getting here in the desert, the lightning took out our power right when the 694th episode of RAW started, so I had nothing for the first half hour or so, hence the lateness of this review. So sorry if the first few stuff is kind of bare boned… I get what I can when calling a friend to see what happened. Plus I’m still editing my column, so again, bear with me.

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Madison Square Garden, New York, NY.

Hosts: Jerry “The King” Lawler & Jim Ross

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The MAIN Events
Umaga vs. Ric Flair
This ended in some kind of DQ, and of course Kane came out and both “monsters” slugged it away. Again a friend description over the phone.
Winner: DQ- Umaga

Edge, Randy Orton & Nitro vs. John Cena, Carlito, and Jeff Hardy
Nitro and Hardy start off the match with Melina getting the distracting and giving Nitro the advantage. Things quickly change as Hardy starts the offense, giving him the split leg- leg drop. Carlito gets the tag in and whales away on Nitro as the crowd is HOT for the match.

Orton gets the tag and Carlito still has the advantage until Orton gets the pole into the eyes and tags in Edge, momentum swing to the heel team. Cena gets tag and the crowd BOOS him as he enters the ring and goes after Edge. Orton takes advantage and takes down Cena. Nitro gets the tag and does his damage until Cena no sells the beatdown and gets the tag into Carlito.

Nitro gets enough to get the tag, and Orton gets in, hitting the standing drop kick for two! Jumping clothesline for Carlito gets two! Hardy gets the tag and goes out as Edge hits the spear on the outside. AND we go to break.

Back in, Hardy and Edge are at each other as we come back. And we get a HUGE chant of “Lets go Cena!” (from all the girls in the arena) and “Cena sucks!” (from all the guys). Carlito and Orton get in on the simultaneous tag and Carlito gets the rope pulled down as he runs against them, getting beat down by Edge and Nitro.

Another chant begins to Cena “Go to Smackdown!” and “Stay on RAW!” damn, I like these New Yorkers. Cena gets the tag in and clears the ring to boos and cheers. Carlito follows in the action as does Hardy with their finishes. FU hits Nitro, locks in the STFU and Nitro taps. Pussy.

Damn that was a long match.
Winner: John Cena, Carlito, and Jeff Hardy

Chris Masters vs. Super Crazy
The Mexico representative is another match against the worst person on this roster. I’m starting to get the feeling that a win over Masters doesn’t win much. And sadly, we don’t get the lawnmower. Super Crazy gets the win a roll up pin. Two wins in a row.
Winner: Super Crazy

Mickey James vs. Trish Stratus
It’s the swan song match for Trish on RAW. Trish gets the majority of the offense to begin with (wearing one of those electronic marquee belt buckles). Mickey and Trish both drop each other with a clothesline. Trish gets her top rope flip and hits a few forearms into the face of James. Twirl around for Trish only gets two! Lita comes in and distracts Trish, but hits the Stratusfaction on Mickey while hitting Lita off the apron to get the 1-2-3.

Thank you Trish Stratus, you have brought us all joy in your women’s matches. Plus it doesn’t help that you’re F’N HOT!!!!!! A photo tribute to you:

Winner: Trish Stratus

Vince McMahon vs. HHH
Well this match shouldn’t last long. And before the match, Cade and Murdoch block DX as Shane leads the attack on them. Big Show shows up too (surprisingly wearing an ECW shirt) and slams HBK onto the limo in the back. Steroid McMahon finally shows up and tells his crew to make sure HHH makes it to the ring.

Vince strolls out while HHH is dragged out. Vince then starts the beat down on Hunter, choking him with his belt. Vince asks HHH if he wants to give up and HHH gives him the DX crotch chop. Vince hits the pedigree and gets two!! Hunter “hulks up” and finishes it with a spine buster. Shane runs out, but gets decked. Pedigree is attempted, but Shane knocks HHH down.

HBK runs out on his own and takes out Shane and decks Vince. Big Show makes his way down too and levels Shawn. HHH finds the sledgehammer, but gets nothing out of it. Chair shot from Shane takes out HBK. And Vince uses the sledge to take out HHH and get the pin.
Winner: Vince McMahon

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Quick HEAT
— Vince has some kind of walk of fame or something (phone call).

— Jeff Hardy has his own painting or something on display. Nitro comes and knocks it down and gets all the paint spilled on him.

— Edge comes out and dishes out the heat on Cena. Even making his own rap for Cena going to Smackdown. Promising us all that the next week the champ will be here.

— Cryme Tyme is coming.

— Vince says his entire family will be proud of him tonight. Including his grandfather, his father, his wife, son, grandchildren, and maybe Stephanie (who may have mixed reactions).

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Weekly EVENTS
Welcome to one of the newest segments of the RAW EVENTS. The segment where I’ll be giving some insight about things to look for during the week and the pulse of events around the Pulse from the week that was. It may not stay in this order in the column, but hey… again, trying new stuff:

– Check out the preview of the new Pulse Wrestling with the upcoming V3 launch.

– Another RAW recap with Tommy P.

– And of course don’t miss a little something here with the man who covered my ass while I was out, Mark Neeley. Even though the report is a week or so old, still good to check out.

– Oh, and yeah… its Monday night, so that means there’s football. At this point: Vikings 19- Redskins 16. And Chargers running wild over the Raaaaiiiiders 27-0. Ouch.

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RAW Analysis
— Well it was a set up show, who would have guessed differently!? Although it wasn’t entirely bad as we got a good six-man tag match that set up those three feuds within nicely. And the DX/ McMahon angle, well, it was it’s usual with the McMahon’s getting the beat down. The places where these two matches should have been reversed though.

And as another column of mine comes to a close, so does the 5 year anniversary of 9/11. We were all affected by it in one way or the other… but most importantly those who were in the tragic fall of the World Trade Center. It’s times like these where we need to stop, take a deep breath and remember where we are and where we come from.

So to those, we remember and we will never forget 9/11. I’m out, peace.