Pancakes In the Age of Enlightenment: Midweek Update

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MIDWEEK UPDATE
– I neglected to post as promised yesterday. Honestly, I was at work until 7 PM, didn’t get home until 8, and had nothing to say and even less will to live. We left off at halftime of the second MNF game late Monday Night, and it was second verse same as the first. The Chargers pounded the Raiders 27-0 behind 131 rushing yards from LT and NINE quarterback sacks, 3 by Shawne Merriman.

– We had a TRADE yesterday. How unusual. The NFL gets more and more like fantasy football every year. The Packers, apparently pleased with Ahman Green’s 110 yard performance against the Bears, have traded Samkon Gado to the Texans, who are apparently displeased with Wali Lundy’s 31 yards against Philly. The Packers get Vernand Morency in return.

So, it being Wednesday, I think we’ve had time to digest everything that happened during Week One. As such, I now feel comfortable handing out both my Game Balls, and my Sweaty, Smelly Balls.

GAME BALL
-To Steelers QB Charlie Batch. He steps into the gaping hole where Ben Roethlisberger’s appendix used to be, and all he does is throw 3 TD passes against one of the league’s better defenses.

– For Donovan McNabb and Chad Pennington, a couple of quarterbacks who have re-crossed the river Styx to post productive, winning openers for a pair of teams that really, really needed to start 1-0 this year.

SWEATY, SMELLY BALLS
For the following signal callers:
– Tampa’s Chris Simms, who was picked off three times
– Jake Plummer, who also pulled the hat trick for the Broncos against the Rams.
– Brett Favre, for being such a whiny little bitch. Go have buttsex with Warren Sapp why don’t you.

GAME BALL
– To Titans RB Travis Henry, 22 yards, 2 TDs. You are my fantasy football player of the week.

SWEATY, SMELLY BALLS
– For the Niners defense, thanks for almost letting Kurt Warner single-handedly beat my fantasy team this week. Almost.

GAME BALL
– To Anthony “A-Train” Thomas. Between the 9/11 anniversary, and him scoring a TD this weekend, I feel like it’s 2001 all over again. All’s I need now is for my girlfriend to start cheating on me, and it’ll be like I’m THERE baby!!!

– SWEATY, SMELLY BALLS
Plopped on the noses of Larry Johnson and Shaun Alexander. Way to suck Mr. 1 and 1A fantasy football studs.

GAME BALL
– Bestowed on Saints WR Marques Colston, the seventh round pick out of Hofstra who led the Saints in receiving and scored their only TD. Congratulations, Marques, you are this year’s Frisman Jackson.

-SWEATY, SMELLY BALLS
To all those who read me and don’t write to me with feedback. I’m here dancing for quarters all weekend for you, and your emails are the quarters. Throw quarters at me people.

Aaaand I’m spent. I’ll be back this weekend, doing it just like I did this weekend. I’ll get ya some picks up on Friday or Saturday, or both, and do running commentary on Sunday. Until then, I’m playing Madden 07 on the XBox 360 I just bought today. Beeyotch!!