Like I’m paying attention to wrestling right now with the Ryder Cup off and running. Tigger and Furyk won their match on Friday morning, and the Euros are pretty much winning everything else. So much for all those stories about dissention in the ranks of the Euro side.
Well, gotta figure out something to throw into the Teaser Box. Do I do something about Hugo Chavez? No, he’s essentially right about Dubbaya and the Junta, but pimping Noam Chomsky? Sorry, Hugo, but I can’t get behind that, not at all. You notice how I’m keeping silent about the whole spinach thing. It’s in my general area, of course, but not in my specialty. All I can tell you is this: if you knew how fresh vegetables were packaged and processed, you’d switch to an all-meat diet. I’d definitely choose meat over veggies, knowing what I know. And since I definitely know more than you on this subject, so should you.
Hmmmm, I will mention something, and I guess I can use this as a teaser: H. J. Heinz, Inc. and its subsidiaries discriminate against people with chronic illnesses. Boycott Heinz products (and there are a lot more than 57 of them to boycott). That should be easy for you Republicans.
Yes, I’m serious. Yes, I’m going off of personal knowledge on this one. No, it’s not specifically happening to me. But it is happening. Boycott Heinz.
Let’s go on to Impact, the lesser of two end-of-week evils…
Match Results:
Jay Lethal over Petey Williams (Pinfall, bowling ball to nuts): Oh, dear God. Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt, and Chris Sabin…weren’t they regarded until rather recently as a key part of the Future Of Wrestling? You know what’s going to be even more interesting? Russo will actually put a stop to this shit because it’s too lowbrow, even for him. If Russo has to be brought in to stop an angle, how incredibly stupid and insulting to one’s intelligence is it? And did West really bring up the World X Cup? Since when did he decide to become an adequate color man?
Well, that’s one way to get to the Ultimate X wires…
Eric Young over Nor-MAHN Smi-LAY (Pinfall, wheelbarrow): EY really needs a new finisher. Nor-MAHN really needs a win. Maybe with Russo back in the fold, he can be allowed to flash back to WCW once in a while. And who cares what’s on the videotape? All I know is that if it was down his pants, I don’t want to get anywhere near it.
Well, with Scorpio back in the WWE fold, large penises seem to be the order of the day
Monty Brown versus Rhiyno, Falls Count Anywhere Match (NC, Christian-ference): I’ve now run out of pity for Monty Brown. Not out of being a cold-hearted bastard, which I am, but because my well of pity is not bottomless. Being caught in the middle of an Angle Advancement Match that’s not supposed to end in a No Contest just drained the last of the dregs. Jesus, Monty, interest Vince somehow. Smackdown is calling now that DAVE supposedly wants to get out of there.
Yeah, like that’s going to work
Angle Developments:
Yeah, it’s another pre-PPV episode of Impact, so all the angles are pretty much set. Therefore, you get the pretty pictures and nothing else.
Oh, is karma gonna be a bitch for this one
Do five jackasses beat a straight flush?
If Roode can’t find a manager, maybe he can open a MILF site
I didn’t know Hugo Chavez arranged parties
Okay, that’s Impact. Watch No Surrender this Sunday if you dare. And I dare to watch Smackdown, which I’m downloading right as we speak. Stay tuned for that puppy.
