One of the true joys of having digital cable isn’t just all of the channels that you get, but also the programming that said channels feature. For some reason BETJ, which used to stand for BET Jazz, has taken to lumping “classic” (code for long forgotten) videos and putting them under the banner of Video Soul Gold.
Now when those videos feature the pioneering (giggle) girl group Jade, the episodes rock. However when watching Guy’s “Groove Me”, which appears to take place in a high school gym but has middle aged dancers and features Teddy Riley sporting not only a keytar but also a headset microphone that would be the envy of any telemarketer”¦ in 1986, the results are much more cringe worthy.
Of course the programmers are trying to be clever so the next natural video would have to be Groove Theory’s “Tell Me” (get it, they played two “groove” songs back to back!) It’s a real shame that Brice and Amel (why do I still remember their names?) went their separate ways into relative obscurity. (Yes, I know she did the solo thing and had a couple of albums and even an album released twice, and that he did the model/actor thing; my point is that that they didn’t really capitalize on the love they got back then.)
But this is why I love Video Soul Gold, you really never know what is going to come up next. When I flipped it on it was the Brand New Heavies’ “Never Stop” followed by Keith Sweat’s “Don’t Stop Your Love”. Upon watching Keith awkwardly air grind his way to through the video, I realized this.
And never let it be said that BET doesn’t give white folks love, as Lisa Stansfield’s “Been Around the World” (AKA one of the many songs that Puff Daddy rapped on raped on the way to superstardom.) The video is stark, artsy and focuses almost solely on close up of her face, which means it wouldn’t stand a chance of getting played BET today and seeing a close up of a woman’s face is, I think, forbidden, not to mention that “gaudy” is as close as arty as videos are allowed to get in the current day and age.
Next up After Seven’s “Can’t Stop.” I’m pretty sure that the group’s sole claim to fame, despite having a name that makes no apparent sense since there are only three members in the group, is that one of the guys in Babyface’s brother. Sadly that just means that the other two guys have to start every introduction with; “Y’know Babyface right? Well his brother had a group, and I was in that group.”
What did happen to Shanice? I wonder. That’s another thing Video Soul Gold is good for; reminding you of insignificant musical acts that have long passed from the part of your brain that you actually use. There was an actual point when the aforementioned Jade held a hormone crazy Mathan in their thrall. Wait, Branford Marsalis did actually play on “I Love Your Smile”? Oh right, that’s when he was busy being house nUggeT bandleader for Jay Leno.
“Mr. Telephone Man.” Do I really need to say more? Well I’m going to. I suggest that you YouTube that video and watch it a few times. The first time notice how off the choreography is and see if you can spot who wasn’t paying attention during rehearsal. The second time check out how harsh those “clicks” are to the group members, peep their reactions. The third time you watch it focus solely on the performances of the actual telephone men. Upon viewing it for the fourth time ponder how a song like this couldn’t work in this day an age given the advancements in telephone techolology; caller ID, call blocking, and of course cell phones. And on the fifth time through check out how you could probably have done all of the above with just one viewing.
I’m actually weeping as I type this. Not weeping in joy, I’m weeping genuine tears as the Whispers’ “Rock Steady” as begun airing. There is nothing sadder than watching middle-aged Black men, with facial hair that’s entirely too thick, trying to be cool.
Wait let me take that back, Johnny Gill’s “Fair Weather Friend” is on; seeing Johnny trying to act, dance and be suave is pretty heartbreaking.
And since it’s a BET network, of course the video is cut short. But considering what I was subjecting myself to, I’ll take that as an act of kindness.
