Greetings everyone. Welcome back to your weekly installment of the Internet Wrestling Community’s only happy place, A Look on the Bright Side.
The weekly diversion this week stays on the topic of golf. If you hate golf, just skip down to the next underlined header. Thanks.
So, why does the U.S. Ryder Cup team roll over and show it’s belly to the European team like a true bitch? Let’s count the reasons:
1. Lack of interest/commitment among some of the top players. I don’t even know why Mickelson was even there.
2. The Euros have a lot of confidence and expect to win and have no fear of losing. Why wouldn’t they? They’ve basically been dominating for over 20 years. I would imagine, at this point, the U.S. team dreads playing.
3. The approach and skill set both for winning majors and succeeding on the U.S. tour are different than the approach for winning at the Ryder Cup. Winning majors is all about conservative play, course management, and avoiding a big score. Further, outside of the very top guys, succeeding on the U.S. tour is about not screwing up: Not missing the cut, finishing in the top ten at a tournament, staying in the top 125. Except for a week or two a year, for most guys it’s not about winning. Match play, on the other hand, is all about winning. Each hole is a mini-match to be won or lost. Whether you lose the hole with a par or a triple bogey doesn’t matter, and doesn’t carry over. This theory may not explain it all, but there are NO major winners on the European team outside of Olazebal and his two Masters. In other words, take Tiger out of the equation, and you still have many more majors won among the U.S team.
4. The Euros benefit from the psychic benefit the rest of the world seems to get from beating the U.S. This is really hard to explain since many of them live over here, play the U.S. tour, want the European tour to provide the same benefits/perks of the U.S. tour, etc., and some even have U.S. wives and girlfriends. Further, other than guys like Monty and perhaps Sergio, the Euro guys are liked and well treated over here. (In fairness, Tiger, Daly and the others who play in Europe are treated pretty well over there, too).
5. The Euros are just good. Top to bottom, their team was just stronger this year (however, that doesn’t explain all the OTHER years).
6. The U.S. selection process. Even changed, it is still awful. Now you get a few guys playing well early in the year of the Ryder Cup and they’re on the team. Wins or high finishes early in the year are notoriously poor predictors of who will do well in the summer (except for Tiger!).
7. The U.S. team — as a group — are a bunch of hyper-sensitive wuss-bags who are too used to traveling in private jets and having everyone tell them how great they are. They get pissed off because Johnny Miller calls them out and doesn’t kiss their backsides, instead of realizing he MIGHT have a point. Conversely, Thomas Bjorn comes out livid over not making the team, basically calls Ian Woosnam the worst captain ever (and worse), and it blows over the next week.
8. I’ll bet if you took the top 12 guys off the Nationwide Tour and put them in against the Euros, they would not do any worse than the top players did this year. Those guys are hungry, have to make a lot of birdies, can move up by winning, and certainly would have nothing to lose.
What I’d really like to see is – get rid of the entire points system. Make all 12 spots be Captain’s picks, and just make sure you pick a Captain that isn’t afraid to tell a top guy like Phil: “You suck at this, and you hate going. Stay home.” My first pick for Captain: Johnny Miller.
The Happy Fifteen (or so)
And now, we get to the meat of the column. The idea is fairly simple: I point out (at least) 5 things from each major show that should be getting more attention, but aren’t. (And occasionally, I just point out some absurdity just to tweak the rest of the IWC.) There’s way too much negativity infused into columnists who write about pro wrestling: this is just my little attempt to balance it out a bit.
Love the concept? Hate it? Think I missed something important from last week? See something this week that you think should be here? Email me by Sunday evening.
And be sure to take part in the forum thread too.
Friday Night Smackdown
1. I’m one of the few people who haven’t gone ga-ga over the royalty King Booker schtick (somewhat surprising, considering I’m Mr. Positive). But tonight’s opening promo with Teddy Long hit every positive note I have about it: Teddy’s line of “I think every King should have a manicure”, Booker calling Teddy “Thadius” (I don’t know why, but that does kill me every time), Booker referring to a match as a “joust”, and Booker dropping the whole schtick when he finds out his opponent is The Undertaker (“Teddy, you better bring yo ass back here! It ain’t goin’ down like that, dawg!”).
2. JBL: “Since the Road Warriors, since Ax and Smash, I don’t think we’ve ever seen a more powerful tag team than Lashley and Batista.” A Demolition shout-out? And then a Bushwhackers reference later on in the night? Oh, hell yes – JBL is worth whatever you pay him, Vince. Just give him the private jet.
3. Has anyone else noticed that the main event of the next PPV will be the first time in history where we are guaranteed, no matter what the outcome, to have an African-American World Heavyweight Champion?
4. Well, thank you, Layla – that is the shortest skirt I’ve ever seen. In fact, I don’t even think it can be called a “skirt”, by legal definition.
5. Is it just me, or does Krystal (in her outfit tonight, and with that hairstyle) look like one of those Bratz dolls come to life? (With an eating disorder…)
6. At some point in time, someone needs to explain to me why the Divas have no problem flaunting themselves around the ring in a bikini, but yet take on Victorian-era levels of modesty when wearing just a bra. (Except Jillian, apparently. Maybe it’s all just a matter of how your top comes off.)
7. Okay, will the crowd reaction upon Matt Hardy’s entrance, and the rather loud “Let’s go Hardy” chants FINALLY convince some of the more stubborn writers in the IWC (including several here on this site), that people do actually care about him?
8. Wait, was that a “Bor-ing” chant breaking out during the 3-way tag team match? What the hell happened to fans of actual wrestling in Montreal? I really hope I’m wrong here – somebody, please email me, or post it in the forum and tell me if I simply mis-heard.
9. Sylvan walks out. JBL: “What the hell did he just say, ‘I surrender’?” Easy joke, but still funny.
10. You know the brand separation has been a success when the fact that the World Champ and WWE Champ being in the same ring is a big deal. (Oh, and “chicken and waffles” – those of you not from the south, or the Pennsylvania Dutch area – yes, that’s a real dish. You eat it for dinner. Quite yummy, too.)
11. Damn. Now I’m hungry.
12. Kennedy and JBL did a helluva job putting over Kennedy’s match with the Undertaker at the PPV, simply by reacting to his entrance. As I’ve said before – it’s still the best in the business.
Monday Night Raw
1. Everyone will mock the lack of power, lights, sounds, etc. But I’m kinda curious to see what happens here.
2. Okay, I’ll admit – Edge’s “search” of Lita amused me (especially since I thought they’d go for the stereotypical “harrassment-level” search on Candice beforehand). Nice way to surprise me.
3. JR: “Some lights, and some integrity, were restored here somewhat!”
4. Wait – did Cena just say “anal lice”? Hold on.. rewinding… hmm. Rewinding again.. sonuvabitch. I think he did. (Man, do I love TiVo. If you don’t have it – get it.) Am I wrong? If so, please post in the forum.
5. “And you cannot speak to me about being a black man in this company when Dick Cheney has more soul than you!” Holy crap. Has Shelton finally figured out how to work the mic? Is this the beginning of his push to the top of the card? Oh, pleasepleasepleaseplease…
6. I can’t believe it – I’m marking out just for the announcement of the Benjamin/Hardy match. Shelton is, as he said, the best athlete on Raw, and Hardy is A) willing to try just about anything in terms of spots, and B) totally uncaring (or possibly just unaware) about the effects of winning/losing a TV match.
7. Whoever put that sign together with the drawings of D-X on it – holy crap, nice job, man. Get a job at Marvel or something. (Seriously, I hope WWE rewards that guy that putting that sign into D-X’s opening promo from here on out.)
8. Okay, I’m tired of the complaints about D-X, and how these are 40 year old guys trying to be teenagers, etc. SHUT UP. The name of the team, obviously, is a slight variation on the term “Generation X”. And yes, while many of the members of Gen-X were in their 20’s when this angle first came around, most are in their 30’s now. (Like, say – me.) The common definition of Gen-X covers people born roughly between 1965 and 1985 – and guess what folks, both members fall into that range. Hell, even if you go by the more stringent definition that starts in 1969, Triple H is still there – and he’s taken care of most of the more “juvenile” skits since they started back up. So, let’s take a deep breath and relax on this issue, m’kay? Thanks.
9. I’ve been trying to figure out why the Cryme Tyme sketches haven’t been offending me too terribly much, and I think I’ve got it – they’re like something you would expect from the glory days of GLOW, which I still have a soft spot in my heart for.
10. They simply have to re-unite Matt and Jeff Hardy eventually, right? The crowd reaction when they come through together should be explosive (as well as the reaction when one finally comes to the rescue of the other in the build-up). My thought is that it finally gets done for Wrestlemania, when they challenge for one of the tag titles – whichever one is held by a heel team at the time. Feel free to email your theory to me, or post it in the forum.
11. So, both Hardy boys (or boyz, if you prefer) attempted to do a Twist of Fate in their matches this week, and both got countered by their opponents simply grabbing the top rope.. and I’m the first one to comment on it? Is that possible?
12. John Cena is referencing “the old Max Headroom cut”? Oh hell… I keep trying to hate this guy, as it seems to be required as a member of the IWC, but he just won’t let me, dammit.
ECW on Sci Fi
1. I truly do love the Sipowitz-esque look of Matt Striker – the constant use of short sleeves is great (“Oh, I wish I was Sipowicz”), and the “tie that ends above my rib cage” is just icing on the cake.
2. Good ole’ JR with a Singapore Cane? Well, shit – there’s something that was on my list of “Shit I’ll Never See in my Lifetime”. (And please note that JR actually drank his beer, instead of spraying it out all over the crowd and/or ring.)
3. Holy freaking crap. The gash that opened up on Bob Holly’s back? Whoa. Here’s the IM convo I had with Matthew Michaels after that showed up:
Steve: OMG… I’m watching ECW.. that f*cking gash on Bob Holly’s back – holy f*cking shit.
Fingers: yeah
Fingers: good thing he hasn’t recently had a staph infection
Steve: uhh – yeah.
Steve: I’d be in the ER, with 10 mg of morphine, and antibiotics that people had barely heard of.
4. Geezus. Right after RVD suplexed Holly onto the chair, they gave a quick view of Holly’s back: and of course, it picked that exact moment to start dripping blood from the big ole slash on his latissimus dorsi. Very gruesome.
5. Okay, they’ve finally reached it: the CM Punk/Kelly/Knox interview was the very first they’ve had in ECW when it didn’t feel like they were stretching just to give them an excuse to have an intra-promotional bit. I put most of the credit there on CM Punk – the guy’s a f*cking natural in front of the mic, which is tough to come by – especially when you consider the fact that half of the hardcore audience already loves the guy based solely on his in-ring work. (Let’s consider all of the X-Division guys in TNA that have gone nowhere due to their inability to cut a promo.) But CM Punk seems to be able to stick to script, and improv whenever he needs to – an important set of skills in the WWE. Just ask Shawn Michaels.
6. Joey on Francine: “Broke her nose, broke her ribs, cracked her pelvis — and never missed one day of work.” Nice job, Joey.
7. There was a part of me, during the delay after The Big Show was announced, holding out hope that the WWE would actually pay for Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” for the main event. Then I realized I was falling under the spell that most of the IWC was still suffering from: this isn’t the ECW that you remembered. It might as well as be a brand new fed, with WWE backing. Geez, I should know better.
And that’s it for this week. See you next Wednesday.
